A nifty joke

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

Guy has just turned 18,his Dad decides to take him to a brothel.

Goes into the first room o' the brothel,wee woman in there,it disnae work.

Goes into the second room there,a large woman in there,it disnae work.

Goes into the third room,a very large woman in there.20 minutes later the 18 year old comes out o' the room wi tears in his eye.

The Dad says"Oh son,don't be too upset yer a virgin no more,be happy"

"I am happy"says the son."I just burnt ma bum on the lightbulb"

[Billy Boy]

Glad to be drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."