Wasters, Can we help them?

[Rheghead]

I'm no snob or at least I don't like to think I am but I do think I was thinking like one on Saturday and I feel quite ashamed in a way.

So to cut a long story short, for 8 years from 1990 to 1998 I lived next door to a neighbour from hell. Noisy arguements, kicking dogs to near death, music too loud, banging, the lot. On the face of it we are very similar, we both are about the same age and we both like heavy metal music, we have both been divorced, been to the same school and both have children, it ends there though.

To know him is to pity him. I was glad to get away, even selling the house at a knockdown price, it took 6 years to sell!:eek: I wonder why?:roll:

I saw him in the pub on Saturday for the first time in 11 years, a shell of his former self (if that is even possible?) I bought him a drink and had a chat, I resumed my voice of reason with him which he always did try to listen to all those years ago (standard ex-copper patter, lovely skill to have!) Weighing 8.5 stone, gaunt, a self admitted drink and heroine problem. He has about 5 kids, all not allowed access to him, his idea of making up for the years to one kid was to give him £20 to buy a bottle of pop on a chance meeting in Tesco.

He is one of those chaps, when in conversation, is eager to get around to the subject of violence in his life, as if nothing else means anything, as if they think it gives them respect. Why do people think that way?

And what makes these people into the type that they are? His father and mother were lovely and his brother is the complete opposite.

He just seems to be on a rollercoaster ride to self-destruction without any thought about others.

He fits the typical stereotype of a waster, what can we do to stop these sort from going off the cliff? And what really worries me is that do I really care and should we let them get on with it?

[Anji]

Rheghead, if we could answer that we'd have the answer to most of the world's problems.

[davie]

You obviously care, or you would not have raised this thread.
In my experience the individual has to take the first step away from that 'cliff'. All you can do with people in this situation is to make them aware that, when they are ready, you are also ready, to offer what help you can.
I do not mean help in a material or financial way but more someone to be there for a chat and advice when (or before) things start to go pear shaped. There is more to it than that but hopefully you get what I mean.

[northener]

You can't stop them Reggers, most of them are tortured souls who cannot help but press the 'self destruct' button every time.

Even if you try to get to the bottom of their problems, you won't succeed - as often they don't understand themselves why they feel that way.



BTW: It's actually 'Waisters' - an old sailors term for anyone who couldn't go aloft and reef sail. They had to stay down on the ships waists - so therefore were useless in stormy weather.

[maverick]

all adiction is an illness (a very selfish one though), as has been previously stated , to help someone who is wasted they must first want to be helped, there are those who are beyond help and are on a path of self destruction, saying that there are those who no matter how much money and resorces thrown at them will always fall, and the next person it takes just the slightest little thing to put their lives back on track, caring is the first step to help someone after that who knows..

[katarina]

He could be mentally ill. Seems reasonable if he's the only one in the family to have gone that way. As already stated, if a person does not want to be helped, there's nothing anyone else can do about it. I am sure the other members of his family have bent over backwards for him over the years, and at the end of it all, what thanks will they have they gotten? Sometimes you just have to walk away but be there if they come looking.

[teddybear1873]

Having worked with addicts in the past, I'm afraid to say there is little hope for this poor bloke, especialy as he is a heroin addict. If he is still consuming alot of alcohol, I would say his near future is very bleak.

Going by what you said Rheg, I would guess this man is in his mid 40's. If he is, I would say his insides is pretty well knackered. If he doesn't stop very soon and get help, he's in for a short life........That's just my opinion.

[Gizmo]

Well well, there's never a day on the Org when something doesn't surprise the hell outta me, Rheghead The Metalhead, i would never ever have pegged you as having good taste in music, thought you'd be more of a Spandau Ballet type of guy :lol:

I have quite a bit of respect for you as it is, but that level has just been raised up a bit :D

[Margaret M.]

kicking dogs to near death

If he wants to kill himself by abusing drugs and alcohol that's his choice but please tell me that someone intervened on behalf of the dogs, Rheg?

[Rheghead]

If he wants to kill himself by abusing drugs and alcohol that's his choice but please tell me that someone intervened on behalf of the dogs, Rheg?

Yes it was me and when he sobered up he was facing the RSPCA who strangely took no action against him.

Perhaps near death was an exageration on my part but only because I went out into the yard to see what all the shouting and yelping was all about before anything serious happened. I did think he was gonna give the dog a good kicking though.

[ShelleyCowie]

There is not hope for all addicts, but there is for a percentage of them. They need to want to stop the drugs/drinking. Nobody can help them at the start apart from themselves.

Until they decide that they do want the help, there is nothing anybody else can do for them.

There is no point in using guilt, that can make their situation worse. No point telling them they could be hurting other peoples feelings, they dont care because it is sad to say this but addicts can be quite selfish at times.

I have had experience of addicts and could never fully understand it because it was not me that was the addict. Nobody knows whats going on in their minds.

[riggerboy]

i think we could help the wasters by getting shelly to load up her nose with the aformentioned corks and let her loose with the sneezes, think it may shock a few wasters into sorting themselves out,


picture it 2 corks coming at you covered in snot at 40 mph followed with the sound chuu,

i can see then now running for docs and re-hab


no offence intended shelly.

[Alice in Blunderland]

Or your said bucket of water :lol:

[cuddlepop]

I too have met a few "lost causes" and have had to admit defeat.

Something somewhere in their life has gone wrong and from there every turn they take seems to take them further away from "normal" every day living.


As Gizmo said you and heavy metal now thats suprising.:eek:

[ShelleyCowie]

i think we could help the wasters by getting shelly to load up her nose with the aformentioned corks and let her loose with the sneezes, think it may shock a few wasters into sorting themselves out,


picture it 2 corks coming at you covered in snot at 40 mph followed with the sound chuu,

i can see then now running for docs and re-hab


no offence intended shelly.

Lol no offence taken riggerboy! Surprised you dont want to hang' em tho!

[riggerboy]

hanging is too good for them lot,

[squidge]

I think that there is a spark in everyone that can be ignited and that everyone has the potential to turn their lives around. Having said that - its harder for some than others and they absolutely have to want to do it themselves for it to work.

To answer your questions rheghead - yes we absolutely should care because if we dont care then there is no one to ask thequestions that might just might change that persons life or prevent them starting out on that road in the first place. After all no one thinks " I want to be a heroin addict when i grow up with children that dont know me and no one around me when I die".


I have tried to help people throughout my life ( not in a holier than thou sort of way though i hope blerggggggggghhhhhhh) You would have to ask the people I tried to help whether it works or not - I guess sometimes it does and sometimes it doesnt. Sometimes you find it works with the wierdest of people and doesnt in the people you thought it would work for. As for letting them get on with it well sometimes you have to walk away because to go on trying just eats away at YOU.