you cant choose your family, but if you could? [Archive]

percy toboggan

31-Mar-09, 13:49

there's an old saying...blood is thicker than water. You're fortunate to have friends you regard as family, but if the chips were down...and I mean really down in the gutter could you rely upon them to help drag you out? If you can, then fair doos. In my experience many friends are fairweather, with the odd shining exception.

Of course, not all family members can be relied upon. In-laws for instance need have no particular affinity for their spouses blood family. It's all a part of the panoply of human relationships but it's important to seperate the wheat from the chaffe, and be honest with yourself as you are with others. Of course, people can surprise you sometimes, in good ways or bad.

In any relationship you tend to get out what you put in...but then again... not always....so I'll stop talking tripe!

justine

31-Mar-09, 13:50

percy toboggan

31-Mar-09, 14:01

I would trust my friends over my family anyday. (i dont mean oh and kids) just the rest of them.

My friends are more trust worthy and i know where i stand with them.So sometimes blood is NOT thicker than water

Actually, unless you're in a pretty parless state your blood will always be thicker than water.

As the originator is fortunate to have friends he/she sees as close or closer than family, then so you are similarly unfortunate to be linked closely genetically to people you cannot trust and do not rate.
I do wonder sometimes about black sheep syndrome and who causes it...the sheep themselves or the shepherds. Two sides to every story. Which does not mean I want to know yours.

Valerie Campbell

31-Mar-09, 14:16

we all know you dont get to choose your family, but if we could how many of us would? how many of us would swap a family member for a friend?
I personally would class my closest friends as family already.:D

I have, but this is due to circumstance. I had a half-sister but she didn't trust me so when the trust died, so did she as far as I was concerned. And my parents are both dead so I trust my friends over what was left over of my original nuclear family. I have a family of my own now and would trust them until the end of time because of both nature and nurture.

golach

31-Mar-09, 14:25

I am 50/50 on this subject, some of my living relatives I would not admit to having them as a relative, but they are in the minority.
But my friends are chosen more selectively, so in my opinion are the better of the two.
But best of all, are the relatives who I consider as my friends also, and one or two or maybe more are Orgers too, but there is always the Black Sheep be he related or a so called friend.

justine

31-Mar-09, 14:44

Actually, unless you're in a pretty parless state your blood will always be thicker than water.

As the originator is fortunate to have friends he/she sees as close or closer than family, then so you are similarly unfortunate to be linked closely genetically to people you cannot trust and do not rate.
I do wonder sometimes about black sheep syndrome and who causes it...the sheep themselves or the shepherds. Two sides to every story. Which does not mean I want to know yours.

lets just say the shepherd has alot to answer for.

Alice in Blunderland

31-Mar-09, 15:09

I for one am surrounded by my family. I would turn to them for anything and in any situation. :)

I have the best parents in my mind. They have supported me through thick and thin. For me blood is much thicker than water. I am very fotunate and count my blessings on this one. :D,

Extended family well lets say there are so many of them I dont even know half of them. The ones who mean the most, are my parents, brother and sister. :cool:

ellimac

31-Mar-09, 15:50

I would trust my friends over my family anyday. (i dont mean oh and kids) just the rest of them.

My friends are more trust worthy and i know where i stand with them.So sometimes blood is NOT thicker than water

I couldn't of put it better myself Justine..... Like you I have a few really close friends who I class as my family rather than the so called family that I did have, my friends are more trustworthy than a few family members anyday.... So yes I agree blood isn't always thicker than water, even tho it should be and your family should always be there for you, but there are always one member of a family who for some reason is either jealous or has to be spite-ful against others for no reason and then that's when the family wars start... Its a shame really, but hey thats families for you, everyone has a black sheep or two in them..... :D

justine

31-Mar-09, 15:55

I couldn't of put it better myself Justine..... Like you I have a few really close friends who I class as my family rather than the so called family that I did have, my friends are more trustworthy than a few family members anyday.... So yes I agree blood isn't always thicker than water, even tho it should be and your family should always be there for you, but there are always one member of a family who for some reason is either jealous or has to be spite-ful against others for no reason and then that's when the family wars start... Its a shame really, but hey thats families for you, everyone has a black sheep or two in them..... :D

Unfortunately in my family us kids meant nothing. We grew up without parents so to speak and i have always relied on myself to get me where i am. My family members are so far spread and no-one speaks to eachother. I have always been there for them all and get nothing back but lies and dishonesty. and im the truthfull one who speaks my mind, and yes just like others, dont like to hear the truth.

I have my family now and will always be there for them, no making the same mistakes that mine did.;)

ak1

31-Mar-09, 18:33

Hope that doesn't include you partners family BRIE :roll::lol:

BRIE

31-Mar-09, 19:07

Hope that doesn't include you partners family BRIE:roll:

Definately not!! I couldnt ask for better in laws:D I would take them over some of my own family anyday!
I agree with ELLIEMAC I think family should always be there for you but sadly in most cases not all family members are, & going of the posts on here I think every family has a black sheep.
Its sometimes necessary to cut all ties with the ones that cause the trouble just to keep the rest of the family together & theres only so many times you can forgive them:(

ellimac

31-Mar-09, 22:22

Its sometimes necessary to cut all ties with the ones that cause the trouble just to keep the rest of the family together & theres only so many times you can forgive them:(

Couldn't agree more Brie and in my case that's exactally what we have done... :D

TBH

31-Mar-09, 22:24

we all know you dont get to choose your family, but if we could how many of us would? how many of us would swap a family member for a friend?
I personally would class my closest friends as family already.:DYour family are your family, no matter what, you can't change that fact.

Its sometimes necessary to cut all ties with the ones that cause the trouble just to keep the rest of the family together & theres only so many times you can forgive them:(You could also say that about friends you have acquired over the years. Some are better cut loose.

binbob

31-Mar-09, 22:29

TBH

31-Mar-09, 22:40

have to agree with u ,this time!!!;)Except for the fact that she will never know her friends as well as she knows her family.

zarapopet

31-Mar-09, 22:41

quit agree friends beat fam hands down when the going gets tough the fam of . you see who your true friends are there your fam the ones that are there time and time again no matter what to pick you up and encourage you to keep ploding on .
the fam run a mile then again what have they got to hide...........
blood is certainly not thicker than water .

Whitewater

31-Mar-09, 22:47

I must be lucky, I have a good trustworthy family who are always willing to help out when required, and some of my cousins are really close friends as well. Perhaps the fact that I do not live too close to them all makes a difference, we generally leave everybody to live their own lives as they please and if we ask one another for help or advice it is given without question. I also have a good circle of friends but the ones I would bet my life on are few in number.

butterfly

31-Mar-09, 22:55

I have to agree with Alice in Blunderland,blood is thicker than water!My family have supported me in all that i do,they are a great bunch of people.My life has been a lot richer for knowing them.:)

justine

31-Mar-09, 23:54

Except for the fact that she will never know her friends as well as she knows her family.

sometimes its better the devil you dont know ;)

Happy Rascal

01-Apr-09, 09:15

My husband and daughters and my grandchildren are the best family I could ever have I could never trust friends the way i trust them.

ellimac

01-Apr-09, 10:46

I have always been there for them all and get nothing back but lies and dishonesty. and im the truthfull one who speaks my mind, and yes just like others, dont like to hear the truth.

I have my family now and will always be there for them, no making the same mistakes that mine did.;)

Justine the above was the same case with a few of my family members, they just didn't like hearing the truth and then they felt the need to say things that weren't true, even tho we bent over backwards to help them, they just threw it all back in our faces, well they don't get a second chance to do it again, that's for sure..... Family should never be dishonest with each other nor feel the need to tell lies, but hey they do...Lol.... What doesn't hurt us makes us stronger, thats what I believe and it is certainly the case where my so called family are concerned, they will never hurt me nor my own family and lo behold if they do.....:)

hotrod4

01-Apr-09, 10:48

What about the saying "Keep your fiends close but your enemies closer?"
Food for thought maybe?:eek:

BRIE

01-Apr-09, 10:58

Except for the fact that she will never know her friends as well as she knows her family.

dont agree with you there.There are things that family do that make me wonder if I really know them at all!
Yes your family are your family but you dont have to have anything to do with them just because of that fact!
I come from a very close family sadly certain things drove some of us apart, but I couldnt imagine never speaking to all of my family.
I speak to my mum & sister everyday & would be lost without them even though they are hundreds of miles away!:(

justine

01-Apr-09, 11:42

[quote=ellimac;526726]Justine the above was the same case with a few of my family members, they just didn't like hearing the truth and then they felt the need to say things that weren't true, even tho we bent over backwards to help them, they just threw it all back in our faces, well they don't get a second chance to do it again, that's for sure..... Family should never be dishonest with each other nor feel the need to tell lies, but hey they do...Lol.... What doesn't hurt us makes us stronger, thats what I believe and it is certainly the case where my so called family are concerned, they will never hurt me nor my own family and lo behold if they do.....:)

My family members live in different corners of the world not just in britain. I have always been there for them in the sense, they need me i go running, im always at the end of the phone when they need to talk, but do i get the same back, No..I have no family ties to my parents and its not something that will ever change unfortunately, my parents just dont have the time for others other than themselves.I spat out the silver spoon i was born with and became a person and yes Mummy and Daddy had something to say.

Cedric Farthsbottom III

01-Apr-09, 15:14

I widnae change my family.Widnae change my in-law family either.Maybe I'm just lucky.:D

alex

01-Apr-09, 20:12

I've moved around a lot since I left home when I came of age and made and lost a lot of friends along the way because of geography and circumstance.

My family is certainly not the best in the world, not particlarly close and there were plenty of problems (alcoholism, violence, mental illness etc.) when I was growing up but they have been a constant link throughout my life.

So though I didn't choose my mum, dad and brothers (we were all boys) and if - as a kid - I could have, I would have gone for a totally different bunch, I really believe that blood ties are of immense value.

When the chips are down and you are really in the deepest trouble you can be, I believe that is where you are most likely to find help. It is amazing how fast friends can abandon you when the proverbial hits the fan.

I've been lucky and got through my early life pretty much unscathed (there are one or two scars) and had opportunities to travel all over the world (well some of it) and now look forward to a brand new episode in Caithness to recuperate from a decade in Africa (which hurt my wallet but enriched my heart).

So my conclusion is, however much my family irritates and upsets me, I wouldn't swap them for anyone.

If I do finally find a home in Thurso, or wherever, I shan't abandon them.