View Full Version : Too early to put a baby to nursery?
cuddlepop
18-Nov-09, 20:51
When my kids were growing up I went to work in the evenings when OH came home from work. It wasnt perfect and we hardly spent anytime together but it gave me "adult" contact and a little extra money.
When I worked through the day my youngest was 2 and she went to her grans from 8.30 till 2.30,monday till friday.It never crossed my mind to put her to a child minder,nursery didnt exsist then.
It seems though that some mothers are putting their child to nusery from as young as 8 weeks that to me is just plain wrong.
I can understand the arguement that they need the money but at a what cost to the developing baby?:confused
I completely agree with you cuddlepop. I never worked when my children came along and they only went into nursery at age 3. For some parents even that is too soon, but I felt it was better for them to have time without me at that age to get them used to the whole routine of school life, and to develop independence from me. It certainly helped my first and I'm sure next year when my youngest starts school she'll be fine as well.:)
It would have been so sad to choose a career over being with my children - especially at the baby stage when they grow up so fast and need their mother so much to develop emotionally and physically. It's such a precious time and I would have hated to miss it.
Although I'm sure many see this argument from a different perspective..... :lol:
ShelleyCowie
18-Nov-09, 21:06
I chose not to go back to work so i could be with Athrun. My OH completely understood and encouraged me. He told me from the start that if i did not want to then i did not have to go back to work.
I did work for a few hours a week over the summer in the shoe shop to help my mum but she made it flexi time to work in with my OH's night shifts so athrun did not have to go to a child minder.
Its up to the parent(s) really. I know alot of people who had no choice but to go back to work. Mainly for financial reasons.
But i do have a friend who works in a nursery in Inverness and she gets kids of all ages in their nursery.
I have to agree. In an ideal world if I had a child I wouldn't work - I don't want my child learning the values of someone else from a young age. I don't want to miss important milestones and I want to be the best mum I can be.
However as the main bread winner this isn't ever going to happen. Fortunately I am in a situation where my partner could give up work to raise our children - not many men would be prepared to do this though.
The problem now adays is that people have a standard of living they are not willing to sacrifice. When I was a child my mum was at home until I was ten (and my younger sister 5) and it wasn't until she started work that we could afford a single car. Think of the cost of a car and how many families have 2 - no wonder we can't afford to stay at home! If we were prepared to sacrifice maybe we could?
Edit - one good thing about nurseries is that children develop better social skills at an early age. They learn to share, they learn tolerance and they learn independence.
cuddlepop
18-Nov-09, 21:22
A child of 2 or 3 will learn to share far easier when in a nursery but a baby thats only a few weeks old,how do they benefit?:confused
The government introduced all these payed maternity benefits because they recognised the importance of being with the mother at such an early age.
A baby brings life changing sacrifices most of them financial so why have a baby to put it to nursey just so you can enjoy the standard of life you had before the baby.
That to me would indicate the baby was an accessory and not an extention of you.:confused
Nurseries seem to be the cheapest form of childcare for parents as they can have far lower fee's due to higher numbers.
They charge about £20 a day where as with a childminder the cost is around £3.50 + per hour.
I have been a childminder for 10 years but at the moment am really considering a career change as I cannot possibly compete with those prices.
At the moment I am doing 28 hours a week at £3.50 an hour it is not really financially viable [lol]
The only thing holding me is that I adore the kids I care for, they are an extension of my family.
I do think some people return to work too early but at the end of the day that is their choice.
skinnydog
18-Nov-09, 21:42
My daughter has been at a childminder full time since she was 6 months old and I returned to work. Hasn't done her any harm, in fact I think that she is probably a more confident, outgoing child because of it.
All depends on the individual circumstances but it has suited me/her. I was fortunate enough to have the choice to be able to not go back to work if I didn't want to but I wanted to and did.
I know that in the USA kids go to nursery very early as I think their maternity leave is really short, as little as 6 weeks but don't quote me on that....
I chose not to go back to work so i could be with Athrun. My OH completely understood and encouraged me. He told me from the start that if i did not want to then i did not have to go back to work.
I did work for a few hours a week over the summer in the shoe shop to help my mum but she made it flexi time to work in with my OH's night shifts so athrun did not have to go to a child minder.
Its up to the parent(s) really. I know alot of people who had no choice but to go back to work. Mainly for financial reasons.
But i do have a friend who works in a nursery in Inverness and she gets kids of all ages in their nursery.
A mention! :) lol
Aye as shelley has said we get kids from 6 weeks to 10 years in our nursery. In the baby room the children's personal routines are followed to the letter so what they expect throughout the day stays the same. Tweenies (15 months to 2 years) works the same but toddlers(2 -3 years) starts to put some structure into their day as well as taking into account when they need a nap, medication etc. Preschool is pretty much the same as you would expect in another nursery. After school is from 5 years to 10 years and some of the kids in there have been in the nursery since they were babies so the nursery is like a second home for them.
Personally for me i want to work part time after having each of my babies. Take a year off or less depends on how i feel and how the bairn is with staying with grandma and grandad while i work mornings or afternoons everyday. I love my work and don't want to lose it as i do need to carry on working to acheive my own buisness goals later on in the next decade, which will be acheived with or with out having my own children in that time. But i don't want to go back to work full time untill the children are in school as i want to spent the time with them and see them during the day instead of being only in the morning and at night to put them to bed. its not fair on them and i don't want to do that. My mum is supportive of that descion as she knows how much i love my work and has already said that she wants to look after the bairns while i'm at work. My stepdad loves children so thats no issue for him. As long as i'm happy with it then he's happy.
I can understand why some women like my friend shelley don't want to go to work but again its like the chocie to breastfed or not its a personal choice.
But to answer your question cuddlepop it doesn't affect a child's development at all being in nursery from a young age. The only thing i would say it affects would be the child's life outside nursery. As an example of this one of my collegues puts her daughter to the nursery as she for finaincal reasons had to go back to work full time and her daughter comes in at 8 and doesn't leave untill 6. I think that is bad and i know how much it upsets her mum not being able to spent more time with her during the week. And that is why when my children come along that won't be happening and when i go back to work part time they will be with their grandparents and many aunts and uncles so i doubt they'll have the time to be too upset that mum had to go to work for a few hours. They won't have to settle in somewhere new as i'm sure they'll be quite happy seeing grandma and grandad by the time that i go back to work.
A child of 2 or 3 will learn to share far easier when in a nursery but a baby thats only a few weeks old,how do they benefit?:confused
The government introduced all these payed maternity benefits because they recognised the importance of being with the mother at such an early age.
A baby brings life changing sacrifices most of them financial so why have a baby to put it to nursey just so you can enjoy the standard of life you had before the baby.
That to me would indicate the baby was an accessory and not an extention of you.:confused
Going back to work does not mean the mother loves her child any less. Many parents want to give their child a comfortable childhood and that is what i would like for my children as i feel as a child we didn't have much. I want to give my kids fun holidays and to give them things that have wanted. It is mainly holidays that i feel we didn't get. I want my children to see parts of the world and see new things that they can't see at home.
In the nursery the baby benifits like all the other children do with the experince and ideas of all the staff and they can do things like paint, spaghetti play, sand play, playing with some toys they don't have at home. The babies in the nursery i work in get as messy as the pre schoolers! They are often just in their nappies having a whale of a time doing some messy play and always with their key worker.
Saying that the youngest baby we had so far starting the nursery was 13 weeks old and to me that was too young.
I returned to work when my eldest daughter was 9 months old , being a single parent its a dammed if you do, dammed if you dont situation. But again no one else was going to provide for my daughter and anyone who has tried to raise children on benefits will know how hard it is. Its really hard to hear people casting judgements on issues like this. If i stayed on the dole i would be some scummy single parent benefit bludger, if i return to work im damaging my child. Either view point is undeserved!!
With my second daughter i had to return to work when she was six weeks old as my thoughtful (now ex partner) packed his job in and i had a mortgage to pay. He did look after the kids granted, but it broke my heart and our relationship having to return to work after such a short time. I took a year out from work after we split and barely survived on the dole for a year. I now work part time, but i'm luckily enough now that my career lets me earn a decent enough wage to do so and we survive comfortably with holidays and treats.
My children are both very sociable, intelligent, well mannered and thoughtful and an absolute credit to me. They were both early developers because i ensured that the time i had with them was quality. My eldest walked at 6 months and my youngest could speak in sentences by a year.
When people choose to put children in childcare it is not always a personal choice, sometimes it is necesessity, it does not make them bad parents, making judgements on people about such thing is just wrong. Maybe you should think yourself as fortunate that you had the opportunity and not think less of others.
Never judge someone until you have walked two moons in their moccasins.:grin:
Native American saying.....
changilass
19-Nov-09, 01:40
As long as the parents are arranging a safe place for their kids then its not really anoyone elses business.
We all have differing views on child rearing and its a hard enough job without others questioning your every move.
I would rather a parent go back to work and be happy than stay home and be miserable and pass on the vibes to the kids.
Live and let live
I never ever understand why women feel the need to have a go at women who work or vice versa. Its hard enough being a working mum and having to juggle your life without other women thinking they have the "right" answers. Stay at home or work has to be a decision that is made for the good of your own family. What's the use having a stay at home mum who is so worried about paying the bills that she is in tears a lot, depressed or anxious and cannot give her children the best of herself?
I have done both - I worked full time when the big boys were babies and they were put to a childminder. I dont work now i have the wee ones. It used to infuriate me when people said that it was a "choice" because as I was the major wage earner i didnt have a choice. If our mortgage was to be paid and the bills paid I had to work. I did a job i could bear to do and we managed our lives as best we could. It never affected the development of my older children - they were all articulate, sociable and secure and have grown up to be an absolute credit to their dad and I.
Now i am a stay at home mum i enjoy spending time with the babies but I have a noticed very little differences in the development of the children - the 2 year old has an amazing vocabulary and a greater developed sense of humour than I remember his brothers having at his age. He didnt however walk at nine months like his older brother but he is also sociable and secure so it seems its six of one and half a dozen of the other.
It is the opportunity to do what is right for your family without fear of ridicule or being frowned upon that leads to true equality and we should all be glad we have those rights - at least we dont HAVE to give up work when we have children like many of our mothers had to and nor do we HAVE to return to work due to the lack of maternity pay and provision.
They charge about £20 a day where as with a childminder the cost is around £3.50 + per hour.
Really? That's a really good price! The nursery my sister works in south of the border charges £46 per day!
When I worked through the day my youngest was 2 and she went to her grans from 8.30 till 2.30,monday till friday.It never crossed my mind to put her to a child minder,nursery didnt exsist then.
You would not be able to this now though, if you tried to get a relative to look after your Child 5 days a week they would be breaking the law unless they were a registered Child minder and scro tested.
This is why lots of people use a nursery now as the law has changed.
Kodiak that is completely incorrect.
A child can be looked after by a friend or relative as long as it is in the childs own home.
I just don't get this. What business is it of anyone else how a family organises their childcare? Whether a new mum needs to return to work for financial reasons or chooses to go back because she enjoys work, none of us should be judging others. At a nursery, children interact with others all day. At home, many MANY children are plonked in front of TV for long spells daily while parents are online. Live and let live. See the bigger picture. Do you think pupils leaving high school are disadvantaged because their parents put them to daycare or nursery? I think not.
Kodiak that is completely incorrect.
A child can be looked after by a friend or relative as long as it is in the childs own home.
Not actually true. 2 police women who worked alternate shifts and looked after each other's children got pulled up for this. Whether they were actually prosecuted I don't know, but it certainly caused a big stir in the press!
That is because they took each others children into each others houses, if you look after a child in their own home nothing can be done about it.
Not actually true. 2 police women who worked alternate shifts and looked after each other's children got pulled up for this. Whether they were actually prosecuted I don't know, but it certainly caused a big stir in the press!
Get your facts right before telling someone else "not actually true". A) as unicorn said the women were not looking after the children in the family home and B) They were never prosecuted, just warned.
Not saying it is right. It is obviously completely ridiculous that they can't carry on with this arrangement but please check facts before deriding someone else's.
On the whole topic - I agree with squidge. Each to their own.
cuddlepop
20-Nov-09, 15:50
Never judge someone until you have walked two moons in their moccasins.:grin:
Native American saying.....
No one's judging just expressing my opinion.:confused
so, dis 'at mean that if i hed a couple o' bairns an went back til work, i widna be able til put them 5 days a week, til ma own mither an faithers from 9am til say half 4??
cuddlepop
20-Nov-09, 18:13
so, dis 'at mean that if i hed a couple o' bairns an went back til work, i widna be able til put them 5 days a week, til ma own mither an faithers from 9am til say half 4??
I think its being looked at again with regards to the policewomans arrangment that broke the rules.
Trix I'm not sure but I know that'll being hoping to look after my grandchild when mum decides to go back to work and heaven help any "pen pusher" that trys to stop me.:Razz
Thomas Farmer
20-Nov-09, 18:27
so, dis 'at mean that if i hed a couple o' bairns an went back til work, i widna be able til put them 5 days a week, til ma own mither an faithers from 9am til say half 4??
Well Trix if ats no e' law ivenow a canna wait till they make it e' law. it'll make all us mithers an faithers lives a lot easier
Hmmn this is very interesting,although with me its older kids rather than too young.At the moment I am being hassled to return to work which is fine as I do want to be in paid employment but cant find anything thats works round school hours and holidays,now my youngest would happily go to after school club but my middle one wont as he is almost 14-my question is that if I cannot have someone keep an eye on him legally in my own home and he cant got to a chilminder what on earth am I supposed to do with him?Oh and for reasons I cant go into the is no way he could be left at home alone x
In your own home you can do what you want, it is the same with hiring a nanny or au pair, as long as tax and national insurance paid where necesarry no registration to anyone is necessary.
butterfly
20-Nov-09, 20:31
Mr Farmer if you google.....childcare swaps "outside rules"....it looks like you will be looking after your future grandchildren after all.[lol]
cuddlepop
20-Nov-09, 20:53
In your own home you can do what you want, it is the same with hiring a nanny or au pair, as long as tax and national insurance paid where necesarry no registration to anyone is necessary.
So Trix and myself can get the kids/grandkids looked after as long as its in the own childs home?
Absolutely no problem with that at all. You can if you want take out seperate public liability insurance just in case of any injuries etc. Also as I say don't forget the tax man or you would be commiting an offence.
I am talking myself out of a job here now I think :eek:
A baby brings life changing sacrifices most of them financial so why have a baby to put it to nursey just so you can enjoy the standard of life you had before the baby.
That to me would indicate the baby was an accessory and not an extention of you.:confused
In my opinion that is a judgement and a harsh one at that!
cuddlepop
21-Nov-09, 10:59
In my opinion that is a judgement and a harsh one at that!
Each to their own.
cuddlepop
21-Nov-09, 11:01
Absolutely no problem with that at all. You can if you want take out seperate public liability insurance just in case of any injuries etc. Also as I say don't forget the tax man or you would be commiting an offence.
I am talking myself out of a job here now I think :eek:
No your not as am sure there's plenty people would rather use a professional and not family.
I couldnt take money for looking after my grandchild,as long as mum supplied the nappies we'd be fine:D
I think its a case of each to their own but personally I couldnt go back to work & leave my child with a stranger & worst of all miss all the best bits about having children.I would hate to have to go back to work full time & only see my children 2-3 hours a day it wouldnt be quality time to spend with them as its all taken up with breakfast, dinner, bath & bedtime.But sadly lots of parents dont have a choice & need to work to pay the morgage.
Thomas Farmer
21-Nov-09, 13:12
Mr Farmer if you google.....childcare swaps "outside rules"....it looks like you will be looking after your future grandchildren after all.[lol]
Are you trying to tell me something????
butterfly
21-Nov-09, 14:28
Are you trying to tell me something????
Lol,watch your blood pressure,i said "future".:lol:
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