View Full Version : Before computers
Application was for employment.
Program was a tv show.
Curser used profanity.
Keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something you lost with age.
A cd was a bank account.
Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip down the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
And back up happened to your commode.
Cut- you did that with a pocket knife.
Paste you did that with glue.
A web was a spiders home.
A virus was the flu.
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy you hoped no-one would find out.
Cedric Farthsbottom III
26-Feb-06, 01:31
Hee-hee-hee 3 1/2 inch floppy....hee-hee-hee!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:
Oh aye.....hee-hee-hee 3 1/2 floppy hee-hee-hee
and a monitor was a guy.....hee-hee-hee 3 1/2 inch floppy..hee-hee
was a guy who used to come up to you at work....hee-hee 3 1/2 inch floppy
and say "Hey you're no doing your job right!!!!!"....3 1/2 inch floppy....hee-hee....oh a swear a wee bit o' pee has came oot!!!!....hee-hee!!!![lol]
5 reasons to believe computers are female:
no-one but the creator understands their internal logic.
the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
the message "bad command or file name" is about asinformative as "if you don't know why i'm mad at you, then i'm certainly not going to tell you.
even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
as soon as you make commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay packet on it.
5 reasons to believe your computer is male:
they have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
as soon as you commit to one you realize that if you waited a little longer you could of obtained a better model.
in order to get their attention you need to turn them on.
big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
granny_smith
26-Feb-06, 02:12
what about life before false teef.....wait till yer ma age
what about life before false teef.....wait till yer ma age
lol granny smith
I don't wanna do the dishes
i don't wanna do the wash
i sprinkled clothes a week ago
and now my iron is lost
i don't wanna rattle pots
i don't waana rattle pans
i see the mail light flashing
i wanna chat with friends
oh the table needs some dustin
and the floor could sure be mopped
but i know if i get started
there'll be no place to stop
the closets are so full
things are falling off the shelves
i wish for cleaning fairies
and magic little elves
they could sprinkle fairy dust
and twitch thier little nose
the windows would be sparkling
i would have no dirty clothes
oh i know i'm dreaming
my head is in the sky
i must cook that meat that's greying
and bake that apple pie
i am runnin round in circles
i am gettin nothin done
i keep thinkin of my web
i am missing all the fun
well i know i'm not addicted
though i hear that all the time
but i guess this stuff can wait on me
cause today i'll be on-line
what about life before false teef.....wait till yer ma age
lol granny smith..if the org is still on the go when i'm older and got false teef..i'll sure post what life was like before them..
I don't wanna do the dishes
i don't wanna do the wash
i sprinkled clothes a week ago
and now my iron is lost
i don't wanna rattle pots
i don't waana rattle pans
i see the mail light flashing
i wanna chat with friends
oh the table needs some dustin
and the floor could sure be mopped
but i know if i get started
there'll be no place to stop
the closets are so full
things are falling off the shelves
i wish for cleaning fairies
and magic little elves
they could sprinkle fairy dust
and twitch thier little nose
the windows would be sparkling
i would have no dirty clothes
oh i know i'm dreaming
my head is in the sky
i must cook that meat that's greying
and bake that apple pie
i am runnin round in circles
i am gettin nothin done
i keep thinkin of my web
i am missing all the fun
well i know i'm not addicted
though i hear that all the time
but i guess this stuff can wait on me
cause today i'll be on-line
good one angela just like me lol
What did everyone do before discovering caithness.org?http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_4_12.gif
What did everyone do before discovering caithness.org?http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_4_12.giflived a boring life http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_13_11.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk121YYGB)
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/im/lmao.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk121YYGB) I can't remember i think i had a social life
I'm forgetting how to use the remote control for the tv..
whats bad is when you write letters and put in smileyes and *emotions* or think them when you speak! *G*
whats bad is when you write letters and put in smileyes and *emotions* or think them when you speak! *G*
I've got a picture in mind for everything i say..long time since i wrote a letter i just bung all the smilies in an e-mail..[lol]
-The "happily married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.
-The "unhappily married" virus spends a long time negotiating with the computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.
-The "i can't commit" virus hangs around a computer for a long time and frequently sends messages that it intends to invade, but it is really just interested in playing with your computer data.
-The "it's just a physical thing" virus invades your computer on a regular basis, but no meaningful data is ever exchanged.
-The "forever single" virus causes your computer to focus soley on other computers that are totally incompatible with it.
-The " deadbeat dad" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.
What did everyone do before discovering caithness.org?http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/3/3_4_12.gif
normal everyday things.......hmmmmm dishes are beginning to pile up...maybe its time for a holiday from the Org
yesturday was an awful day for me....
my husband ran off with his secretary.
my son pierced his eyebrow.
my daughter tattoed the bald spot on her head.
my dog mated with the neighbours cat.
my mum told me i was adopted.
my dad told me he was gay.
my boss told me i was laid off.
my house has termites.
my car was stolen.
all that came in the mail was bills.
my tv blew up.
oj simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner.
lord, please be with me today, i was able to live through all that misery yesturday. And i will be able to make it through anything today. But please don't let anything happen to my computer!!!!....Amen.
What did people do before computers?
Talk
Now we chat on line
Write and send letters
Now we type and send e-mail
Play in the backyard
Now we play playstaion
Go to the library to do research
Now we search on the web
Help me log on without fretting
Guide me as i'm interneting
Bless my downloading and uploading
Keep my curser from exploding.
May my website be protected
let not my password be rejected
keep my line connection clear...
and let tech support be always near!
Please keep all my programmes alive,
and be sure to back up my hard drive!
and protect my puter from catching...
a virus and end up crashing!
Amen...
A teacher asked one of her pupils, what's the nation's capital?
the reply was Washington DC.. on being asked whats the 'DC' stand for..the pupil added.. 'Dot Com!'.
-hey, how bout i take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU..
-i'd like to play on your laptop..
-need me to unzip your files?..
-if you were an ISP, i'd dial you all day long!..
-i'd like to boot up your PC..
-i'll bet my hard-drive is the biggest you've ever seen!..
-i've got a 21inch....(monitor)..
-i'd get a T3 to watch your steaming video..
-you're homepage or mine?..
-hey, how bout i take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU..
-i'd like to play on your laptop..
-need me to unzip your files?..
-if you were an ISP, i'd dial you all day long!..
-i'd like to boot up your PC..
-i'll bet my hard-drive is the biggest you've ever seen!..
-i've got a 21inch....(monitor)..
-i'd get a T3 to watch your steaming video..
-you're homepage or mine?..
funny lol good one angela
A teacher asked one of her pupils, what's the nation's capital?
the reply was Washington DC.. on being asked whats the 'DC' stand for..the pupil added.. 'Dot Com!'.
LOL thats brilliant! :lol:
A teacher asked one of her pupils, what's the nation's capital?
the reply was Washington DC.. on being asked whats the 'DC' stand for..the pupil added.. 'Dot Com!'.
funny lol....
i'm sending you this e-mail to bring you up to date the events of our family.. i tried to talk to you while you were on the computer, but you just keep telling me..BRB...whatever that means..so, i decided to send you this e-mail..
john jnr..cut his first tooth today..he's the one you bounce on your knee while typing..sorry about him dropping that peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard..is it working ok since i cleaned it up for you?
suzie had her 1st date on saturday night..she had a good time and thanks you for letting her use your car..she put the keys back on the keyrack underneath the cobwebs..incase you've forgotten she's the one that lift's your feet when she's running the sweeper..
tim is playing football..would you like to come to one of his games,if we brought you a laptop to bring along? he's the one who emptys your porta potty for you..
since the last time i wrote to you..the fridge had to be replaced..your mum and dad painted the room where your computer is..hope you like the colour..
the church has a new pastor, and oh yes i have a new job..
well, i think thats about it honey, i'll email you again-you take care of yourself.
we all miss you so much..and we will see you the next time the power goes off...
Bobinovich
27-Feb-06, 00:33
i'm sending you this e-mail to bring you up to date the events of our family.. i tried to talk to you while you were on the computer, but you just keep telling me..BRB...whatever that means..so, i decided to send you this e-mail..
john jnr..cut his first tooth today..he's the one you bounce on your knee while typing..sorry about him dropping that peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard..is it working ok since i cleaned it up for you?
suzie had her 1st date on saturday night..she had a good time and thanks you for letting her use your car..she put the keys back on the keyrack underneath the cobwebs..incase you've forgotten she's the one that lift's your feet when she's running the sweeper..
tim is playing football..would you like to come to one of his games,if we brought you a laptop to bring along? he's the one who emptys your porta potty for you..
since the last time i wrote to you..the fridge had to be replaced..your mum and dad painted the room where your computer is..hope you like the colour..
the church has a new pastor, and oh yes i have a new job..
well, i think thats about it honey, i'll email you again-you take care of yourself.
we all miss you so much..and we will see you the next time the power goes off...
LMAO - far to close to home! My wife & I are both guilty of it at times.
i halve a spelling checker
it came with my pea see
it plainly marks for my revue
mistakes i dew knot sea.
eye strike a key and type
and weight four it two say
weather eye am wright or wrong
oar write it shows me strait aweigh.
as soon as a mistache is maid
it nose beefore two long
and eye can put the era write
its rarely ever wrong.
i've sent this massage threw it
and i'm shore you're pleased
too no its letter prefect
in every wiegh my checker
tolled me sew.
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