View Full Version : Suggestions PLEASE! Desperate!
ShelleyCowie
22-Jan-09, 00:47
Ok, so my partners oldest son (7) has recently decided he hates all foods! And i mean nearly everything! before he was a really good eater and would eat anythin u put infront of him!
Now he has decided the only thing he likes is chicken and lightly spiced wedges! :confused
I listed burgers, pizza, beef, mince, pasta etc etc (all the things he used to love) and he said he disna like them now!
I have tried getting him involved. Like tonight for dinner i made pizza bases from scratch, let him put his own toppings on the way he wanted and he said he did not like anything on it! Not even the cheese!
Any suggestions PLEASE!
Also he doesnt seem to have gone off sweeties funnily enuf! [lol]
Put any of the foods he used to eat in front of him and tell him he either eats it or goes hungry, he'll soon snap out of it when he understands that you're serious, i don't go in for the namby pamby approach and it worked fine for my son when he went through a fussy eating stage.
Easy he eats the same as every one else or goes without and gets NO sweets unless his plate is cleared.
Some times you have to be tough to be kind and at his age food of the right kind is very important.
ShelleyCowie
22-Jan-09, 00:58
We have tried that! Him or his brother get NO sweets/pudding unless their plates are clean!
He doesnt seem to care for some reason. I dont know if he is possibly filling up on juice because he said at school they are allowed as much water as they want. So he drinks loads there!!! Cant stop him!!! :eek:
We have tried that! Him or his brother get NO sweets/pudding unless their plates are clean!
He doesnt seem to care for some reason. I dont know if he is possibly filling up on juice because he said at school they are allowed as much water as they want. So he drinks loads there!!! Cant stop him!!! :eek:
Just keep at it Shelley, he'll soon get fed up of being hungry, as for what he gets up to at school, i'm sure a phone call to his head teacher explaning the situation at home will get them to monitor his food/drink intake at school.
I should add that one thing i used to do to make things a bit smoother was to chuck his food in the microwave so that it was always hot in front of him, i was a pain in the butt eater as a kid and i remember it being horrible having to eat a plate of stone cold food.
If he is anything like what my son he will NOT give in. Just give him what he wants as it will save a lot of heartache. In the end I did and all one of my Sons would eat for nearly 6 months was Chocolate and Marmalade sandwhiches. I looked at it this way it was better for him to eat something than to have endless arguments and him in the end eating nothing.
He eventually started to eat other food when he went to a friends house for tea and when he came back he said " How come I dont get Hot Dogs to eat" as if I would not give them to him.. So I gave him Hot Dogs and it grew from their. He is now married and eats everything, all it takes is time and patience and not to try and force him. He will eventually come round when he realises what he is missing.
ShelleyCowie
22-Jan-09, 01:14
Hmmmm see its hard! We can try giving him what we eat....or what he wants! But one minute he likes something the next he hates it!
I just dont know how he can go from loving any foods to hating it all! he practically done it overnight! And now his wee brother (aged 5) is catching on to this!!!
Metalattakk
22-Jan-09, 01:37
For goodness' sake, he's only pushing the boundaries. Every time you accede to his wishes, he wins and you lose. Who's the boss here? Him or you?
You have to be cruel to be kind. Let him starve. If he's hungry enough, he'll eat a scabby donkey, never mind perfectly acceptable cooked grub.
Otherwise he'll have you at his beck and call any time he wants, and when he grows up he'll refer back to his own youth when the problem occurs with his own children.
Bringing kids up isn't easy, of course it isn't. But as a parent you have to try to instil a sense of 'parenting' into your child, so they can use it and learn from it later.
Aaldtimer
22-Jan-09, 04:00
From your original post I gather that you are not the natural parent. I think the boy is maybe challenging the situation. How long have you been in the relationship with the child, and what is his Dad's opinion?
same as everyone else... you have to set boundries.. its not going to hurt him to go hungry a few days.. and if he is school lunches im sure he eats at the school!
he is eating somewhere, or he would have given in by now.
sam, hasnt eaten anything proper in days, from this bloody bug going around, and the dr. actually recommended not feeding him anything for 24 hours as it would just feed the bug.
so you know if the doc. reccomends not feeding a very sick fevered child, that its not going to harm a healthy bull headed one!
when hes at home, doont let him have any juice or snacks.
if he gets stroppy , ground him... hes not to old to be punished.
at the end of the day, you two are the parents.
im sure the thought of loosing his friends, games, tv, pc, phone ect... will soon put a curb in his rebellion.
the only thing you need to worry about is if he stopped eating at all for an extended time, and started loosing weight... or developed an eating disorder.
it sounds like a power game.
but as i dont know the child i cant honestly say that... just have loads of experaince with little boys pushing buttons... exspecially step children... (my cousin lives this daily *G* )
I agree with the other posters - firmness, with kindness and no histrionics from parents, otherwise he / they will grow up thinking that they are able to control what others do. This won't serve them well in their future relationships.
Bluntly, you have to be more stubborn than him, Shelley, especially as it is food he would normally have eaten.
It may be worth trying to find out if there is anything behind him stopping eating. Sometimes children at that age can pick up very funny ideas due to misunderstanding things they hear or are told.
It may also be worth having a quiet word with school to see if they have noticed anything different or have any suggestions as to why. Just a thought.
GMTV has had a section on this week about fussy eaters including children who refuse to eat and have to be fed by tube, just wondering if visiting the GMTV website might give you some help and ideas,
I know it was a nightmare when my daughter was little and wouldnt eat.
Good luck!
Kevin Milkins
22-Jan-09, 10:01
You could get the film Slumdog Millionaire and watch as a family as it shows kids of his age scavenging on rubbish tips for food. It might make him appriciate his lot.
All parents and kids go through this power struggle at some time and it's supprising just how far kids will go to get the upper hand.
When our three sons were young they were given the option of eating the good food Mrs M had prepared for them and at the first refusal it went into the dogs dish.
I remember after one such episode my son went without his dinner and by bedtime he said "mam I am starving" and the reply from Mrs M was" never mind it's breakfast time in the morning".
We never had to do a lot of shouting about it or did the dogs ever get fat.
You asked for advice Shelly, it's up to you if you take it.
Good luck
Moonboots
22-Jan-09, 10:05
Just put your foot down Shelley.
Dont give him the satisfaction o getting one over you.
Take him to my house and he will soon eat whats in front of him lol
arana negra
22-Jan-09, 10:17
Firstly I would check out these thing ...
his behaviour at home and school anything different that is not food related. Bullying, having issues with his dad and your relationship ? or as said just being a youngster :)
As already mentioned any food issues coming from school or friends, I remember one of my lads saying they had been discussing what they all eat with the teacher, he was not goin to eat something again because she had told them certain things they ate was bad for them !!!! Bloody teachers I could have throttle her at the time. There have been programmes on TV about following the food chain from live animal to table has he watched one of those maybe and is undecided what he should do ?
Is it worth a check with doc ? again I did this when one of mine would eat nothing but saugages ! he was ok but you did mention he is drinking a lot ? smething mght be related there. Or maybe they have told they need to drink lots to clean their systems.
Dose his father take/make and deliver the decisions about his eating or are you the baddy that makes him eat what he does not want/like ?
My mother made us eat whatever she made and to this day my sister I have can clearly remember having to eat cold disgusting food that we also did not like ( her cooking was not the best)
If you come up with nothing that can be wrong with him in the health and emotional sides then I would go down the ... this is what is for tea tonight if you don't want to eat then you can sit there with us and have nothing. I am not a fan of making kids just because we think they should, I do not eat a lot some days and have been known to skip a meal, kids can do the same. If neither of you is seen to make an issue no argue about it between adults then maybe there will not be one.
Firstly I would check out these thing ...
his behaviour at home and school anything different that is not food related. Bullying, having issues with his dad and your relationship ? or as said just being a youngster :)
As already mentioned any food issues coming from school or friends, I remember one of my lads saying they had been discussing what they all eat with the teacher, he was not goin to eat something again because she had told them certain things they ate was bad for them !!!! Bloody teachers I could have throttle her at the time. There have been programmes on TV about following the food chain from live animal to table has he watched one of those maybe and is undecided what he should do ?
Is it worth a check with doc ? again I did this when one of mine would eat nothing but saugages ! he was ok but you did mention he is drinking a lot ? smething mght be related there. Or maybe they have told they need to drink lots to clean their systems.
Dose his father take/make and deliver the decisions about his eating or are you the baddy that makes him eat what he does not want/like ?
My mother made us eat whatever she made and to this day my sister I have can clearly remember having to eat cold disgusting food that we also did not like ( her cooking was not the best)
If you come up with nothing that can be wrong with him in the health and emotional sides then I would go down the ... this is what is for tea tonight if you don't want to eat then you can sit there with us and have nothing. I am not a fan of making kids just because we think they should, I do not eat a lot some days and have been known to skip a meal, kids can do the same. If neither of you is seen to make an issue no argue about it between adults then maybe there will not be one.
I agree with the above , when my youngest went through i simular stage i involved her in the preperation of the food ,sometimes they are so pleased they helped make it they eat it.But the more fuss made ,the more of a battle it can become,
good luck xx
highlander
22-Jan-09, 12:04
First i would make everyone sit at a table for dinner, no taking off to watch tv programmes, then i would put a smaller t/plate size of food in front of them, some kids see a huge dinner plate and think gawd how am i soposed to finish that. You have to be firm, also if this does not work, when he asks for a toy, sweets etc say you cant afford to buy him that as you have had to buy separate food as he wont he whats put in front of him. If this works reward him even if its just giving great praise in whats he has achieved. Let him know whos boss or he will walk all over you and it will only get worse as he grows up.
If he is anything like what my son he will NOT give in. Just give him what he wants as it will save a lot of heartache. In the end I did and all one of my Sons would eat for nearly 6 months was Chocolate and Marmalade sandwhiches. I looked at it this way it was better for him to eat something than to have endless arguments and him in the end eating nothing.
He eventually started to eat other food when he went to a friends house for tea and when he came back he said " How come I dont get Hot Dogs to eat" as if I would not give them to him.. So I gave him Hot Dogs and it grew from their. He is now married and eats everything, all it takes is time and patience and not to try and force him. He will eventually come round when he realises what he is missing.
Cannot agree...thats just pandering to him..you need to stay in control and take charge...
ShelleyCowie
22-Jan-09, 12:12
Hi all thanks for your replies.
No i am not the boys mother, but his mother has said she is having problems getting him to eat aswell.
Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 2 years now and i have always got on great with both the boys!
Everytime they come we always ask what they want to do! Whether its watching a movie, playing lego, pretend starwars etc etc...they choose it! They are well behaved and hyperactive!! That is what i love, but its just meal times that the world seems to turn up-side-down! As i said its just recently this happened.
My partner is quite firm when it comes to wasting food! We dont really like it considering how much time we spend cooking it all aswell!
He seems to eat lunch meals ok. He goes packed lunch quite alot as far as i know.
my 9 year old is a terrible eater. It got to the point where every tea time was a battle ground.
I had tried everything to get him to vary his diet, but nothing worked, so i took the extreme measure of just giving him cheesy pasta (he wont eat macaronni and cheese!!) as his meal until he decided he could try new foods.
Of course, he thought this was going to be brilliant, but it soon became very boring, and he hated seeing us have a chippy when he was tucking into his pasta.... again.
This worked for us. he still isnt a great eater, but he will try new things once in a while, my dream is to have him eat an xmas dinner one year!!
(of course, if your doing this, load up on the fruit, fruit juices etc for snacks and other meals...)
HTH
Hi Shelley,you said that he seems to eats luches well,try giving him a "picnic tea" that way he has small amounts of different things to try and than you can see what he eats and what he leaves so the next itme you can give him more of what he has eaten,kids will always go through phases like this,but forcing him to eat things will only lead to more problems,one of mine lived on supernoodles for about a year,then it was cheesy pasta, and then pizza after that he got fed up and started to eat things with the rest of us.Hope this helps! x
Highland lad
22-Jan-09, 20:14
The more fuss you make the worse it will get. At least he eats something. My son will not eat any cooked food and you could pretty much count on one hand what he will eat.
Good Luck
ShelleyCowie
22-Jan-09, 21:46
Oh jeepers i hope he doesnt just stop eating!!! :eek:
Kids need their food to keep their energy up! And he can be quite a hyper boy! But this last few weeks when he is here we have noticed he struggles getting out of bed a bit more. Unsure if thats just not wanting to get out of bed tho because that is what i was like! :lol:
We will try some things...but not all! I dont want to confuse him! :confused
cuddlepop
22-Jan-09, 21:51
I know he's only 7 but could you get him involved in helping you prepare a meal.
Maybe make it a special treat for daddy whereby he helps chose what to eat that day,helps buy it,prepare and cook it.
He should feel so chuffed with himself that he'll want to sit down and eat it with everyone else.:)
Make it more interesting for him rather than a chore .
If I didnt eat my dinner as a bairn I had to sit in front of my plate until it was time for bed. I used to be a fussy eater but now I am prepared to try almost anything. Another child at school has probably told him that they get sweets every day and eating what ever they want so he will be chancing his hand. Get the younger one to eat dinner and give him a pudding whilst the older one goes without.
Make a deal where if he eats his dinner of your choosing every night for a 5 nights then he can pick a meal of his choice. (chicken and wedges if thats what he wants) Dont give in even if he creates a big fuss.
Highland lad
23-Jan-09, 11:38
When I was wee if I did'nt eat my dinner I got told I would'nt get any pudding, so I just starved. You can't make a child eat their food this way granted it might work with some but there are quite a few it won't work with.
If I said that to my kids they would just choose to go without.
Have you tried beating him with a stick and locking him in the shed?
Have you tried beating him with a stick and locking him in the shed?
:lol: I thought about post something very similar to that the other day, I like yours better though.
:lol: I thought about post something very similar to that the other day, I like yours better though.
There is one drawback though in that method. Its your kids who decide what "home" you get bundled off to when youre old :(
ShelleyCowie
23-Jan-09, 15:42
haha no aint tried that! Could threaten him with the boogie man tho! he hates the boogie man! he lives in our back cupboard!!! :lol:
There is one drawback though in that method. Its your kids who decide what "home" you get bundled off to when youre old :(
Ah!...yeah, i don't really fancy being left in a bus shelter with a packet of bon bons and copy of the radio times :lol:
Ah!...yeah, i don't really fancy being left in a bus shelter with a packet of bon bons and copy of the radio times :lol:
You forgot the flask and tartan blanket. ;)
You forgot the flask and tartan blanket. ;)
I'm afraid my son is not that thoughtful :lol:
ShelleyCowie
23-Jan-09, 23:52
I'm afraid my son is not that thoughtful :lol:
Gizmo...maybe give ur son some lovely presents then just to make sure that he aint that nasty to u! Dont want to end up that u dont get any bon bons either! [lol]
Ok, so my partners oldest son (7) has recently decided he hates all foods! And i mean nearly everything! before he was a really good eater and would eat anythin u put infront of him!
Now he has decided the only thing he likes is chicken and lightly spiced wedges! :confused
I listed burgers, pizza, beef, mince, pasta etc etc (all the things he used to love) and he said he disna like them now!
I have tried getting him involved. Like tonight for dinner i made pizza bases from scratch, let him put his own toppings on the way he wanted and he said he did not like anything on it! Not even the cheese!
Any suggestions PLEASE!
Also he doesnt seem to have gone off sweeties funnily enuf! [lol]
We have a small coal bunker that we put the youngest in when he gets fussy. A week in there does the trick. By the time he gets out he'll even eat the bags out of the hoover. Easy fix.
ShelleyCowie
24-Jan-09, 00:01
We have a small coal bunker that we put the youngest in when he gets fussy. A week in there does the trick. By the time he gets out he'll even eat the bags out of the hoover. Easy fix.
Now that might just work! [lol]
Salad Fingers
24-Jan-09, 00:04
We have a small coal bunker that we put the youngest in when he gets fussy. A week in there does the trick. By the time he gets out he'll even eat the bags out of the hoover. Easy fix.
That plan has been foiled before it started. I own a Dyson. Damn these modern vaccum devices
That plan has been foiled before it started. I own a Dyson. Damn these modern vaccum devices
See if you were in space, right? And space is a vacuum, right? Would a vacuum work up in space, like? Wooooaaaaaaah. That's a question for those Dounreay scientist folk, like.
Hey Shelley
My son was the most fussy eater you could get until he started playschool, to the point that i'd be worried by the end of the day that he just hadn't had enough but still didn't want to force him to eat in case i completely put him off eating.
Seen as he enjoys his packed lunch at school and going by what i experienced with my son why don't you try having a friend around for tea, maybe, just maybe he might eat along with his friend, i know it worked for my boy. He will always eat when he's got company even if its just so he can get to play afterwards. :D
Oh and maybe he's just tired more than usual because he's growing, my son eats 10 times as more now when he's growing but when he was younger he used to just sleep.
Good luck
JammyDodger69
24-Jan-09, 18:02
we've got exactly the same problem with our 6yr old son. he used to be able to eat more than us and even have seconds and would eat anything you put infront of him.
now he's decided he hates everything that we have for meals...and its things we've been eating since he was born.
again we do the whole...no pudding or sweets til their plates are clean but this doesnt seem to phase him.
our younger child did this before and decided he hated pizza so i sneakily hid it under beans and he said it was yummy...now he'll eat pizza again.we are yet to try this with our 6yr old...he's older and would probably figure it out...but you never know...
ShelleyCowie
24-Jan-09, 18:45
we've got exactly the same problem with our 6yr old son. he used to be able to eat more than us and even have seconds and would eat anything you put infront of him.
now he's decided he hates everything that we have for meals...and its things we've been eating since he was born.
again we do the whole...no pudding or sweets til their plates are clean but this doesnt seem to phase him.
our younger child did this before and decided he hated pizza so i sneakily hid it under beans and he said it was yummy...now he'll eat pizza again.we are yet to try this with our 6yr old...he's older and would probably figure it out...but you never know...
Lol this is yer son! ;) Jammy jammy lol
Is he eating any better at urs now? Bet he will eat fine at their bday party! LOL!
sassylass
24-Jan-09, 18:50
I'd suggest not making a big deal out of it. Just have wholesome food available, not junk, and he'll eat when he's hungry.
cinderella
24-Jan-09, 20:43
It would appear to me that this wee fellow is looking for some extra attention-ignore the food carry on as this may then lead to serious matters later,I would just make him what he wants -(if it is not too much trouble)-he will soon get sick of eating the same things especially if you are all having some really tasty meals! and give him some TLC on his own-if you ignore the negative behaviour and praise the positive behaviour this usually works. :)
ShelleyCowie
24-Jan-09, 22:39
I actually remember i went thru a fase myself where all i would eat was Kraft Cheesy Pasta! :Razz Went on for months and months! My dad hates cheese aswell so he was never too pleased havin it constantly! Lol! But then i realised it got boring!
I still have it now...not often though! Maybe once a month if i need to make a quick dinner for myself and partner! Usually have it on toast! Lol!
Put any of the foods he used to eat in front of him and tell him he either eats it or goes hungry, he'll soon snap out of it when he understands that you're serious, i don't go in for the namby pamby approach and it worked fine for my son when he went through a fussy eating stage.
Quite agree with you Gizmo. My parents took a 'no nonsense' approach and I soon gave in. The child will not go hungry for long, his has simply learned the fine art of moral blackmail (ref. another thread).
percy toboggan
25-Jan-09, 17:19
Let him go hungry.
Impress upon him all the kid swho walk miles to school on emprty stomachs...the let him go hungry again.
You are the boss.
If you let him emerge the victor from this then you'll be frazzled in no time at all.
ShelleyCowie
28-Jan-09, 20:31
Well he wont eat ANYTHING! He says he hates all food now.
So his dad is giving no playpiece sweetie tomorrow. And we think he is drinking way to much juice/water at school. Going to have to speak with teachers.
He is still sitting there (since 6pm) until bed time. If not eaten...his dad says he gets nothing.
Fingers crossed until then!
teenybash
28-Jan-09, 20:51
You may well have an intelligent wee lad there who is learning how to find and push the buttons. I wouldn't come down hard but to go along with him and tell him you understand completely that he Hates food and that because you care so much about him and don't want to see him angry and upset, you won't offer him any.
Lay the table as you normaly would and put out the dinner as per usual, placing a glass of plain water in his meal area and all take your seats.
Let him see you all enjoying your meal while talking over the happenings of the day...including him in your conversation........If he sees he is missing out on not just eating a meal but, enjoying sharing a meal he might come round....bit by bit.
ShelleyCowie
28-Jan-09, 21:01
I have just had a word with him and no...he is not testing out patience. Its worse. He does not want to get fat. :~(
He is just about to turn 7! YES 7! How can he be thinking about things like that! He is NOWHERE near fat!!! He is a very fit 7 year old! He has better leg muscles than i do!
This really gets to me. Nearly in tears thinking about it! All them supermodels and skinny men on TV! How is this helping the children! [evil] Makes me furious!
Its not as if he is eating unhealthy meals. It is home made roast potatos and home made chicken and ham pie!
Oh dear! :~(
YummyMummy
28-Jan-09, 21:20
It would appear to me that this wee fellow is looking for some extra attention-ignore the food carry on as this may then lead to serious matters later,I would just make him what he wants -(if it is not too much trouble)-he will soon get sick of eating the same things especially if you are all having some really tasty meals! and give him some TLC on his own-if you ignore the negative behaviour and praise the positive behaviour this usually works. :)
I think this is sensible advice. This is nothing to do with food. It's about his self-esteem and his feelings of security. I think the fact that he has told you he's worried about being fat is a great start. He's needing some TLC and a heap of emotional support. Please don't make him sit in front of a plate of cold food for hours - that's not the answer. Honestly. You will do more harm than good.
My friend had a serious eating disorder. She was served cold brussel sprouts straight from the fridge for breakfast when she was young and she grew up with a real problem about food.
Listen to him and let him know you care. That's more important than stamping your "parental authority" on a 7 year old child. It's clear from your posts that you are desperately concerned. You'll all be fine and this will pass. Before you know it you'll be laughing about "remember that time you didn't eat?" and he'll laugh too. I recall it was only pot noodles - for months on end.......
Best of luck
teenybash
28-Jan-09, 22:23
Poor wee man Shelley...............try bringing enjoyment to meal times....have him help you when preparing food...no sharp knives or anything dangerous....lots of talking, lots of loving and reassurance.
I would also have a word with your gp about the wee one not wanting to be fat. The sooner this is sorted for him the better. Good luck......and give him a Big Bearhug from Teenybash.:Razz
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