Scottish Christmas Fairy

See me! Ah’m a wee fairy
...Up on the Christmas Tree
It's no' a job ah wantit
Well how’d you like tae be

A' tarted up wi' tinsel
It's enough to mak ye boak
Wi’ bloomin’jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' yir froack

Wi’ these wee lichts a' aroon me
Ah canna get ma sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa - Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day Ah'm stuck up here
While you're a' wirin' in
An' naebody says "Hey you up there
Could ye go a slug o' gin?

It's nae joke bein' a fairy
The job's beyond belief
Goin’ roon' a’ the wean's beds
Peyin’ them fur their teeth

But o' a' the joabs a fairy gets
An' I've mentioned only some
The very worst is sittin’ here
Wi' pine needles up yir bum

When a' the fairies gaither
By the bricht licht o' the moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies
They're no able tae sit doon

The Christmas tree's a bonny sicht
As the firelight softly flickers
But think o' me Ah'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in ma knickers

As soon as Christmas time's gone by
An' ye stop bein' fu’ o' cheer
Ah'll gan’ back tae Fairyland
An' Ah'll see yiz a' next year