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Thread: Female .orgers, take note !

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Thurso
    Posts
    130

    Default Female .orgers, take note !

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
    rules from the male side. These are our rules:- Numbered "1" ON
    PURPOSE!

    1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try
    to change that.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
    put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
    complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
    the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
    it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
    hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
    work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
    fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
    ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
    done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
    yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Lilac is a flower. We
    have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
    worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine. Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
    to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
    settee tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
    camping.
    Don't worry about it ! Life is too short !!

  2. #2

    Default

    Don't know about sleeping on the settee.....this sounds like a prime candidate for Riccos' dog house!
    ( even that may be too good for him! )

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Thurso
    Posts
    130

    Thumbs up

    As long as it is warm !!!
    Don't worry about it ! Life is too short !!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Upper Gills, Caithness
    Posts
    82

    Default

    having read this I actually think calish6 is on the button this is exactally how a males' thought process works and therefore they should be treat with gentleness and make sure their mental health certificate is up to date.....
    Perserverence is the Key
    Searching Hazel,Campbell,Sutherland,Bremner,Calder,Gunn.
    Jacquie

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,105

    Default

    Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
    6.
    7.
    8.
    9.
    10.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Wick
    Posts
    3,336

    Talking

    good one

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Thurso
    Posts
    130

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr & Mrs Billy Boy View Post
    Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
    6.
    7.
    8.
    9.
    10.
    I beg to differ...............

    Number 10 should be ~ they have breasts !!
    Don't worry about it ! Life is too short !!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,105

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calish6 View Post
    I beg to differ...............

    Number 10 should be ~ they have breasts !!

    lol lmao

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,105

    Default

    A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    2,105

    Default 17 Female Rules

    1.The female makes the rules.
    2.The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior
    notification.
    3.No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules
    are not permitted.
    4.If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules,
    she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
    5.The female is never wrong.
    6.If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding
    which was the direct result of something the male did, said, did not do,
    or did not say.
    7.If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately for having
    been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female
    as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See rule 13.
    8.The female may change her mind at any time for any reason or no reason
    at all.
    9.The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances
    without the express written consent of the female which is given only in
    cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no
    indication of that wish. See rules 6, 7, 12, and 13.
    10.The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or
    imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole
    judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of
    the root cause of the female's being angry or pset. The female may,
    however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying
    attention. See rule 13.
    11.The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to
    be angry or upset.
    12.Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or
    indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset.
    13.The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times.
    Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the
    sole discretion of the female.
    14.The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past
    incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify,
    enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to
    the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive,
    pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.
    15.The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to
    illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the
    consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has
    bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports
    teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such
    illustrations are non-rebuttable.
    16.If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is
    permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviors she wishes without regard to
    logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.
    17.Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought,
    opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective
    interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding.
    Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or
    rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject please for mercy
    and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances,
    especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition. :-))

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    2,105

    Default A Little Difference Between Men and Women


  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Thurso
    Posts
    130

    Default See !! I can see both sides ~ Ha !. Not really, just quite Funny.

    1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.

    2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.

    3. Men are like Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.

    4. Men are like Blenders... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

    5. Men are like Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

    6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.

    7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

    8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.

    9. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

    10. Men are like Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

    11. Men are like Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

    12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

    13. Men are like Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
    Don't worry about it ! Life is too short !!

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