Domestic abuse.

[cuddlepop]

I see Northern Constabulary are highlighting this issue from now till the end of January so hopefully "women" will feel safer this festive season.

I know men too are abused but its a woman that statistically will suffer at the hands of a male abuser.

How do you think we could educate our children to respect one another and not result to violence of any kind?

Does it start in primary,is that too early for them to understand?
If your brought up by an abusive father does that make you except it and or dish it out?:confused

[changilass]

Having abuse around as a kid is no bliddy excuse to carry it out as an adult.

If more folks took responsibility for their own actions there would be less violence all round.

It is taught is schools, its the bit about bullying, making it gender specific doesn't help.

A bully is a bully no matter of age or gender.

Its just more prevelant at this time of year with the addition of alcohol.

[Metalattakk]

Nice one changi, you dismiss one sweeping generalisation only to throw in another at the end.

face/palm

[changilass]

The addition of alcohol leeding to more abuse aint a generalisation its a fact. Check stats with any police force.

[cuddlepop]

Whether or not alcohol is to blame is not what I'm asking its how do we educate this generation thats its wrong to inflict violence as a means of control?.

I use violence in a "general" term for abuse.:(

[Moira]

Here is a website which might be worth perusing including a link for men facing domestic abuse.
http://www.famouspeople.org.uk/14

[Metalattakk]

The addition of alcohol leeding to more abuse aint a generalisation its a fact. Check stats with any police force.

It may well be a fact, but it is still a sweeping generalisation. Alcohol does not lead to domestic violence.

[changilass]

There was something on the radio the other day about putting something on the curriculum to help stop domestic abuse, but how exactly they are gonna do it 'I aint sure. (btw I think this was prob England and Wales only)

Surely if it was as simple as that it would have been done afore?

[Rheghead]

I think people should undergo personality profiling in order to gain a licence which allows them to buy and consume alcohol. I've lost count of the number of times I've seen certain people just visibly turn nasty in drink whilst there are some people who remain well mannered and placid no matter how much they drink alcohol. Big brother? You betcha.

[joxville]

I'm asking its how do we educate this generation thats its wrong to inflict violence as a means of control?.

Beat it into them. :eek:

[teenybash]

I believe children and young people are influenced quite a bit by what they watch on tv, video games etc and this could be a starting point in teaching or showing them to be more respectful and that life is not about talking smart and acting tough. At least it would be somewhere to begin, but would the programme and game makers go along with cleaning up their end.
And what can be done about the happenings behind closed doors....the world of the parents, who live their lives abusing each other and the children hearing or witnessing events.

Who knows the answer or even where to begin rebuilding decent values into our broken society. Maybe instead of gloryfying violence and watching it as entertainment we should see it for what it really is...abhorrent and teach the children to view it as this also.
We do our children great harm by not protecting their minds and allowing them to be exploited and used, turning them into future abusers, including domestic.

[cuddlepop]

With my daughter in law pregnant she's been advised to go to parent craft classes before and after the child is born.

I've never been to any so enlighten me if I'm wrong,is that where they tell you how to bring up a child "by the book" ?

Now if this is the case then that wee one should never hear a raised voiced,be physically restrained or smacked by the person attending the class and/or anyone else that they try to "train".

Do these classes need to be compulsory?:confused

That wont stop the "mental abuse" though as some people just need to make others feel inferior.:(

[tonkatojo]

Beat it into them. :eek:


Jox were you my headmaster at Shiremoor college of knowledge ??.

[joxville]

Jox were you my headmaster at Shiremoor college of knowledge ??.
Yes. A darn good thrashing never done anyone any harm

Now sit down before I tan your hide again. :mad:

[tonkatojo]

This would test most. LOL. ;)


A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the
older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the
youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he
turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest
with me - is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your
son."
With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God
he didn't ask about the other three."

[trix]

Domestic Abuse Liason Officer
PC985 Katie Hunter
contact through Dornoch Police Station
01862 810 222

Mens Aid (www.mensaid.com)
0871 223 9986

Domestic Abuse helpline
0800 027 1234 - 24 oers

[Rheghead]

I do think that everyone has their limit no matter who they are as to what they can take verbally off their partner. Abuse takes many forms and to some extent, physical abuse is easier to shake off than mental torture. Take for instance the mild-mannered husband who loves his wife to bits, but that is not enough for her because she needs a little excitement or whatever. So she has affairs and spends money which they don't have and nags at him for not being a big enough man to stand up to her but the bloke won't do anything because he loves his wife and kids so much he can't bare to leave the home, and she flippin knows that as well. This can go on for years until the gentle giant snaps and puts her in the hospital and it is him who gets sent down. Now I ask you in all honesty, who was the evil one in that relationship?

[teddybear1873]

I do think that everyone has their limit no matter who they are as to what they can take verbally off their partner. Abuse takes many forms and to some extent, physical abuse is easier to shake off than mental torture. Take for instance the mild-mannered husband who loves his wife to bits, but that is not enough for her because she needs a little excitement or whatever. So she has affairs and spends money which they don't have and nags at him for not being a big enough man to stand up to her but the bloke won't do anything because he loves his wife and kids so much he can't bare to leave the home, and she flippin knows that as well. This can go on for years until the gentle giant snaps and puts her in the hospital and it is him who gets sent down. Now I ask you in all honesty, who was the evil one in that relationship?

Well he's the guilty one but he aint the evil one, but he's soft and an idiot for not standing up to her and sorting out whatever the problems were in the begining.

What most people don't relise is, there's a difference between action an reaction. Action would have ment he would have did what was right in the begining, whether it was counseling, standing for himself etc. Reaction is an emotion that is a build up that you don't have control over. Is this man evil? Probebly not. My question is, why do people wait to breaking point?

If my wife treated me like that I would throw her clothes oot the window, show her the door and tell her don't hit her erse on the way oot when she closes the door.

[Rheghead]

My question is, why do people wait to breaking point?

Because some people don't like confrontation, surely that's not a bad thing?

[Scorpio12thNov]

I do think that everyone has their limit no matter who they are as to what they can take verbally off their partner. Abuse takes many forms and to some extent, physical abuse is easier to shake off than mental torture. Take for instance the mild-mannered husband who loves his wife to bits, but that is not enough for her because she needs a little excitement or whatever. So she has affairs and spends money which they don't have and nags at him for not being a big enough man to stand up to her but the bloke won't do anything because he loves his wife and kids so much he can't bare to leave the home, and she flippin knows that as well. This can go on for years until the gentle giant snaps and puts her in the hospital and it is him who gets sent down. Now I ask you in all honesty, who was the evil one in that relationship?

You've hit the nail one the head with this one Rheg. Sounds only too familiar...:(

http://www.menweb.org/battered/


Modern attention to domestic violence began in the women's movement (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_movement) of the 1970s, particularly within feminism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism) and women's rights (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_rights), as concern about wives being beaten by their husbands gained attention. Only since the late 1970s, and particularly in the masculism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculism) and men's movements (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_movement) of the 1990s, has the problem of domestic violence against men gained any significant attention. Estimates show that 30 of every 1,000 females and 45 of every 1,000 males are victims of severe violence committed by their spouses. A 1997 report says significantly more men than women do not disclose the identity of their attacker. A 2009 study showed that there was greater acceptance for abuse perpetrated by females than by males.

So a man is getting physically & mentally abused by his partner. He says NOTHING because he loves his girlfriend, & then one night she pushes him to "breaking point". Now who looks bad?

& now the man has to live with the fact that their relationship has crumbled because he never said a bloody word in the first place. He let his Mrs. walk all over him & he let her peel him like an orange[evil]

I'm not saying it's all woman doing wrong here, please don't think that as it takes two. Us men can & should just walk away, but we have to remember that this is a womans world, & that woman will always win. People will always look at the girl & give her sympathy as she tell & reveals "ALL"... but it will be HER man, that sits there, & hides his bruises because he doesn't want anyone knowing that the love of his life is the real bully...:(

[teddybear1873]

Because some people don't like confrontation, surely that's not a bad thing?

If a partner doesn't confront the OH over a long period of time, it will end being a bad thing.

Thats why the example you gave Rheg, the husband was at breaking point and she landed in hospital.

[cuddlepop]

Domestic Abuse Liason Officer
PC985 Katie Hunter
contact through Dornoch Police Station
01862 810 222

Mens Aid (www.mensaid.com (http://www.mensaid.com))
0871 223 9986

Domestic Abuse helpline
0800 027 1234 - 24 oers

Thanks for posting the links to these web sites Trix.

I dont know what the answere to the "gentle Giant" that eventually snaps but I can compare it to the bullied child who eventually snaps and retailiates and there the ones that are punished.

Maybe we all need to speak out sooner to someone in authority if someones behaviour is threatening etc.:(

[Thumper]

Having been a victim of domestic abuse on numerous occasions I for one know that it does not have to be "provoked" it can and does come from nowhere and is the person doing the abuses way of controlling the other person! If someone is going to abuse you they will do it whether or not you have spent too much money,cooked the wrong tea,spoken to the wrong person etc-these are all just excuses for the abuser to use when the do hurt the other person!Oh and it is easy to say walk away from it-when you are terrified it isnt so easy to do though!x

[Boozeburglar]

It may well be a fact, but it is still a sweeping generalisation. Alcohol does not lead to domestic violence.

No sweeping generalisation was made.

You simply must pick holes where there are none.

Perhaps you should study the language used before you enter your remarks.

There was no suggestion alcohol consumption always causes domestic abuse.

The statistics speak for themselves; and support what Changilass said.

[Metalattakk]

No sweeping generalisation was made.

Yep there was. As I said, changi may well be right, but despite what you say there was a suggestion, and an implication that alcohol is to blame.


You simply must pick holes where there are none.
The irony of that statement is not lost on me. ;)

[Boozeburglar]

Its just more prevelant at this time of year with the addition of alcohol.

Can you pinpoint the sweeping generalisation contained in that sentence?

I think you need to do some further reading.

[Metalattakk]

*sigh*

I'm allowed my opinion, and in my opinion there was indeed a sweeping generalisation made, if not directly then certainly implied.

Now stop trying to provoke an argument.

[teddybear1873]

*sigh*

I'm allowed my opinion, and in my opinion there was indeed a sweeping generalisation made, if not directly then certainly implied.

Now stop trying to provoke an argument.

Thats the pot calling the kettle black.

[Boozeburglar]

Facets of language are not subjective matters of opinion; they are the building blocks of reasonable debate.

For one who so frequently delights in semantic debate, you are very stubborn in accepting this glaring error in your use of language.

[Metalattakk]

Thats the pot calling the kettle black.

That is, of course, your opinion. Well done. And right back at ya, by the way. ;)


Facets of language are not subjective matters of opinion; they are the building blocks of reasonable debate.

For one who so frequently delights in semantic debate, you are very stubborn in accepting this glaring error in your use of language.

I accept no 'glaring error' whatsoever, and why should I? As the inferrer only I have the right to the opinion that I expressed. As such, I inferred that the implication was made.

Quite what it's got to do with you, though, I have no idea. :roll:

[changilass]

Thread spoiling at its very best.

[Moira]

Oh I dunno Changi. They are keeping the thread alive and they each seem immune to the blows being delivered by the other.

All good stuff I would say. :)

[onecalledk]

1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, fact. Domestic violence is the physical, emotional and mental abuse of another, its a crime and should treated as such.

to answer the earlier post of the example of a man who found out his wife was having an affair and "lost it", he could have walked away. I am NOT defending the wife in what she did but NO ONE deserves to be physically hit no matter what they do. Domestic abuse is more than just a slap when the spouse comes home from the pub, the mental and emotional torture leaves scars that can last a lifetime.

the figures for children being in the same room or adjacent room when an incident of domestic abuse occurs is extremely high. Domestic abuse is child abuse. Every child deserves to live a life free from mental, physical, emotional and sexual abuse. To live in a household with an abusive parent is a breach of this right.

Domestic abuse is about gender inequality and it has to be addressed by society as a whole. This is the 21st century, to have women and children terrified in their own homes is shameful.

To educate children about domestic abuse is to give them from a young age the skills needed to communicate, to show them that hitting and belittling is wrong. To show them what a RESPECTFUL and loving relationship is would go a long way to breaking the cycle of abuse.

The feminist card detracts from the issue. This is not women are better than men argument or men are better than women argument. We are all responsible for our own actions. NOTHING justifies violence.

[supernova]

Well said "onecalleddk" but where did you get the figure for 1 in 3 women being affected by domestic abuse, surely it can't really be that high, unless it means worldwide, I could understand it being more prevalent in less developed countries?

I think education will be beneficial in the long term but nowhere near as beneficial as leading by example. Children get their personality traits from their parents and if they grow up in a violent or abusive environment then that is what they will perceive as "normal". That of course does not mean that all sons of domestic abusing fathers will become abusers themselves but their is a much higher likelihood of it. Likewise, children who grow up in families where parents show respect for each other are more likely to follow their example.

[cuddlepop]

Well said "onecalleddk" but where did you get the figure for 1 in 3 women being affected by domestic abuse, surely it can't really be that high, unless it means worldwide, I could understand it being more prevalent in less developed countries?

I think education will be beneficial in the long term but nowhere near as beneficial as leading by example. Children get their personality traits from their parents and if they grow up in a violent or abusive environment then that is what they will perceive as "normal". That of course does not mean that all sons of domestic abusing fathers will become abusers themselves but their is a much higher likelihood of it. Likewise, children who grow up in families where parents show respect for each other are more likely to follow their example.

I still havent mastered the art of breaking down someones reply so have included all yours and would like to thank onecalleddk for a very good post.

Supernova those statistics are right and very frightening just goggle Womans Aid and you'll get info.

I too fear son will follow fathers footsteps.:~(

[cuddlepop]

Thread spoiling at its very best.


I would have locked it if it had carried on much longer ,just hoped the boys would see themselves it was become a "point score" game.:roll: