View Full Version : What would you do?
Met the second in charge in the bar i work in last night and she used every opportunity to put me down and really made me feel as if i wasn't up to the job. I have only been doing it for three weekends and my work is not perfect as to be expected as i am still learning.
When one of the other bar staff motioned for me to come with her to the cellar to get the mixture for the drink jellies for a customer so i'd know where its kept the second in charge told her in a tone i wasn't supposed to hear, "No she doesn't need to know" And then later continually pushes me out of the way(when i wasn't in the way!) and japs me hard a few times. I went home feeling low and with no confidence to do the job.
I'm a person that takes alot from people as i did from the second in charge. It is when i leave their presence that how angry and frustrated i feel towards them comes out. I don't let people see how much they've upset me. I don't like people seeing me at my weak moments.
Supposed to be working tonight as well but dreading it as i feel now that i can't do it and if tonight is going to be my last night behind the bar.
I've gone through being harressed and abused before i moved away from caithness, can't allow it to happen again.
I am going to quit my job in the bar as its really just something to keep me busy at the weekend. She is not someone who will listen to me when i tell her how her behaviour has made me lose my confidence behind the bar as i found when i tried.
What would you do?
There is not much you can do but go straight to the overall Bar Manager, you should not have to go home from work feeling like that and from what you say it sounds like a form of bullying.
Have told the manager and he can only have a word with her about it.
I have been harressed and abused so much before in my last job by a customer who sought other ways to harress me til i took enough and went to the police. I won't it happen again and that is why i have decided to quit after tonight.
I'm not being a baby, i just know how it feels to be in this postion and don't want to let it go on and bring me further down.
Well good luck with it, sounds like you are better off out of it and deserve a job where you are treated fairly.
Are you allowed to say what bar it is? If youre leaving anyway it should be ok to name and shame.
Make a voodoo doll of her and smack this person up.
or
Tell her what you think and walk out, the hassle isn't worth it.
To be honest I would stick with it as long as I could and end up going home and crying every night .. Because I have experience of that kinda thing and that is how I "deal". It is not really dealing though.
So basically I have no advice for you. Just good luck and keep your chin up :)
Confrontation - ask if she has a problem - prodding could be classed as assault -
I would take a baseball bat to work with you and set about this person in fine fashion, and when you have got that out of your system, torch the place and raze it to the ground.
Alternatively, you seem good with the reading and writing, put your thoughts and frustrations in writing to the manager and owner's to see if something possitive can come out of your experence.
It is a no fun situation, but they say the pen is mightier than the sword.(And even better if you can spell)lol
Good luck. KM
[lol] First option is very amusing but sort of illegal ;)
Might just write my complaint down and give it to the overall manager or write it down and phone him and just read it. i sometimes stutter on some words esp words that are very similar and i'm using them in the same sentence. It annoys me immensely when i do that. Doesn't help that i speak quite fast either
Make a voodoo doll of her and smack this person up.
or
Tell her what you think and walk out, the hassle isn't worth it.
Loving the voodoo doll idea. I defintly need to put her in her place.
Are you allowed to say what bar it is? If youre leaving anyway it should be ok to name and shame.
I'm not going to name and shame the bar as it is not the bar that is causing this problem it is that one staff member. All i can say is that its a popular bar in inverness.
To be honest I would stick with it as long as I could and end up going home and crying every night .. Because I have experience of that kinda thing and that is how I "deal". It is not really dealing though.
So basically I have no advice for you. Just good luck and keep your chin up :)
It's more frustrating and angering to be treated like this. When i get really frustrated i cry, i rarely cry when i'm upset.
You're right though about muddling through this situation and going home crying every night being the wrong thing to do. but if it's how someone deals with it then so be it. I have always taken it silently and never showing the person harressing me what a effect they're having on me or tried not to. As an example from my previous harresser. she was in my work and tried to assault me after i was trying my best to ignore her. this was the second time she'd been in and done it and i just went through to the warehouse and let my frustration out on the cardboard boxes outside. my boss left me to it and banned her from the store after getting what had happened out of me. The most embarressing thing is that i cried frustrated tears while flattening several tough cardboard boxes.
I'm trying not to worry too much about her being in tonight. Don't think it's working as my right hand is trembling.(It does that when i'm stressed or expereincing anxiety) My hand is not to be trusted with glasses untill it stops.
This sort of stress isnt needed in life, i have just escaped from the same sort of situation, mine started with a fellow worker decided to have a right go at me out with work and my oh decided that he was going to sort it out and had a go at said fellow worker, well after that the boss and a few others decided that they were going to make my life as hard as they could, unto it got to the stage the doc put me on anti depressents and signed me of, so i decided to use the month of as my notice period, as it was starting to affect the way i was with my kids and oh and it wasnt fair on any of them.
life is to short to suffer like that, you are right to finish in there.
greenasiamcabbagelooking
04-Jul-09, 19:23
don't quit without confronting this person and making it clear what kind of person you think she is.
make sure you do it in front of other staff as well, strength in numbers and maximum humiliation for this idiot.
if you quit without doing anything then who's to say that your replacement won't be treated the same way
or that you'll be treated the same way in your next job/social situation because you allow people to do this to you.
i know it won't be easy, but bullies can spot a victim.
'Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.'
one of Malcolm X's more peaceful quotes , my favourite being ...
'Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.'
i'm not advocating murder, but i would implore you to stand up to this.
good luck :)
johndsmith
04-Jul-09, 23:29
Vistravi dont let this moron upset you you are a lovely person and dont deserve this from anybody, it is true when they say most bullies are cowards, most of them have a great sense of inferiority as well she probably feels threatened by your obvious talent. Deal with her the way you would deal with one of your kids at the nursery quietly and with firmness, and if that does not work ? Write a letter of complaint to Head Office and quit, you dont need this in your life girl, good luck.
purplelady
04-Jul-09, 23:45
I have been though something similar and i know how you feel used to go home crying some nites i dresded going into my work, i found another job and quit best thing i did x
american gal
05-Jul-09, 00:41
I worked too with a bully who made me feel like i couldnt do my job she would tell lies was shameless would talk about people and quite serious would bully people. I reported it but was told she was a good cook and kept high standards hahaha i had to laugh as they have had sososo many complaints and let this woman just carryon with what she is doing. Well the best thing i did was leave got another job and let her have the place. Only thing i was unhappy about before i left was that she had already started her crap on a new member of staff. :mad:
greenasiamcabbagelooking
05-Jul-09, 01:29
Well the best thing i did was leave got another job and let her have the place. :mad:
i'm sorry gal, but that was the worst thing you could do.
most decent minded folk like you, me, vistravi , balto etc don't like confrontation , but that's what the idiots we face at work depend on.
stand up, stay professional, stay sober and tell 'em where to go !!!
vistravi, pm me if you want some help on how to assertively crucify someone ..... or ask jox , he kens the score
Hey Vistavi, don't let them grind you down. The world is unfortuately full of people like that, arrogant bullies. If you don't really need the cash, just move on. Best of luck. :)
greenasiamcabbagelooking
05-Jul-09, 02:30
Hey Vistavi, don't let them grind you down. The world is unfortuately full of people like that, arrogant bullies. If you don't really need the cash, just move on. Best of luck. :)
:~( what an uninspiring lot !!
'move on Vistravi, hopefully you won't be treated like a doormat in your next
job or position' ....
ignore the 'oh, i've been there' brigade , get some nuts and fight back !!
do you have 'MUG' stamped across your forehead or 'doormat' on your back ?!?!? NO !!!!
get up, stand up , stand up for your rights !!
Harrasment in any form is not pleasant. My wife and I suffered a bit of it last year and ended up going to the police. As much as we tried to laugh it off, it was having quite an effect on us as I work away and I felt that my wife was having to bear the brunt of it. The easiest thing to do would have been to resort to illegal means to sort it out (this is what the harraser wanted) but we stuck it out and when they saw their actions were not getting the desired response they kind of gave up, although we still get the odd stare. Since then, everytime I see this character, I give them a big wave and a smile and say hello whenever I get the chance, this winds them up more than anything but what can they do? So, sometimes it is worth riding out the storm. What goes around does come around.
Met the second in charge in the bar i work in last night and she used every opportunity to put me down and really made me feel as if i wasn't up to the job. I have only been doing it for three weekends and my work is not perfect as to be expected as i am still learning.
When one of the other bar staff motioned for me to come with her to the cellar to get the mixture for the drink jellies for a customer so i'd know where its kept the second in charge told her in a tone i wasn't supposed to hear, "No she doesn't need to know" And then later continually pushes me out of the way(when i wasn't in the way!) and japs me hard a few times. I went home feeling low and with no confidence to do the job.
I'm a person that takes alot from people as i did from the second in charge. It is when i leave their presence that how angry and frustrated i feel towards them comes out. I don't let people see how much they've upset me. I don't like people seeing me at my weak moments.
Supposed to be working tonight as well but dreading it as i feel now that i can't do it and if tonight is going to be my last night behind the bar.
I've gone through being harressed and abused before i moved away from caithness, can't allow it to happen again.
I am going to quit my job in the bar as its really just something to keep me busy at the weekend. She is not someone who will listen to me when i tell her how her behaviour has made me lose my confidence behind the bar as i found when i tried.
What would you do?
Being a good bar person is not about how good u are at pulling pints or manual work behind the bar its about how good u are dealing with and bantering with customers thats what makes a good bar person.
There is nothing worse when u get a supervisor or a manager that doesnt no how deal with staff properly thankfully there is not a lot of them going about.
If u dont really need the money u should go back and give the job a little more time to see if things sorts itself out.
What u want to do is have a look at the work shifts and see when the next busy time that person is in charge that night and if ure on that night phone up sick a couple hours before u start so they wont be able to get a replacement so the person in charge will have to work harder i bet that would wind her up or u could over ring the till a few times in the night im sure she will enjoy sorting out the till at the end of the night.
Can u not get some of your friends or family to come in to your place of work for a couple drinks and get them to be awkward to the person in charge the customer is always right.
If your not supposed to be in the cellar is that not good thing save u having to go get things u can the get the person in charge to go get things for u she will soon get fed up fetching things for u
Years ago i worked behind bars im well aware of the crap that can get thrown at u and for the money you get for sacrficing your weekends its not really worth the hasstle when u think about it you would be far better of taking up a hobby or joining a club doing something u want to do at weekends
Mrs Bucket
05-Jul-09, 11:54
Met the second in charge in the bar i work in last night and she used every opportunity to put me down and really made me feel as if i wasn't up to the job. I have only been doing it for three weekends and my work is not perfect as to be expected as i am still learning.
When one of the other bar staff motioned for me to come with her to the cellar to get the mixture for the drink jellies for a customer so i'd know where its kept the second in charge told her in a tone i wasn't supposed to hear, "No she doesn't need to know" And then later continually pushes me out of the way(when i wasn't in the way!) and japs me hard a few times. I went home feeling low and with no confidence to do the job.
I'm a person that takes alot from people as i did from the second in charge. It is when i leave their presence that how angry and frustrated i feel towards them comes out. I don't let people see how much they've upset me. I don't like people seeing me at my weak moments.
Supposed to be working tonight as well but dreading it as i feel now that i can't do it and if tonight is going to be my last night behind the bar.
I've gone through being harressed and abused before i moved away from caithness, can't allow it to happen again.
I am going to quit my job in the bar as its really just something to keep me busy at the weekend. She is not someone who will listen to me when i tell her how her behaviour has made me lose my confidence behind the bar as i found when i tried.
What would you do? What I have done in the past in similar situ got myself another job and then went to the top with my complaint.
Well i have checked rotas and i won't be working with her this week at least. Have informed the manager about it and will be speaking to her next time she is in.
But i may have another job lined up for the weekend;) So if talking to her about it doesn't bring a change then i have a back up plan.
I am truly my worst enemy when it comes to being harressed. I take it and when i reach breaking point is when i sort it out. Not going to do that this time. last time i suffered harressment at the hands of a ex family member/customer i took it til i could take no more and went to the police. Going to nip this woman in the bud. It doesn't help that i didn't feel that confident behind the bar and was just starting to gain confidence in knowing what iw as doing when she started on me. i think if it had happened in the nursery by a member of staff it would not have knocked my confidence out as nothing can knock my confidence and faith in my ability to care and provide children with everything they need.
quote, Not going to do that this time. last time i suffered harressment at the hands of a ex family member/customer i took it til i could take no more and went to the police.
I really don't think this is the place for discussion of the matter, as there are a few of us who really know the truth on this matter. [evil]
I'm not discussing it scooter. its only a passing comment to show how much i don't want this woman carrying on with her harressment.
I know the truth about the last time it happened in my previous job and thats what matters. What she did was out of order. You don't do that to anyone. If you think you know the truth then so be it. I know what happened and why it happened. Thats all that matters.;)
What a lovely negative post to have as your first post:roll:
greenasiamcabbagelooking
05-Jul-09, 20:44
good luck to you Vistravi, hope you get it sorted.
good luck to you Vistravi, hope you get it sorted.
cheers i will do one way or another.
Amy-Winehouse
05-Jul-09, 21:37
Met the second in charge in the bar i work in last night and she used every opportunity to put me down and really made me feel as if i wasn't up to the job. I have only been doing it for three weekends and my work is not perfect as to be expected as i am still learning.
When one of the other bar staff motioned for me to come with her to the cellar to get the mixture for the drink jellies for a customer so i'd know where its kept the second in charge told her in a tone i wasn't supposed to hear, "No she doesn't need to know" And then later continually pushes me out of the way(when i wasn't in the way!) and japs me hard a few times. I went home feeling low and with no confidence to do the job.
I'm a person that takes alot from people as i did from the second in charge. It is when i leave their presence that how angry and frustrated i feel towards them comes out. I don't let people see how much they've upset me. I don't like people seeing me at my weak moments.
Supposed to be working tonight as well but dreading it as i feel now that i can't do it and if tonight is going to be my last night behind the bar.
I've gone through being harressed and abused before i moved away from caithness, can't allow it to happen again.
I am going to quit my job in the bar as its really just something to keep me busy at the weekend. She is not someone who will listen to me when i tell her how her behaviour has made me lose my confidence behind the bar as i found when i tried.
What would you do?
Im not condoning violence , but I think you should either A. pull her to one side & have a wee word. B. Tell her in front of evryone- whay you picking on me? C. Just give her enough rope to hang herself & chin her after your shift but thats the last straw , or D. wrap the job in
purplelady
05-Jul-09, 23:39
Well i have checked rotas and i won't be working with her this week at least. Have informed the manager about it and will be speaking to her next time she is in.
But i may have another job lined up for the weekend;) So if talking to her about it doesn't bring a change then i have a back up plan.
I am truly my worst enemy when it comes to being harressed. I take it and when i reach breaking point is when i sort it out. Not going to do that this time. last time i suffered harressment at the hands of a ex family member/customer i took it til i could take no more and went to the police. Going to nip this woman in the bud. It doesn't help that i didn't feel that confident behind the bar and was just starting to gain confidence in knowing what iw as doing when she started on me. i think if it had happened in the nursery by a member of staff it would not have knocked my confidence out as nothing can knock my confidence and faith in my ability to care and provide children with everything they need.
I too tend to take it untill i can take no more and then snap just see how it goes and if need be leave with your head held high is what i say and use you backup plan xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oldmarine
06-Jul-09, 01:18
Met the second in charge in the bar i work in last night and she used every opportunity to put me down and really made me feel as if i wasn't up to the job. I have only been doing it for three weekends and my work is not perfect as to be expected as i am still learning.
When one of the other bar staff motioned for me to come with her to the cellar to get the mixture for the drink jellies for a customer so i'd know where its kept the second in charge told her in a tone i wasn't supposed to hear, "No she doesn't need to know" And then later continually pushes me out of the way(when i wasn't in the way!) and japs me hard a few times. I went home feeling low and with no confidence to do the job.
I'm a person that takes alot from people as i did from the second in charge. It is when i leave their presence that how angry and frustrated i feel towards them comes out. I don't let people see how much they've upset me. I don't like people seeing me at my weak moments.
Supposed to be working tonight as well but dreading it as i feel now that i can't do it and if tonight is going to be my last night behind the bar.
I've gone through being harressed and abused before i moved away from caithness, can't allow it to happen again.
I am going to quit my job in the bar as its really just something to keep me busy at the weekend. She is not someone who will listen to me when i tell her how her behaviour has made me lose my confidence behind the bar as i found when i tried.
What would you do?
Let your friends know about this and hopefully they will go to this Bar and back you up with good comments for you. If she can't handle it properly, let it be her problem. Good luck to you whatever your decision may be.
quote, Not going to do that this time. last time i suffered harressment at the hands of a ex family member/customer i took it til i could take no more and went to the police.
I really don't think this is the place for discussion of the matter, as there are a few of us who really know the truth on this matter. [evil]
Oh scooter!!
It's a well known fact that there are two sides to every story, EXCEPT when it involves a Public Forum. Somehow, on Public Forums the poster's side of any tale is Gospel and the unnamed individual involved is always in the wrong. People then pass judgement on someone they don't know, with no idea of what actually took place.
Tittle-tattle tripe.
cuddlepop
06-Jul-09, 14:24
Let your friends know about this and hopefully they will go to this Bar and back you up with good comments for you. If she can't handle it properly, let it be her problem. Good luck to you whatever your decision may be.
Thats an excellant idea.
Bullies,unfortunatly exsist in all walks of life.Try to see it like they are invisable and their negative comments cant touch you ,that or "tell it like it is".;):D
This monster of a supervisor likely has an interesting work history. You should find out about her track record. Do you think she could be sleeping with her boss?
You should find out about her track record.
It was 11.32 seconds W100m Oslo 2001
Going to nip this woman in the bud.
Ooh, that sounds painful!! ;)
goldilocks
06-Jul-09, 17:07
quote, Not going to do that this time. last time i suffered harressment at the hands of a ex family member/customer i took it til i could take no more and went to the police.
I really don't think this is the place for discussion of the matter, as there are a few of us who really know the truth on this matter. [evil]
I agree with you there Scooter, this isn't the place to be airing things on the Org, there are times and places to be discussing things... I am another who knows what vistravi is going on about and it wasn't the police who stopped the person she is on about, it was the fact that they couldn't be bothered with her childness anymore and as for this person being banned from her last place of work, well that isn't true either, some people get off by telling lies..... Its such a sad world when things are talked about on the org, which to be honest doesn't concern anyone but as I say some people get off on it.... I do tho feel sorry that vistravi isn't having much luck with someone at work, but there are 2 sides to every story, or maybe in this case there's 3.........
goldilocks
06-Jul-09, 17:12
Oh scooter!!
It's a well known fact that there are two sides to every story, EXCEPT when it involves a Public Forum. Somehow, on Public Forums the poster's side of any tale is Gospel and the unnamed individual involved is always in the wrong. People then pass judgement on someone they don't know, with no idea of what actually took place.
Tittle-tattle tripe.
Too true Scorrie, but I always say there are 3 sides to a story your's, there's and the truth.....
I agree with you there Scooter, this isn't the place to be airing things on the Org, there are times and places to be discussing things... I am another who knows what vistravi is going on about and it wasn't the police who stopped the person she is on about, it was the fact that they couldn't be bothered with her childness anymore and as for this person being banned from her last place of work, well that isn't true either, some people get off by telling lies..... Its such a sad world when things are talked about on the org, which to be honest doesn't concern anyone but as I say some people get off on it.... I do tho feel sorry that vistravi isn't having much luck with someone at work, but there are 2 sides to every story, or maybe in this case there's 3.........
Golidilocks what kind of 40 year old adult harresses and attempts to assault someone in their place of work? a childish one.
That person did get banned from the shop as my boss would not let her come in and harress me and attempt to assualt me when i was trying to ignore her presence and get on with my last place of work. that person has only said they didn't as that person wants to make themselves look good in the situation.
The police did stop that person from harressing me and trying to assault me at my last place of work as that person was cautioned and if that person had carried on then they'd have been charged.
You've only heard that person's story and you don't have a clue as to what i am like and who i am.
I did not discuss this untill you and scooter brought it up after i briefly mentioned it to show how i'm determined to sort out this woman before it gets as bad as what it did with that person.
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