Limerick

[trinkie]

A poor ould mannie fae Ousdale,
Always the last, like the cow’s tail.
But after a curry
He just had to hurry
But never quite made it to Ousdale !
………………………………………..
A man who had climbed ower the Ord
Just stood there and said "Oh my word –
Chist look at e’ view
O’er there by that coo "
Then knelt down and said ‘Thank the Lord !’
……………………………………………….
Ould Chimmie fa bides up in Huna
On his fiddle could play a fine tun-a
But a string it did break
For Goodness sake !
Now he roams all the nicht ‘neath the moon-a
……………………………………….
A lassie was sobbing in Rattar
When asked – " Oh my dear, what’s the matter ?"
She heaved a big sigh
An the tear in her eye
Rolled doon on her frock with a clatter.
…………………………………………………
Young Annie fa lives up in Corsback
Was ever so good on ‘e horseback,
She would gallop for miles
And jump over styles,
But fell on her rear mid a gorse-pack.
……………………………………
A poor ould soul up in Brough
Felt he hed just eneouch
O’ his wife’s bad cooking
An she wisna good-looking !
So he went off and swam in ‘e Loch.
…………………………………………
A Lady who lives in Bower
In a lofty ivory tower,
Had her nose in the air
And her bum on a chair
Her minions she called "Such a shower ! "
………………………………………….
Wullie went off to Buldoo
In search of his long lost coo,
And there by the dyke
Stuck on a spike
Was Daisy, trying to Moo !
……………………………………..

[Sporran]

There once was a man called the Hulk
With strong muscles of very great bulk
His skin was green
And he looked mean
Quick to anger, and no time to sulk!

[joxville]

Ah lek a Scots actor named Ewan
He's in several movies fur viewan'
He wis born in sma' toon o' Crieff
Choost look at him noo, guid grief!
Til see him perform folks are queuan'!

I wish I had read this earlier. It answers one of the question's in tonight's Caithness.org quiz: In which town was Ewan McGregor born? I said Perth lol

[Sporran]

I'm afraid I have lost my muse
Can't write anything to amuse
I hope it comes back
My writing does lack
It needs inspirational cues!

[Sporran]

Despicable events at Amstetten
Unbelievable and upsettin'
Shocking, but they were true
It has rocked the world's view
Will Fritzl get what he is due???

[trinkie]

A lassie who wance lived in Watten
Wad dress in the finest of cotton
From the crack of dawn
She was clad in soft Lawn
But at night it was all forgotten.
………………………………………..
I met a young lad down in Larel
But always it ended in quarrel.
Oh the things that he said
‘Boot my dress made in red
It seems he preferred me in floral.
………………………………………
I wandered one day, round by Forss,
Twas windy up there, but of course,
I wore a big coat
Gravat at my throat,
An still I’m a wee bittie hoarse.
………………………………………
I will never find myself bored
Cos my thoughts from Over the Ord
Take me down Mem’ry Lane
With Bella and Chane
In wur little ould car called ‘E Ford !
………………………………………..
For those who are weary of heart,
Just sit back and smile for a start,
Then think of a song
It wont take too long
For your cares and your woes to depart.
……………………………………….

[Sporran]

There's a man we know as dellwak
Loves to cook, and he's got the knack!
He shares his recipes
For food that's sure to please
Let's hope he'll post more when he's back!

[dellwak]

The missus a mate and me
Went to find something for tea
Take some tatties and peas
some mince and some fleas
And fry em together, serves three

[Sporran]

The missus a mate and me
Went to find something for tea
Take some tatties and peas
some mince and some fleas
And fry em together, serves three

If you serve me mince, tatties and peas
I beg you to not include fleas
On bugs I don't dine
But peas are just fine
And maybe some diced carrots, please.

[trinkie]

A subject sae dear tae ma’ hert is
A dish o’ best mince and some tatties
Green peas and an’ engin,
My taste buds are singing,
The Asians can keep their chappatties !

[trinkie]

Some fleas in yur mince - Not for me !
‘Twould spoil the whole dish – don’t you see,
As would slugs and snails
Or puppy dogs tails,
Neeps are much better – d’ye agree ?

[trinkie]

The Italians would add a tomato
Some garlic and herbs origano
Then serve it with pasta
Add parmesanna
Cos they dinna ken better, poor Cardosso !

[helenwyler]

The Latinos think it is natty
To serve mince without any tatty
They think it's nice
With chilli and rice
But of course that is perfectly batty.

[Sporran]

A subject sae dear tae ma’ hert is
A dish o’ best mince and some tatties
Green peas and an’ engin,
My taste buds are singing,
The Asians can keep their chappatties !

Adding engin for flavour is good
And even some white mealy pudd
Served with white fluffy mash
Salt and pepper, a dash
Mince 'n' tatties, a fave Scottish food!

[Sporran]

Adding engin for flavour is good
And even some white mealy pudd
Served with white fluffy mash
Salt and pepper, a dash
Mince 'n' tatties, a fave Scottish food!

Then there's also delish shepherd's pie
I like that too, can't tell a lie
Mince on bottom, mash on top
Into oven it is popped
When it's ready, kiss your diet goodbye!

[trinkie]

Willdig Miller wad stuff some in pastry
Made wi’ care, he never was hastry.
In the middle a hole
And there he would dole
A’ the mince so delicious an’ tastry.
………………………………………..
Geordie Doull wad make a fine sausage
Tae a skin he wad squeeze in the pottage
At home ye wad fry id
In lard – go on try id.
The aroma wad fill yur wee cottage.
…………………………………….

Now a sausage was put in a bun
Wi some mustard or sauce just for fun
If you added some pickle
Yur taste buds to tickle
Ye’d find yursel on the run!!
…………………………………

[honey]

but how do you prepare your mince
is it browned then given a rinse?
mam thinks this is a waste
as it takes away the taste
but i think shes talkin, well... mince!

[trinkie]

I brown it in oil with an engin
Chop it up with a fork – as I'm singin’
Then add some stock
Good stuff – nae trock,
An' a few good vegies I fling in.

[Sporran]

Dreamt I went on a date with George Clooney
He made me feel ever so swooney
We ate caviar
Took a spin in his car
It was great, I felt over the mooney!

He said to me, "Dear lady Sporran
Your accent's a little bit foreign"
I said, "I'm a Scot
A Yank I am not
How about a wee deoch-an-doran* ?"



* Dorus is the correct word, but with limericks, it's acceptable to change a word slightly for the sake of rhyme. For those who don't know what a deoch-an-dorus is, it's a parting drink, as in the old song "Just a Wee Deoch-an-Dorus", sung by Scottish music hall entertainer Harry Lauder. Andy Stewart of White Heather Club fame would often sing it too.

[teenybash]

Dame Sybil thought she was good,
at making old fashioned plum pud,
All eyes would gleam,
as she served it with cream,
and herself....entirely nude!!!!!