A wee Joke for the week

A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.



Did you hear about the human cannonball? First day on the job, he was fired.



What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with?














A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon.



What did the fish say when it hit the wall?




"Dam."






What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?




Wet feet.




This guy comes blasting into the doctor's office and exclaims, excitedly, "Doctor, I think I'm shrinking! I think I'm shrinking!"
"Ok, just settle down sir," the doctor says. "You're just going to have to be a little patient."



What's black, white, black, white, and green?




Two badgers fighting over a cabbage.






I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar bills in batter and frying them. I said, "There you go again, frittering our money away!"

There were two prawns, James and Christian, swimming along the bottom of the ocean. James accidentally rubs up against an old lantern and whoosh, a genie appears and grants James two wishes.

After a moment's thought James decides that he wants to becomes a shark so as to gain the respect of all the creatures of the sea. Whoosh, James becomes a shark and swims off.

Two weeks later James is upset. All of his old friends are now afraid of him and his life is miserable. He decides to use his second wish, and he wishes to be a prawn once again. Whoosh.... Now a prawn once more, James swims away to look for his mate Christian.

When he arrives at Christian's house he knocks on the door and shouts out for Christian. "Go away", says Christian, "you're a shark and you'll just eat me".

"No I won't", shouts James, "I'm a prawn again Christian".

here's a joke for the start of the cricket season:


Man: "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
Doctor: "How's that?"
Man: "Don't you start!"

was reminded of this one today...........................

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out window, "P I G !"
Man yells out window, " B I T C H "
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen

Quote:

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Originally Posted by grantyg

There were two prawns, James and Christian, swimming along the bottom of the ocean. James accidentally rubs up against an old lantern and whoosh, a genie appears and grants James two wishes.

After a moment's thought James decides that he wants to becomes a shark so as to gain the respect of all the creatures of the sea. Whoosh, James becomes a shark and swims off.

Two weeks later James is upset. All of his old friends are now afraid of him and his life is miserable. He decides to use his second wish, and he wishes to be a prawn once again. Whoosh.... Now a prawn once more, James swims away to look for his mate Christian.

When he arrives at Christian's house he knocks on the door and shouts out for Christian. "Go away", says Christian, "you're a shark and you'll just eat me".

"No I won't", shouts James, "I'm a prawn again Christian".

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Thanks for the jokes - you never fail to make me smile [lol]

How do you remember all those jokes? I wish I could thanks for making me laugh:Razz

Good jokes grantyg.:lol: :lol: The wee dog in your posts has got a crackin' Bobby Charlton hair-do.

I`m glad someone approves!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by grantyg

was reminded of this one today...........................

Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road
They pass each other
Woman yells out window, "P I G !"
Man yells out window, " B I T C H "
Man rounds next curve
Crashes into a huge pig in middle of road.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen

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Brilliant, I enjoyed that even though I'm a man.

thanx for the jokes....... :lol: