lets lift the mood a little

[Nello]

Ever Felt that you have just done something Stupid ??

Bet this guy feels just like that !! ....


The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.


The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

....

[George Brims]

That story is an urban legend. A really great TV show in the US is called "Mythbusters". The team is headed by a couple of special effects pros, who set up some really crazy stuff to check out what would happen if someone was really dumb enough to try some of these things. I don't know if they tried that one, but I bet they would love to!

[Nello]

Good Spot George,

Im busted .. saw it on the Darwin Awards site but just thought I would post it anyway !! .. just a pity it is a legend as it is quite amusing .. the site is very good and I can recommend the "Gerbil Rocket" story if you can find it !! ..

[katarina]

Drive-Thru cash machines



We at the Bank of Scotland have recently introduced new "Drive-Thru" cash machines on several of our major routes.

However it has become nescessary to introduce a step by step guide to using them, mainly for the benefit of the many customers (often female) who have been having difficulty so far.



1) Approach cash machine, keeping in mind that the cars in front of you are almost certainly using the facility also, and are therefore prone to be stopping in order to do so

2) When you arrive at the cash machine, stop and reverse around 2 yards so that you can reach the machine

3) Insert card into the slot with the flashing green light below it

4) The machine will spit the card back out at you, remove it and re-insert it the other way around

5) Carry out your desired transaction, and move off carefully

6) Several seconds later, you will have to stop, however DO NOT reverse as the following customer will have taken your place at the machine. Instead, pull over, taking care you havent completely blocked a single track throughfare, and walk gingerly back to the machine to collect your card, hoping the following car was not full of neds.

7) On returning to your car, take your phone out of your pocket and phone the number on your tax disc, informing whoever answers your call that your keys are still in the ignition and you have locked the door behind you.

8) Once back in the car, check your mirrors, signal, and move off

9) Around 2 miles down the road, you will begin to notice a loud squealing sound, and also that the car does not seem as surefooted as usual. Release your handbrake.

10) Enjoy the rest of your day, you have succesfully used our service



apologies for the sexism, no offence intended!!

So it was you in that car behind me?

[Cedric Farthsbottom III]

thanks folks , i'm just trying to make up for last weeks wee storm in the Dcup if you know what i mean without making a mountain out of a mole hill

Ye behave yirsel now!!!Welcome back grizzler.;D

[Nello]

Victoria Beckaham comes home to find David runing around the house yelling "47 days .. 47 days" , Victoria ask him what he is on about and David replies " I have finished that Jigsaw and it only took me 47 days" .. Victoria comments that really isnt that impressive at all and David replies ..

"Yes it is .. it says 2 to 4 Years on the side of the box"



When David Beckham was at Man United and had been pretty poor in training for a week so Fergie invited him in for a chat where it transpires that the problem is a jigsaw David is having problems with. Fergie tells him to sort it out and expects to see a marked improvement and soon. David's form however is still poor and so Fergie chats to him again and finds the problem is still the jigsaw. Desperate to get David back on form he offers to finish the jigsaw with him and tells him to tkae it in with him in the Morning. Sure enough David comes in and pours the jigsaw out on the table with with the words "Gaffer it just wont match up to the picture" , Fergie takes one look, rolls his eyes and says ..

"David, put the Frosties back in the box and get out"

[George Brims]

David Beckham is out shopping with Posh, and sees a Thermos flask on the shelf. "What's this for?" he asks. Posh rolls her eyes and says "It's a Thermos flask". "What's it for?" he says. "You put food or drinks in it" says Posh, "and it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold". "I'm having one of those" says Becks, and buys it.

Next day Becks is putting his flask in his locker at training, and Sir Alex asks him "What you got in the flask, David?"

"Coffee" says Becks, "and some ice cream".