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Thread: Is my car cool or have I made a horrible mistake?

  1. #1
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    Default Is my car cool or have I made a horrible mistake?

    Yes, soo many of you do. I thought I'd help by giving you ducati's definitive guide.

    I'll deal with the big catagories first then you know very quickly.

    No 4 door car is cool.

    No Diesel car is cool.

    No hybrid or electric car is cool.

    No car built in the following countries is cool.

    France
    Spain
    Sweden
    South Korea
    India
    Any Eastern European country

    Well that probably eliminates a goodly number.

    Here are the potentially cool numbers of cylinders: 6,8,12.

    10 cylinder cars aren't cool unless they are made by Lamborgini. If you bought an Audi for Lamborgini money..are you nuts??

    No BMW has been cool since the 850..and I'm not 100% convinced about that.

    No Porsche is cool unless it is a 911 derivative.

    All 2 door Italian cars are cool.

    Very few Japanese cars are cool.

    All American 2 door cars built before 1968 are cool.

    No American car built after 1968 is cool.

    With very few exceptions, no 4x4 is cool.

    All Jaguars (even 4 doors) are cool except the XJ40 series.

    Common mistakes; If you bought a madly powerful 4 door Japanese car... Nil POINTS.

    If you think your 4x4 is cool because it was 100k and you had to wait 8 months for it..you are wrong.

    Oh and obviously, if your car was designed by Victoria Beckham...really??

    Dont forget, I'm here to help folks, so if you are unsure post a question or if you think you might be embarrassed send me a PM. (All PMs will be posted).

    I'm sure some of you will disagree with the above but you are just compensating for buying an uncool car.

  2. #2

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    Sorry ducati, but I have to disagree with the first one.

    "No 4 door car is cool". What about the one actually called the "four door"? The Maserati Quattroporte

    What about the Rolls Royce Phantom?

    Aston Martin Rapide; Fisker Karma

    On the whole you're right, but there are a few

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by CyprusPluto View Post
    Sorry ducati, but I have to disagree with the first one.

    "No 4 door car is cool". What about the one actually called the "four door"? The Maserati Quattroporte

    What about the Rolls Royce Phantom?

    Aston Martin Rapide; Fisker Karma

    On the whole you're right, but there are a few
    Oh dear, I almost specifically mentioned the Quattroporte. Obviously, any 4 door version of a sports car is about as uncool as you can get.

  4. #4

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    As for Sweden ....... Koenigsegg

    Not new models, but Saab 900 and Saab 99 Turbo's

  5. #5
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    Any cool that a Jaguar may have had upon leaving the production line is immediately nullified once money has passed hands and a Jaguar owner is born.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by CyprusPluto View Post
    As for Sweden ....... Koenigsegg

    Not new models, but Saab 900 and Saab 99 Turbo's
    Sheesh! I don't think you are getting this. Don't confuse cool with er efficient, expensive or in Saabs case, really badly designed. Just to give you a little more help. How can a car with a 4 cylinder Triumph TR7 derived engine be cool?

    Actually, there is an exception to every rule. There was a cool Saab. The 93 I think, the one with the 3 cylinder 2 stroke motor, very successful rally car if I'm not mistaken
    Last edited by ducati; 26-Apr-14 at 20:38.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by focusRS View Post
    Any cool that a Jaguar may have had upon leaving the production line is immediately nullified once money has passed hands and a Jaguar owner is born.
    Ah yes, an interesting phylosophical observation. But the car is cool or not cool, regardless of the owner. As for bizaro stuff like the Koenigsegg. Instant fail the first time you tell a layman what it is and they say "a what?"

  8. #8
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    If you think your car might not be cool, check it against the list first before you ask, it might save embarrassing your family and friends.

  9. #9
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    Does adding decals or "go faster" stripes to the car add or detract from its cool?

  10. #10
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    Really interesting question. If the car was cool in the first place, then I'm sure it would carry it off. However, never make the mistake of thinking customisation will make an uncool car cool. It will just make it sad.

  11. #11
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    Going by the PMs, some of you are still confused so I need to drill down a bit further. Use this in conjuction with the list at the top.


    No car that is the sporty version of a family hatchback is cool.

    No car with the smaller engine option (of even a cool car) is cool. In fact it should be illegal!

    No car with more than 6 optional extras is cool.

    No car prefixed with a special parts logo like Cosworth, AMG, Lotus, System Porsche etc. is cool. Unless it is a Jaguar sporting the TWR logo.

    Any car that has the radio as an optional extra is cool.

    Fuel Injection was cool when it didn't work, was made by Lucas, and was only fitted to Supermarine Spitfires, DB5s and Triumph TR5 and 6s.

    No Electronic Fuel Injection is cool.

    Generally, turbo chargers and superchargers are not cool. Exceptions being, if they are fitted to already massive powerful engines. Not if they are to make a crumby little engine faster.

    Hope this helps?
    Last edited by ducati; 27-Apr-14 at 10:31.

  12. #12

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    What kind of 'Cool' car do you have then?

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    Quote Originally Posted by RJM View Post
    What kind of 'Cool' car do you have then?
    Ah....I'm er...between cool cars at the moment. Ooh! ooh! I have a 2 door italian...phew!

  14. #14
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    i will accept that my car is uncool as it is very good on my bank balance and that is very cool

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by ducati View Post
    Ah....I'm er...between cool cars at the moment. Ooh! ooh! I have a 2 door italian...phew!
    with how many cylinders?

  16. #16

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    Ah, I get it now. All cars are uncool unless they're a Jaguar with a big engine ....... but all Jaguar owners are uncool, because there constantly furious and hot under the collar that there car breaks down all the time.
    There are a few exceptions to this rule such a 7 litre Cobras, the Lancia Stratos and the best looking car of all time the Maserati Osca

    Just to extend this topic; all motorbikes except 1960's Vespas are also uncool. You have to apply the 20% rule. They get you from A to B 20% quicker than a car, but you are 20% more likely to die before you get there and of course 100% more likely to get wet if it's raining

    Buses are obviously uncool, trains even more so. All planes except the Concorde. Trucks and Lorries are a no go area..... that just leaves walking..... oh no that's 'really' uncool

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by scoobyc View Post
    with how many cylinders?
    Doesn't matter. See above.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koi View Post
    i will accept that my car is uncool as it is very good on my bank balance and that is very cool
    You get it! The point is not neccasarily to have a cool car, but not to have an uncool car and think it is cool.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by CyprusPluto View Post
    Ah, I get it now. All cars are uncool unless they're a Jaguar with a big engine ....... but all Jaguar owners are uncool, because there constantly furious and hot under the collar that there car breaks down all the time.
    There are a few exceptions to this rule such a 7 litre Cobras, the Lancia Stratos and the best looking car of all time the Maserati Osca

    Just to extend this topic; all motorbikes except 1960's Vespas are also uncool. You have to apply the 20% rule. They get you from A to B 20% quicker than a car, but you are 20% more likely to die before you get there and of course 100% more likely to get wet if it's raining

    Buses are obviously uncool, trains even more so. All planes except the Concorde. Trucks and Lorries are a no go area..... that just leaves walking..... oh no that's 'really' uncool
    Now you're getting it!

  20. #20
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    I think we need a bit about names.

    Very few 'person' names are acceptable on a cool car.

    They are: Enzo, Dino, Shelby, Cooper and David Brown.

    If your car is called Clio, Zoe, Cloe or Adam, well, what do you think?

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