View Full Version : Stupid things you have said
After reading some of the insurance claims on another thread it reminded me of some funy things that have been said to me so i thought I would ask if anyone else has had either something stupid said to them,or even worse said something stupid.....
The one that still cracks me up everytime I think about it was when my (then) hubby asked me to call the vet and ask them to ejaculate the cat :eek: I think he meant vacinate but not too sure really [lol].
He also called the chinese one night and ordered crispy chicken "new" I had to point out to him that the "new" bit meant it was new on the menu not actually part of the name of the dish.
Theres probably loads more but theres two to start you all off x
.. the day that I went into a shop and asked how much an item was ... I wondered why the guy gave me a funny look - until my hubby pointed out that it was a POUND shop! :o
During an argument my ex wife shouted at me "don't you tell me lies if you don't mean them" :D
One I have told many times before when I was younger !! A load of us girls used to pal around together one of our crowd was always moaning about not being well headache cold whatever any had she had it worse
Anyhow I said to her in a exasperated voice For goodness sake you are nothing but a Nymphomaniac meaning Hypochondriac went over the top of her head as she was still moaning :roll:
Kathy@watten
05-Feb-09, 17:10
Have had a few moments in my youth which have taught me to listen better! Whilst still young and silly and enjoying the hospitality and dancing at a young farmers ball an older lady leant over and spoke to myself and boyfriend (now hubby!) I only caught a bit of the conversation and not wanting to be left out when she was smiling at me I agreed fully heartidly with her... not knowing really what she had said, she had suggested I was wanting to head home for a good tupping!...needless to say we were deliberately last to leave and every time I bump into aforementioned lady my face goes red, Gave everyone a laugh at the time!!
A few years ago now... I was in my (then) local bar where a relativity new bar man was serving, but I knew him fairly well.
He had a MASSIVE spot right on the front of his nose so I was going to be really subtle about our chat and be very careful NOT to mention the flaming red beacon on his hooter !!
Well the conversation went like this (the said victim was also in a major band at the time !! )..
ME - Hi have you been busy lately with the band ?
VICTIM - Yes, we're doing lots of gigs over the next few days, I've also got to do a few shifts here as well !!
ME - Oh well you're certainly keeping your nose to the grind stone then !!!!!!!!!! :roll: .......
ShelleyCowie
05-Feb-09, 19:20
I have said so many stupid things you would all fall asleep reading them because you could be here for days! :roll:
The stupidest things i have said is Geography! My akillies heel!!!
When i first met my partner, we were discussing America! And i said they must have alot of bridges and boats to get over the rivers to each place!
I thought when looking at an Atlas all the lines that divided each part of America was rivers! :eek: Ooops!
There are many more.........
Kevin Milkins
05-Feb-09, 19:58
One I have told many times before when I was younger !! A load of us girls used to pal around together one of our crowd was always moaning about not being well headache cold whatever any had she had it worse
Anyhow I said to her in a exasperated voice For goodness sake you are nothing but a Nymphomaniac meaning Hypochondriac went over the top of her head as she was still moaning :roll:
That would be a bit of a rare mix Anne x,
A Nymphomaniac with a headache[lol]
Stupid things I've said:
Pretty much everything I've ever said on the .Org [lol]
Kevin Milkins
05-Feb-09, 20:15
We were getting on the tour bus for a visit to Scotland to play rugby against Peebles and to watch the England V Scotland game at Murryfield.
The women were seeing us off and Mrs M shouted "dont forget to get some duty free."
When most of us picked ourselves up off the floor from laughter, I explainted that we did not cross the water to get to Scotland and there was no border crossing.
Because she felt embarased she came out with yet another howler and said,"well how should I know where Scotland is, you never take me anywhere.":lol:
I just know she will kill me for telling that story.:eek::Razz
Actually, I suppose the stupidest thing EVER to come from me is at the end of following story.
A guy I worked with bought a new lawnmower, only had it a few days then his partners mother borrowed it and didn't return it. About three years later I went into work one morning and immediately X told me his partners mother had died the day before. All I could think of to say was "At least you'll get your lawnmower back now". As soon as the words came out I realised what an idiot I was and walked away. I avoided him the rest of the day.
I once met a man with very dark glasses and a white stick he had a labrador dog with him on a harness.
I asked him if it was a blind dog.
He replied that the dog could see just fine!!!!
teenybash
05-Feb-09, 21:32
A cousin of mine who is from Glasgow [accent is important to this] walked into the local plumbers and asked 'can anybody help me'
'Sure hen came the reply. What's yer problem?'
'Ma soak is chinked.' she answered.
The plumber had a quick look at her legs and said. 'yer soaks don't look chinked tae me.'
Realising what she had said she quickly corrected herself. 'No a mean ma' sink is choked.':lol:
George Brims
05-Feb-09, 22:34
Have had a few moments in my youth which have taught me to listen better! Whilst still young and silly and enjoying the hospitality and dancing at a young farmers ball an older lady leant over and spoke to myself and boyfriend (now hubby!) I only caught a bit of the conversation and not wanting to be left out when she was smiling at me I agreed fully heartidly with her... not knowing really what she had said, she had suggested I was wanting to head home for a good tupping!...needless to say we were deliberately last to leave and every time I bump into aforementioned lady my face goes red, Gave everyone a laugh at the time!!
A case of "in vino veritas"? Just asking.
at work today had the joy of watching a manager phone maintenence to request a gritter for the carpark....when asked if it was snow or ice that needed removing...she very straight faced replied.." well its frozen snow"..i was ending myself..:lol::lol::lol:
From my primary school days I recall a pupil replying to the question:-
"What are the two main religions in Britain?"
With the answer:-
"Catholics and Prostitutes"
Another person informed the class that she had helped Mum bake cakes at the weekend using a Defecated Coconut topping. Yum Yum!!
The stupidist thing i ever said was 'I do!' lol:lol:
We were getting on the tour bus for a visit to Scotland to play rugby against Peebles and to watch the England V Scotland game at Murryfield.
The women were seeing us off and Mrs M shouted "dont forget to get some duty free."
When most of us picked ourselves up off the floor from laughter, I explainted that we did not cross the water to get to Scotland and there was no border crossing.
Because she felt embarased she came out with yet another howler and said,"well how should I know where Scotland is, you never take me anywhere.":lol:
I just know she will kill me for telling that story
A friend of mine from Wales was visiting Wick with her 16yr old daughter, on their journey north her daughter asked where abouts they were, she was informned that they were near Aberdeen, which got the reply "You mean we're not even out of Wales yet?" :lol:. as there are a few places in Wales that start with "Aber" she thought Aberdeen was in Wales...silly girl
Kevin, your story had me in stitches, have you recovered from the slap Mrs M gave you for telling it yet? :lol:
one of the guys at work just told be about somethig that would effect him
"for the rest of my life.. or until i die..." :lol:
I remember years ago going for a walk with my young son,a motorbike passed by and he said "Mum when I am a big boy can I have a motorbike" at the time I was in a mood with my partner for something and as he was a bit of a biker I replied "motorbikes are for idiots" to which he replied........."well when I am an idiot can I have one then?" [lol] [lol] It cheered me up no end bless him! x
Kevin Milkins
06-Feb-09, 23:24
A friend of mine from Wales was visiting Wick with her 16yr old daughter, on their journey north her daughter asked where abouts they were, she was informned that they were near Aberdeen, which got the reply "You mean we're not even out of Wales yet?" :lol:. as there are a few places in Wales that start with "Aber" she thought Aberdeen was in Wales...silly girl
Kevin, your story had me in stitches, have you recovered from the slap Mrs M gave you for telling it yet? :lol:
Mrs M aint found out yet ,but I am sure someone will grass me up.lol
Aber in Wales means mouth of , but not sure in Scotland.
Cheers for the rep Giz.
Aber in Wales means mouth of , but not sure in Scotland.It's the same.
Aber (Welsh; Pictish, allegedly) = Inver (Gaelic)
I can't think of anything stupid I've ever said. ;)
I forgot to say Aberavon in Welsh is the same as Inverness in Gaelic.
Someone asked my sister whether Cats Protection would give her a voucher to get her cat tutored. Think she meant neutered!lol
I once remarked to a surgeon that an illness I have was becoming more popular! Of course I meant common.:confused
Once when waiting for a mobile chippy I meant to say "Wur standing here wi wur towngs hingin oot' but it came out as "howngs tingin oot"!!
highlander
07-Feb-09, 00:05
When i was ill i said "one of these mornings im going to wake up dead" i could write a long list of stupid things i say, it was once said to me, hecks that was so funny and you said it with such a straight face, then i was confused, gawd did i put my big feet into it again. lol
getting out a manhole in an airline suit someone behind me said something...I stepped back to hear what they said... and ended up back down the hole faster than I thought.....
when I got out I asked what they said....
It was dont step back...
oops:roll:
just a couple of my classics...
When I was quite young I asked my Mum why a snail had testicles on its head!
Trying to get in the back of a 3 door car when I was a teenager I said 'I'm not a ventriloquist you know!' I meant contortionist!
Having spotted a deer in a field while out i told everyone how the deer had antelopes on its head!
& unfortunately my daughter has inherited my stupid genes too!!:L
sassylass
08-Feb-09, 04:22
Just last week, very thin colleague Anne walked past carrying a large box. Colleague Bea said to me "My goodness, Anne shouldn't be carrying that heavy box, she is much too frail". Said I "Oh no, she goes to the gym regularly and is quite fit. Really it's true, she showed me her pecs". Stunned silence followed by uproarious laughter. (I meant biceps). :eek:
Miss Mack
08-Feb-09, 21:07
The stupidist thing i ever said was 'I do!' lol:lol:
Oh, I suspect your gonna be in trouble !:lol:
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