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Thread: Re last night - albert, the lion and blackpool

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2002

    Default Re last night - albert, the lion and blackpool

    Albert and the Lion
    by Marriot Edgar - performed by Stanley Holloway

    There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
    That's noted for fresh air and fun,
    And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
    Went there wi' young Albert, their son.

    A grand little lad were young Albert
    All dressed in 'is best; quite a swell
    Wi' a stick wi' an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
    The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

    They didn't think much to t' Ocean
    The waves, thi were fiddlin' and small
    No shipwrecks and nobody drownded
    Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

    So, seeking for further amusement
    They paid and went into t' zoo
    Were thi'd lions and tigers and camels
    And old ale and sandwiches too.

    Thi were one great big lion called Wallace
    'is nose it were covered with scars
    'e lay in a somnolent posture
    Wi't side of his face on't bars.

    Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions
    How they was ferocious and wild
    To see Wallace lying so peaceful
    Well, it didn't seem right ter t' child.

    So straight 'way the brave little feller
    Bout showing a morsel of fear
    Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
    And shoved it in Wallace's ear.

    You could see the lion didn't like it
    For giving a kind of a roll
    He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
    And swallowed the little lad 'ole

    Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
    And didn't know what to do next
    Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
    And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"

    Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
    Quite rightly, when all's said and done
    Complained to the Animal Keeper
    That the lion had eaten their son.

    The keeper was quite nice about it
    He said "What a nasty mishap
    Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"
    Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

    The manager had to be sent for
    He came and he said "What's to do?"
    Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert
    And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

    Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
    I think it's a shame and a sin
    For a lion to go and eat Albert
    And after we've paid to come in."

    The manager wanted no trouble
    He took out his purse right away
    Saying "How much to settle the matter?"
    And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

    But Mother had turned a bit awkward
    When she thought where her Albert had gone
    She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
    So that was decided upon.

    Then off they went to the Police Station
    In front of the Magistrate chap
    They told 'im what happened to Albert
    And proved it by showing 'is cap.

    The Magistrate gave his opinion
    That no one was really to blame
    And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
    Would have further sons to their name.

    At that Mother got proper blazing
    "And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
    "What waste all our lives raising children
    To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    right here, right now


    Good fun, squidge. Thanks for typing it out, the Lancashire dialect is great.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2002

    Default Lions

    Thanks squidge, not heard that one before was a good laugh

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Portland, Oregon


    Ya took me back light years to ma college days. I had a close friend from Lancashire who performed this poem at some gathering one time. Worralaff.

    Wish I could find him again... he was working for a charity in Oz several years ago, but I lost touch. Anyone in Oz know Phil Ashton?

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