I am so annoyed at school

[Tugmistress]

Brief outline ...
yesterday my daughter had a dispute with two teachers at school (after repeatedly asking politely to go to the loo and being refused she said an unfortunate phrase which i cannot repeat on here). she later apologised to one teacher who was man enough to accept the apology the other teacher was not seen again until this morning.
this morning on her way to school she went over on her weak ankle (previously broken twice) and ended up in dunbar via ambulance. i was informed of this just gone 9am as they wanted to send her to wick for x-rays.
i collected her from dunbar then as a courtesy i called in with her to school as we passed on our way to wick (she is on crutches and strapped up at this point) to explain her absence.
we go 'told' we 'had to' go and see the rector about the incident yesterday first! i was gobsmacked, we got ushered upstairs and the rector just basically started lecturing my daughter with no chance of her 'side of the story' and when my daughter stated that she had apologised to one teacher but not seen the other, the rector said 'that's not good enough'. for crying out loud, what more does the rector want?!
to cap it all, after i told the rector that any discussions or rows could wait until my daughter had attended hospital we saw the other teacher involved, so without being prompted my daughter went and said 'miss, i would like to apologise for yesterday' to which i expected the teacher to listen but no, she just said 'no, i need to speak to the rector first'!

i am totally and utterly disgusted at this attitude, especially as we had no need to call in and explain my daughters absence, but i was brought up with manners.
for a teacher to blatantly throw an offered apology from a child back at her face shows absolutely no respect.
my daughter admitted she did wrong yesterday, she has tried to apologise and had it thrown back in her face, and at about 2.30 this afternoon another teacher from the school rang up to say she was excluded for the rest of the week.
I have lost any respect for this school i had. To me, the job of informing me as a parent of my daughters exclusion, should be the recors or deputy rectors, and i am disgusted at being 'herded' into a forced meeting with an injured and in pain child before she had even been treated at hospital.

sorry, rant over but i still feel peeved.

[sjwahwah]

i understand your annoyance!

[candyfloss]

I'm not supprized your still peeved, i think i would be too

[footie chick]

Glad it wasn't me there is no way I would have been able to keep my cool! Its disgusting that they didn't listen to your daughters apology. Hope her ankle gets better soon.

[buggyracer]

i would be back on the phone asking for a meeting with the rector, remind them that as much as they may like to think they are god they are infact not! after all your daughter may be tarred with being a troublemaker for the rest of her school days!

[orkneylass]

can I suggest another approach, once everyone has calmed down? without assuming blame on either side, can i suggest that you arrange to meet with the head teacher to do the following

1. Express your puzzlement at the way the situation was handled and say that you need clarification on one or two points
2. Ask if children leaving class to use the loo has been a problem and an abused situation, either in general terms or with your daughter in particular.
3. Ask whether your daughter's behaviour and use of language is a general problem or if this was an isolated incident (We are all unaware here of EXACTLY what she said!).
4. State that whatever the situation, you would appreciate being dealt with in a courteous manner and with respect, setting a good example to the children. You felt that you had been ordered and admonished whereas perhaps a polite request to discuss a concern would have been a better way to handle things.
5. Ask for clear direction on what you and your daughter can do to put things right and ensure that something like this does not happen again - and ask in return what the school thinks it may do differently.

No matter what, i hope that you have not expressed your feelings to your daughter in the same way as you have on this forum - no matter what the rights and wrongs it is never helpful to undermine the authority of teachers to children (I am no fan of teachers myself but I do feel this most sincerely)

Good luck! Sleep on it!

[changilass]

I agree with the above post. Wait till you can calm down enough, then call and speak to the rector. Good luck, hope your daughter gets better soon

[Tugmistress]

Orkney lass,
rightly or wrongly, my daughter knows exactly how i feel about this matter.
I am in the process of writing to the ECS at wick with a complaint about both matters today.
maybe i am an old stick in the mud, but, i was brought up that respect is earnt, and i had respect for the rector and others teachers because that is how i start off, but now, the teacher that was man enough to accept the apology has my every respect, but the rector and the other teacher involved have shown me their ignorance to listen. that has lost them my respect.
all the concerns you listed are being drafted into my complaint.

[Buttercup]

Hope your daughter's better soon.
We all say things and think later and we're all - well the vast majority anyway - prone to an expletive now and again but most folks accept an apology. While I don't condone this part of what happened I think the teacher/rector should've accepted the freely given apology. However, I do think it's time something was done to stem the flood of new rules and regulations that have come from THS lately. The new rector does seem to be putting her foot down very heavily and is certainly making a name for herself - maybe not quite the kind she would want but a name nevertheless!
Change is sometimes better introduced gradually.

[unicorn]

I wouldn't have thought anyone has the right to refuse a child to go to the toilet anyway, thats absolutely ridiculous.

[mccaugm]

When I was about 10 or 11 I took issue with the treatment that I received with a teacher in my school. She was just a bad teacher with little or no control of the children in her class.... Very much a Miss!
In time my sons went to the same school I did and she still taught there. I refused to have her teach my children on 2 occasions as I felt she may treat them with the same disrepect she gave me. I subsequently found out that various children had been moved out of the school because of her.
There was a school/parents evening and it took me to the age of 30 plus to stand up and tell her exactly how I felt. She never even acknowledged her behaviour and I never got an apology. I am glad to say that when the headship came up on a few occasions she never got it.

[rockchick]

Tugmistress,

While I can understand your frustration and concern (not to mention annoyance!) if the situation is exactly as your daughter has portrayed it, you may want to step back and just check that everything is as it should be. If your daughter is in the right, then you haven't lost anything; but if she isn't, then you are missing a golden opportunity to put things right.

I don't know how old your daughter is, or what school she's in, but my husband is a teacher and I know the difficulties he has with children who are "absolute angels" at home, never give a problem, but are terrors on the schoolground. I hope your daughter doesn't fall into this category, but if she did, wouldn't you want to know?

If she is in the right, and you can't sort things with the school, can you switch schools?

[Chillie]

Who is the rector in Thurso High now.

[Elenna]

We had a similar incident with our son not that long ago at WHS, though in our case, I would say our son was definitely in the wrong. However, we were also "summoned" by phone by a staff member to see the (new) rector, without actually having a clear idea what had happened. While in that meeting, we were told that using "language" to a teacher, administrator, or other staff member results in immediate exclusion.

We did not know this, nor did our son. And while I certainly do not condone children using improper language in the first place...let alone to a teacher or any other adult, especially one in authority, and I also do understand the need to maintain discipline...my thought is that surely exclusion should be a last resort for serious or dangerous offences, or repeated, intentionally improper behavior, not handed out so widely for something that could be dealt with by other means, and especially when the child has apologised.

I very much hope that you are able to come to a satisfactory conclusion with the school on this, Tugmistress, and that your daughter's ankle heals quickly

Elenna

[young_fishin_neep]

hello everybody,my ankle is very sore but i will live, chillie the rector of the school is now Dr Fiona Grant.

rockchick - i dont have a name for myself at the school and never had, i was a "little madam" in so many words when i was in high school in england, and, have been determind to keep my head down in school up here, when i first attended the school before moving to england i was never one to get on the wrong side of teachers and i suppose you could call me a bit of a "swat" now i am back i am still the same swat as i was before but i may talk a bitmore in lesson but i certainly dont cause trouble for myself with the teachers.

kaz xx

[Ricco]

Hi, Tugmistress.

Firstly, I hope that your daughter is better soon - I know that these htings can take a long time to heal. Secondly, I think that both the Rector and the second teacher are being totally squiffy about this - especially the teacher. When your daughter is obviously in discomfort and has been brave enough to apologise I think that the teacher is behaving in an unacceptable manner to have snubbed both of you so. I should be a reasonble judge of this as I have been successfully teaching for some 30 years now.

I should wait for a day or two and then insist on a meeting with both the Rector and the teacher - take the deal straight to them.

[paris]

Well said Tugmistress, Not many parents have the guts to speak up for their children when things like this happen, ok ,so we all know our kids can be and are bad sometimes but some teachers do think they are one above the rest and they are not.

[Rheghead]

but some teachers do think they are one above the rest and they are not.

They have to act that way to set social boundaries. I mean that they are the teachers and the kids are the pupils. I always found that the teachers who tried to be all chummy and nice actually got rode rough shod by the mob and discipline suffered.

[ice box]

Brief outline ...
yesterday my daughter had a dispute with two teachers at school (after repeatedly asking politely to go to the loo and being refused she said an unfortunate phrase which i cannot repeat on here). she later apologised to one teacher who was man enough to accept the apology the other teacher was not seen again until this morning.
this morning on her way to school she went over on her weak ankle (previously broken twice) and ended up in dunbar via ambulance. i was informed of this just gone 9am as they wanted to send her to wick for x-rays.
i collected her from dunbar then as a courtesy i called in with her to school as we passed on our way to wick (she is on crutches and strapped up at this point) to explain her absence.
we go 'told' we 'had to' go and see the rector about the incident yesterday first! i was gobsmacked, we got ushered upstairs and the rector just basically started lecturing my daughter with no chance of her 'side of the story' and when my daughter stated that she had apologised to one teacher but not seen the other, the rector said 'that's not good enough'. for crying out loud, what more does the rector want?!
to cap it all, after i told the rector that any discussions or rows could wait until my daughter had attended hospital we saw the other teacher involved, so without being prompted my daughter went and said 'miss, i would like to apologise for yesterday' to which i expected the teacher to listen but no, she just said 'no, i need to speak to the rector first'!

i am totally and utterly disgusted at this attitude, especially as we had no need to call in and explain my daughters absence, but i was brought up with manners.
for a teacher to blatantly throw an offered apology from a child back at her face shows absolutely no respect.
my daughter admitted she did wrong yesterday, she has tried to apologise and had it thrown back in her face, and at about 2.30 this afternoon another teacher from the school rang up to say she was excluded for the rest of the week.
I have lost any respect for this school i had. To me, the job of informing me as a parent of my daughters exclusion, should be the recors or deputy rectors, and i am disgusted at being 'herded' into a forced meeting with an injured and in pain child before she had even been treated at hospital.

sorry, rant over but i still feel peeved.

Tuggs sorry to hear about your daughters ankle hope she gets well soon .

i wasnt going to reply but anyway you talking about a teacher not having the respect for your daughter but it seems to me that your daughter didn't have respect for the teacher as she wouldnt of said what she did .

[JAWS]

Tugmistress, I'm afraid my reaction to the demands of the school would have been to advise them that my child's health and well being was far to important for me to be wandering round the school seeing people and that I had no intention to add to a Hospital's problems by keeping them waiting.
I would then have politely advised them that I would make the necessary arrangements to see whoever wished to speak to me when my child was fit to return to school and I myself was available.

As far as the reaction to your daughter's apology I can now see the cause of complaints that children are rude and thoughtless. All the Teacher needed to do was to acknowledge your daughter's apology and that it would be taken into consideration when a suitable punishment had been decided on.

Where I in your daughter's position all I would have learned is that apologising as a complete waste of time so why bother.