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Thread: How to Give a Pill to a Cat

  1. #1
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    Default How to Give a Pill to a Cat

    How to Give a Pill to a Cat.

    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and vigorously rub cat's throat.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little @#!*#^~!'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty Pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


    How to Give a Pill to a Dog.

    1. Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or pate. Make him beg.

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Default

    Or... put on welding gloves, grab cat by scruff, shove pill down it's throat and then hold its mouth closed till it swallows. All the while keep cat's feet as far from your body as possible.
    It does work, have done it this way for years....
    She was not quite what you would call refined, she was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. Mark Twain

  3. #3
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    Nice one, dragonfly!

    I've always gone for a combination of bathtowel (for the cat) and gloves (for me)

  4. #4
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    Brilliant! Conjures up a hilarious picture!

    "How to Give a Pill to a Dog.

    1. Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or pate. Make him beg."

    This does not work. Dog absolutely hates Drontal tablets but I am working on it.

    First I tried hiding them in his dry dog food..... nope, they was picked out and set aside.

    Then I tried breaking them up into quarters to put in the food....... nope, still set aside.

    Next I used the nutmeg grinder to powder the tablets to put in food.....nope, had little piles of food on the floor beside his bowl.

    Latest ploy was to soak tablets in milk overnight, mix it with his breakfast of half stew and half dry dog food......still there was little piles of yuck sitting beside his bowl but I reckon he got most of it.

    I think the next time I will have to starve him for a day beforehand to make sure he is hungry!

  5. #5
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    We normally go through about a fivers worth of cheese before we can get Ember to take a pill!
    ***Om Mani Padme Hum***

  6. #6
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    So much easier to just open a dogs mouth and shove it down - gently of course. Works every time for me!

    As for cats - Eek and ouch spring to mind.
    My cats hate being sprayed with frontline and hate being wormed with liquid wormer but I hold them by the scruff of the neck and most cats will go into quite a submissive state in that position. Can do most anything to them - tablets and all.
    Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

    http://thetenaciousgardener.blogspot.co.uk/

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by porshiepoo View Post
    I hold them by the scruff of the neck and most cats will go into quite a submissive state in that position. Can do most anything to them - tablets and all.
    haha, you haven't seen my 17 year old tortoiseshell, she is still evil personified when it comes to giving her a tablet, though these days her teeth are falling out so she can't bite quite as hard as she used to but the claws are still lethal weapons - I have the battle scars to prove it

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonfly View Post
    haha, you haven't seen my 17 year old tortoiseshell, she is still evil personified when it comes to giving her a tablet, though these days her teeth are falling out so she can't bite quite as hard as she used to but the claws are still lethal weapons - I have the battle scars to prove it

    I have 2 Birman cats and although they're normally sweet loving cats, you go near them with frontline or any kind of tablet and they'll scratch your eyes out and then eat them for the sheer nastiness of it.
    If you can get the grip right - without hurting them - it works. I guess it has something to do with the way their mums carried them as young. I'm not saying it works 100% with all cats but add a towel over their face or roll them in a towel first as well and you've basically covered most bases, at least for the short time you then need to blitz em!
    Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

    http://thetenaciousgardener.blogspot.co.uk/

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