Inventor

[WickWitch]

This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention.
It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."

[WickWitch]

An Italian, and Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese a guy was in a charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I coulda no find him."

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and asks why he didn't shovel.

The Scotsman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad. But I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand looking for the Chinese guy... Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

[WickWitch]

A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
'cause I still have mine"
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like
The looks of your wife at all ,"
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
With the kids."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
Been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take
To fly from San Francisco to New York City ? "
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
-------------------- -------------------------------------
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling
"I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,"
He answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
Bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
Even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What
Do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

[WickWitch]

Did you hear about the gay ghosts? They gave each other the willies.

[WickWitch]

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out,

"What was all that about?"

He replied,

"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."