Reading Group Discussion Questions - 'Before I go to Sleep'.

[Tilly Teckel]

1. Christine constantly questions herself, her feelings and her actions. How important is memory to our sense of identity? What are the events in your life that have been important in shaping who you are? Can you imagine what it might be like if you couldn't remember them? How would you be different as a person?

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2. Christine says that she feels like an animal. Living from moment to moment, day to day, trying to make sense of the world. Do you think this is what it must be like to be in her situation? Do you think animals have any sense of their past or do they live in the moment? Is the ability to remember years gone by all that separates human beings from animals?

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3. Christine doesn't feel a strong sense of love for her husband, but wonders if that is normal after so many years of marriage. Do you think it's inevitable that a marriage changes in this way? Is love dependent on shared experience?

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[jlumsden]

Glad to have an excuse to re-read this book again!! Going to read it with my notebook beside me Good questions! x

[Tilly Teckel]

Thanks; I'll post my answers when I get more than two minutes to myself! Happy reading

[SunnyChick]

Will answers questions asap x

[jlumsden]

1. I think memory is of paramount importance to our sense of identity. Without memories, how can we know who we are, or why we are this way? There have been many significant events in my life which have helped to shape who I am. One of the biggest for me has been moving 264 miles away from family and friends, to a place I knew virtually nothing about. I can only imagine how lost and confused I would feel without my memories, especially of why I live so far from my family. I also think that if I couldn't remember my past events, I would be a much more naive person, and not as strong as I am now. I beleive memories make us who we are!

2. I think that Christine has to love her life in the moment. She has no memories to draw on to live any other way, however, I don't necessarily think this the same can be said for all anaimals. You've heard the phrase "elephants never forget"? It has been proven that elephants will remember injuries which have been inflicted upon them. Likewise, ab abused dog who is then rescued needs a lot of love and patience to help restore his faith in people again. So no, I don't think the ability to remember separates humans from animals, I think it is something we have in common.

3. No, I don't believe it is inevitable in normal circumstances. We do have to remember, the man Christine is living with is not her husband, I think, in her subconscious, she must have known this was not the man she married. Perhaps if she lived with the "real" Ben, she might have felt differently. I think shared experience is important for any relaltionship and it does help to make the bond stronger, though, I am not sure I beleive love is dependant on shared experience.

[Tilly Teckel]

Q1. Re-reading the novel with hindsight has been interesting. There are many little clues as to the fact that Christine's life with her 'husband' is a lie. She questions to herself whether she chose the decor in her house, for example. Even though she cannot remember her past she still seems to have some sense of 'who' she is. I would have thought that without your memory you wouldn't have an immediate sense of whether things are 'you' or not but she seems to. Maybe such things are built-in, hard-wired as it were. I do think, though, that when it comes to huge life events such as relationships, children etc. it is the memory of these which change us. I have had difficult times in my life and I strongly believe that these have altered my character. You learn resilience, strength, humility, loads of things from your life experiences. I feel I would be a far less empathic person if I hadn't had bad times (or couldn't remember them) and probably far less wise!

Q2. I guess when Christine likens herself to an animal, this is largely because she is reactive rather than proactive. Events unfold around her and she reacts to them on instinct, as this is all she really has. Humans, I think, tend to react to situations based on their moral code/belief system, which they have developed as a result of past events or things taught to them, and try to change situations to fit their world view. I agree with jlumsden's comment about animals appearing to remember past hurts though and I'm unsure how this works. Maybe we're humanising animals and attributing memories and emotions to them which they do not possess? Maybe animals who have regular contact with humans take on their characteristics and learn from us how to remember the past and use it to influence their behaviour? I'm afraid I really do have to sit on the fence on this question!

Q3. The fact that Ben is not Christine's husband is obviously very significant. If she had been living with her real husband maybe her memory would have recovered sooner? I too believe that Christine knew, deep down, that she was with the wrong man and this is why she could not feel love for him. In my (limited!) experience love gets deeper over time if you're with a person who's right for you, it changes certainly but for the better, not worse. However, shared experience is so important to couples as these are the ties that bind you together. Could a relationship which effectively has to start from scratch every single day ever be as strong as one which has years of remembered history? I don't think so. It would be a very different sort of relationship. One positive factor could be that each day is a fresh start and a chance to fall in love all over again. How would this feel for the husband who has to go through that every day though? I can hardly imagine a more difficult situation in which to continue a relationship and am unsure what I would do in that position.

[SunnyChick]

Christine constantly questions herself, her feelings and her actions. How important is memory to our sense of identity? What are the events in your life that have been important in shaping who you are? Can you imagine what it might be like if you couldn't remember them? How would you be different as a person?

Yep, for sure our memories provide some of the foundations from which we build ourselves on. Being able to reflect on your past helps you make decisions about your future. If we couldn't do that, then how could we stop ourselves making the same mistakes over and over again? How would we learn? What shaped me? A combination of genetics, environmental factors, and experience. Things which have had great influence over me? Leaving school and finding work, gaining independence, my parents divorcing, losing loved ones and bringing new life into the world. If I didn't have these memories, I'd have absolutely nothing and I would not be like me at all. I'd be pretty hollow.

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Christine says that she feels like an animal. Living from moment to moment, day to day, trying to make sense of the world. Do you think this is what it must be like to be in her situation? Do you think animals have any sense of their past or do they live in the moment? Is the ability to remember years gone by all that separates human beings from animals?

Naw, I think that stuff about animals being so different to humans is pretty gash logic. Ofcourse they have a sense of their past - for example - animals who have been mistreated by humans lose trust. In the wild, they form packs, have their own "family groups" etc. They are organised and they rely on team members to survive. I think Christine saying she feels like an animal isn't a great portrayal. I think it would have been more accurate to say she was like a lost child in a permanent state of concussion!

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Christine doesn't feel a strong sense of love for her husband, but wonders if that is normal after so many years of marriage. Do you think it's inevitable that a marriage changes in this way? Is love dependent on shared experience?

Well, I think that sometimes people confuse love with infatuation. Infatuation is what people are feeling when they say "it was love at first sight", when actually it isn't. It's really important to build up happy memories during your time together, so you can enjoy them again and again as you grow old together. The memories you generate along the way that will either make or break you. Christine can't sincerely love a husband she doesn't know. Ofcourse a marriage changes over time, because any relationship is an evolving thing which can be strengthened or weakened as events unfold.

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