Re last night - albert, the lion and blackpool

[squidge]

Albert and the Lion
by Marriot Edgar - performed by Stanley Holloway

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there wi' young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad were young Albert
All dressed in 'is best; quite a swell
Wi' a stick wi' an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to t' Ocean
The waves, thi were fiddlin' and small
No shipwrecks and nobody drownded
Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

So, seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into t' zoo
Were thi'd lions and tigers and camels
And old ale and sandwiches too.

Thi were one great big lion called Wallace
'is nose it were covered with scars
'e lay in a somnolent posture
Wi't side of his face on't bars.

Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions
How they was ferocious and wild
To see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well, it didn't seem right ter t' child.

So straight 'way the brave little feller
Bout showing a morsel of fear
Took his stick with its 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And shoved it in Wallace's ear.

You could see the lion didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
And swallowed the little lad 'ole

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
And Mother said "Well, I am vexed!"

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Quite rightly, when all's said and done
Complained to the Animal Keeper
That the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it
He said "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure it's your boy he's eaten?"
Pa said "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

The manager had to be sent for
He came and he said "What's to do?"
Pa said "Yon lion's 'et Albert
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
Saying "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station
In front of the Magistrate chap
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing 'is cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

Enjoy

[htwood]

Good fun, squidge. Thanks for typing it out, the Lancashire dialect is great.

[Kenn]

Thanks squidge, not heard that one before was a good laugh

[monkey]

Squidge,
Ya took me back light years to ma college days. I had a close friend from Lancashire who performed this poem at some gathering one time. Worralaff.

Wish I could find him again... he was working for a charity in Oz several years ago, but I lost touch. Anyone in Oz know Phil Ashton?