View Full Version : Invent your own prejudice .. all the cool kids are doing it.
Gene Hunt
01-May-09, 17:15
Apparently this is the new craze for those who would line up at the opening of an envelope if it meant a chance to be outraged because someone has the audacity to disagree with or dare to tell them they dont like something they do, like or believe in. All you do is add "ism" to the subject that the other person has dared to criticise.
Apparently I am a "Religionist" and therefore guilty of "Religonism" because I asked my wife's bible thumping friend to keep her religious sermons and blatant attempts at conversion to herself when she is in our house. I was then treated to a wild display of arm flailing, incoherent sentences with the odd "God" in them, a bit of finger pointing, a tear or two and being told I have hell to look forward to. If it means I dont have to listen to that woman I would consider it. Plus the greedy old trout always eats my Fig Roll biscuits when she is here, I dont which is worse.
Now I had never heard of being guilty of "Religonism" before and I thought it might be an excuse to invent a few "ism" subjects of my own that I get really annoyed about, as I am not very PC and have to live with a tide of feminism from Mrs Hunt and the two Huntette's I have been holding back a bit lately so .. I therefore ask that the following prejudices be a) created and b) taken into account. As my prejudices are perhaps not a good thing I am also willing to consider punishments from the wise and knowing members of the Org.
Realitytelevisionism .. I have an irrational dislike for people who waffle on about programs like Big Brother American Idol in Britian who have talent on Ice. How on earth is a talentless Brummie singing like someone has a lit welding torch aimed at his genitals entertaining ??, Big Brother ?? if you want to watch idiots sitting in a house talking rubbish just watch BBC Parliament, its on much more and it doesnt even cost anything to vote them out.
Womenatpetrolstationism .. Yes woman. It goes drive in, park car, get out, fill car up, pay, get in, drive off. This is because there are people waiting. It doesnt go, drive in, park up, get out, perform thong extraction, look to see if anyone saw you perform thong extraction, brush hair, fill car up, go to pay, realise purse is still in car, get purse, finally pay, perform thong placement to try and prevent the necessity of a thong extraction the next time you get out, get in, put on lipstick, adjust blouse, finally drive off, stop at exit and only pull out when you see a gap long enough to be measured on a calendar.
MercedesandBMWdriverism .. I dont care if it is an AMG or an M3. British roads mean British rules, we won the war so its non German cars first Herr arrogant. Any BMW or Merc driver attempting to bully their way into traffic like the Wehrmacht at the Polish border should be treated to a barrage of 1-0 from drivers who have stopped their (non German) cars to heckle them.
Anyblokemydaughtersdateism .. They are my daughters and I was 16 once, this means that I know what you want to do with/to them. I hate you and whatever I say or however much I smile I dont like you. I was serious when I said I was taking up Taxidermy as a hobby, whether you are my first subject or not is up to you sonny.
Fatpeopleinthegymism .. Standing about and adjusting your Ipod doesnt lose you weight, you actually have to exercise on the machines. And please dont wear tight lycra clothing all the time. When you walk your legs look like a ton of jelly under a tight tarpaulin. The reason you havent lost any weight since you started coming to the Gym is because talking and looking at yourself in the mirror doesnt burn calories as much as actually exercising on the machines. And watching you leave the gym and go straight into the Pizza Hut across the street probably isnt helping either. It is ironically funn though.
Thats about it for now, I am off down the pub for a while to see if I can bait one of those sanctimonious teetotalers sipping Coke into criticising me.
And yes .. I have had a not particularly good day today as my dog died today hence the evil mood, the anti social stance and the need to vent some humour .. :(
Well said, i certainly got a few laughs out of that.
Sorry to hear about your dog :(
sorry to hear about your dog gene.:~(:~(
I'm sorry you've had a bad day and I'm especially sorry about your dog but that is one of the funniest things I have read in long time!! Absolutely fantastic!!!!!
I'm sorry to hear about the dog,very sad indeed, being a parent to a furry child as well.They are like kids though!.
But after reading the post perhaps a vallium or two maybe required.
Just as well we haven't got a N.R.A. in this country for the sake of the "auld trout" ay...:lol:
butterfly
01-May-09, 18:46
Sorry you have had a bad day and also lost your dog too.Losing your dog,what a downer.:(
Gene I'm sorry to hear about your dog, I hope you have lots of happy memories to fall back on.
I had a good chuckle at your 'isms.'
northener
01-May-09, 20:08
Sad news about your mutt, Gene. Been there....not nice.
Keep up the isms!
Sorry to hear about your dog Gene, sadly you're the second person to say they lost a pet today.
I like your ism's so came up with one appropriate to some on here.
Orgism. When you feel like telling those who don't have a sense of humour where to go and what to do when they get there. This post will probably go over their heads. :roll:
I'm no sure whether I'm one of the orgers your post alludes to Jox because even though I do have a sense of humour I can also feel uncomfortable about some of the stuff posted on these forums. Thats the problem with innuendo on a medium like this. There's too much of it around and it can create an unfavourable impression. Mind you, your ism was quite funny but its also quite derogatory. :~(
I had a dog for 15 years and when he died I had him put down. I can still feel guilty to this day and thats about 20 years ago.
I have 2 isms. The first is a true orgism and its getstuffedism. :lol:
The second is I See Me. See? I do have a sense of humour sometimes.:confused
George Brims
01-May-09, 21:05
I got this one in the mid 1970s from a guy who lived in the same house as me in Pollock Halls at the Univ. of Edinburgh. He was called Ed the Red. He was so left-wing he was thrown out of the Communist Party because he felt it wasn't right they actually charged him dues for being a member. However once he graduated and became a High School teacher in a scruffy part of the city, he moved a bit to the right. Only a normal lefty instead of a loony. Anyway he particularly detested trendy middle-class lefties, the type Emma Thomson called "Wine Tasting Against Racism". He said he was sick of their nonsense, and the fact "You can get accused o' speciesism fur eatin' a biled egg."
how about lackofasenseofhumourism:One who sneers down ones nostrils at a commoner who so dares to say anything funny when one should be dressed in black and mourn for eternity in the pits of hell!
joxvilleterianism: Being happy and posting happy thoughts and sending happy karma to all those that require happiness!!(whether they want it or not!)
nickingmysiganism: Being prejudiced against peoples signatures so much that they steal them and then turn them back against the original owner in a feeble attempt as to wind them up! ;)
northener
02-May-09, 09:19
.......joxvilleterianism: Being happy and posting happy thoughts and sending happy karma to all those that require happiness!!(whether they want it or not!).......... ;)
That's who his picture reminds me of...a young Dalai Lama!:Razz
That's who his picture reminds me of...a young Dalai Lama!:Razz
How do you get the term "Young" in there??[lol]
northener
02-May-09, 10:09
How do you get the term "Young" in there??[lol]
Good point Golach...has 'ageism' reared its cosmetically challenged (can't say ugly as that would make me Uglyist) head?
Anyblokemydaughtersdateism .. They are my daughters and I was 16 once, this means that I know what you want to do with/to them. I hate you and whatever I say or however much I smile I dont like you. I was serious when I said I was taking up Taxidermy as a hobby, whether you are my first subject or not is up to you sonny.
That made me lol
Sorry to hear about your dog
Sorry about your dug. Hellish. Mine died at 19 and I still felt cheated.
Your post is brilliant. Laugh out loud brilliant. I have tears running down my face. So thanks, you've fair cheered me up: little consolation for the crappy day.
cuddlepop
02-May-09, 14:49
So sorry to hear about your dog Gene,its so sad when our dear friends leave us.Connie's been gone almost a year and I still miss her.:~(
Your post was brillinat I love your isms.
Narrowmindism.......people who wont except special needs kids are capable of nearly everything "normal " kids can do;or anyone else whose "different".
Cantodoism;if its not got a box to tick local authorities just wont do it.
In a minuteism,why do children alwas say that.
percy toboggan
02-May-09, 14:50
Mangle the language as much as you like but basically I get the sense of a grumpy middle aged man with a hatful of prejudices. Call that takesonetoknowoneism.
Sorry about your dog. Let's hope he's up there in dog-nirvana chewing a bone, and unlike his master knows when to let it go.
Gene Hunt
02-May-09, 14:53
And to whoever lost their dog yesterday too .. I can sympathise, my kids particularly are heartbroken today. She is still with us though, mainly because she kept breaking wind in the car all the way to the vets after she collapsed, my car now smells like someone microwaved a full nappy in it. The vet says she didn't suffer, it looks like she had a major heart attack with some fairly major complications caused by a few conditions we had not known about.
I cant bear to get another pup yet, I will struggle to find another one as smart as Muffin though, most of the time when we went for a walk she would lead me to the pub and then insist I stay for a swift drink, She really loved that pub .. ;)
Anyway, I have thought of a few more "ism's" to take my mind off things ..
Callyourchildrenpropernamesism .. "celebs" calling their kids "Peaches", "Armani" , "Rainbow", "River" and the like is just cruel. I should know, my parents were massive Hippies and I only got named Ian after my Uncle convinced them that the name they had chosen would lead to endless torment through the years. I strongly suspect that I only got Ian because it was one of the few they could spell. They were a bit thick. (And dont ask what the unused name was, I will never tell) Whats wrong with proper names like Jack, John, and Ian for boys and Lisa, Rachel, and Anne for girls ??, and naming children after where they were conceived is just stupid as well. If I had done that my son would be called "Pontypridd" and my daughters would be called "British Airways Toilet" Can you imagine if we all did that ??, we could end up with a Prime Minister called Bognor Smith. Stop it.
Iknowthatpersonishideousbutyoucantsayitism .. Yes I can. If someone has a face like a bucket of smashed crabs it doesnt matter if they are Mother Teresa, they still look like they were born at the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on their climb down. Beauty may be skin deep but ugly cuts right to the bone. Do people look at Hitler and say "He wasnt all that bad, he did give us the Volkswagen Beetle" .. no of course they dont becuse evil is evil and unattractive is unattractive. I am not the most attractive man in the world but I am far from looking like something that you would find carved on the side of a church, I dont mind people finding me unattractive, not a problem. Fill your boots. But seriously, Have you ever spotted a member of the opposite sex and thought "Wow, look at the personality on that" .. Exactly. We are all superficial. Obviously dont tell the unattractive person your thoughts directly because a) its cruel b) there is nothing worse than an ugly person crying .. it makes them even more unattractive.
Doesmybumlookbiginthisism .. This is a verbal beartrap from which there is no escape if caught. By law women should have to say "Its a Trap .. Its a Trap" after uttering this question. Women already know if their bum looks big or small but they are just looking for confirmation of this so they can feel good about themselves or, and this is the one to watch .. they know that there bum has indeed got a bit bigger and want you to say yes so they can savage you as a distraction to the gap-you-could-drive-a-bus-through that has just appeared in their self esteem. The reason I nominate this as an "ism" is that it is completely unneccessary. Of course we are going to say No. Asking a man if he likes a female rear end is like asking him if if he likes Ferrari's. We like all shapes, sizes and colours in both. I particulary like the 250 GT California and the Kylie Minouge come to think of it.
Stopaskingmequestionsabouthefilmism .. This is a pet peeve of mine. As I live with my wife and two daughters this crops up a lot. The reason you dont have men standing outside cinemas telling the plot of the film in thirty seconds is because you are supposed to go in, watch it and find out about and enjoy the story. Its a concept in film that has been around for years and it works. Stop asking me "Who is that ??", "What is he doing ??", "Whats that for ??" etc etc and just watch the movie. There is a reason I go into HMV and buy the film instead of asking an assistant what it is about. I watched Underworld : Evolution the other week and despite there being a good minute round up of the previous film I had to endure the endless pointless questioning of my wife. Who then claimed that I was watching the film for the fifth time because I like the way Kate Beckinsale looked in her PVC outfit. Outrageous. My wife obviously doesnt appreciate that the storyline is VERY complicated.
ohh i like the kids name one! notice my boys are named Sam and Ben
i just want to add...
itsnotfairism... when you tell your child no, to do something, or just anything they dont want to do.. and then listen to them stomp upstairs whining ITS NOT FAIR!
this leads onto...
Whineism... something every child and teenager and yes even some adults do.. instead of actually speaking proper words everything comes out in a droning whine.
imthecustomerandyourslimeism :this one is a big one.. why is it that no matter how hard you try to help someone.. some people are just absolute twits.. and look on you as if you are a lower class citizen and not due the respect a dog deserves because you wear a name badge?
ohh so many i could add!
Stopaskingmequestionsabouthefilmism .. This is a pet peeve of mine. As I live with my wife and two daughters this crops up a lot. The reason you dont have men standing outside cinemas telling the plot of the film in thirty seconds is because you are supposed to go in, watch it and find out about and enjoy the story. Its a concept in film that has been around for years and it works. Stop asking me "Who is that ??", "What is he doing ??", "Whats that for ??" etc etc and just watch the movie. There is a reason I go into HMV and buy the film instead of asking an assistant what it is about. I watched Underworld : Evolution the other week and despite there being a good minute round up of the previous film I had to endure the endless pointless questioning of my wife. Who then claimed that I was watching the film for the fifth time because I like the way Kate Beckinsale looked in her PVC outfit. Outrageous. My wife obviously doesnt appreciate that the storyline is VERY complicated.
This is a woman one for sure, everytime I watch a movie with a female, they ask questions "what's happening here? Who's that? Why did they do that?" ugh... pay attention or shut up!
This is a woman one for sure, everytime I watch a movie with a female, they ask questions "what's happening here? Who's that? Why did they do that?" ugh... pay attention or shut up!
Aaah!!! I totally disagree. That is a male thing for sure. I know quite a few males who will come into a room halfway through a film, tv programme, even a book and start asking inane questions about it. Worse still, cos they don't listen to the answers, they continue on their deluded stream of questions until I no longer have a clue what is going on......... Therefore I would like to add:
Menwhosayludicrousthingsaboutwomenwithoutanybasisi nreality.ism
followed closely by
Don'taskthequestionifyoudon'twanttoknowtheanswer.i sm
Haha, this happens with girls way more...
A new ism..
womenwhothinktheyknowitallandmakeprejudiceagainstm eeventhoughihadbasisformyism-ism!
That's a long one.
Gene Hunt
03-May-09, 11:18
Menwhosayludicrousthingsaboutwomenwithoutanybasisi nrelaityism .. This is very easily explained and is not really an actual "ism", this is used when women hear something that they a) don't like b) know is true or c) is both a and b. I live with three women and have found it is mostly c.
A Couple I have I discovered this morning ..
WomenwhohogbothBathroomsism .. Most men will already be familiar with the female habit of hogging the bathroom and stocking it with products that contain Peach, Kiwi Fruit and various food types that make them sound that they should actually be in the kitchen. Men have shower gel, razor, shaving foam, deodorant. Easy. Women have a collection rivalled only by the stockroom at Superdrug. Despite me and the wife having an en suite bathroom as well as a seperate shower room I am still always the last to get a shower in the morning. The wife and two daughters seem to band together and operate a plan to cunningly make sure I am last to get a shower whichever one I aim for. I then have to endure a shower that smells like a fruit section at Tesco due to the amount of fruit flavoured shampoo/conditioner/shower gel/mosituriser/deodorant/perfume that has been laid in layers so thick it is basically chemical warfare. I take revenge for this by always leaving the toilet seat up as a small act of my defiance. Have it.
Peoplewhoalwaystakethelastofanythingatthecookedbre akfastbarinTescoism .. Sunday is the one day I treat myself to a cooked breakfast. After a nice early walk I drop into the local 24 hour Tesco and have a cooked breakfast so large that there is sometimes snow on the top. Lately I have noticed that however efficient the staff I have always ended up missing out one one of the following products .. Sausage/Bacon/Fried Bread/Black Pudding/Poached Egg/Fried Egg/Beans .. every single blinking time time I have to wait for one of the previous. This is because someone in the line in front of me has taken the very last of something. Despite me willing them to leave it they always take it, every time. Its like they know I want it and do it on purpose. This is unacceptable, unless of course I have the choice of the last of something. Then its perfectly alright.
I am going to see about getting a new dog shortly, at this rate I will end up hating the entire world.
Peoplewhohavetohavethelastword.ism
Can't stand them!
Good luck with finding a new pooch.
Stopaskingmequestionsabouthefilmism .. This is a pet peeve of mine. As I live with my wife and two daughters this crops up a lot. The reason you dont have men standing outside cinemas telling the plot of the film in thirty seconds is because you are supposed to go in, watch it and find out about and enjoy the story. Its a concept in film that has been around for years and it works. Stop asking me "Who is that ??", "What is he doing ??", "Whats that for ??" etc etc and just watch the movie. There is a reason I go into HMV and buy the film instead of asking an assistant what it is about. I watched Underworld : Evolution the other week and despite there being a good minute round up of the previous film I had to endure the endless pointless questioning of my wife. Who then claimed that I was watching the film for the fifth time because I like the way Kate Beckinsale looked in her PVC outfit. Outrageous. My wife obviously doesnt appreciate that the storyline is VERY complicated.
lol i do this but i only ask questions when i know the other person hasnt watched it dont ask why its a weird habbit also i do the reverse when i am watching a film i have seen with someone who hasnt seen it i tell them the whole plot also dont know why i do it lol cnt seem to help myself because when im watching a film with someone who has seen it too i am quiet lol
peoplewhotalkwhenyouarewatchingafilminthecinemaism
i hate this i cant stand when people talk to me in the cinema when all i want to do is watch the film also hate it when people laugh at nothing funny or make supid noises totally ruins it fior me
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