Got beaten up...

[Tubthumper]

I was brutally assaulted by my colleagues at work and don't know why. It seemed to have something to do with the following e-mail I sent them...


Girls
I have just emptied your dishwasher and have noticed some points.
· Some of our dishes remain pretty dirty even after the wash cycle: You must ensure that you clean them thoroughly before placing them into the machine
· The tablets you are buying are of an inferior quality which limits the machine's ability to do it's job: You should buy high-spec materials from now on to ensure our dishes remain in pristine sparkling condition
· You are still not pressing the operate button: I know you are girls, but the men who designed the device used 'technology' to make it easy even for ladies to operate. It is not hard
The process is this:
1. Clean our plates, cups, dishes thoroughly
2. Place them carefully in the machine; plates, pots etc on the bottom rack, knives/forks etc in the bottom front holders (sharp bits down so you don't puncture yourself and cry); cups, mugs, glasses and lighter items on the top rack.
NOTE: These racks are on wee wheelie thingies to allow them to go in and out. That makes it easy for you to put your stuff in and get it out
3. Remove 1 tablet from its wrapper by carefully tearing the foil from the serrated (jaggy) end
4. Place the tablet into the left hand holder on the front door (that's left as you look down on it, don't attempt to climb onto or into the machine)
5. Close the wee flappy door thing
6. On the top of the front door are a number of tiny rubbery pushy things. Select the one you want by pushing the pushy thing, the relevant wee green lighty thing comes on. Bearing in mind the grotty condition of the plates (due to your weird diets) I suggest one of the hotter settings would be appropriate.
7. NOTE: The wee numbers with a tiny circle relate to a thing called 'temperature'. This is a measure of the degree of latent heat applied to the liquid medium that will bear the cleaning chemicals to the plates, ensuring optimum dirt-removal. In other words temperature means 'hotness' or the level of "Owwww!" when it touches your hands and makes you cry.
8. Then push the right hand pushy thing; another wee green lighty thing comes on
9. Then close the door; the machine starts to work
10. Do not sit atop the machine while it's working; it doesn't have a spin cycle
11. Once it's finished, remove the dishes & cutlery and return to the appropriate cupboard. You don't really have to go 'Gosh, look how clean and squeaky these plates are!' That is only done in rubbish adverts
If progress is not made in getting a grasp of the technology, I'm afraid it's back to the Fairy liquid

Regards
Tubby

[emb123]

I'm surprised you can still walk ! LOL