Women Drivers

[Kingetter]

This morning on the 401,

I looked over to my
left and there was a
WOMAN !!


in a brand new


Cadillac


doing 65 mph


with her
face up next to her


rear view mirror


putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away


for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.


As a man,


I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;

I dropped
my electric shaver,

which knocked

the donut

out of my other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying

to straighten out the car

using my knees against
the steering wheel,

it knocked


my cell phone

away from my ear

which fell

into the coffee

between my legs,

splashed,

and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone,

soaked my pants,

and disconnected an
important call.

Dang women drivers

[canuck]

Kingetter - So that was you driving so erratically in front of me on the 401 this morning. I think that I will stick to my normal QEW route into Toronto from now on.

[Kingetter]

Yup - hot pants will do it!

[krieve]

Hehehe funny liked that one.poor big jim and the twins.

[Kingetter]

Makes the old eyes water just thinking of it eh?

[krieve]

It sure does or should that be little Jim and the twins .

[Kingetter]

Why? they shrunk?

[krieve]

No just the shock of splashing the coffee

[Kingetter]

wonder how he'd explain it all to the cops

[krieve]

He would have alot of explaing to do

[Kingetter]

I wouldn't like to have to try

[Billy Boy]

he he good one lol,

[Billy Boy]

[unicorn]

and she looks so proud of herself lol.

[Billy Boy]

Policeman: 'When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, "Forty-five at least".'
Woman motorist: 'Well, I always look older in this hat.'


A young lady was driving through a built-up area at about 70 mph when she noticed a motorcycle policeman on her tail. She increased her speed to 80 mph but the cop hung grimly on her tail. She put her foot down and pushed the car up to 90, drawing rapidly away from her pursuer. Suddenly she saw a garage up ahead and with a squeal of brakes she pulled up in the forecourt and dashed into the ladies' toilet. Five minutes later she emerged to find the motor-cycle policeman waiting for her. With a sweet smile she said, 'I bet you thought I'd never make it in time.'

[Billy Boy]

[scrapydoo]

This Policeman pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.

"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.

"Not according to my radar," the officer replied.

"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.

"No you weren't!" the policeman said, starting to get annoyed. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,

"Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."

[scrapydoo]

The Policeman couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the woman drive past him, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled along the vehicle, wound down his window and shouted "Pull over!"

"No" she replied, "they're socks!"
* * *
The Policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the drivers window: "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?"

The driver jumped out and ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan. The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman took a sympathetic view: "Don't take it so hard, it's not all that serious an offence..."

"Isn't it" the driver cried, "Where's my caravan gone?"
* * *
The policeman spotted a jay walker and decided to challenge him : "Why are you trying to cross here when there's a zebra crossing only fifty feet away?"

"Well" replied the jay walker, "I hope it's having better luck than me."

[scrapydoo]

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.

The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo.

When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?"

[Chillie]