yesterday i was at my local tesco store buying a large bag "chappie" dog food, for my loyal pet, and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind asked me if i had a dog,,,what did she think i had,,an elephant!! so since im retired and have little to do, on impulse i told her no, i didnt have a dog, i was starting "the dog diet again",,,,,,,

i added that i probably shouldnt, because i finished up in hospital last time, but i,d lost 10 kilograms before i woke up in intensive care with tubes coming from most of my orifices and iv,s in both arms.

i told her i her it was essentially a perfect diet, and the way that it works is to load your pockets with "chappie" nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. the food is nutritionally complete so it works well and was going to try it again,,, [i have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story]

horrified , she asked me if i ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me, i told her no,,,,
,,,i stepped off the kerb to sniff an irish setter,s ass, and a car hit me
i thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
i am now banned from tesco,s