Gene Hunt's Tips for a Happy Marriage.

[Gene Hunt]

When you go abroad on a trip and, having slipped the leash and reverted to being twenty one again, and having visited a slightly exotic bar with very attractive female dancers DO NOT allow the wife to lull you into admitting it. Its a trap. A steel one. With REALLY big sharp teeth.

Do not try to cover yourself by saying that one of the dancers reminded you of her. That will lead to the accusation that you want a younger version of her and that you dont really fancy her anymore. This is a no win situation as your attempts to placate her will be just be fuel to the fire. And that fire burns hot.

Do not try to save yourself by saying that as some of the women had wet t-shirts on then technically, they WERE clothed.

Do not take her back as a present a bottle of perfume she could buy here. Because you know when you go somewhere foreign "you are supposed to bring back a bit of the local culture you stupid oaf", She didnt say Oaf in reality. And dont try to corect her by pointing that she has actually met both your parents and so that is patently untrue. It wont help.

Avoid having more daughters than sons. This will help in situations like this, one angry woman is a problem, two is a real handful, three is the equivalent of being hit full on with a 2000lb bomb. Twice. For Days. While standing in a minefield. Covered in honey and being stung by giant wasps. While having to watch endless El Dorado repeats. On a TV you have to look up at a ridiculous angle to watch. In the rain. At night.

Do not go to the Pub within six months of such a trip. This is the expiry date of such behaviour apparently. I lasted about 48 hours. Learn from my mistakes and leave it a year just to be sure.

Most importantly. Time your arrival back NOT to co-incide with the onset of PMS.

If you dont hear from me within the next couple of weeks it will be because I am under the Patio.




Help.

[Mik.M.]

Best of luck Gene,sounds like you`re going to need it.:lol: Mik.

[Kevin Milkins]

What was the name of that exotic bar again?:roll:

[kriklah]

no sympathy for ya!!!!:lol:

[cuddlepop]

One of those situation that seemed a good idea at the time.:lol:

[Kodiak]

Having been married for just about 40 Years I have never ever during that time wanted to go on Holiday or anywhere else without Mrs Kodiak.

I am sorry but I can not understsnd anyone wanting to go on Holiday alone or with Mates rather than go with your Mrs.

So I have No sympathy for you at all. !!

[Alice in Blunderland]

:lol: You better take all thats coming your way, you silly so and so. :eek:

Some men they never learn do they .................. :roll:

[balto]

[lol]oh gene tut tut, but a bigger tut tut to mrs gene, i would nerver allow my oh to stray like that on his own.[lol]

[kitty kat]

its time to face facts you messed up [lol]

now all you can do is accept you are in the dog house and kiss up biiiiig time to all of them daughters are just as bad as there mother.

what ever you do dont argue back, dont try and make excuses and do not ignore it and hope it will go away.

good luck you really are going to need it :)

[ShelleyCowie]

I would let my OH go away on a holiday. I trust him completely. But he goes nowhere without me!! [lol]

Good luck Gene! ;)

[Bazeye]

Just tell her you were abducted by aliens and didn know what you were doing. Btw how did she find out?

[Gene Hunt]

Just to make clear. I didn't go "on holiday", I was on a liason visit to a TRACON centre in Portugal for work. After a few beers one evening we ended up in a slightly-more-exotic-than-usual-bar courtesy of one of our hosts. No nudity was evident but there was a jolly good wet t-shirt contest on the go. Water was pretty cold by the looks of things too .. ;)

Cue my return and the missus badgering me for details. I admitted where I had been and the self righteousness started. She seems to have forgotten that she went to a Chippendale type night when one of her colleagues left a few months ago. I dont see the difference in circumstances between her night out and mine but then again whenever did logic affect a woman when she is dragging out her soapbox and clearing her throat to get on your case. She isnt speaking to me right now. Mainly because I told her to leave me alone until she came to her senses.

Daughters laid into me too. 16 year old girls lecturing their dad .. not on. Since my son left they have been acting like they somehow have the right to critcise me whenever their mum does. Its like having two mothers-in-law in the house. I told them earlier I will not pay my half of their allowance until they realise that its my house as well as their mothers and I want a certain degree of respect. Cue the tears and stomping about. Then I grounded them for a week to make my point. They are not speaking to me either.

On the plus side though I have peace for the first time in a while. Just because I am outnumbered in the house its about time these three realised that doesnt mean outgunned too. Daughters are looking for sympathy, they have been told its in the dictionary between Ship and Syphillis and they can find some there.

Full on Gene Hunt attitude tonight .. [evil]

[Mik.M.]

Utterly brilliant Mr Hunt,we wait with bated breath for the next episode.Very funny to read but probably not to live.

[Gene Hunt]

Utterly brilliant Mr Hunt,we wait with bated breath for the next episode.Very funny to read but probably not to live.

No really its great !! .. peace reigns in my world.

For the last few months they have been on my case all the time. We are not arguing or anything but they have to realise that they cant lecture me and gang up on me all the time. The wife has just admitted that "maybe she over-reacted", you know that thing women do where they ALMOST admit they are wrong and wait for you to say its ok and it doesnt matter ??, well I am not buying it. Otherwise I will be reminded of my "heinous crime" at a later date.

I am also deliberatly leaving the toilet seats up too. That'll teach them.

[Alice in Blunderland]

Just to make clear. I didn't go "on holiday", I was on a liason visit to a TRACON centre in Portugal for work.


Heres a hint ...........it was supposed to be work, work, work and no play.



After a few beers one evening we ended up in a slightly-more-exotic-than-usual-bar courtesy of one of our hosts.


Ah ,ah, another no, no blame someone else. Honest my darling I was dragged kicking screaming and protesting I just want to go back to my hotel room and phone the wife.


No nudity was evident .

And Im the virgin Mary with five kids, ding a ling ;)



but there was a jolly good wet t-shirt contest on the go. Water was pretty cold by the looks of things too .. ;).

Just a fleeting glance I take it because no other woman apart from your wife could ever capture your attention.


Cue my return and the missus badgering me for details.

Wives never badger they show interest in all that you do as a loving wife should


I admitted where I had been and the self righteousness started. She seems to have forgotten that she went to a Chippendale type night when one of her colleagues left a few months ago. I dont see the difference in circumstances between her night out and mine but then again whenever did logic affect a woman when she is dragging out her soapbox and clearing her throat to get on your case..

Its the age old saying one rule for one person and one for another


She isnt speaking to me right now...

Well every cloud has a silver lining enjoy the peace and quiet.



Daughters laid into me too. 16 year old girls lecturing their dad .. not on. Since my son left they have been acting like they somehow have the right to critcise me whenever their mum does. Its like having two mothers-in-law in the house. I told them earlier I will not pay my half of their allowance until they realise that its my house as well as their mothers and I want a certain degree of respect. Cue the tears and stomping about. Then I grounded them for a week to make my point. They are not speaking to me either...

Ah you will see eventually that us girlies like to stick together. Hey ho though more peace and quiet.


On the plus side though I have peace for the first time in a while. Just because I am outnumbered in the house its about time these three realised that doesnt mean outgunned too. Daughters are looking for sympathy, they have been told its in the dictionary between Ship and Syphillis and they can find some there....

I wonder how long before they start flicking the phonebook under C for childline


Full on Gene Hunt attitude tonight

For you youve dropped one of your toys from your pram.........lol
http://www.elc.co.uk/content/img/product/113723_ma.jpg

Cant wait to hear more of this tale.

[Gene Hunt]

Nice One Alice .. ;)

I am off the hook now. Common sense prevailed, had a chat and turns out she had some work issues causing my OH a lot of grief. She didnt want to bother me with it as I have had a lot on my plate lately. So all is calm again and and I can go back to being the laid back guy I normally am, feels good to vent a little bit now and again though. I knew if I stuck with it she would give in ..honest. I am currently playing on the guilt to get my car washed by my girls and a bacon sandwich made by the wife. The girls arent off the hook though, they will have a couple of weeks at half allowance to teach them that as a man I am the Boss. Its also good training for when they get married. Their future husbands will appreciate it I am sure.

And I am appalled that you would think that I would go to a Bar with semi naked ladies of my own free choice. I just went to be sociable and to indulge in some of the local culture. Its only polite. Its not my fault that the culture and local customs consisted of women in wet t-shirts. I am just an innocent victim in all this.

Honest .. ;)

[Ricco]

Good luck, Gene. Tell us where the patio is and we will all come over and have a BBQ - doh! I mean a wake for you. ;)

[Alice in Blunderland]

Nice One Alice ..

Why thankyou kind sir I am humbled to receive such praise from one as kind and good as you .....:lol:


I just went to be sociable and to indulge in some of the local culture. Its only polite. Its not my fault that the culture and local customs consisted of women in wet t-shirts. I am just an innocent victim in all this.

Honest .. ;)


Dear lord watch out that flying pig doesnt drop one on you it could make an awfull mess ....... :eek: