Running from Edinburgh to Glasgow

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

The plan had been devised the whole week
Every corner,every obstacle,every street
If this mascarade was really achieved
It would be an amazing feat

So the lecture on Friday was over
To the Waverely bus we began to ran
On the bus in the nick of time
An excellent start to the plan

So the bus was trundlin doon Queensferry Road
No bother,no trouble,no hassle
Then Princes Street and Wavereley Station
Just enough time to salute to the Castle

Then on the 4 o'clock train speedin' along
At Falkirk we met our first pain
Cos the driver over the tannoy said
"We have to wait for an oncoming train"

So off again five minutes late
It surely was too much to ask
For now it was from Queen Street to Central
Run in five minutes,what a task

So the train in Queen Street,off we flew
We were crying oot,oor feet were sair
Our lungs were waving the white flag
Crying oot"We cannae take any mair"

Central station on the horizon
2 1/2 minutes we had to go
We passed the Big Issue seller
Gave a pound but no issue to show

In Central Station we grew braver
For the journey was almost at an end
Just to run by John Menzies
Then Casey Jones,one more bend

The platform,the train were both in sight
It truly was amazing
For two guys to run in 5 minutes flat
From Queen Street to Central station

But as we were arriving
The door bleep began to go
The doors would soon be closing
So near,to fail it would be a blow

So oor legs carried us a wee bit further
The both of us gave a jump
I landed safely in the train
Dave's face hit the door wi a thump.

Stranded on Central station
Dave's brain started to tick
On Monday morning that Cedric Farthsbottom's arse
Will be the only one I kick

[the charlatans]

Heathrow Terminal 1 - Terminal 3

15 minutes and we caught the plane

beat that Cedric!!!!