View Full Version : Marriage?
What does it mean?
Do we really need to be married anymore when we are in the right realtionship to think about getting married?
I myself feel that its a bit of paper if you're with the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.
My mate got me thinking about it after i showed her what i wanted for my birthday from my partner. Going to be 21 this year and wanted something special.
purplelady
21-Jun-09, 23:29
I was married for nearly 28 yrs mant good some not so good , and i have a lovely new partner but i do not think i would get married again but then again who knows it is a committment by two poeple but i do not really think we need that bit of paper x
philosophy on marriage is you be as well going up the street and giving a bird you hate all your money!!! :p
I was married for nearly 28 yrs mant good some not so good , and i have a lovely new partner but i do not think i would get married again but then again who knows it is a committment by two poeple but i do not really think we need that bit of paper x
Thats the way my mum and her partner feel about it. I think she's more worried about what i think but as long as she's happy then i'm happy and I get on really well with her partner's daughter. I think of her as a good mate and a sister now.
Taken a long time to get this far but it feels right for everyone and most importantly for my mum and her partner. They're also thinking of my brothers more in particular my middle brother who has additonal needs.
philosophy on marriage is you be as well going up the street and giving a bird you hate all your money!!! :p
You sound like my kind of man. Will you marry me? :D
annemarie482
21-Jun-09, 23:53
my mum and dad have been together for 26 years and they're not married.....
i'm getting married next may.
You sound like my kind of man. Will you marry me? :D
Is that why you married the first Mr Crayola? [lol]
ShelleyCowie
22-Jun-09, 08:49
i cant wait to get married!! :D
My best mate is getting married next year, im bridesmaid and its so exciting! All the planning is fun!
Its just the money. My oh and me would probably be getting married this year if it was not for the cost of everything for a wedding! :mad:
But i can wait. I dont mind. Just dont tell my OH that! [lol]
well im married and very proud to carry my husbands last name. in my heart and soul its not about a piece of paper, but being willing and able to stand before God and family and confirm to the world that you love each other and swear to be together and to honor and love each other. we have been married for 9 years now, and in that time we have had both good and bad times, highs and lows.. def. richer and poorer, sickness and health... we have butted heads and held hands.. its taken loads of compromise and much making up but every day is worth it. and every night i get to kiss him and the kids goodnight and every morning i get to say goodmorning to them is a blessing..
and call me a traditionlist if you like.. but i have a special little warm spot in my heart everytime i get introduced or get to introduce some one to my husband or he his wife.
so yup, im all for marrige... if you are going to make the commitment to another person, you might as well do it properly, and not have the easy exscape clause" just in case it dosent work out" its a decision i would say only make if you are absolutly sure you want to be with this person for the rest of your lives.
sometimes it doesnt work out... but lots of times it does.
i love being married and im sure there are lots of other married people out there that would say the same.
What about the right to inherit? Pension?
Being German I don't know all the ins and outs of British inheritance law, but it's a good reason for me to get married.
For me it is part of looking after your family, even if you pass away. If you are not married your partners children wouldn't be able to inherit anything, would they? Even if you lived with them all their life.
Or is that different in this country?
My dad just got married as he owns a flat in Germany with his partner. However, if he passed away first the flat would go to her, if she then passed away the flat would go to the government, as she has no children of her own.
Also she wouldn't get any of my dads pension and would have to live on benefits.
They have lived together over 20 years but got married last year, purely because my dad needs to look after her in case he leaves this planet early... and they didn't want to give the flat to the government they had worked hard for to pay it off early and have a good retirement.
Tighsonas4
22-Jun-09, 09:06
thats says it all for me brandy and have 60 years experience to back it up
life hasnt been a bed of roses but together weve got thus far tony
Is that why you married the first Mr Crayola? [lol]
No but it could be the reason the second one married me. [evil]
well im married and very proud to carry my husbands last name. in my heart and soul its not about a piece of paper, but being willing and able to stand before God and family and confirm to the world that you love each other and swear to be together and to honor and love each other. we have been married for 9 years now, and in that time we have had both good and bad times, highs and lows.. def. richer and poorer, sickness and health... we have butted heads and held hands.. its taken loads of compromise and much making up but every day is worth it. and every night i get to kiss him and the kids goodnight and every morning i get to say goodmorning to them is a blessing..
and call me a traditionlist if you like.. but i have a special little warm spot in my heart everytime i get introduced or get to introduce some one to my husband or he his wife.
so yup, im all for marrige... if you are going to make the commitment to another person, you might as well do it properly, and not have the easy exscape clause" just in case it dosent work out" its a decision i would say only make if you are absolutly sure you want to be with this person for the rest of your lives.
sometimes it doesnt work out... but lots of times it does.
i love being married and im sure there are lots of other married people out there that would say the same.hi brandy i totally agree wiyh you well said:Razz
hi brandy i totally agree wiyh you well said:Razz
hi i have been married for 26 years and what brandy and ajax have to say i also agree
silverfox57
22-Jun-09, 10:58
I must agree with the above two posts, as be married for 38years,and you have to give and take to make a marriage work,i fell very sad for children of broken marriages which is all to common in this day and age,:confused
I always since I was very young wanted to grow up get married and have kids. I am very proud of the fact that I had my own home and was married before my children came along. I think mariage is very important and am proud that my family all share the same surname.
I see all the above posts points. It is a good thing to be married.
But as someone who honestly can't see themselves married as the only way i'd get married is if i was with the person i wanted to be with for the rest of my life and therefore that would make it only a formality.
(Shoot me now lol) I also don't get the hipe abut having to be married before you have kids like what was demanded a few decades ago. As long as a child has people who love them uncondtionally and will be there for them thick and thin then that is what counts.
With my partner now i can see us having kids in the future but not getting married. I'm bad as if i've told him that he must marry me before his kids will ever have his surname. They'll have mine before his or a double barrelled name. I'm proud to be who i am and won't be giving up my surname. So if we do get married then it will be a double barrelled name we'll have. I won't settle for anything else if that comes to pass. But like i said i can't see it happening.
And i don't get why so many women even though the man has done a bunk give their kids his surname. :confused
I think its wrong to do that and its a kick in the teeth for mum. One of my mates has a wee three month old lad with my partners best friend. He left her to it after she refused to have an abortion. The wee lad has her last name but his dad refuses to acknowledge his existence or thats he's even his. Its why i have no time for my partners friends anymore. People who abandon the other one male or female to look after and raise the kids alone are nothing in my eyes. I have no respect for people like that. But i think its all to do with my job and the fact that i see children as treasures and the biggest adventure in life.
I'm too opinonated :roll:
Started this thread after one of my mates suggested my partner would propose after i told her that i wanted a ring from him for my birthday this year. I love sapphires and emeralds and i would love both or either or in a silver ring from him this year. Something special. its not every year you're 21 ;):lol:
What about the right to inherit? Pension?
Being German I don't know all the ins and outs of British inheritance law, but it's a good reason for me to get married.
For me it is part of looking after your family, even if you pass away. If you are not married your partners children wouldn't be able to inherit anything, would they? Even if you lived with them all their life.
Or is that different in this country?
My dad just got married as he owns a flat in Germany with his partner. However, if he passed away first the flat would go to her, if she then passed away the flat would go to the government, as she has no children of her own.
Also she wouldn't get any of my dads pension and would have to live on benefits.
They have lived together over 20 years but got married last year, purely because my dad needs to look after her in case he leaves this planet early... and they didn't want to give the flat to the government they had worked hard for to pay it off early and have a good retirement.
A good reason for the formilaty for getting married ;) You can ensure that the people you hold dear to your heart are ok finacianally when you're not around. Hats of to your dad.
i cant wait to get married!! :D
My best mate is getting married next year, im bridesmaid and its so exciting! All the planning is fun!
Its just the money. My oh and me would probably be getting married this year if it was not for the cost of everything for a wedding!
But i can wait. I dont mind. Just dont tell my OH that! [lol]
You're pratically married already ;) you have the realtionship with your oh that i mean.
igglepiggle
22-Jun-09, 12:26
I would agree with marriage. I would also say that it is something that shouldn't be rushed, we were together for 5 and a half years before we got married. I think that living together for a while is a must as you then get a taste of what married life is about. We are married 3 years tomorrow and i would be lost without him. He is my rock!!
lady penelope
22-Jun-09, 12:51
Marriage is what you make it, as with any relationship :)
I have been married for almost a year. We have been together almost 13 years & I have known my hubby since I was 19.
We invited the people we love to our wedding, and only spend around a thousand pounds on the wedding.
Best thing I have done.
Not just a bit of paper but an affirmation of our love & devotion to each other & a celebration of our life together, with our good friends around us, might do it again soon, party anyone ;)
ShelleyCowie
22-Jun-09, 13:36
You're pratically married already ;) you have the realtionship with your oh that i mean.
Pretty much! We live like a married couple. But sometimes we act like we are 80 years old...not what we are! [lol]
cuddlepop
22-Jun-09, 15:05
When two people are just "right" together, marriage is a dream made in heaven but when its "wrong" its hell on earth.
I've been to hell and back and no matter how "right" we are together now I just dont want to tempt fate by getting married.
If we did it would purely be for legal reason.As Stefan says its a legal minefield if your not married.:eek:
shamrock2007
22-Jun-09, 16:35
I got married when i was 20. Everyone thought i was too young but 8yrs on, 2 kids a mortgage & a dog and still really happy. Its nice to have the same surname as my husband & our kids. Love looking back at our wedding album and remembering our special day. You just learn to work & talk through problems. Happy 21st!! :D
ive been married since I was about 10.
the only way i'd get married is if i was with the person i wanted to be with for the rest of my life
thats the only reason TO get married. Im sure if you asked those of us whose marriages didnt work most of us would say we got married expecting it to be for life. I certainly didnt think - "oh I'll just get married and see how it goes". I thought it was truly for life.thats whatmakes it so painful when it ends.
I was married for 16 years the first time and despite the factt hat there were good times during that 16 years I swore i would never do it again. Here i am married again. And DELIGHTED to be so. My new husband mended all the things in me that my first marriage broke and I suddenly found i could trust him with the rest of my life so here I am. I love being Mrs Bruce and I wouldnt change that for anything
weeboyagee
22-Jun-09, 17:28
You sound like my kind of man. Will you marry me? :D
Hmmm,....methinks you're just in it for the money :lol:
WBG :cool:
Hmmm,....methinks you're just in it for the money :lol:
WBG :cool:
Would def say crayola is ;)
ive been married since I was about 10.
Isn't that illegal;)
I always since I was very young wanted to grow up get married and have kids. I am very proud of the fact that I had my own home and was married before my children came along. I think mariage is very important and am proud that my family all share the same surname.
well,lucky you. i guess every family like to share the same surname if they have choice.
I would agree with marriage. I would also say that it is something that shouldn't be rushed, we were together for 5 and a half years before we got married. I think that living together for a while is a must as you then get a taste of what married life is about. We are married 3 years tomorrow and i would be lost without him. He is my rock!!
i can see you married the right guy. i hope i would be as lucky as you.
Isn't that illegal;)
i guess so. is the law allow us to get marry under 18yrs?
i guess so. is the law allow us to get marry under 18yrs?
16 years old you have to be as far as i know. Are you in england? I know that you are a child til 18 in england but 16 up in scotland.
I wasn't asking a question of Bazeye I know he/she doesn't mean that they have been married since they were 10;)
16 years old you have to be as far as i know. Are you in england? I know that you are a child til 18 in england but 16 up in scotland.
I wasn't asking a question of Bazeye I know he/she doesn't mean that they have been married since they were 10;)
No, it only seems it.:lol:
Why does one have to have all this money to get married.? A wedding is a wedding. I am all for marriage but what does it matter what kind of wedding? I know many people who have had only themselves and the witnesses at the Church Vestry to be married by the minister or in fact the Registrar's, then had a quiet meal and off to honeymooon as they could not afford a lavish wedding and are still together many years after the event. I
purplelady
22-Jun-09, 23:50
When two people are just "right" together, marriage is a dream made in heaven but when its "wrong" its hell on earth.
I've been to hell and back and no matter how "right" we are together now I just dont want to tempt fate by getting married.
If we did it would purely be for legal reason.As Stefan says its a legal minefield if your not married.:eek:
I totally agree not saying it was all bad it was'nt and had three lovely kids, but in the end it was anitemare for us both, i just do not want to tempt fate and my new partner feels the same has been in a bad marriage too so we will see how we go and if we get married it will be because we want not because we have to x
The best day of my life was the day i got married. I knew she was the soulmate i was looking for and will always be.
Marriage is something you should always take serious and dont just go into with closed eyes. The feelings i have for her are the same today as they were when we married. Love is to be cherished not scoffed at.
What about the right to inherit? Pension?
Being German I don't know all the ins and outs of British inheritance law, but it's a good reason for me to get married.
For me it is part of looking after your family, even if you pass away. If you are not married your partners children wouldn't be able to inherit anything, would they? Even if you lived with them all their life.
Or is that different in this country?
My dad just got married as he owns a flat in Germany with his partner. However, if he passed away first the flat would go to her, if she then passed away the flat would go to the government, as she has no children of her own.
Also she wouldn't get any of my dads pension and would have to live on benefits.
They have lived together over 20 years but got married last year, purely because my dad needs to look after her in case he leaves this planet early... and they didn't want to give the flat to the government they had worked hard for to pay it off early and have a good retirement.
....
yes, if you are not maRRIED YOU WOULD NOT GET YOUR PARTNERS PENSION even if you live together, nor bereavement or funeral costs... The partners estate would pass on to the children of that partner. for security you are better to be married.
....
yes, if you are not maRRIED YOU WOULD NOT GET YOUR PARTNERS PENSION even if you live together, nor bereavement or funeral costs... The partners estate would pass on to the children of that partner. for security you are better to be married.
Not necessarily fran, I am not married but my partner would get all my monies as its written into my will.
My pension company(private pension) will pay out to her without any problem as i checked this with them before i took it out.
If a person dies without a will and without money the state WILL cover the "Basic" Funeral costs, so I wouldnt say that getting married gives you more security, its the same as if you are married or not.
Me and Mrs Rod have been together for 17 years and getting married isnt on the agenda.Its not through lack of trying but she doesnt see the point when we are happy as we are and a "piece of paper" whether in front of a church or a civil servant wont make things any better or any worse, so I go along with that as "If it aint broke dont try and fix it!.
thats the only reason TO get married. Im sure if you asked those of us whose marriages didnt work most of us would say we got married expecting it to be for life. I certainly didnt think - "oh I'll just get married and see how it goes". I thought it was truly for life.thats whatmakes it so painful when it ends.
I was married for 16 years the first time and despite the factt hat there were good times during that 16 years I swore i would never do it again. Here i am married again. And DELIGHTED to be so. My new husband mended all the things in me that my first marriage broke and I suddenly found i could trust him with the rest of my life so here I am. I love being Mrs Bruce and I wouldnt change that for anything
Glad to hear you're happy with the right person the second time round squidge.
Aye that is the only reason to get married truly but if you are already with that person and have been so for a few years then marriage is just a formailty and a bit of paper.
Why does one have to have all this money to get married.? A wedding is a wedding. I am all for marriage but what does it matter what kind of wedding?
I was going to get married in a church but changed to a registry office-I didn't want a big fancy wedding and talked my ex-wife out of having one. The registry office only cost £31.
Oh well, you get what you pay for! [lol]
purplelady
23-Jun-09, 23:23
When I got married i did so for life I loved him with all my heart I never expected it to end but it did. We were married nearly 28 years so it is not like we did not try what I am saying is after a a bad one am not sure want to do it again, a part of me still loves my ex always will i guess but we moved on we have 3 kids together so we will always have a connection, I love my new fella to bits but whether we get married remains to be seen, we all marry thinking it will last forever a lot do and a lot do not . I was with my ex from the age of 18 nearly 30 yrs and i have not come away un scarred, but poeple think because your relationship does not work you have not tryed but we tryed we really did , all am saying is if it works out and you find your for life soulmate good on you some of us need a second chance and i have got that with my man now but whether i will marry him we will see , but please do not think because we do not make our realationships work we have not tryed we have and also poeple change over the yrs and not always for the best x
Lolabelle
24-Jun-09, 08:24
I alway think if it's only a peice of paper, why do so many baulk at it?
I love being married, I love that I'm Mrs Beavan, I love our committment.
It takes hard work and compromise, but the rewards are fantastic.
Besides all this, as a christian I see my marriage as a covenant between Dave, the Lord and myself.
Ecc 4 : 12
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
but if you are already with that person and have been so for a few years then marriage is just a formailty and a bit of paper.
I dont know vistravi. Marriage has never ever been just a piece of paper for me. It was MUCH MUCH More than that and yet i cant quite pinpoint a particular reason for that. Standing up and declaring our commitment to each other was important. We wrote our own wedding service -a mixture of a highland blessing and hand fasting and other stuff lol meant we involved a lot of our friends and family in our wedding which reflected the things that are important to us. Committing to each other for life in a public way so we said to each other the things that so often dont get said if you have an "understanding" - that was important to us both. For the children it felt right to be married and not just for the baby we share but for the youngest one from my previous marriage - It gave him a sense of permanence that he didnt have to start with - a sense that it was ok to love and rely on my husband because he WAS always going to be there. Marriage finally helped me get rid of the baggage that i had carted with me from my first marriage - I am not sure i could have got rid of it without being married. Im not explaining this very well but i cant agree that "its just a piece of paper" for me. It was is and will always be much much more.
butterfly
24-Jun-09, 11:59
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper!
purplelady
24-Jun-09, 19:58
It was never a piece of paper to me and i meant every word when i made my vows all those yrs ago, but things happen and we change they change and it is no longer working so are we meant to say in a unhappy relationship like they did yrs ago am sorry but i do not agree with that, we have to be able to move on and live our lifes surely .xxx
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper!
To me personally butterfly it only means that. I don't see it as anything else when you're with the right person.
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