Julia
01-Feb-09, 20:47
An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into.
She hysterically explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!'
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
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FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in, pauses and yells to the others,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her older sisters.
She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
______________________ _______ __________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
__________________________________________________ _____________________
__________________________________________________ __________________ __
OLD FRIENDS:
Now this one is just too Precious...!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their socializing had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. During a game, one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me. We've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought. Please tell me what it is'
Taken aback by this comment, her friend just stared at her forat least three minutes. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________ ___________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
__________________________________________________ _____________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just sailed right on through.
The passenger thought to herself, “Mildredmust be distracted. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After several more blocks, they came to another intersection and againthe light was red. Once more they drove right through.
Emily, in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but thought she must be imagining things. She was getting nervous.
As they continued driving she paid careful attention to the traffic signals and sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
Turning to her companion Emily said, 'Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, dear, am I driving?'
She hysterically explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!'
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
__________________________________________________ ______________________
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in, pauses and yells to the others,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her older sisters.
She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
______________________ _______ __________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
__________________________________________________ _____________________
__________________________________________________ __________________ __
OLD FRIENDS:
Now this one is just too Precious...!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their socializing had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. During a game, one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me. We've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought. Please tell me what it is'
Taken aback by this comment, her friend just stared at her forat least three minutes. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
__________________________________________________ ___________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
__________________________________________________ _____________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just sailed right on through.
The passenger thought to herself, “Mildredmust be distracted. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After several more blocks, they came to another intersection and againthe light was red. Once more they drove right through.
Emily, in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but thought she must be imagining things. She was getting nervous.
As they continued driving she paid careful attention to the traffic signals and sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
Turning to her companion Emily said, 'Mildred, did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, dear, am I driving?'