grantyg
24-Feb-06, 21:36
For those with No children - this is totally
hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age -
this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not
funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is
a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a
form of birth control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest no
kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3
bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then
run over it with roller skates / blades, they can
ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan
is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to
throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A
ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words uh
oh, it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots
of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it
in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego will pass through the
digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming
pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when
driving and very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell
really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is
about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and
amazing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was
reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her
class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for his home. She read,..And so the pig went
up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw
to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the
class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he
said...'Holy Smoke! A talking pig!'
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the
bleach and brake fluid.
hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age -
this is hilarious.
For those who have children at this age - this is not
funny.
For those who have children nearing this age - this is
a warning.
For those who have not yet had children - this is a
form of birth control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest no
kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3
bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then
run over it with roller skates / blades, they can
ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan
is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to
throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A
ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words uh
oh, it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots
of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it
in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego will pass through the
digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming
pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though
TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when
driving and very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell
really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is
about 20 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and
amazing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was
reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her
class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for his home. She read,..And so the pig went
up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw
to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the
class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he
said...'Holy Smoke! A talking pig!'
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the
bleach and brake fluid.