View Full Version : By the "baby books".
cuddlepop
13-Jan-10, 17:15
Only two more weeks to go until my daughter in law is due and the discussions have begun on "how to bring up baby".
Her mother put her in a room on her own at 6 weeks and left her to cry if it was for "attention".
I kept mine in our room till they were about a year old and fed on demand.
I can feel the friction already.:roll:
Any ideas on how we weather this particular storm,bearing in mind she's only 17.:(
Metalattakk
13-Jan-10, 17:28
I think you've got to keep in mind that she's (gonna be) the mum here, not you.
And going by her assertions so far, she seems to have her head screwed on.
Only give advice if she asks for it, otherwise advice given freely will come across as you telling her you know better.
Kathy@watten
13-Jan-10, 17:35
As we know there is no right or wrong way to do the whole parenting bit, whatever gets you through it! she is young and will go about it her own way probably...all those things we all swore we would never do (sweets, tv, finger wagging etc) will creep in when she is not looking! Cuddlepop you get the nice bit being granny...all kids love Granny and love her even better when they have huffed with the parents...enjoy it!
What does she want to do, cuddlepop? Or maybe she doesn't yet have the confidence to know that it's what she feels that matters. And her OH of course.
I put my first child into the next door room almost straight away, the second was in our room for about 6 months and the third for even longer! It just seemed easier and nicer.
And the first time I believed all I was told about feeding to a schedule but both my baby and I hated it, so I fed the second and third on demand. I'd bottle fed the first but found it all such a palaver that I breast fed the next two.
I think I just developed confidence as I went along, through trial and error, but how I wish my own mother hadn't been so pushy with her views first time round! I was a bit older -22 -but still found it hard to stand up for myself and she really undermined me. Luckily my MIL was far, far away! :lol:
With my own daughter, I've tried to never give 'advice' on bringing up baby unless she's asked me for it, and to be fair I know her MIL hasn't interfered at all either. :)
Whatever you do, cuddlepop, don't let it become a battle of the grannies!:mad:
changilass
13-Jan-10, 17:38
Try to remember that you have already had your go and that the best way to learn is by her doing it herself.
If asked for advice give it sparingly, if not bite your tongue till it bleeds. :lol:
i guess it depends on 'e baby really, i hevna got any bairns but i did study childcare before i went intil 'e aulder adult.
i suppose leavin 'e baby til cry eventually allows 'e baby til learn til be content an' at peice wi itsel, which is a guid thing...but then ye da want 'e little blighter til be screamin its lowngs oot either...roarin reid feicy an airms an' leigs all oer 'e shop, bein all distressed an 'at :(
i da ken fit ma mither did wi me, probly choost left me til cry :roll:
she disna want til get intil 'e habit o' hevin til lie wi 'e bairn everytime s/he goes for a sleep, its a hard habit til break, for mither an for baby..
sometimes its better til let cryin babys...cry, specially when ye ken that everything is ok, dry bum...full belly etc
Scarybiscuits03
13-Jan-10, 17:40
I'd have to agree, I wouldnt try and tell her what to do unless she asks for your help. No-body will know what the baby wants/needs better than its own mother as every child is different and you don't want to come across as interfering as that never ends well.
All I can suggest is that you grin and bear it, if she starts to struggle then she will ask for help.
The only advice I give to new parents is don't go sticking a bloody dummy in it's mooth, it doesn't need it. My son was never given one and he done just fine without it.
No-body will know what the baby wants/needs better than its own mother .
:eek: I didn't realise babies came with a handbook for new Mums these days. :confused
butterfly
13-Jan-10, 17:58
Leaving a baby to cry is easier said than done!
Wait until you are asked for advice-dont try and force your ideas on her,its scary enough being a new Mum without having to try and keep the grannies happy!I hated when my MIL tried to tell me how to do things,it drove me nuts!Mind you her first words when she saw my beautiful baby were-it looks nothing like MY son :eek: should have known then not to bother trying to keep her happy :roll: x
ShelleyCowie
13-Jan-10, 19:19
To be honest i say age doesnt matter, but i would say that :lol:
Anyways, Athrun was in the bedroom with me until he was only 3 months old. It was easier on him because he was a good sleeper and when i went to bed at night he was getting disturbed.
I do the "5 minute rule" if athrun is crying. Will leave him for 5 minutes to cry, go in and settle him then until he is less upset. Put him back down and walk out, if he crys again he has to wait 5 minutes.
I really hate hearing him cry because it upsets me :( Even though i know there is nothing seriously wrong with him.
I would say let the lassie try what she wants, she might find that she doesnt like the sound of her child crying. You dont really know until the baby is here.
Good luck tho! Grannys are the best :cool:
achingale
13-Jan-10, 20:18
By all means read the books, then throw them away. Follow instinct and get to know the baby's different cries. She will find her own way. Just be there for her when she gets stuck and tell her she is doing a good job. As you know it is hard work but it is the most rewarding job in the world! :)
cuddlepop
13-Jan-10, 20:20
I think you've got to keep in mind that she's (gonna be) the mum here, not you.
And going by her assertions so far, she seems to have her head screwed on.
I know she's the one thats going to be mum its just my son want the baby to be brought up like he was and he couldnt listen to prolonged crying,whereas her mum is telling her different.:D
Alice in Blunderland
13-Jan-10, 20:45
Anyways, Athrun was in the bedroom with me until he was only 3 months old. It was easier on him because he was a good sleeper and when i went to bed at night he was getting disturbed.
:eek: nudge, nudge, wink, wink, too much info there Shelley :Razz
I think you've got to keep in mind that she's (gonna be) the mum here, not you.
And going by her assertions so far, she seems to have her head screwed on.
Agree with MA here. It's your son and your daughter in laws way not her mother's or yours. Be there to answer any questions and to give help when asked but don't tell her how to bring up her baby. I'm slightly worried about this myself but i know as long as i say something to them they will stop and back off. My mum has already told me it is my rules not hers. Doesn't ease the feeling that she is going to spoil our child though lol.
I have ideas on how to bring our child up when young and my partner has set ways as to how you raise an older child in particular a teenager. He doesn't know anything about babies or young children and i don't know much about children beyond 13. We're both willing to learn from each other.
ShelleyCowie
13-Jan-10, 20:54
:eek: nudge, nudge, wink, wink, too much info there Shelley :Razz
haha i didna mean like that.....well now that u say it! [lol] But no i mean that im a really light sleeper and get up in the night alot, also watch tv if i cant sleep so it was wakening him! see Alice....innocent! haha
I know she's the one thats going to be mum its just my son want the baby to be brought up like he was and he couldnt listen to prolonged crying,whereas her mum is telling her different.:D
I'm sure she will not listen to her mother if she can't do it like your son can't. My partner couldn't listen to prolonged crying either while i can if its for temper for a bit but not for something else.
Your son has to remember that his partner is not you and will have different ideas from him. This is something they have to discuss and come up with a plan themselves. She is young but if she has her own ideas then they are the ones she will follow.
i guess it depends on 'e baby really, i hevna got any bairns but i did study childcare before i went intil 'e aulder adult.
i suppose leavin 'e baby til cry eventually allows 'e baby til learn til be content an' at peice wi itsel, which is a guid thing...but then ye da want 'e little blighter til be screamin its lowngs oot either...roarin reid feicy an airms an' leigs all oer 'e shop, bein all distressed an 'at :(
i da ken fit ma mither did wi me, probly choost left me til cry :roll:
she disna want til get intil 'e habit o' hevin til lie wi 'e bairn everytime s/he goes for a sleep, its a hard habit til break, for mither an for baby..
sometimes its better til let cryin babys...cry, specially when ye ken that everything is ok, dry bum...full belly etc
Agree with you Trix. The very thought of having our baby sleeping in our bed doesn't appeal to me at all. Our child will be in his bed. Perhaps in our room for 6 months or so unless he/she sleeps better seperate in another room as shelley has said her wee lad did.
Something i have noticed at work myself is that there are some babies that will cry all the time just because they want picked up and cuddled all the time. They are very hard work at times.
haha i didna mean like that.....well now that u say it! [lol] But no i mean that im a really light sleeper and get up in the night alot, also watch tv if i cant sleep so it was wakening him! see Alice....innocent! haha
Trying to dig yourself out of your hole? ;):lol:
Metalattakk
13-Jan-10, 21:43
I know she's the one thats going to be mum its just my son want the baby to be brought up like he was and he couldnt listen to prolonged crying,whereas her mum is telling her different.:D
Again, your son isn't (gonna be) the mother either. :D
Agree with MA here.
Stop it, you'll get a bad name for yourself. :lol:
Alice in Blunderland
13-Jan-10, 21:59
haha i didna mean like that.....well now that u say it! [lol] But no i mean that im a really light sleeper and get up in the night alot, also watch tv if i cant sleep so it was wakening him! see Alice....innocent! haha
Errm if you say so ;) :lol:
< but I dinna believe you >
The only advice I give to new parents is don't go sticking a bloody dummy in it's mooth, it doesn't need it. My son was never given one and he done just fine without it.
All babies have their own comfort routines. If they don't hae a dummy, they will often use their thumb. It's alot harder to get rid of the thumb come weaning time.....:)
Stop it, you'll get a bad name for yourself. :lol:
When you're right you're right. ;)
All babies have their own comfort routines. If they don't hae a dummy, they will often use their thumb. It's alot harder to get rid of the thumb come weaning time.....:)
Myself i'd prefer them to have a comfort blanket over a dummy. But my partner thinks kids shouldn't have any. Mind you our child will be his first taste at what children are like so he has alot to learn ;) He's doing good though as i've taught him how to change a nappy. If he can change a wiggling 18 month old then a newborn will be easy but worrying for him. Theres a few things i need to learn but that is what mum is for as she already has said she'll teach me the things i don't know lol.
ShelleyCowie
13-Jan-10, 22:12
Errm if you say so ;) :lol:
< but I dinna believe you >
Ur probably right not til! lol
All babies have their own comfort routines. If they don't hae a dummy, they will often use their thumb. It's alot harder to get rid of the thumb come weaning time.....:)
My son has had a dummy since he was teeeeeny weeeeeny! He uses it as a comfort thing because i fed him myself and i cudnt constantly sit with him there. He only uses it now when he is teething to chew on it and at sleep times. the dummy isnt that bad, as you said its easier to get rid of than a thumb! lol
cuddlepop
14-Jan-10, 14:01
I will remember
I'm not mum.
Only give advice when asked
Follow their routine,.....promise to try real hard.
Be helpfull but not controlling.
Have fun,afterall grannys are allowed that wee perk.;)
I will remember
I'm not mum.
Only give advice when asked
Follow their routine,.....promise to try real hard.
Be helpfull but not controlling.
Have fun,afterall grannys are allowed that wee perk.;)
Loads of advantages to being a granny CP (without the responsibility, worry and exhaustion of being a Mum) - it's a lot of fun and I'm loving it! :D
I bet you will too! ;)
I only had one granny (the other one died before I was born) and I remember her with great affection -it can be a very special bond.
cuddlepop
14-Jan-10, 14:58
Loads of advantages to being a granny CP (without the responsibility, worry and exhaustion of being a Mum) - it's a lot of fun and I'm loving it! :D
I bet you will too! ;)
I only had one granny (the other one died before I was born) and I remember her with great affection -it can be a very special bond.
I intend to have as much fun as my position allows,just think of all that fun I'll have on the swings teaching them to do it themselves.:lol:
ShelleyCowie
14-Jan-10, 21:11
I intend to have as much fun as my position allows,just think of all that fun I'll have on the swings teaching them to do it themselves.:lol:
Thats the spirit! :Razz
I think Athrun and his brothers are really lucky. their grannys are great with them.
My mum has special rules at her house for when athrun stays, the rule is that he gets chocolate for breakfast :lol: i dont mind because its not often he stays.
My mum or my OH's mum has never told us how to raise kids. I have had advice but only when i ask for it, and to be honest its good. My mum loves the fact that i go to her instead of muddling on. Especially with athruns eating...or lack of. And with her advice we now have him eating alot more than he used to
So just enjoy being granny! Things with her views might change when baby is here
With my first baby I did have quite a few 'differences of opinion' with my mum, my routine wasn't right , I fed him too often and I didnt leave him too cry. But one day when she visited she actually read the 2 baby books I had (which I bought , read through, used what i found useful and just kept for reference) and she was actually quite taken aback by just how much the 'professionals' advice had changed from when I was born. As the books were researched and had been proven to work in practice, she then completely understood where I was coming from. Just remember that advice changes over the years and everyone will do what suits them and their baby best.
hmmm
dummies - yes even for breast fed babies especially if you find they are sucking you for comfort and as for nipple confusion - a fav phrase at the moment - dont get me started - its just nonsense imo.
breastfeed on demand if at all possible - if not bottle feed and dont beat yourself up about it but ignore the clock - babies dont know if its four hours since they were last fed - they cant tell the time.
sleep whichever way suits you - i like mine in the same room with me til they are about 6 months old altho my 14 year old slept in bed with us til he was about 3!!!! Do what you have to do to get some sleep and dont worry about it. They wont be sharing your bed when they are 16. Do try to make bed time and nap time different from play time tho and aim to get your baby to go to bed early eventually - you need some you time too.
crying - i do the 5 minute rule too and the no eye contact or fuss thing. Try to discourage whining tho - it will drive you mad otherwise.
discipline -just remember who is the mum and from the beginning make no mean no not "no until i get fed up with you asking and give in"
now the final piece of advice - read all the above then forget it and do what feels right fir you. if something doesnt work try something else and you will find your own way but above all, Enjoy it - being a mum is an absolute delight:D
I'm not into books showing what to do, I trust instintive actions better.
hmmm
dummies - yes even for breast fed babies especially if you find they are sucking you for comfort and as for nipple confusion - a fav phrase at the moment - dont get me started - its just nonsense imo.
breastfeed on demand if at all possible - if not bottle feed and dont beat yourself up about it but ignore the clock - babies dont know if its four hours since they were last fed - they cant tell the time.
sleep whichever way suits you - i like mine in the same room with me til they are about 6 months old altho my 14 year old slept in bed with us til he was about 3!!!! Do what you have to do to get some sleep and dont worry about it. They wont be sharing your bed when they are 16. Do try to make bed time and nap time different from play time tho and aim to get your baby to go to bed early eventually - you need some you time too.
crying - i do the 5 minute rule too and the no eye contact or fuss thing. Try to discourage whining tho - it will drive you mad otherwise.
discipline -just remember who is the mum and from the beginning make no mean no not "no until i get fed up with you asking and give in"
now the final piece of advice - read all the above then forget it and do what feels right fir you. if something doesnt work try something else and you will find your own way but above all, Enjoy it - being a mum is an absolute delight:D
What a lovely bit of advice.:)
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