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One day a wife challenged her housework to her husband. He decided to wash his shirt..Seconds later after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to her, "what setting do i use on the washing machine?"
"It depends" the wife replied, " what does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " university of oklahoma".
And they say blondes are dumb!
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge 'n' Mary.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
connieb19
06-Mar-06, 19:48
Three girls all worked in the same office,with a female boss. Each day they noticed the boss left early. One day, when the boss left, they decided that they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work,so how would she know if they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She spent playtime with her son and went to bed early. The readhead was delighted to get a quick workout before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home to surprise her husband, but when she got to the bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the bedroom door and was mortified to see her husbnd in bed with her boss!! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and thet asked the blonde if she was going to leave with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty !' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The Teacher fainted
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty !' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
The Teacher fainted
[lol] [lol] [lol] hee..hee..good one.
Cedric Farthsbottom III
06-Mar-06, 21:33
Two tadpoles were enjoying the Caithness weather.Snow,snow,snow,snow.....
Both of the tadpoles started to chuck snowballs at the newts that were driving by in their cars.
The two frogs that were watching all this said,"See kids today!!!!":roll:
2little2late
06-Mar-06, 22:25
Q. How does a mathematician get rid of constipatian.
A. He works it out with a pencil.
connieb19
06-Mar-06, 22:25
Q. How does a mathematician get rid of constipatian.
A. He works it out with a pencil.Haha, that ones funny,
:lol:
Cedric Farthsbottom III
06-Mar-06, 22:31
I've said it before and I'll say it again,Mr 2little2late,ye are the jokemeister!!!:lol: :lol:
How do you confuse an Ayrshire Man?
Give him four spades and ask him to take his pick?:roll:
connieb19
06-Mar-06, 22:38
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!!!
2little2late
06-Mar-06, 22:43
A labourer working on a building site, he walks past a building with scaffolding around, he hears someone yell "look out" from the top of the scaffolding. Just as he is about to look up a brick is falling and whizzes past the side of his head chopping his left ear off. He is overcome with shock and when he gathers himself he looks for his ear but cannot find it. Anyway, after a while he gets help from the foreman to look for it.
The foreman finds an ear in lall the rubble and says to the labourer,
" Is this your ear?"
"No", says the labourer, "Mine had a pencil behind it".
connieb19
06-Mar-06, 22:46
How do you loose 10lbs of ugly fat?
Cut your head off!!!
2little2late
06-Mar-06, 22:48
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To visit his flat mate.
connieb19
06-Mar-06, 22:54
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey!!!
If you hold 9 oranges in one hand and 1o lemons in another what do you have?
Really big hands......
Cedric Farthsbottom III
06-Mar-06, 23:04
A labourer working on a building site, he walks past a building with scaffolding around, he hears someone yell "look out" from the top of the scaffolding. Just as he is about to look up a brick is falling and whizzes past the side of his head chopping his left ear off. He is overcome with shock and when he gathers himself he looks for his ear but cannot find it. Anyway, after a while he gets help from the foreman to look for it.
The foreman finds an ear in lall the rubble and says to the labourer,
" Is this your ear?"
"No", says the labourer, "Mine had a pencil behind it".
Ahhh ma jokemiester.The day after this happened.Paddy,Mick and Murphy walked into the building site the day after the ear fiasco.The foreman gives them a spade each and tells them to start digging.
Six hours later the three guys are still digging away.The foreman rates them as the best workers he has ever had.
Two hours later and the sun is beginning to set.The foreman cannae believe what he's seeing.There's Paddy and Mick holding their spades above their heads.
"What are ye doing", said the foreman
Mick says"Oh we're lamp-posts to be sure,"
"Right,you're both fired,"said the foreman.
He turns to Murphy and says"Well done ye kept on working even though the sun is setting."
Murphy says,"I'm off too,if ye think I'm workin' in the dark ye must be crazy!!!!":lol: :lol:
P.S.....my apologies to any Irish Orgers,but this was the way the joke was told to me on the 14th July 1989,in Edinburgh.:lol: :lol:
"you have to stay in shape"....said the girls grandmother, who started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60.....she's 97 now and today they still don't know where the heck she is......
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