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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up.
Afterwards, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."
..........
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
Aye ats a cracker !!!!
An old couple go to the doctor. The old man goes first to have his physical. When the doctor is done with him, he sends the old man back into the waiting room and calls the old woman in.
The doctor tells her, "Before we proceed with the examination, I would like to talk to you about your husband first."
The old woman says, "Oh, no, it's his heart. I told him to lay off the eggs."
The doctor says, "Well, I asked your husband how he is feeling and he told me he felt great. He said that when he got up to go to the bathroom, he opened the door and God turned the light on for him. When he was done, he would shut the door and God would turn the light out for him."
The old woman responded," he's peeing in the fridge again."
I thought that one was a cracker Doolally !
1. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3. Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4. Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5. Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.
6. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8. Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. He's got two of'em.
10. What do you mean "You want a divorce?
What's got 14 legs and flies?
7 pairs of mens trousers!! :roll: