miracle toilet paper............joke

[pultneytooner]

My wife came from the shower and stood in front of the mirror complaining to me that her breasts are too small..... Instead
of characteristically telling her it's not so, I uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." She got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," I replied.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat I said "Worked for your bum didn't it?"
I am still alive, and with a great deal of therapy I may even walk soon.

[Billy Boy]

TOILET PAPER A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper."Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?""Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bum.It's £1.50 per roll." He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft,strong but gentle, and it's £1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 pence per roll.""Give me the No Name," she says.She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey!I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne.""Why?" he asks."Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"

[pultneytooner]

TOILET PAPER A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper."Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?""Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bum.It's £1.50 per roll." He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft,strong but gentle, and it's £1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 pence per roll.""Give me the No Name," she says.She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey!I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne.""Why?" he asks."Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"

.......

[Billy Boy]

Vain
You love the smell of your own farts.

Amiable
You love the smell of other people's farts.

Proud
You think your farts are exceptionally fine.

Shy
You release silent farts and then blush.

Impudent
You boldly fart out loud and then laugh.

Anti-Social
When the need arises, you excuse yourself from the room and fart in private.

Strategic
You fart and then conceal it with loud coughing.

Sadistic
You fart in bed and then pull the cover up over your partner's head.

Intellectual
You can determine from the smell of any fart exactly what food item had been consumed.

Athletic
You fart at the slightest exertion.

Miserable
You would love to let one out, but you are unable to fart.

Sensitive
You fart and then start crying.

Unfortunate
You try really hard to fart, but you poop instead.

Scientific
You fart regularly but you're concerned about pollution.

Nervous
You stop in the middle of your fart.

Honest
You admit that you farted but offer good medical reasons.

Dishonest
You far and then blame the dog.

Foolish
You suppress your farts for hours.

Thrifty
You always keep a couple of good farts in reserve.

which one are you