View Full Version : Age Gap
A friend of ours has just started a relationship with a young lady who is 19. Our friend is 40. Do you think that having such a large age gap really matters? I personally dont think it does, but they have had rather a few sarcastic comments. They are very much in love and as far as im concerned that's all that matters. There`s 7 yrs between my hubby and i, me being the younger of the two. What do you think ?
porshiepoo
10-Feb-06, 11:16
Spill the beans Jan, who we talking about here??????? Huh????? Do I know them?? Is it T and big belly??????????
Well. theres 11 years between me and my hubby - me being the youngest. I always found lads my own age to be sooooooooo childish :o
Sorry hun you dont know these 2. But yes theres another couple T and big Belly, Shes 21 hes 36. What about our Lee being 27 and his partner ( i hate her i hate her i hate her ) Sorry had to get that out .PHEW !!! she is 42.
theres 11yrs between me & my partner too him being the youngest.We dont have a problem.we werent really bothered what other people thought!
I don't think it should matter as long as you love the person are not just with them so you can get at there money (if they have any).
connieb19
10-Feb-06, 11:46
Sorry hun you dont know these 2. But yes theres another couple T and big Belly, Shes 21 hes 36. What about our Lee being 27 and his partner ( i hate her i hate her i hate her ) Sorry had to get that out .PHEW !!! she is 42.When i was young I went with some-one who was a lot older than me...every-one said that it wouldn't work. He was a horrible violent man and me being young and stupid I thought I was in love with him. His mother didn't approve,and i hated her and when I look back now I can see I only stayed with him to prove his mother wrong. Maybe your son feels a bit like this too and she is old enough to know that..maybe you hating her has the opposite effect you would like it to have:cry: Anyway Paris, he will eventually see that you are right..I wish I had listened to my own mother but when your young you never do. it must be heartbreaking for any parent see their own son or daughter go through this..
Sorry hun you dont know these 2. But yes theres another couple T and big Belly, Shes 21 hes 36. What about our Lee being 27 and his partner ( i hate her i hate her i hate her ) Sorry had to get that out .PHEW !!! she is 42.
Lol paris do you think your son's partner will ever read this lol
A friend of ours has just started a relationship with a young lady who is 19. Our friend is 40. Do you think that having such a large age gap really matters? I personally dont think it does, but they have had rather a few sarcastic comments. They are very much in love and as far as im concerned that's all that matters. There`s 7 yrs between my hubby and i, me being the younger of the two. What do you think ?
I usually find it's best to put the novice rider on the experienced horse and give the novice horse to the experienced rider myself.
I usually find it's best to put the novice rider on the experienced horse and give the novice horse to the experienced rider myself.
Brilliant Fred [lol] [lol] [lol]
Oh dear this is a wee bit close for me. I am 42 ( the answer to life the universe and everything!!!) My erm boyfriend (i hate that word) is 30. I met him when i worked with him. I have been seeing him now for almost a year and he is the most genuine man i have ever met he is handsome and clever and he loves me. Does the age matter?
Yes it does at least to start with. It meant we kept it very quiet for the first six months or so whilst we decided what it meant to us. It meant that i was very worried about what his parents would think - Im lucky they like me a lot and i think they are great, I was worried what his friends would say - i thought they would think that he was mad going out with an owld wifie like me but they have been welcoming and lovely. The boys think he is great so i had no worries about that. He does look older and i am fortunate to look younger than i am so we dont get funny stares from people who think he is out with his mother thank goodness. It also means i dont really expect a happy ending - he wants children and im getting too old to do the babies thing- so im not planning a wedding.
Is it worth it? YES YES YES. He is the most amazing man i have met in a long time. He loves me and i have no doubts about that at all - he isnt a "player". He makes me laugh and we share a lot of interests and an outlook on life. We were out last night watching a great band in Hootenannies and we were the smileyest people there. I know i make him happy. People we worked with had already noticed how happy he was even before they knew we were together. We are truly a couple in the best sense of the word and I will be glad for that for as long as it lasts. He is all my extra smiles.
You can pass the bucket around now if you like [lol]
Because she is only 19 i think its wrong as i still class teenagers as kids and feel its wrong for them to be with someone that much older. Now if she was in her mid twenties or something different matter, why i dont know just my head strong attitude about these things.
The Angel Of Death
10-Feb-06, 13:39
Because she is only 19 i think its wrong as i still class teenagers as kids and feel its wrong for them to be with someone that much older. Now if she was in her mid twenties or something different matter, why i dont know just my head strong attitude about these things.
I know i am the same i just dont think its right for someone so young to be with someone that much older i know when / if i have kids if my daughter came home with a bloke that was old enough to be her dad i would break out the beating stick with the nail in it !!!
I know i am the same i just dont think its right for someone so young to be with someone that much older i know when / if i have kids if my daughter came home with a bloke that was old enough to be her dad i would break out the beating stick with the nail in it !!!
squidge loved yor take on the age thing. made me feel all ahh inside. you go. as long as you get on gr8 thats the way to be. better to be half full rather than half empty.
shrek_donkey
10-Feb-06, 14:27
When i was 16 i was going out with a 24 year old my parents hit the roof it was not worth all the hassle believe me lol i have more sense now .
-16 years between me and hubby been together now 20 years married 14 still love him as much if not more i was 18 he was 34
I'm 18 and I'd never go out with an older woman, UNLESS she was incredibly hot and had the same interests as me. It just seems wrong, as age does mean a thing in this day and age, especially with all the court cases flying about. Best of luck to them, but it ain't my cup of tea and I don't agree with it.
wickerinca
10-Feb-06, 18:39
Squidge and Munchkin!! Oh you two sound so happy....I am delighted for you:D
Sorry but I do think that the 19 to 40 is a bit of a big gap and agree with the 19 still being a kid......but if they are happy ...they may be two of the really lucky people:D
cuddlepop
10-Feb-06, 18:39
I think when you have a daughter near eneogh that age it would be difficult to take.For me it would be like her going out with my boyfriend.I'm sorry it doesnt sit right with me.For the record theres 10 years between my mum @ dad and the fuss that caused fifty years ago was eneogh for my mum to take of for a year,Are you mature eneogh at 19 for a 40 year old or is he looking for arm candy.Think about it:confused
I think the difference is life experience. At 30 i cant imagine what i would have had in common with an 18 year old to be honest. But at 42, divorced i have loads in common with a man who has been in a couple of long term relationships and lived with someone and had to recover from the failure of that relationship, who has his own friends and interests to share with me and is interested to share mine. He is politically aware and socially aware, he is intelligent and articulate and oh one of the best things of all is HE TURNS THE TELEVISION OFF!!!!!!
At 42 i know two valuable things and those are love doesnt conquer all no matter how much we want it to and you dont die from a broken heart. That makes is easier to relax and take things as they come to be honest. I dont have happy ever after expectations and neither does he - we just enjoy being with each other.
porshiepoo
10-Feb-06, 18:53
I was 17 when I met my hubby (he was 28). I think maybe my family thought he was to old for me, but it didn't stop me. We've been married 16 years this year and have 15 year old twins. :o)
I think young girls go for older men because they're more mature than lads their own age and also have a bit more experience of life to offer which is attractive.
I know my hubby had a fear for along while that I'd see sense and run off with someone my own age but like I told him from the start, once I latch on you'll never get rid of me. ;)
I don't think their should be a problem with such age gaps, as long as their both of consenting ages. Different strokes for different folks and all that!
Now Paris, your son is a different matter all together. He's good looking, hard working and a genuine 'nice' lad. What the heck is he doing with THAT????? Still, he obviously sees something in her that we don't. Either that or he's not confident enough to cut his losses - he always was a shy one wasn't he!
dragonfly
10-Feb-06, 21:31
fraid i agree with cuddlepop, having a teenage daughter myself, I wouldn't be happy if she were dating someone 21 years her senior, its different when in your 20's as you have more life experience, are more mature (supposedly) and probably have a couple of failed relationships under your belt making you more emotionally independent.
landmarker
10-Feb-06, 21:40
I don't see (beside the obvious) what a middle aged bloke can see in a nineteen year old woman/girl. Her life experience is so short, and I'd guess the conversation too. Vast generational chasms like music for instance, unless she is into other than chart tripe.
Even the nookie would be a problem - she's just too young.
I'd feel uncomfortable with it and if I thought a lot of her I'd send her on her way. I'm not sure I could look her Dad in the eye either. Mid twenties to early thirties might be a different story but at nineteen she's only a bit more than a child in my book.
In my limited experience - very limited to be honest - I'd reckon about fifteen years is the maximum gap that works. It matters less the older you get though but twenty-one years at nineteen is a heck of a divide.
If the girl was special to me (relative or a good friend) I'd be most concerned about it.
Squidge and Munchkin!! Oh you two sound so happy....I am delighted for you:D
Sorry but I do think that the 19 to 40 is a bit of a big gap and agree with the 19 still being a kid......but if they are happy ...they may be two of the really lucky people:D thankyou for your kind quote
the original ducky
10-Feb-06, 23:41
Hello everyone. i don't think that there is anything wrong with being in a age relationship as i am in one with my partner me being the younger one, we have bin together for 3 and a half years. and are still very happy. I think that as long as you are happy then who cares? it's not them in the relationship it's you do your thing and let them get over it. :grin:
wickerinca thakyou for your lovely comment ahhhhhhhh:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Bobinovich
11-Feb-06, 00:15
Like Porshiepoo there is 11 years between my wife & I, with me being the elder. She was 16 when I met her (no 'cradle snatcher' comments please) and I was 27.
I came from a home where the 17-year age gap between my parents was a contributing factor in their breakup, so I was very wary at first.
We didn't have as much in common to start off with - we enjoyed the same music and each other's company. Over time we introduced each other to different circles of friends & activities, and everything just clicked.
Initally her family were not happy with the situation and this ended up with her moving in with me quite quickly. I ensured she continued her studies, taught her to drive, and got a P/T job so she was financially independent - all factors which matured her much faster than her peers.
Eventually her family came round and I feel they now accept me. We have been together for 10 years this March (married for almost 4 of them), have 2 gorgeous kids, and are still very much in love.
So as far as we are concerned an age gap isn't a problem if the two people are compatible.
The only age gap in my relationship is my mental age!
shes 28 I`m 29 and act like a 9 year old!
my wife is when we met was 29 and i was 45 we now have two children and are very happy
I think a lot depends on the people concerned. There was a 16 year age gap between my parents who were 28 and 44 when they married.
My maternal grandparents had an age gap nearer to 30 years as far as I can work out.
My paternal grandparents I'm not sure about but I suspect there was a fairly large age gap there as well.
Unless they were all very good liars then they were all happy in their marriages.
Me? Wife No.1- 18 months. Wife No.2 - 13 years.
Conclusion - For both males and females, a perfect example of why, as soon as Marriage is mentioned, -- RUN -- and just as fast as you can. :evil :lol:
Ugh.... Sad, sad, sad!
Seriously, some people are too bloody nosey for their own good. It's not your business to be sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. Are the couple happy? Probably! Do they care what you say? Probably not!
Who cares about age? Seriously? If the two people are happy and having fun, who really cares? No need to be bad mouthing them.
My girlfriend is a few years younger than me, I adore her to bits. No matter what anybody said to me about our age difference, they couldn't change that. If my friends stuck their nose in my business, I wouldn't associate with them. They wouldn't be worth knowing. All anybody should be worried about is that the people are happy.
Small mindedness is rife in this tiny community, its shameful
Me? Wife No.1- 18 months. Wife No.2 - 13 years.
I've had six wives, two mine and four other peoples.
Jeid, in view of the fact that I do not know who the two people originally mentioned are, I hardly think I am "sticking my nose in their business".
As far as I can see, apart from one post which was obviously meant as a joke, I don't see that anybody has tried to find out who they are.
I therefore must assume that they to do not know who the couple are and as a result nobody can be accused of sticking their noses into other peoples business".
All Paris has done is to ask people how they view such a relationship. People have, in general, answered using their own experiences.
Nobody has passed judgement on the couple concerned and nobody has instructed Paris to act in any particular way to either encourage or discourage the relationship.
Paris does not live in Caithness and does not say that her friend does. I come originally from a large city, and I mean large, so my views are by no means created because I come from a "small minded, tiny community".
The only person who appears to be suffering from the "Small Minded Tiny Community" Syndrome would appear to be you in your assumption that we are all discussing a piece of local gossip and deciding what we should do about the people concerned.
Paris has not sought, nor has anybody given her, instructions as to whether there should be any interference or not and I rather think that she has no intention of doing so. .
The question was a reasonable one to pose and the responses, so far, have also been reasonable in their outlook.
I honestly can't see why you should be so upset about it.
I've had six wives, two mine and four other peoples.
Perhaps we should start calling you Henry!
Hope you didn't use the same methods to get rid of them.
Folks get so touchy about such things these days. :grin:
I've had six wives, two mine and four other peoples.
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!
I think there's a point people reach when age becomes less of a factor. Generally, the older you get, the less it matters. It also depends on the maturity of the younger person in the relationship.
If you're mature enough to stand on your own two feet and not rely on your parents for anything, can support yourself through work to live and play, and keep on top of the bills, then it's deffinately not an issue.
But a 20 year old living with their parents seeing someone in thier 40's is, in my opinion, out of the question. I've deffinately got reservations about 15/16 year's old seeing folk 10 years thier senior, it doesn't seem practical or logical. Also, I find men in thier late twenties onwards seeing teenagers creepy to say the least, but hey, that's just one guy's opinion.
wickerinca
11-Feb-06, 18:17
Jeid, in view of the fact that I do not know who the two people originally mentioned are, I hardly think I am "sticking my nose in their business".
As far as I can see, apart from one post which was obviously meant as a joke, I don't see that anybody has tried to find out who they are.
I therefore must assume that they to do not know who the couple are and as a result nobody can be accused of sticking their noses into other peoples business".
All Paris has done is to ask people how they view such a relationship. People have, in general, answered using their own experiences.
Nobody has passed judgement on the couple concerned and nobody has instructed Paris to act in any particular way to either encourage or discourage the relationship.
Paris does not live in Caithness and does not say that her friend does. I come originally from a large city, and I mean large, so my views are by no means created because I come from a "small minded, tiny community".
The only person who appears to be suffering from the "Small Minded Tiny Community" Syndrome would appear to be you in your assumption that we are all discussing a piece of local gossip and deciding what we should do about the people concerned.
Paris has not sought, nor has anybody given her, instructions as to whether there should be any interference or not and I rather think that she has no intention of doing so. .
The question was a reasonable one to pose and the responses, so far, have also been reasonable in their outlook.
I honestly can't see why you should be so upset about it.
Don't need to add anything to this apart from "Well said Jaws!"
teddybear1873
11-Feb-06, 18:29
The next thing someone will be asking is, will this relationship last he is only 5ft tall but shes 6ft....who really cares about couples whether its an age issue or there black and white or whatever it is. There over 18, its none of our buisness. As long as there happy thats the main thing. I got some flack and people poking there noses in when i met my girlfriend in a Scotland chatroom on Yahoo cause she lived in America. Well iv'e proved them wrong and were very happy. A relationship is about 2 people and no 1 else...
The next thing someone will be asking is, will this relationship last he is only 5ft tall but shes 6ft....
Did I miss something?
I don't remember anybody saying a word about the length of time any relationship was likely to last and that includes those with wide age differences.
teddybear1873
11-Feb-06, 18:49
Did I miss something?
I don't remember anybody saying a word about the length of time any relationship was likely to last and that includes those with wide age differences.
I didnt say they did Jaws. I said the next thing someone etc.......
wickerinca
11-Feb-06, 18:58
No don't think that you missed anything! And I have friends that have a major height difference..he is 5' 6" and she is 6' 5" and they have been together for 22 years so..........?
I really don't understand why some of you seem to be getting a little bit vehement about this post. A forum is designed to allow people to debate issues and exchange knowledge. We are only voicing opinions about a general issue not discussing, or gossiping, about anyone in particular. It is great that some felt comfortable enough to share their own personal experience of this issue with the rest of us and I am sure that we have learned something from it.
As for small town mentality.........I haven't noticed that from most of the posters on these threads. If you ever think me guilty of it please feel free to point it out.
Thanks:grin:
teddybear1873
11-Feb-06, 19:24
Well said Wickerinca,thank you..........I find you not guilty
I'm 18 and I'd never go out with an older woman, UNLESS she was incredibly hot and had the same interests as me. It just seems wrong, as age does mean a thing in this day and age, especially with all the court cases flying about. Best of luck to them, but it ain't my cup of tea and I don't agree with it.
Your comment shows your age Dons Lad. You are obviously immature, probably way below your 18 years and you my boy have never lived. What do you class as "hot"? I suspect you are living in cloudcukoo land and will never, ever meet this "hot" woman you are looking for, older or younger.
The Loafer
Wait a minute now ! All i have done is ask a question about a very good couple of friends who i might add are VERY much in love age gap or not.
Its not a question of poking my noes in, its a general question. Do you never sit at your computer and think how do people feel about such issues. Well i do so ask. If anyone has an opinion on it then fine but why the bitching about poking my noes in?? I dont and never would !!!
By the way Jaws.. thanks for your post. jan x
I didnt say they did Jaws. I said the next thing someone etc.......
and continued "...will this relationship last...".
This is an interesting thread that I've just sat and watched, and thought about a bit -- until now...
I have no problems with big age differences as long as the younger partner is old enough and mature enough to know what's what. Similarly for the older partner! :o)
When I was in my late 20s (27 say), I don't think I would have been interested in anyone that was 17. I'd left Caithness, I'd lived for several years in a Scottish city, several years in an English one, and was living in the US at the time. Yes, I'd been around a little bit, and I probably wouldn't have been interested in someone who was still at school, or who had just left school. Towards the end of my first year at Uni, I was involved with a girl who was only a couple of years younger than me, but was still at THS. Even then, going out with a schoolgirl seemed a bit odd. But I dare say if circumstances had been different, and if I'd met the right girl, then I would have said "go for it."
Paris, such matters have been discussed down the ages as have many other things in general regarding relationships. People have made written books or made Careers out of questioning such thing. Except in certain parts of Caithness that is where such ponderings seem to be taboo.
As far as I am concerned discussing such matters in general terms and hearing the input of others helps me come to a better understanding of people.
The next time I see somebody poring with blood and screaming in agony I will carefully pass by on the other side in case I should be classed as an interfering old busybody who should keet his nose out of other people's business!
Paris,
Like your signature says, life is too short to do nothing. So if two people, of whatever age or sex ( baring minors) decide they have something in common and want to be together, I am all for it.It makes the people involved stronger and happier. And it creates stronger building blocks for society.
The thing is that the greater the age gap, the less likely there will be a common ground on which to build a relationship. The life experiences of each can be so different that though they are pushed to the side right at the begining when both are wearing rose coloured spectacles, when day to day living starts those differences can pose a problem.
If I were the parent of the 19 year old I would worry about him/her. I think that at 19 I would wonder if my child was able to choose the relationship or if she/he were manouvered into it.
If I were the 40 year old ( it has been futher away!) I would find it difficult to relate to a twenty year old. I would also not like to run the risk of changing the younger person's life in an irreversible way....say they were planning college....
It's a very complicated question without a universal...or even general answer. Each case is a case.
Dons_lad, it says alot about you, your requirements and specifications of the female sex. Grow up.
One thing no-one seems to have picked up on in this thread is what happens a few years down the line.
A teenager going out with a 28+ year old may well be living in perfect bliss and have loads in common with the older person. However I have seen cases where the younger person has 'grown up' and moved on but the older partner does not want to, as that is their way of life. (Peter Pan syndrome!)
I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone, (obviously Bobonovich has his head screwed on) but it is something to be wary about.
The older both are when they start going out is going to make a difference as they both have had the opportunity to experience life a bit more.
[smirk]
Bobinovich
11-Feb-06, 21:42
One thing no-one seems to have picked up on in this thread is what happens a few years down the line.
A teenager going out with a 28+ year old may well be living in perfect bliss and have loads in common with the older person. However I have seen cases where the younger person has 'grown up' and moved on but the older partner does not want to, as that is their way of life. (Peter Pan syndrome!)
I'm not saying that this is the case for everyone, (obviously Bobonovich has his head screwed on) but it is something to be wary about.
The older both are when they start going out is going to make a difference as they both have had the opportunity to experience life a bit more.
[smirk]
That's possibly one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me! Thanx ;)
However the opposite effect to what you say can also be true - maybe the age gap averages things out a bit - the older person feels a little younger at heart, while the younger person matures quicker, both due to the influence of the other.
It is also true that the older person may help mould the younger into the person they want to be with. Before anyone jumps down my throat I'm not saying this is the case in our situation, but my wife might say there was an element of that.
Anyway I can admit that things have only been getting better as the years have passed.
Oh dear this is a wee bit close for me. I am 42 ( the answer to life the universe and everything!!!) My erm boyfriend (i hate that word) is 30. I met him when i worked with him. I have been seeing him now for almost a year and he is the most genuine man i have ever met he is handsome and clever and he loves me. Does the age matter?
Yes it does at least to start with. It meant we kept it very quiet for the first six months or so whilst we decided what it meant to us. It meant that i was very worried about what his parents would think - Im lucky they like me a lot and i think they are great, I was worried what his friends would say - i thought they would think that he was mad going out with an owld wifie like me but they have been welcoming and lovely. The boys think he is great so i had no worries about that. He does look older and i am fortunate to look younger than i am so we dont get funny stares from people who think he is out with his mother thank goodness. It also means i dont really expect a happy ending - he wants children and im getting too old to do the babies thing- so im not planning a wedding.
Is it worth it? YES YES YES. He is the most amazing man i have met in a long time. He loves me and i have no doubts about that at all - he isnt a "player". He makes me laugh and we share a lot of interests and an outlook on life. We were out last night watching a great band in Hootenannies and we were the smileyest people there. I know i make him happy. People we worked with had already noticed how happy he was even before they knew we were together. We are truly a couple in the best sense of the word and I will be glad for that for as long as it lasts. He is all my extra smiles.
You can pass the bucket around now if you like [lol]
No bucket for me squidge, I think it all sounds lovely! I am very happy for you, and it sounds like you two are meant for each other! :grin:
My mother's aunt married a man 14 years her junior, and they had a very happy marriage. It was the first marriage for both of them. She was his private music teacher, and after they married, they taught together. They didn't have any children, but they were very close. My great-aunt looked young for her age too, so the age difference wasn't noticable. She in fact outlived my great-uncle, as he died suddenly of a heart attack in his early 60s, and my great-aunt lived into her eighties.
I also have a school friend who married a man 12 years her junior. Second marriage for her, and first for him. She had two children by her first husband, but none with her second one. She and hubby number two have been married for about 13 years now, and they're extremely happy together.
wickerinca
13-Feb-06, 04:13
Well said Wickerinca,thank you..........I find you not guilty
Thank you teddybear! I am glad that you are happy and every good wish to you both!:grin:
age does not matter as long as we not talking under age.
as long as 2 people love each other and get on and have an equal relationship, i say go for it.
i have always went for older men. tried similar ages men, but too immature i found.
my hubby is 19 years older than me. we dont notice it at all. we have a wonderful daughter and baby on the way. and i could not be happier.
Emszxr, Whens your baby due??
no 2 is due in june paris. thanks for asking.
wickerinca
13-Feb-06, 20:55
Hope everything goes well for you and the new baby!!! I live in hope of grandchildren!! (Big sigh)
thank you. you get to spoil the grandkids.
i cant wait for no 2 to arrive.
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