A Sorta Colemans Balls

[brokencross]

On BBC5 live on Sunday morning the presenter was interviewing a chap about a recent trend of "bad on bad" kidnappings and torture.

This is where for example one drug dealer is owed money by another dealer and won't pay up. So he kidnaps him and tortures him to force payment.

The presenter asked for an example of the torture used.

The chaps says "They get a large car battery and electrodes and electrocute him"

"That's shocking" says the presenter

[TheOldByre]

Your theme reminds me of a local story in the vain of misconstruals.

The story concerns well known local man Wullie MacKay when he was the main man in the north of Scotland for artificial insemenination of cattle (although I believe he's now moved over the dark side and become a cooncillor).

Anyway, the story goes that one morning Wullie had done his necessaries with a farmer's coos and was standing with the farmer having a protracted discussion on the ways of the world. Wullie then suddenly looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Losh, is that the time ?! I'm supposed to be doing the Queen Mother this afternoon !", and rushed off to Longoe Farm.

[wifie]

Well done TOB! Now see you were able to put a Caithness slant on a general topic posted by Brokencross - had he not brought it up would you have told yer tale? TOB keep posting cos you obviously have something to add here and it is needed! We are a community and as such are diverse not insular!

[George Brims]

My dad told me this tale of a bloke from Wick (I forget his name), who used to organise a lot of charitable events. On the train from Inverness he got talking to a lady from Helmsdale. On exchanging names, he was surprised to find she didn't recognise his name. "Losh wumman, hev you no heard o' me? Ah'm the chap from Week that has the big balls."

[scorrie]

Your theme reminds me of a local story in the vain of misconstruals.

The story concerns well known local man Wullie MacKay when he was the main man in the north of Scotland for artificial insemenination of cattle (although I believe he's now moved over the dark side and become a cooncillor).

Anyway, the story goes that one morning Wullie had done his necessaries with a farmer's coos and was standing with the farmer having a protracted discussion on the ways of the world. Wullie then suddenly looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Losh, is that the time ?! I'm supposed to be doing the Queen Mother this afternoon !", and rushed off to Longoe Farm.

About 30 years ago, Wullie was the main man on the local darts scene. I was sixteen and a reserve for the Super League team playing up in Thurso. Wullie was pretty sure one of the guys couldn't make the team and called round to give me a lift to Thurso. I was full of the Flu but didn't want to let Wullie down, so we set off to Thurso.

I had no clue what Wullie did for a living, so I was a bit surprised when we pulled up a farm road on the way. The next thing I knew, Wullie was pulling his shoes off and donning a pair of wellies. I do not exaggerate when I say my jaw hit the deck as Wullie got out of the car while uttering the words "I'm joost off til BULL a few coos"

As it transpired, the boy turned up, I didn't get a game and I crawled into bed that night feeling like death warmed up in a cheap Tesco microwave, and had nightmares about Wullie running round a field chasing coos.

[scorrie]

On BBC5 live on Sunday morning the presenter was interviewing a chap about a recent trend of "bad on bad" kidnappings and torture.

This is where for example one drug dealer is owed money by another dealer and won't pay up. So he kidnaps him and tortures him to force payment.

The presenter asked for an example of the torture used.

The chaps says "They get a large car battery and electrodes and electrocute him"

"That's shocking" says the presenter

I remember an unintended one on Casualty many years ago. Robson Green was playing Jimmy and he was chatting to a vagrant chap who was a bit boozy and noisy in the waiting room. The next thing, the tramp character was pouring his heart out to Jimmy:-

"Someone killed my dog mate"

Jimmy replied "That's rough"

Ruff-Ruff!!

[joxville]

Many moons ago I was listening to the AA traffic news on Radio Clyde and the reporter mentioned of a traffic jam caused by a burst water main that had then made a large hole appear in the road. She said the police are looking into it. :)

[scorrie]

Some years ago Richie Benaud was commentating just prior to the coin toss before the start of a test match in Australia. Richie mentioned some cricket ground where the home team had won 13 consecutive coin tosses and then uttered the phrase:-

"Well, we all know what a lot of tossers they are down there then!!"

100% true.

[George Brims]

If we're on cricket, I heard Freddie Truman tell this one on Parky's show a long time ago. He was talking about how John Arlott could say anything with a straight face, and you never knew if he was serious. After the lunch break in a test between England and the West Indies, they came back on the air following the BBC news, with play already resumed. Arlott in his lovely voice said "Good afternoon, and welcome to Trent Bridge, where the batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey." Freddie presses the cough button and says "Do you realise what you just said?" Arlott just looks had him deadpan and says "What?" as if all was normal. Freddie said he never did figure out if he meant to be funny or it all went over his head.