A Scottish Christmas Fairy

[golach]

Am a little fairy
On tap o' the Christmas Tree
It's no' a job ah fancy
Well how would you like tae be me

Aw tarted up wi' tinsel
It's enough to make ye boak
An a couple o' jaggy branches
Rammed up the back o' your frock

An' these wee lights aw roon me
I canny get tae sleep
An' there's the yearly visit
Fae Santa - Big fat creep!

On Christmas Day I'm stuck up here
While you're aw wirin' in
An' naebody says "Hey you up there
Could you go a slug o' gin?

It's nae joke bein' a fairy
The job's beyond belief
You've got to go roon' the wean's beds
An' lift their rotten teeth

But o' aw the joabs a fairy gets
An' I've mentioned only some
The very worst is sitting up a tree
Wi' pine needles up yir bum

When aw the fairies meet again
By the light of' the silvery moon
Ye can tell the Christmas fairies
They're the wans that canna sit doon

The Christmas tree's a bonny sight
As the firelight softly flickers
But think o' me I'm stuck up here
Wi' needles in my knickers

So soon as Christmas time's aw by
An' I stop bein' sae full o' cheer
I'll get awa back tae Fairyland
An' I'll see yous aw next year