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rich
10-Mar-09, 15:06
I have been awaiting with eager anticipation for Orgers to TRASH a few movies. So far it hasn't happened. So I've had to go to the Irish Times where the Watchmen got a luke-warm reception (to say the least). What I can't understand is that they gave it five stars anyway. That's the Irish for you - a hospitable race.
So let's have some brimming vitriol......

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/theticket/2009/0306/1224242314804.html

rich
10-Mar-09, 15:26
I have been visiting the Dorothy Parker websites and there is terrific stuff there.
Parker famously said of Katharine Hepburn's performance in The Lake - "Miss Hepburn ran the gamut of emotions from A to B."
To which Ms Hepburn replied "She is too generous, I never got beyond A."
We always think of Parker as a Manhattan denizen but she spent a number of years in Hollywood, writing for the movies. I enclose a web site which contains some excellent hints for apprentice screen-writers.

http://dorothyparker.com/la/index.html

rich
10-Mar-09, 15:29
The worst movie I have seen is Apocalypse Now.
The worst movie I have never seen is the Sound of Music.

Gene Hunt
10-Mar-09, 15:56
Tropic Thunder .. absolute rubbish apart from Tom Cruise as the movie mogul. Ben Stiller is about as funny as kick in the testicles and Jack Black is the most irritating man on the planet. The story is rubbish, its like watching paint drying, well except there is a point to paint drying.

Sex in the City .. my daughter dragged me along to watch this under the pretence of it being "Father and Daughter time", I think she secretly hates me after inflicting this rubbish on me. After thirty minutes I wanted someone to shoot me. After an hour I was ready to do it myself.

Titanic .. boat sinks at the end, Wooo .. never saw that coming. Should have had Leo and Kate fall into the harbour boarding the thing and drown. I have had more fun having a root canal and I want the two and a half hours spent watching this drivel back.

The Steve Martin Pink Panther Films .. Peter Sellers must be spinning like a top in his grave after these came out. "The Jerk" is a long way behind you now Steve. Retire .. Please.

Anne x
10-Mar-09, 16:08
The Beach , American Beauty ,and Runaway Bride
dragged or persuaded to watch by my Daughter

rich
10-Mar-09, 17:04
I am so deeply offended by Apocalypse Now because it suffers from LOST PLOT syndrome. The whole movie is over after 15 minutes! Yet it lingers on for another 90 minutes at which stage Marlon Brando appears and mumbles something.
How profound!
I would have had a better time watching Lassie Come Home. (Structuraly these two movies are a lot alike.)
Brando: "The horror!!!!"
Lassie: "Woof!!!!"
Where is a collie dog when you need one? I should have been shepherded out of the cinema and taken for a good long walk in the fresh air....

Invisible
10-Mar-09, 17:15
Tropic Thunder .. absolute rubbish apart from Tom Cruise as the movie mogul. Ben Stiller is about as funny as kick in the testicles and Jack Black is the most irritating man on the planet. The story is rubbish, its like watching paint drying, well except there is a point to paint drying.

Sex in the City .. my daughter dragged me along to watch this under the pretence of it being "Father and Daughter time", I think she secretly hates me after inflicting this rubbish on me. After thirty minutes I wanted someone to shoot me. After an hour I was ready to do it myself.

Titanic .. boat sinks at the end, Wooo .. never saw that coming. Should have had Leo and Kate fall into the harbour boarding the thing and drown. I have had more fun having a root canal and I want the two and a half hours spent watching this drivel back.

The Steve Martin Pink Panther Films .. Peter Sellers must be spinning like a top in his grave after these came out. "The Jerk" is a long way behind you now Steve. Retire .. Please.


How dare you insult Tropic Thunder!. I agree with all your other choices but am left really upset that someone rates Tropic Thunder as a "worst film". Anyway......................recently went to see The day the earth stood still with Keanu, it wasnt good.

youoldduffer
10-Mar-09, 17:41
The new starwars film's The Phantom Menace Lol was asleep and snoring 10 mins into the film, Attack of the clones I could not wait for this film to be over but was with someone and couldnt get up and leave. Revenge of the sith my god you would think that Hayden Christensen acting would of progresed from the block of wood after AofC but no it got work.

Absolutely loved the originals and still like watching them, but try as i might i just dont like the new ones. Also why do they look far to advanced compaired to the earlyer film's

percy toboggan
10-Mar-09, 20:15
When my wife was merely my girlfriend we walked out on 'Tell Them Willy Boy is Here' - not even the back row could make up for the rubbish on screen.

Metalattakk
11-Mar-09, 03:02
The wife and I saw "Ace Ventura - Pet Detective" in Aviemore many years ago. It was just rubbish.

Another time, the wife and I along with a mate and his good lady, went on the off-chance to the cinema in Glasgow. We had the choice of "Reservoir Dogs", "Pulp Fiction" or "The River Wild".

Guess which one the ladies made us watch? And it was awful, too.

Fluff
11-Mar-09, 09:18
What Lies Beneath. I actually fell asleep in the cinema, what tripe!

mccaugm
11-Mar-09, 10:40
Braveheart...utter nonsensical drivel[evil]
Along came Polly....Jennifer Aniston..nuff said
Shanghai Surprise...Madonna, she can sing but she really cannot act
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ..... don't get me started
American Pie.....for a supposed comedy it wasn't funny
High School Musical....sickly sweet, inane....why do they keep making them...arrrghhh
The Flintstones...with all the money they threw at it why was it so bad?
Out of Africa...so bad I fell asleep in the cinema.
The Truman Show....nauseating
Interview with the Vampire...made me feel sick, left the cinema and went to watch Stargate which was on downstairs.

rich
11-Mar-09, 15:01
Another potent sign that you have made a serious error in going to a film is - FALSE BEARD SYNDROME.
The prime example is GETTYSBURG (currently available as a DVD).
In this movie every male character (no women in this film!) is festooned with facial shrubbery. There are some well known actors in the cast but you would never be able to spot them beneath the hair.

I can only conclude that
a) the cast is made up of space aliens who were heavily disguised in the mother ship or
b) the actors had it written in their contracts that they be unrecognizable lest their careers go down the drain.

There remains another question - did the cast spend months of hard work growing their beards or were they equipped with wigs from Central Casting?

I will not go into the narcolepsy-inducing details of the battle but it is even more conducive to hibernation than WATERLOO (hitherto my champion entry in the deep zzzzz category.)

guitarzan
11-Mar-09, 16:34
please tell me someone else on here has seen "open water"?!

TERRIBLE.

percy toboggan
11-Mar-09, 19:26
Braveheart...utter nonsensical drivel[evil]
Along came Polly....Jennifer Aniston..nuff said
Shanghai Surprise...Madonna, she can sing but she really cannot act
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ..... don't get me started
American Pie.....for a supposed comedy it wasn't funny
High School Musical....sickly sweet, inane....why do they keep making them...arrrghhh
The Flintstones...with all the money they threw at it why was it so bad?
Out of Africa...so bad I fell asleep in the cinema.
The Truman Show....nauseating
Interview with the Vampire...made me feel sick, left the cinema and went to watch Stargate which was on downstairs.


Quite how Braveheart got lumped in with that load of tripe I dunno :roll::lol:
The first hour is classic and amongst my favourites - revenge for Murron etc. Bit like a western with more blood and kilts.

majic
11-Mar-09, 19:51
we were going to buy Cloverfield but decided to rent it instead a good job it was absolute rubbish

carzanne
11-Mar-09, 20:15
omg the worst film have ever watch would have to be the spirit to me it woz like a mik take to batman cross the phatom lookin kid out of the macdonalds advert lol never lettin a friend pick a film again

ShelleyCowie
11-Mar-09, 20:52
please tell me someone else on here has seen "open water"?!

TERRIBLE.

Agree completely! Pure poop!!

Also Daywatch, Devils Advocate, The last house on the left, Dreamcatcher (Only funny bit is when the guy poos himseld lol), Killbill..i really really hate it!

that is all i can think on just now!

balto
11-Mar-09, 22:08
has to be that pile oh trash 12 monkeys(think it was 12 lol).

youoldduffer
12-Mar-09, 12:54
Quite how Braveheart got lumped in with that load of tripe I dunno :roll::lol:
The first hour is classic and amongst my favourites - revenge for Murron etc. Bit like a western with more blood and kilts.


Yup Percy dunno how braveheart was in there and at number one spot, I enjoy watching it every so often.

GetWithTheTimes
12-Mar-09, 14:29
Braveheart...utter nonsensical drivel[evil]
Along came Polly....Jennifer Aniston..nuff said
Shanghai Surprise...Madonna, she can sing but she really cannot act
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ..... don't get me started
American Pie.....for a supposed comedy it wasn't funny
High School Musical....sickly sweet, inane....why do they keep making them...arrrghhh
The Flintstones...with all the money they threw at it why was it so bad?
Out of Africa...so bad I fell asleep in the cinema.
The Truman Show....nauseating
Interview with the Vampire...made me feel sick, left the cinema and went to watch Stargate which was on downstairs.


a stargate fan that explains it all lol

the worst film i have ever watched must be TITANIC now that was drivel hahaha i will get flamed by the ladies for that one and the other bad film i mean really bad one must be The King and I

rich
12-Mar-09, 15:27
...He is wearing WOAD. All that blue stuff on his body. Surely that is English? See below*
This has to be the worst Scottish themed movie since David Niven was Bonnie Prince Charlie.
Of course both of them should should have been wearing Nicky Tams to ever get involved in Scottish history - such a rats' nest of a theme!

I am certainly going to invest in Nicky Tams** because when I watch today's movies 90 percent of them make me feel as if tiny rodents are running up my thighs. Or maybe I should find a less funky cinema. (I hear something out there in the dark, scratching.)
Well no-one ever said it was easy being an unpaid movie critic.

*Julius Caesar tells us (in de Bello Gallico) that the Britanni used to mark their bodies with vitrum; this has often been assumed to mean that they painted or tattooed themselves with woad. However vitrum does not translate to "woad", but probably more likely refers to a type of blue-green grass which was common at the time.[1] The Picts may have gotten their name (Latin Picti which means painted folk or possibly tattooed folk) from their practice of going into battle naked except for body paint or tattoos. However, more recent research has cast serious doubt on the assumption that woad was the material the Picts used for body decoration. Contemporary experiments with woad have proven that it does not work well at all as either a body paint or tattoo pigment. Highly astringent, when used for tattooing or placed in wounds woad produces quite a bit of scar tissue and, once healed, no blue is left behind. The common use of dung as an ingredient in traditional woad.

**Nicky Tams: e pieces of string ring used by farm workers to tie their trousers below the knee. But you knew that...

ellimac
12-Mar-09, 17:18
I think the Blair Witch Project has to be one of the worst film I have ever seen...... [evil]

percy toboggan
12-Mar-09, 18:28
please tell me someone else on here has seen "open water"?!

TERRIBLE.
..I thought it quite good.

percy toboggan
12-Mar-09, 18:31
I think the Blair Witch Project has to be one of the worst film I have ever seen...... [evil]

Instinct warned me off it. So it's probably the worst film I've never seen ! :D

Kenn
13-Mar-09, 23:19
Titanic
Sound of Music
Grease
Any of The Rambo series

bettedaviseyes
21-Mar-09, 00:55
1.blair witch
2.cloverfield
3.old boy
4.hostel
5.star wars

honey
25-Mar-09, 14:38
Interview with the Vampire...made me feel sick, left the cinema and went to watch Stargate which was on downstairs.


Thats one of my all time favourites!!

he Blair Witch Project... what a load of mince!

Kenneth
25-Mar-09, 15:56
The Patriot or Ghost Rider

Kenneth
25-Mar-09, 16:01
Also...

Braveheart is cringeworthy, terrible, awful

And someone mentioned the Truman Show, I still like it!

the poacher
20-Apr-09, 16:46
I think the Blair Witch Project has to be one of the worst film I have ever seen...... [evil]

got to agree with that one absulutly.
it was rubbish.

Fluff
20-Apr-09, 17:03
I watched unleashed last night. Jesus, just don't bother!

joxville
07-May-09, 21:53
Bad Biology, which happens to be directed by the same man who made Basket Case...another truly awful film.

anneoctober
08-May-09, 01:39
ANY film that features Jim Carey[disgust]

hardcore superstar
08-May-09, 09:23
jeepers creepers
delta force

maidenmania
13-May-09, 00:24
has to be that pile oh trash 12 monkeys(think it was 12 lol).

your aving a laugh great plot, great acting and looks SUPERB Gilliam recreating his "Brazil" look. a must have in any sci-fi fans collection.

Cedric Farthsbottom III
13-May-09, 12:09
I'm with Anne on this one,The Beach.One of only two films I've fallen asleep through.The other one was Speed 2.

Connor.
13-May-09, 13:24
Crank 2: High Voltage - WORST FILM EVER

Tilly Teckel
08-Jun-09, 00:54
Insomnia, with Al Pacino... I actually fell asleep and my mates took photos of me dribbling all down my chin! Nice... [disgust]

Rheghead
08-Jun-09, 02:38
Highlander 2 was pretty dire.

Invisible
19-Jul-09, 21:34
Disaster Movie - it lived up to its name