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lynne duncan
11-May-09, 23:09
my daughter is off on her p7 trip to York today and was looking forward to it up to friday when nerves sat in and she cried friday night, saturday night, sunday night and this morning before going. But she went, she travelled ok-ish but at 9o'clock she was on the phone bawling that she wanted to come home. Now logically I know (I think) that she is just tired and hopefully after a good nights sleep she'll (hopefully) be fine, but "mother's instinct" (molly coddling!!!) is to get the car and go and get her. I suppose it doesn't matter what age she is, I just want her to be happy.
what would you say to her?

sweetpea
11-May-09, 23:24
I remember my first trip away. I went with my pal and her parents to Embo. I hated every minute of it and the feeling of homesickness was very real.
To this day I can transport myself back there and to how it felt. I cried to be taken home.
All I can say is that it's a natural feeling. If I didn't experience it I wouldn't have gone anywahere in life.
I went travelling for my gap year and felt the same but it was bearable that time around.

evelyn
11-May-09, 23:30
Lynne I went through the same with my daughter a few years ago. She spent a whole day crying before she eventually decided she was going to go on the school trip, just as the bus was about to leave Wick!! She and her friends all had a cry on the first night but went on to have a fantastic week away.
Have you been given a contact number for one of the teachers who are away with the kids? Might be worthwhile to give them a ring to see if she's settling. I'm sure they will be honest with you and if they had any concerns they would ask you to collect her.
Thinking of you.
evelyn

kitty kat
12-May-09, 09:07
i remember my first away trip in p7 to the lake distric i cried for the whole of half hour but 90% of the others where feeling the same, first time away from home as long as she has some good friends she will be fine. the teachers should be able to set your mind at ease (give them a call) but p7 is a good age to gain some confinence at being away.

what is it they are doing ? hopefully something fun and she will soon throw herself into it.

Venture
12-May-09, 09:22
Ah Lynne what a shame for you as well. It's awful when you know your child is upset and so far away. Here's hoping she'll be fine today once they start doing things. They probably are all homesick but some just show it more than others. The first time away is always the worst but in no time at all she'll be at ease without you. I know motherly instinct wants you to jump in the car and pick her up but chances are you would just arrive there and she wouldn't want to come home because she was enjoying herself. If you speak to her today try and get her to tell you what they have been doing rather than dwell on her being homesick. Fingers crossed that she has settled.

percy toboggan
12-May-09, 10:57
I hope she has settled. If I'm any judge she'll be having a whale of a time once she gets used to things and the time will go too quickly for her.

I don't know what p.7 is - (ages) but the first trip away from home can be traumatic for very young ones. I think I was fifteen before a Geography field trip took us to Derbyshire for three days in 1966. I have to say at that age I loved it and scarcely gave home a second thought.

If there's any consolation in this for you it's knowing just how much she loves being with her Mum at home.

I'd say 'take plenty of photos and remember the details so we can all talk about it when you come home and asks friends if they miss home too' If a few are in the same boat they might comfort one another.

But what do I know?

ocd
12-May-09, 13:11
Lynne

I know exactly what you are going through, my boy was just the same!

Personally, I think it is best not to speak to them too much (I know that sounds harsh) as sometimes it is just hearing your voice that can make emotions boil over.

My son went on a camp once and didn't speak to me for the first 4 days, then he thought he was okay and phoned me, well to say he went to pieces and wanted to come home (only a day early)!

I duly jumped in the car and off I toddled to pick him up (luckily not as far as York!) anyway by the time I got there he didn't want to come home, he wanted to say for the last day. To say I was raging!

He is much more confident now (still a mammys boy!) but will go places without me.

I think if you give in now she will not gain the confidence managing to stay will give her.

Its hard but be strong, thinking of you and keep us updated. x

Connor.
12-May-09, 13:20
I went on this trip in primary school about 6 or 7 years ago. Alot of people were feeling homesick and personally I had never been away from home, for that long anyways, but i was fine ;).

It's nothing but good for her, it will mean that she doesn't have to rely on her parents the whole time and open her up to seeing places and doing things. Just give her a phone once a day(generally at night, the activities will keep her busy and at night is when she will worry most) and just get her to tell you all about what you did that day.

She'll be fine. Plus, she'll love it when it comes time to go to FlamingoLand(theme park).

Rheghead
12-May-09, 13:25
Now logically I know (I think) that she is just tired and hopefully after a good nights sleep she'll (hopefully) be fine, but "mother's instinct" (molly coddling!!!) is to get the car and go and get her.

Let me ask you a logical question, if you do decide to go down to get her on the strength of what you have divulged to us.

"Who are you doing it for, yours or your daughter's benefit/sound of mind?":confused

One thing that really puzzles me with being away from family members is that some want you to miss them and others don't. Missing someone strikes me as a negative emotion, so why would I want someone that I love to feel a negative emotion? It is total reverse psychology in my humble opinion. :)

percy toboggan
12-May-09, 13:51
'Missing someone is a negative emotion' ??
Your daily pontifications on mental matters are beginning to trouble my mind Rheghead.
I'm glad you're not a psychiatrist.

Rheghead
12-May-09, 13:59
'Missing someone is a negative emotion' ??
Your daily pontifications on mental matters are beginning to trouble my mind Rheghead.
I'm glad you're not a psychiatrist.

I'm glad as well, but surely bawling on the end of a phone can hardly be something that can be described as a positive emotional response?:confused

starry
12-May-09, 14:11
Hi Lynne

I would try and speak to one of the adults tonight and see what they think.
I take children away quite a lot and am often stunned by how quickly they can swing from geniune distress at missing home to having an absolute ball of a time and not giving home a second thought.

I hope she manages to have a good time time despite being homesick.

Hope you are ok as well, I would imagine you wouldn't settle much till she is home xx

oldmarine
12-May-09, 14:30
my daughter is off on her p7 trip to York today and was looking forward to it up to friday when nerves sat in and she cried friday night, saturday night, sunday night and this morning before going. But she went, she travelled ok-ish but at 9o'clock she was on the phone bawling that she wanted to come home. Now logically I know (I think) that she is just tired and hopefully after a good nights sleep she'll (hopefully) be fine, but "mother's instinct" (molly coddling!!!) is to get the car and go and get her. I suppose it doesn't matter what age she is, I just want her to be happy.
what would you say to her?

New York is a long way from Caithness and I can understand the feeling of lonesomeness on being away from family (1st time?); however, at that young age being around other youngsters I believe your daughter will settle in and enjoy the trip with others her age. Give her the opportunity to learn something new. I believe she will benefit from the trip and experience. I remember the 1st time my daughter was away from home as an exchange student from Arizona to Finland. She appeared to have the same problem as your daughter. She eventually settled down and enjoyed the trip and her new surroundings. She even made a couple side trips to
Sweden and Russia and enjoyed both. Good luck to tthe whole famiily on this new venture.

Dadie
12-May-09, 14:48
Not new york.....just york!
I would phone one of the teachers to see how she is during the day...she could have been tired and emotional after all the travelling and missing her own bed!
If she is fine through the days and phones a bit upset at night just ask her about the stuff they were doing that day and what she is doing the next day and point out that it all sounds like fun! Over enthuse on the positives and gloss over the negitives...

Has she got her teddy for night time?

lynne duncan
12-May-09, 15:13
well she phoned at 10pm, 1130pm and 12.30pm still bawling and then at 7am 7.10am and 8am,
Rheghead any psychcology whether negative or positive would have been appreciated was beginning to get to the stage of not answering but then wasn't sure whether that would aggravate it.
Rheghead I wouldn't have gone to get her but i really felt like it
the teachers out a ban this morning on them phoning so hopefully with all the events that are lined up today - she'll settle down
they're going to the york minster, the shambles and the dungeons and Yorvik viking centre

wooo hold the press!!!!!!!
just had a phone call as i was writing this she is fine yeeeehhhhh!!!! she has had some food and has enjoyed her events so far, phew can begin to relax
hopefully she'll be fine for the rest of week

but thank you lot for all your support

percy toboggan
12-May-09, 15:26
My own thoughts? and I still don't know how old,this child is....
cast 'em adrift with no phone.

Somehow we managed back in the midsts of time. The ease of communication means it is easier to indulge ones foibles and fears.
I'm glad she's bucked up a lot - I was in York recently at the NRM and wanted to visit the Jorvik.

Tell her Percy's envious - that might do the trick :-p

Is the mobile phone the modern equivalent of the umbilical cord? Perhaps.

No child of mine under the age of twelve would have a mobile phone.

Venture
12-May-09, 16:04
My own thoughts? and I still don't know how old,this child is....
cast 'em adrift with no phone.

Somehow we managed back in the midsts of time. The ease of communication means it is easier to indulge ones foibles and fears.
I'm glad she's bucked up a lot - I wa sin york recnetly at the NRM and wanted to visit the Jorvik.

Tell her Percy's envious - that might do the trick :-p

Is the mobile phone the modern equivalent of the umbilical cord? Perhaps.

No child of mine under the age of twelve would have a mobile phone.


If she is Primary 7 Percy she will be 11/12 years of age.

squidge
12-May-09, 17:51
Sounds like she has settled but my response would be to grit your teeth and dont go get her. As long as the teachers think she is ok and she isnt ill then I would just say to her that she only has another 5, 4, 3, days to go etc...that you will do her favourite thing or make her favourite tea but that she has to stay.

Only if the teachers think she is desperately needing to cme home wold i go get her. I know it sounds mean but this is character building for her and i am sure she will enjoy it now she is settling

Bloo
12-May-09, 18:39
Lynne, i went to the York trip in P7 a few years ago. Im only 16 now.

I have trouble sleeping away from home, or somewhere i can't feel a sense of security. I felt unsecure because i was away from home. I didn't feel or be as emotional as your daughter but for those same 3 nights you describe i couldnt sleep. Because i haven't ever been away from family for more than a day.

The point is, don't worry. The stuff I did was fantastic. Its a great trip. I got paired with 3 of my closest friends too which made is REALLY good for me. She'll soon kick into it and when she comes home, will want to go back. Trust me ;)

lynne duncan
13-May-09, 10:52
my little one is 11
so much for thinking she had settled, she had a major upset moment last night (think tiredness and homesickness had combined) and of course we weren't here to absorb it and settle her over the phone as we were out and about, but bless the teachers they got her settled eventually. spoke to her this morning and she said she wanted home because she was sick, but took a firmer line that she wasn't sick only homesick and to relax and enjoy herself and if she started to get anxious to try and take her mind off it

cross fingers

achingale
13-May-09, 10:57
It is tough, both for you and her but the teachers will do their best to keep her occupied and her friends will bouy her up I'm sure. Not much fun though when you hear her on the phone crying her heart out. Tell her it's only a couple more sleeps until she's home and that you are looking forward to all her photos and stories of what she's been up to and seen.

SunsetSong
13-May-09, 11:59
Lynn,

My daughter was away last week on her school trip with Pennyland. I had all the same worries as you as she has never been away from home really before and even when it comes to sleep overs at her friends house tends to phone around 10pm and wants to come home!

The week before my daughter also managed to catch her arm on a metal railing, quite severely. So there was a huge doubt over whether she would get to go or not. In the end although we had lots and lots of tears that she would get really homesick and miss me...she ended up going...with a nice row of stitches in her arm. All week I waited for the tears and wanting to come home, but she was an absolute little star, I told her that the worse thing she could do was phone if she was homesick and she stuck to that and never phoned when she was feeling it.

My son went on the York trip a couple of years ago and was homesick like your daughter is...but as soon as he went off with his friends and they packed the activities in, he was fine. And though he was homesick thoroughly enjoyed the trip and has forgotten about that element now. Its hard not to worry about them though when they go off like that...but she will be fine and will be full of chatter chatter about what she did and what she saw when she comes home!! I still can't get my daughter to shut up about it lol!!

lynne duncan
13-May-09, 14:05
she has just texted from the aquarium again she is happy but this time i won't count my chickens and i'll wait to see how she is at nighttime

oldmarine
13-May-09, 15:12
she has just texted from the aquarium again she is happy but this time i won't count my chickens and i'll wait to see how she is at nighttime

Lynne, it appears that she is adjusting to this new experience. Here's wishing the both of you the best of everything.

starry
13-May-09, 15:23
she has just texted from the aquarium again she is happy but this time i won't count my chickens and i'll wait to see how she is at nighttime


She will probably be that wee bit worse when she is tired.

I am glad she is doing a bit better, she will be so proud of herself when she comes home.

percy toboggan
14-May-09, 07:19
my little one is 11
so much for thinking she had settled, she had a major upset moment last night (think tiredness and homesickness had combined) and of course we weren't here to absorb it and settle her over the phone as we were out and about, but bless the teachers they got her settled eventually. spoke to her this morning and she said she wanted home because she was sick, but took a firmer line that she wasn't sick only homesick and to relax and enjoy herself and if she started to get anxious to try and take her mind off it

cross fingers

Oh dear Lynne, I'm guessing it might be a long time before you send her off on another trip.
This does seem like a long one for an eleven year old. At that age we were limited to day trips to Coventry Cathedral and Chester Zoo.How long are they away for ? Presumably the travelling alone is the best part of a day if you're in Caithness.

It might be character building in the longer term but having given this a modicum of thought I think this might be more of a jolly for the teachers than for the benefit of 11 year old children who, lets face it were only ten last year (my point being 'ten' seems a lot younger than eleven.)

lynne duncan
15-May-09, 12:36
she had settled down but still cannae wait to come, they're on the bus home today, and last night when she phoned, she said when i get home, please can i have a henreietta chippie supper and her hot water bottle and a hug!!!!

amazing the things you miss when your away, mind you think hte chippie is genetic, i used to ask for a peaches chip buttie if we were away!!!!!!

thankfully she has enjoyed the trips to the different things they went to, but hasn't liked the rest - it has made for an interesting week, dealing with a gamut of emotions!!!!

Margaret M.
15-May-09, 14:29
dealing with a gamut of emotions!!!!


Just a taste of what's to come when she's a teen. They'll be days when you and she both will wish she were back in York. :) I'm glad to hear that she stuck it out -- she will really appreciate being home.