A wee Joke for the week

[grantyg]

A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.



Did you hear about the human cannonball? First day on the job, he was fired.



What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with?














A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon.



What did the fish say when it hit the wall?




"Dam."






What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?




Wet feet.




This guy comes blasting into the doctor's office and exclaims, excitedly, "Doctor, I think I'm shrinking! I think I'm shrinking!"
"Ok, just settle down sir," the doctor says. "You're just going to have to be a little patient."



What's black, white, black, white, and green?




Two badgers fighting over a cabbage.






I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar bills in batter and frying them. I said, "There you go again, frittering our money away!"