"mother in law"

[cuddlepop]

This is all rather new to me and am finding this strange so would appreciate some helpfull tips as I dont want to "get it wrong".:confused

My sons girlfriend is pregnant so is more hormonal than usual.:eek:


My own mother in law alwas took the side of my X regardless of whether or not he was in the wrong so thats something I'm aware of not to do .

[Leanne]

My MIL has just left after a visit and as much as she is a nice person she oversteps boundaries. I got home from work one day to find her washing my smalls - extremely unimpressed and another day she had cleaned the bath "because it needed doing" - I had only cleaned it that morning (and I'm obsessive about clean baths!). OH said she was only trying to help, but I felt she was interfereing and being indirectly critical :(

If she asks for help give it, offer her help to see if she wants it, but don't just do things as she might take it that you are ebing critical and saying she is a bad mum. If she's new to motherhood this could really dent her confidence :(

[joxville]

I can't offer you any advice because my mother-in-law was fantastic, never interfered nor criticised.......shame I can't say the same about my ex-wife. [lol]

[sms]

I have a very nice mother in law she is considerate about my feelings and my kids. When i was pregnant she always let me know she was there for me, i went to my own mum alot but just having her there meant alot. During my second pregnancy she was there for me alot as my first child was only 15 months at the time. My MIL is very dear to me and i wouldnt swap her for the world.

Just let her know you are there and if she needs anything you will help as much as you can. Go baby shopping together. She may not need you now but she will once the baby is born.

[canuck]

I wonder if the reason I get on so well with my son's wife is because her mother-in-law lives 5000 miles away.

[cuddlepop]

I wonder if the reason I get on so well with my son's wife is because her mother-in-law lives 5000 miles away.

That might help you but in my case having my mother 200 plus miles away didnt make my mother in law more "motherly".

I think what I find so difficult is that she doesnt get on aswell with her mother as I do with my own kids.

They can tell me anything and I dont over react but I cant expect the same behaviour from her as thats not how she was brought up.:confused

[784pete]

I can't offer you any advice because my mother-in-law was fantastic, never interfered nor criticised.......shame I can't say the same about my ex-wife. [lol]
well said jox and i have the same trouble with all the ex wifes !!!! cant fault the MIL though

[doodles]

My mother on law treats me like a daughter and her son like my husband. She loves her son to bits but realises he has is own family and respects that. She lives very close and plays a large role in our family's life. I think it is all about respect. :)

[Kodiak]

My Mother-in-Law was simply the nicest person. She was always there when you needed her but gave us plenty of room when we needed that. She was wise, intelligent and very Diplomatic and I misss our late into the night talks that we used to share. The only other other thing I can say to describe her is that she was a "Lady". RIP

Thank You cuddlepop for bringing back some very pleasant memories. :)

[Nibbler]

Cuddlepop - I dont really have any advice for you but, from what you post on here, just be yourself, and I dont think you would go far wrong.

Sorry I haven't got anything else to add. I dont have a mother in law (as yet) :eek:

As Leanne and sms says, just let her know you are there for her :)

[cuddlepop]

Cuddlepop - I dont really have any advice for you but, from what you post on here, just be yourself, and I dont think you would go far wrong.

Sorry I haven't got anything else to add. I dont have a mother in law (as yet) :eek:

As Leanne and sms says, just let her know you are there for her :)

Thank you I'll try but as she quiet and reserved I'll need to tone "me" down a wee bit.:lol:

[Leanne]

Thank you I'll try but as she quiet and reserved I'll need to tone "me" down a wee bit.

God no don't tone "you" down!! She'll like you just as you are...

Just try and be considerate of her feelings. She will be trying her hardest to prove to you that she is good enough for your son. Try not to do anything that could be seen as criticism as it will knock her confidence - my mother in law obviously thought the bath I cleaned that morning wasn't clean enough as she cleaned it herself! OH said she was just trying to be helpful - unfortunately it didn't come accross to me that way :(

[squidge]

The in law relationship can be awkward. My MIL has not been well and I had to ask what she wanted me to do to help. If it was my mum i would have instinctively known but i was scared of overstepping the boundaries and I get on REALLY well with my MIL she is lovely.

Cuddlepop I would sit down over coffee with your DIL and say to her something like " i really want to be a good MIL and I want to help but i dont want to get on your nerves." Tell her that you will be happy to help and that you will check with her regularly how she is doing and how she is copiing and what she needs doing. Let her know that you will never uininvited do her washing ( especially her smalls lol ) but that you can do her towels if she wants or her ironing. ( I would have snapped your hand off for that). Tell her that you like her and that you are pleased your son has someone who quite clearly makes him happy. Treat her like you would your friends and you will be fine xxx

[Sandra_B]

Don't be critical!

My MIL once told me I didn't know how to wash grapes properly and another time informed me the reason my son had colic was because there was something wrong with my BM. Needless to say I am very happy there is an ocean between us.

[cuddlepop]

My MIL once told me my X drank so much because I nagged him,didnt pick up after him etc,etc......

I find this whole MIl thing really awkward as she's only 17 and younger then my youngest who I can still treat like "my baby" sometimes.

Lets just say I see the road ahead full of twist and turns .I'll take wrong turns and make mistakes but compared to my MIL I know my son is no angel and will be as fair and open minded as I can be.:)

[poppett]

Oh poor you CP. The only thing worse than a bad mother-in-law is a mouthy bad ex mil.

As previously said you are kind, caring and sensible in your posts. You acknowledge your family aren`t perfect (none are and those who say theirs is perfect is lying...trust me!) and my advice is to just be yourself.

If this girl already knows you and you suddenly change to suit her being there it gives all the wrong signals.

Best thing with hormones......male or female.......are to just ignore them. Go and do something about the house or garden, then come back as if nothing has happened and make a cup of tea to share and talk about anything, except what kicked the hormones off.

Hope it all works out for you.

You are a brilliant CP. There is no reason why you wouldn`t be a brilliant MIL.

[cuddlepop]

Thank you Poppet that was really kind.:D

[highland red]

My Mother in Law lives in Australia and sometimes that's too near.;)

[Dreamweaver]

I knew someone whose MIL came to stay and proceeded to bleach all the cups in the kitchen cupboard [lol]

[ciderally]

I can't offer you any advice because my mother-in-law was fantastic, never interfered nor criticised.......shame I can't say the same about my ex-wife. [lol]
tee hee :roll:

[squidge]

I knew someone whose MIL came to stay and proceeded to bleach all the cups in the kitchen cupboard [lol]

Crikey my MOTHER always does that!!!! I thiink its a bit of a thing for her. I just smile and ignore her but then she is my mother. My ex husband once picked her up threw her over his shoulders and MADE her leave the kitchen and sitdown after telling her he would put her outside if she didnt take the rubber gloves off lol . I guess she might have been a bit trying for him as a mother in law!!!