The Aspirin Bottle by JB

[trinkie]

THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE
by JB.


I've had a very busy week and then I took the flu
So by the Sunday afternoon I knew what I must do
I tidied up and then I switched the blanket on the bed,
All set was I to lay me down to ease my aching head.


I knew I'd plenty aspirin, I'd bought them in the town.
So went to fetch the bottle then before I'd lay me down.
I read the full instructions upon the bottle top
But as I turned it went 'click' 'click' I couldna' get it stop.


Sez I, 'This trick will never do' my head was reeling round,
So out I brought the hammer and bashed it on the ground,
But glass is made of sterner stuff as I was made aware,
The bottle still remained intact, and I the worse did fare!


By now my case was desperate I knew I'd never rest
Till I would get some soothing pills, to calm my fevered breast .
And so I sallied bravely forth and reached my 'Neebor Hoose'
Where two good ladies tried in vain to prize the stopper loose.


At length when every effort failed they made combined attack,
And lo ! Behold the lid came off – an' were they ta'en aback !
By now the three of us collapsed and had to rest awhile
Before I staggered home again it seemed like many a mile.


So take a warning folk from me, if aspirin you need
Before you leave the chemist's shop, just give a little heed
To see the kind of bottle tops you're getting from the girl,
Just put your hand into the bag and give the top a twirl.


You may get one like mine, that needs some strength to make it move
And if you do, then that's the time, th' assistant's skill to prove,
Just say 'I'm sorry dearie, the stopper's stuck you see
And will you please be good enough to loosen it for me?'


For in fact to open it, I would be strong enough
There is no doubt at all that that I would never need the stuff.

[Torvaig]

Oh michty me ma guid freen Trinkie
Dinna get in til a holl
Never heid 'e aspirin bottle
Jist stick til paracetamol.

[trinkie]

Oh dearie me I'm in a spin
I've always stuck tae Aspirin
The thocht o' change I canna tholl
But since ye mention Paracetamol
I'll gie'd a try – see how hid goes
(On days lek 'iss I'm vexed I rose)
For now the bloomin' cold it seems
is on my chest. I've rubbed on creams
I've rubbed on fat, I've rubbed on greeze
But nothing helps and now I wheeze
I wheeze like an old demented coo
Oh for some respite, cough, cough, the NOO !