How to make a woman happy.... [Archive]

View Full Version : How to make a woman happy....

elaine

07-Mar-06, 19:12

It's really not difficult...to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:
01. a friend
02. a companion
03. a lover
04. a brother
05. a father
06. a master
07. a chef
08. an electrician
09. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls

AND, AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention,
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
01. Feed him
02. Sleep with him
03. Leave him in peace

melted_wellie

07-Mar-06, 19:17

and your point being.........................

scotsboy

07-Mar-06, 19:21

Bet your a wiz with the ladies Wellie;)

Billy Boy

07-Mar-06, 20:40

Nothing new there then, i always knew women were high maintanence[mad]

candyfloss

07-Mar-06, 20:56

I remember one time my hubby gave me a happy anniversary card for my birthday:eyes Just as well i have a sense of humour

cuddlepop

07-Mar-06, 21:40

ladies you know we expect them to be mind readers as well as all the other expectations we have of them!!!!:)

connieb19

07-Mar-06, 22:03

Why are men inconsiderate drivers?

Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is coming!!! [lol] [lol]

connieb19

07-Mar-06, 22:10

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter

Abdullah

07-Mar-06, 22:15

A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

-- We need = I want

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- Yes = No

-- No = No

-- Maybe = No

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

grantyg

07-Mar-06, 22:16

Why do women have smaller feet???

So they can get in at the sink better!

TOUCHE!

connieb19

07-Mar-06, 22:16

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.

Good girls say, "Don't... Stop..." Bad girls say, "Don't Stop..."

angela5

07-Mar-06, 22:21

weeboyagee

07-Mar-06, 22:23

Elaine's post now makes me realise why I am still single....... :rolleyes:

connieb19

07-Mar-06, 22:29

Elaine's post now makes me realise why I am still single....... :rolleyes:Maybe thes will help you WBG!!!!! :eyes

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!

angela5

07-Mar-06, 22:36

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

angela5

07-Mar-06, 22:48

if men got pregnant.......
* Maternity leave would last for two years...with full pay.
* There'd be a cure for stretch marks
* Natural childbirth would become obsolete
* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem
* All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent
effectiveness
* Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained
* Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment
* They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute
* Fathers would demand that their SONS be home from dates by 10: 00pm
* Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags
* They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him."
* Paternity suits would be a line of clothes
* They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months
* Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree
* Women would rule the world!

ywindy

09-Mar-06, 23:39

Question: How do you give a woman an orgasm?
Answer: Who cares?

JAWS

09-Mar-06, 23:51

I kept my promise to my wife never to lie to her. I did the honourable thing and kept my word.
Now she lives 500 miles away.

She says she has never missed me and can manage quite well without me, thank you very much.
Tell that to my Bank Manager!