Am I being old fashioned?

[dragonfly]

my 12 year old son (1st year high school) has come home today with the latest in a looooooooooooooong line of "girlfriends", his sister and I have counted up 16 that we know of since he started high school.

He knows that I don't approve and I know (or hope) that it is all innocent, but seeing some of the things they write on MSN and text messages, does give cause for concern given the ages (girls are certainly more brash now at 13 than I and my mates ever were!).

both kids say I'm being old fashioned..........am I??:confused:

[Jeid]

He's 12. I think you're being old fashioned. I could probably guarantee its very innocent.

[Bobinovich]

Innocent? Probably! However as with all these things a certain amount of caution should be exercised. He will probably say there's nothing in it, but a 12 year old boy has some serious testosterone messing with his mind.

Just be open minded and listen to him and you'll find that behind any bravado, he's still your little boy, and don't forget that boys tend to be far less mature than girls of the same age.

[_Ju_]

I hope that at 12, 12, 14 there are still innocents. But because it's better to be safe than sorry, and because you can't lock them up in a padded cell, it's best, in my opinion, to make sure they have information and are willing to talk and share things with you. As long as they are consulting you and you manage to be non-judgemental while giving sound advice I think you are home safe.

[Bingobabe]

When i was in 1st year in the high school the kids in my class were very open about talking about things of a sexual nature. As i was quite neive i did not know half the things they were going on about so generally i just laughed and nodded they could of been saying anything as far as i was concerned.But it was all talk and looking back now i dont think half of them knew what they were talking about so i dont think you have much to worry about [lol]

[JAWS]

Dragonfly, I would suspect that if it were anything other than innocent he wouldn't bring them anywhere near Mummy at that age.
Both my sons had a very good relationship with their mother, but not that good!

[Loafer]

my 12 year old son (1st year high school) has come home today with the latest in a looooooooooooooong line of "girlfriends", his sister and I have counted up 16 that we know of since he started high school.

He knows that I don't approve and I know (or hope) that it is all innocent, but seeing some of the things they write on MSN and text messages, does give cause for concern given the ages (girls are certainly more brash now at 13 than I and my mates ever were!).

both kids say I'm being old fashioned..........am I??:confused:

Are you being old fashioned or simply bragging about your son's prowess with the fairer sex???!!!

The Loafer

[unicorn]

If he is still doing it at 16 start knitting many baby booties though [lol]

[willowbankbear]

Or expect a heavy knocking at yer door,from expectants parents[mad]

[paris]

Try not to worry. Its all part of growing up. If your son wasn't bringing girls home i expect you would worry about that. No one said being a parent was easy, just try to go with the flow and be there for him if he needs to talk. janx

[greeneyes]

My 12 yr old son(1st year)came home on friday wanting to know why he couldn't get sky in his bedroom so he could watch porn! as ALL (yeah, right)his mates had it.After explaining that most of mates probabaly don't have it and are just saying it to maybe fit in with the crowd,and saying he has plenty if time for that c**p when he's older and its not real life tele(though i suspect many men wish it was!!).So i was a saddo etc.
Needless to say his dad thought it was funny!!,but i was glad he could come and ask me for it as we are quite an open family even though had any of my brothers dared asked my mum for it all those years ago they'd have had to eat a bar of soap!!!.

[unicorn]

I have a 10 1/2 year old girl do I have all this to worry about soon [para]

[Jeid]

My 12 yr old son(1st year)came home on friday wanting to know why he couldn't get sky in his bedroom so he could watch porn! as ALL (yeah, right)his mates had it.After explaining that most of mates probabaly don't have it and are just saying it to maybe fit in with the crowd,and saying he has plenty if time for that c**p when he's older and its not real life tele(though i suspect many men wish it was!!).So i was a saddo etc.
Needless to say his dad thought it was funny!!,but i was glad he could come and ask me for it as we are quite an open family even though had any of my brothers dared asked my mum for it all those years ago they'd have had to eat a bar of soap!!!.

It sucks that he asked about wanting porn in his room. Why bother? Its not as if its educational?

However, it's great that he could be so open as to dare to ask you such a thing. I would never of ever asked my parents anything like that.

[badger]

my 12 year old son (1st year high school) has come home today with the latest in a looooooooooooooong line of "girlfriends", his sister and I have counted up 16 that we know of since he started high school.

He knows that I don't approve and I know (or hope) that it is all innocent, but seeing some of the things they write on MSN and text messages, does give cause for concern given the ages (girls are certainly more brash now at 13 than I and my mates ever were!).

both kids say I'm being old fashioned..........am I??:confused:

No you're not being old fashioned - you're being a loving caring parent who's not afraid to exchange opinions with your son and if all parents showed that kind of concern we wouldn't have such a horrifying level of teenage pregnancy, std's etc. Children rebel against their parents from the moment they're old enough to think and it's the ones that don't have anything to rebel against or boundaries to push that are in trouble. You need to understand the world they're living in but that doesn't mean you have to go along with everything they want. It's the parents that either don't care or want to be their children's friends (how sad is that?) instead of understanding, loving parents that cause the problems. Follow your instincts - you love your son and that's what's important.

[dragonfly]

cheers all, I feel a bit more secure now! we do have a good relationship and are able to speak frankly about things, just worry as he has a tendancy to jump in without thinking (as most boys his age do) and I can't help think that if he were a girl, he would certainly be gaining a reputation by now! :roll:

[greeneyes]

Jied,i wouldn't say it sucks as such,isn't it a stage that all wee boys go through?as long as you as a parent you point out that it is all fantasy and most girls don't act like that and you must respect women etc,i think if you over react and make it an issue or taboo subject you may get problems,after all all wee(and big) boys snigger and titter to each other about womens ''bits''.

[squidge]

I have a rule about pornography - with a 17 year old a sixteen year old and a ten year old i have to have.

The rules are this. I dont want my wee boy to see it. If they want their grot mags and they want to look at rude sutes onthe PC they have to be absolutely sure that their brother is not going to be subjected to it. Having said that its a light hearted reference to it - i always ask then if i am going into their bedrooms and if it has got to the stage that i am going in to tidythem up i always ask is there anything that they would rather i didnt see.

Posters are another issue too - i told them they can have their girlie pics up as long as they have a bikini on - i dont really want to go into their rooms looking like I look in a morning to be faced with a perfect pair of breasts thank you very much.

I think the key to a happy time for everyone is honest answering of questions and keep talking and it will be ok.

[landmarker]

Try not to worry. Its all part of growing up. If your son wasn't bringing girls home i expect you would worry about that.

What, at twelve years of age he'd 'worry' if his son was NOT bringing girls home?

Daftest thing I've read to-day.

[landmarker]

At twelve he'd be better served by fantasising about girls and keeping his thought on things that really matter at that age. Sport and schoolwork.
However, this is not a perfect world and your lad seems to be quite advanced. He must have some good social skills, or be very good looking. Either way, the very fact that you are concerned and caring is half the battle. Try to relax a bit and count yer blessings that he's not a girl.

As you readily conceded at twelve - with sixteen 'boyfriends' behind her then the tongues would be wagging and her reputation could be in tatters.
Such is the unfairness of this patriarchal society.

Just a thought? What would your reactions be if he was a girl.
Anyway, what counts as a boy or girl 'friend' these days. Is it just someone to hang out with maybe. I dunno. I was sixteen before I started paying for little trips out with a girl, and this was preceeded by a few snatched kisses in my mates A35 van (Wallace & Gromit-mobile). It was innocent enough back then even at that age but not for the lack of trying.

Arm him with the facts of life and warn him he is too immature for any degree of emotional commitment.

[brandy]

see i dont know about all this.. kids at the age of 13 are having sex.. and its usually the kids of the parents that say.. my precious would never do anything like that they dont even understand ..ect.. ect..think of all the teen preg. today.. and not all of those teens are 16-17 year olds..
so it is something to think seriously about..
gasp shock for a lot of folks ....but legal marrige age in a lot of US states is 14 with a parents permission..
i dont know what it is here though.. but i do know that by the time i was 14.. i was not allowed alone with a boy that i was not related to .. and for a fact.. i did not take one off into my room .. if a boy came a courtin then he could do it in front of the whole family.. when i was 16 my mum ands dad would drop me off at the cinema watch me go in and be waiting for me to come out..

[sassylass]

Like Squidge, I also made a rule about the need for bikinis when my teenaged son posted his collection of girlie pics behind his bedroom door.

There's nothing wrong with a healthy interest and that's why I am ashamed to admit what my daughter and I did to the poor guy....we pinned up snapshots of our own smiling faces amongst the bathing beauties and waited to hear his reaction [lol]

Seriously, with films and music as explicit as they are nowadays, it's vital to talk openly with your children and keep them as busy as possible with plenty of hobbies.