View Full Version : 3 year old wont go to nursery.
Right the schools are back on tuesday, and kian is supposed to be starting nursery for the 2nd time(he tried after easter hols) but he is nearly taking panic attacks whenever i try to mention it to him, and he wont stop crying for a few hours afterwards, now my 2 girls were never like this so im unsure how to handle it and advice would be great. They have to many years ahead of them at school, without making them scared at the strart.
Give up and try him when he is older! Children have years ahead of them at school so let him chill out and be what he is, a toddler.
My first two went to nursery when they were four and settled in with no problems. There is no way that they would have gone at three years old, they just weren't ready and didn't want to, and also I didn't feel that it was necessary. My third child is now three and won't be going until next year.
Give up and try him when he is older! Children have years ahead of them at school so let him chill out and be what he is, a toddler.
My first two went to nursery when they were four and settled in with no problems. There is no way that they would have gone at three years old, they just weren't ready and didn't want to, and also I didn't feel that it was necessary. My third child is now three and won't be going until next year.
thankyou, that is what i was thinking of doing but i thought folk would frown apon me.
thankyou, that is what i was thinking of doing but i thought folk would frown apon me.
It's not up to other people what you decide, have you tried sitting in at the nursery and then maybe gradually leaving earlier each day.
Its a hard one...try not telling him where yr going...he might realize it not so bad when he gets there and sees everyone else having fun...
tiggertoo
14-Aug-09, 23:19
my daughter was the same when she started nursery she wouldn't settle and was always crying for us when we left her i cant remember how long we took her for before we decided to take her back out and enrol her the following yearand she was fine then, we felt that she just wasn't ready to be away from mum and dad and felt we made the right decision to remove her,it was always sad for me when i,d walk off and leave her and look back and see her standing at the window crying gee it bringing a tear to my eye writing this thinking back:~(
Just take it one day at a time. Like grumpy 1 said don't tell him about it untill the day comes to try again. Just put him in when you think he is ready and stay with him for the first couple of sessions and then leave earlier each day. He'll soon realise that its fun at nursery and will be happy with time to be there for a couple of hours every day.
There are a couple of kids still clingy to mum and dad or just one of them, depends on who puts them to nursery the most and usually after a couple of tears they're fine. Kids really like to put the emotional blackmail on their parents!
On a more postive note a wee lass on her first day came in and said bye to mum and that was that. it was mum who cried lol.
Only just the other day a child came in, went straight to me and told me all about her new coat. mum said bye and the lass said bye and gave her a wee wave. As soon as they know its fun they love it, and they love it even more when they get to know the other kids.
The wee man will be fine balto when he is ready to go. Just go with what is better for him. Who cares what other people think!
porshiepoo
15-Aug-09, 09:18
It's no one elses business but yours what you do with your child. You have his best interests at heart and that's all that matters.
There's nothing wrong with him staying home if that's what you both want, however if you would like some time to breath lol and feel your child would benefit from nursery then I would suggest not talking to him about it so much. If talking about it is making him panic then maybe there's a reason he doesn't want to go? Did he have a good time last time?
Kids are often like this after the school holidays as a lot of children don't like change, they get into a routine and don't like having to get into another one - I guess it can be quite frightening leaving mummy and his home to go to a strange place with strange people.
Try bribing him lol, even at 3 a child can be bought at the thought of a treat at the end of it.
At the end of the day the choice is entirely yours, I can't see that your child would be deprived in any way by not going. My only real concern would be whether not going is actually teaching him that there are ways to get out of going to school, we all have to do it.
The thing is as much as they kick up a stink beforehand they usually really enjoy themselves when they're there.
Whatever you decide I'm sure will be the right decision for you and your boy.
It's not up to other people what you decide, have you tried sitting in at the nursery and then maybe gradually leaving earlier each day.
ditto....he is ur wee boy...u decide what is best for him.wishing him well...;)
Its a hard one...try not telling him where yr going...he might realize it not so bad when he gets there and sees everyone else having fun...
Ialways think the truth is best........children appreciate honesty...
I am so glad there is such sense here on the org. I get really cross when I read about children going to nursery because that is what is expected of parents. Why on earth can't we keep our children at home go on picnics ( even if they are in the living room because it is too wet to go out), wear wellies and splash in puddles, walk on the beach and collect shell to make pictures with and all the other fun stuff there is to do when you have little ones?
Just have fun it won't be long before they are grown and flown.
well after reading these responces i have decided not to put him, at the end of the day he is only 3 not much more than a baby himself, we go to toodlers with his little brother so we are just al going to go back there. i believe there are to many years at school to put them of at the start. thankyou for all the advice you gave me .
Some children are just not ready to leave Mum. I used to teach in a nursery school and I shall never forget the misery of one little boy whose mother left him because she had to work - it broke my heart. Not worth it.
However - there are those who cry while Mum is there and are fine as soon as she's out of sight, that's different. It might be worth trying to see what happens and stay nearby so teacher can phone you if he doesn't settle. It's also very important for Mum to look happy and confident - say goodbye, quick hug and kiss, and don't linger. When mine were little I had a friend whose child was fine but Mum sat in the car after and cried!
Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you and your little one.
mrsinkstack
15-Aug-09, 15:03
Right the schools are back on tuesday, and kian is supposed to be starting nursery for the 2nd time(he tried after easter hols) but he is nearly taking panic attacks whenever i try to mention it to him, and he wont stop crying for a few hours afterwards, now my 2 girls were never like this so im unsure how to handle it and advice would be great. They have to many years ahead of them at school, without making them scared at the strart.
Had a screaming bairn hanging from my leg for over a year, wasn't nice for him or me :( Nursery leaders used to tell me, just go and he'll be fine in a few minutes, he wasn't though and I felt miserable all day :( Don't push him, let him do it in his own time. Have you tried toddlers ? Or even stay a few sessions with him, any decent playgroup will let you if you ask. Sometimes an easy way to break them in ? I changed nurseries eventually from a bigger, more boysterious one to a smaller, quieter, more country orientated one, worked wonders :)
Had a screaming bairn hanging from my leg for over a year, wasn't nice for him or me :( Nursery leaders used to tell me, just go and he'll be fine in a few minutes, he wasn't though and I felt miserable all day :( Don't push him, let him do it in his own time. Have you tried toddlers ? Or even stay a few sessions with him, any decent playgroup will let you if you ask. Sometimes an easy way to break them in ? I changed nurseries eventually from a bigger, more boysterious one to a smaller, quieter, more country orientated one, worked wonders :)
aye we go to ther local toddlers and he is happy there, when i tried to get him into nursery at easter i had the same hassle with him and i wasnt offered to stay with him.
my oldest never went to nursery at 3 and it never harmed her(only because there wasnt near us at the time), so think it will be best to keep him with me for a bit longer.
aye we go to ther local toddlers and he is happy there, when i tried to get him into nursery at easter i had the same hassle with him and i wasnt offered to stay with him.
my oldest never went to nursery at 3 and it never harmed her(only because there wasnt near us at the time), so think it will be best to keep him with me for a bit longer.
Good for u balto....have fun.;)
Good for u balto....have fun.;)
thankyou binbob, not sure how it will be now the baby is 8 months lol.
i thik there are also to many people out there who just shove their kids to school and nursery way to early whether they are ready or not, just to get a bit of peace and quiet.
i thik there are also to many people out there who just shove their kids to school and nursery way to early whether they are ready or not, just to get a bit of peace and quiet.
Well said Balto! I fully agree with you. My advice to anyone having children is to enjoy and soak up every minute, good or bad, because they are at school before you know it. You can't take back the pre-school days so make the most of them whilst you can.
I have been reading about plans for funded nursery places for 2 year olds recently :eek: I know education is important but children learn more in the first 5 years of life than any other time in life and they learn most of it through play and exploration. I honestly think they should be allowed a bit more time to be little and carefee.
ShelleyCowie
15-Aug-09, 21:21
Balto just keep him at home! I have seen what he is like when u mention nursery and i can tell he doesnt like it! lol.
Do what you think is right, and i know what u think is right if i know u well enuf if u know what i mean (Are u confused yet) lol.
I do not envy you 1 bit though! an 8 month old, a 3 year old and yer farm! lol.
xx
horsegirl
15-Aug-09, 21:38
Hi. I have a daughter who is having the same problem at nursery. She is 31/2 now and going to be going to nursery next week. Everyone told me to put her to nursery last year as they said she was ready for it(i did not think so) But when everyone is telling you she is you think twice and then i thought i better put her. It was the wrong thing to do.
I should of done what i thought in the first place and kept her out. I tried to get her to settle in for four months and it was the worst four months ever. My daughter then went back the way with her development through the stress of it all.
Please please do what you think is right and dont listen to others. At the end of the day you are the mum and you know your child the best.
Lets hope i get on ok next week. At the moment she is looking forward to going but i know it will be a difference next week.
Good luck
Just a thought: Maybe the nurseries should be more fun and welcoming to the kids. I know that is a problem at a certain nursery. not sure about others.
What a sensible person LMS is.:roll:
I have been reading about plans for funded nursery places for 2 year olds recently :eek: I know education is important but children learn more in the first 5 years of life than any other time in life and they learn most of it through play and exploration. I honestly think they should be allowed a bit more time to be little and carefee.
I work in a nursery that can have kids from birth to five years old. For the wee ones we run their day pretty much to their own individual routine.There is no doubt that the children are carefree in the nursery. they love to play with the other kids and to be able to play with things that they may not have at home. for the under threes in the nursery everything is relaxed and at the child's pace. 3 to 5's has a more structured routine but is still geared at the children's pace and interests.
Don't know how having a funded place for 2 year old children would work in areas like caithness as the nurseries bar one in caithness are geared towards only morning or afternoon sessions. Have to wait and see how it pans out. I'm quite curious to see how many parents jump at the chance to push their kids into nursery early and in most cases before they're ready.
Hi. I have a daughter who is having the same problem at nursery. She is 31/2 now and going to be going to nursery next week. Everyone told me to put her to nursery last year as they said she was ready for it(i did not think so) But when everyone is telling you she is you think twice and then i thought i better put her. It was the wrong thing to do.
I should of done what i thought in the first place and kept her out. I tried to get her to settle in for four months and it was the worst four months ever. My daughter then went back the way with her development through the stress of it all.
Please please do what you think is right and dont listen to others. At the end of the day you are the mum and you know your child the best.
Lets hope i get on ok next week. At the moment she is looking forward to going but i know it will be a difference next week.
Good luck
Just a thought: Maybe the nurseries should be more fun and welcoming to the kids. I know that is a problem at a certain nursery. not sure about others.
Good luck on next week. i'm sure she'll be fine. Perhaps staying with her and showing her how fun nursery is will encourage her to want to stay without you gradually. its a good sign that she is looking forward to it but as you say that will change ;)
I'm dismayed that you have felt unwelcome by a nursery. It's a stressful time for the child and parent and a unwelcoming nursery setting makes it a hundred times worse:~(
In the nursery i work in whenever the kids come in i'm always sitting on the floor with another child playing or doing something. I always make the child and their parent feel welcome by a enthusatic greeting and asking them how they are today. I have had a child one day come in with mum and immediately ran to me to tell me all about her new shoes and how she can tie them herself. A wee wave to mum and that was it. :)
well im pleased to say after a couple of months kian decided nursery wasnt such a bad thing and now goes 5 days a week and loves it and is happy for me to leave him as he has relised that i will come back for him, had to go back a wee bit early today as the hero that he is fell asleep lol.
butterfly
01-Oct-09, 16:14
well im pleased to say after a couple of months kian decided nursery wasnt such a bad thing and now goes 5 days a week and loves it and is happy for me to leave him as he has relised that i will come back for him, had to go back a wee bit early today as the hero that he is fell asleep lol.
Well that's good news Balto and sets your mind at rest.He loves it that much it's tiring him out bless him!
well im pleased to say after a couple of months kian decided nursery wasnt such a bad thing and now goes 5 days a week and loves it and is happy for me to leave him as he has relised that i will come back for him, had to go back a wee bit early today as the hero that he is fell asleep lol.
Thats good! It's funny how it took him to realise that you would come back to see the fun side of it lol. Bless him they are all like that at first. Glads that he is enjoying it.
Try 'c'mon we're going for a spin in the car' and when you get there say 'oh look there's all your pals'.
Glad to hear you got your lad to settle eventually. With my kids I wanted them to go to playgroup and nursery so they were in a good daily routine and used to time without us so going up to school wouldn't be such a shock!! Having said that we moved away from the area with our first and she got enrolled at a new primary school for starting P1. She had never been clingy about going to nursery but all of a sudden she started panicking about school. The first morning she went for a visit (well before the big day) I couldn't leave her. Not that she was crying - just screaming at the top of her voice with a death grip on my leg!!! :roll: In the end the teacher dragged her off me and I legged it before I started crying in front of her. Later the teacher told me she was absolutely fine once I'd left. Kids, eh? And when the big day came along she was so excited. She stood in line and walked into the school without a care in the world, while I walked home with a tear in my eye!! :~( They grow up so fast you have to make the most of the time you've got with them while they're still young.....
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