View Full Version : Going back to work or not?
ShelleyCowie
17-Jan-09, 01:30
Hi all!
When i found out i was pregnant Jan 2008, i was overjoyed! :) Had a awful pregnancy, and what a kefuffle we had when my son was born October 2008.
The whole way through my pregnancy i had it in my head i would go back to work. But as soon as my son was born i just cant think of it that i can go back!!! I worked 40+ hours at BT before leaving (Was also on sick for quite a while due to complications in pregnancy)
I dont think i can bring myself to go back now! I am glued to my son! I am worried about everything! I actually cried the other night, me and my partner have been invited to a friends house for a few hours as a house warming (no drinking for me tho obviously) and i cant bare the thought of leaving my son with someone else for that long!
I know this thread might tred on a few wee toes....ie...living on benefits if i dont go back to work. But the only benefits i get are Child benefit which every mother is entitled to.
My partner has a very good well paid job, (this is his 3rd son) and we get by just fine.
So please list me the pro's and con's of going back to work!
And if you will all please refrain from posting about how disgraceful it is to live on benefits because i dont.
And people with big families etc etc that do then good on em for bringing up a family! ;)
What ever you do. DO what YOU think will be best for your wee boy. He should be your priority from now on.
I too finished work to look after my son, he is now two and I have no intentions of returning to work at least until he starts nursery as I did with my daughter, even then it will be part-time. Your job now is to stay home and look after your child, but that's just my opinion. The fact that you can afford it too is a real bonus.
If you do return to work imagine how you would feel if you missed his first words or steps, those memories are priceless.
I totally agree with you julia. I didnt go back to work till my kids were 5. I didnt miss the first word or the first step, I would have been devasted if i had. I think the first five years is when you really bond with your child. Make the most of them atthat age when you can. thats my opinion.
butterfly
17-Jan-09, 03:01
dont feel guilty shelley about being a stay at home mum only you know whats best for your baby.if you do decide to go back to 40hrs then think how tired you will be at the end of your working day,you might be so knackered you will be tired all the time and then what quality time would you have left for your wee one?staying at home till your child reaches school age is not a bad idea and then you wont miss all these special moments with your little one.ii went back to work when my youngest was seven and i dont regret it at all.
dirtywicker
17-Jan-09, 03:04
i dont think i could leave my little girl with any1 lol
to attached lol
i was inverness yesterday for the day & my partner was watching her,
i was on the phone every half hour checking up lol :lol:
do what you feels best for your little boy & yourself
butterfly
17-Jan-09, 03:14
nobody can jump on your back shelley for collecting child benefit,everyone gets that,working or not.if you are worried about leaving your child with a minder like i was then i think you wont be happy at work and would be better off at home.some people have no choice but to go back and it must be a wrench for them,as you say your partner can support you so maybe you should put work on the backburner until the little one is older.you might feel different say a year or two or three or four from now!go by your gut instinct![lol]
Shelley, whatever you do there will be somebody somewhere who will be only to ready to point their finger and carp about it.
You do what you think is best for you and your baby and to hell with what anybody else thinks. It's your life and your baby's future which matters and nobody else's.
Share all the precious time you can with your son. If you did go back full time to work you would have to shell out for childcare so would end up exhausted and skint at the same time.
Enjoy every moment.
after i had my wee one i worked part time for awhile but it was too much, we had to rely on others the whole time and as i worked evenings she was never in her bed on time, so i decided not to work, my partner works and is in an ok paid job.... my wee one starts Primary School this year so im looking for a job now that i can do when she is in school, so hopefully will make things easier, do what you want shelley, having a baby is a huge thing and its only natural that you wouldnt want to leave him
well i would say money is not everthing in life and if u can affford it or manage to get buy then i would tell u to not to go back to work and stay at home and watch them grow up.
And if you are entitled to benifits then take them thats what u paid your taxes for when u were working and thats we pay our taxes if we need to claim benifits later on in life.
Staying at home looking after the kids and the run of the house is just as important a role as than your partner working?
Murdina Bug
17-Jan-09, 10:26
I was due to go to back to work after taking a year's maternity leave. I organised a childminder and started putting the wee one to her when he was around 11 months but it was a nightmare as he screamed constantly from the moment he was dropped off and after a couple of sessions the childminder said she would not take him if he was going to be like that. (I was later advised by many that it's a bad age to try this, earlier when they are not so aware of their surroundings, or later when they are able to deal with it would be better). Anyway, I decided on the spot to resign and gave 2 weeks notice - however (and this may apply to you Shelley) I then had to repay money I received whilst on maternity leave to my employer as under the terms I needed to go back to work for x period of time. You may want to check this out as it can be quite an amount to find out of the blue!
When my son was two he was much more settled, I found an excellent childminder and went back to work part time. Don't feel guilty either way you do it. In my opinion though, if you are going back to work then organise it so that your arrangements are rock solid with people you trust so that you can know that even if you miss baby you know in the back of your mind that they are happy where they are. Good luck.
You're worrying over nothing Shelley, until such time as money becomes a serious issue or your son goes to primary school then you should spend as much time as you can with your him and not worry about going back to work, trust me...they soon grow up, but there is one golden rule to always remember, YOU...are important as well, always make sure there is time in your life for the things YOU like to do (apart from looking after your son of course), don't get stuck in a routine where everything revolves around others as it WILL take it's toll eventually, take a time out now and again and do something for YOU, your son will be perfectly fine being looked after by someone you know and trust, sure the first few times you will be on the phone every 5mins wondering if he's done anything more than sneezed or farted, but he'll be fine.
For a youngling you seem like quite a sensible level headed girl, and there's not many of them around these days :lol:, i'm sure you're a fantastic mum and your son will love you for it, so stay at home and don't worry about going back to work until you really have or want to :D
brokencross
17-Jan-09, 10:56
Shelley, whatever you do there will be somebody somewhere who will be only to ready to point their finger and carp about it.
You do what you think is best for you and your baby and to hell with what anybody else thinks. It's your life and your baby's future which matters and nobody else's.
Says it all! You must do what you think is best for you, the baby and the whole family. For what it's worth I think not going back is the right decision. Enjoy.
Im in the same position, Ihave just had my third cjild and have been thinking alot about work. I also have a husband in an ok paying job and we get by. I feel right now that Im happier getting by rather than going out to work. I worked when my first two were young but once my oldest started nursery I didnt feel I seen him enough so I stopped working about a year ago. My new thinking is that kids are young for such a short time I want to be at home as much as possible. Ill worry about work and money in a few years.
At the end of the day no two people will be in the same position you just have to do what works for you, there are plenty of very happy children whose parent work.
anneoctober
17-Jan-09, 12:20
Mums, IF at all possible, stay at home with your babies. Neither of you can take back this special time. Babies need their mums ;)
well i had my 4th baby 7 weeks ago and was on maternity leave and like you was really sure i didnt want to go back, but them the money situation came into it, could i survive without my wages, but in a funny kind of way i had thr option taken away from me when i was made reduntant when woolies shut. do what your heart tells you, as you can get a job anytime, but your son will only be a baby for such a short time, enjoy him while you can.
notice you only claim child benifit, unless your partner is on some ridiculous amout of wages, you would get child tax credits to.
goodluck with whatever you decide to do.
Any Mother who decides to stay at home and look after their Child is, in my opinion, a Good Mother and is doing the best for her Child.
The early years of a Child are the most Formative and the Very Best Person is the Childs Mother to guide them through this crucial stage in life.
So Hold your heah High, look the world in the eye and Smile as you would have everything to be proud of looking after your Son.
telfordstar
17-Jan-09, 14:28
Any Mother who decides to stay at home and look after their Child is, in my opinion, a Good Mother and is doing the best for her Child.
The early years of a Child are the most Formative and the Very Best Person is the Childs Mother to guide them through this crucial stage in life.
So Hold your heah High, look the world in the eye and Smile as you would have everything to be proud of looking after your Son.
So what's your opinion of a mother who goes back to work?
ShelleyCowie
17-Jan-09, 14:48
Wow reading all these replies has really touched me! Thank u everyone! ;)
I definetely dont want to miss his first steps, his first word etc etc! I want to be there for when he tries new foods and flings them around the kitchen!
I do clain tax credits but because of my partners wages it is bare minimum, so it pays for nappies and thats about it! But thats fine!
Me and my OH were talking about it last night, right now to us we are living luxuriously compared to what we were like a few years back before he got the job he is in now. So yes we can seriously cut back on alot of things!
I am glad nobody has jumped on my case for wanting to be a stay at home mum because i have read a rather old thread that a woman got serious stick for it! So thanks all! :)
And Gizmo thanks for your kind comments! (was expecting some form of cheekyness) But i do see myself as sensible when it comes to my son!
My son is my world considering i got told 4 years ago i would never have kids! Well i laughed in my doctors face when i said i was pregnant in 2008!! [lol]
I think from reading all your replies i will stay at home until my son is going to nursery then perhaps a part time job when he starts there!
I have nothing against mums who work! Nothing at all! My sister has a 4 year old son and she started working when he went to the nursery. I admire her for it because she works full time. She is now pregnant with her 2nd child. Her partner is awsome and picks her son up from nursery etc etc. So to all the working mums i really admire you!
I have done both and there are pluses and minuses to both. the bottom line for making a choice is that Whatever you choose to do has to make you happy because whether you work or not you are absolutely no use to a baby if you are miserable, crying, stressed or lonely and unhappy. Babies need happy fulfilled mums, not ones worrying about where the next meal is coming from or how they are going to pay the rent or mums who are unhappy because they see no one from one day to the next other than their baby. I have always used childminders for my children and have had some crackers over the years, my older children were sociable and happy kids and enjoyed their time at the childminder. There are excellent ones who will help y ou with your anxiety about leaving the baby My 12 month old is also happy and sociable and loves tospend time with his mum and her friends and their babies. I am happy to be at home with him and as we are expecting another reason for me to stay at home this year I'll put my feet up and worry not!;)
mums angels
17-Jan-09, 16:24
I wouldnt leave my children if i didn't have to , however i wouldn't live on benifits after my child would be in school ( before that i'm not sure ) Thankfully i don't have to work, my husband has a good paid job that supports me , our four kids and pays a mortgage so i'm lucky that i don't have to think about it and i feel for mothers that do as leaving my little ones for even a short time is awful . So sounds like you don't have to work so i think you would be happier staying at home with your little one , good luck in making your decision .
i wish i could stay at home with my kids instead of working....
ShelleyCowie
17-Jan-09, 17:14
Squidge, i completely understand where you are coming from if the household was unhappy then that passes on to my son! Fortunately, my house is bouncing with cheer and giggles all the time! From all of us! :Razz
And fortunately my son would rather sit and laugh and tell me stories than cry at me! He is only 14 weeks old and has 2 teeth that has pushed through and what a trooper he is with it! And again fortunately he has slept right through the night since 3 weeks old! Apart from when he had a cold, he would wake up to get some saline drops to clear his nose and back to sleep! Just now he sleeps 9pm-9am.
To me (im obviously quite biased) but he is the best little boy ever! Makes me smile day to day! :Razz I think im going to have a smile like the grinch (cheek to cheek) for the rest of my life!! lol!
Give it a bit more time to decide, when he is a bit older and nearer the time you have to go back, decide then. The best option for me when I had Lauren was to go part time. That way I could spend time with her and still had some time at work plus I then didnt have to pay back the money I got from my employer for the maternity pay above the minimum which I would have had to do if I didnt return!
I will be returning to work this time as well.... in May when Iona is nearly 12mnths old but my mum has offered to take the children which is throwing up more problems as Lauren will be at nursery age after the summer but if I were to use a childminder I could be paying out more than I earn, then it wouldnt be worth it but I enjoy my job when Im there but it was a wrench going back after having Lauren and it will be the same this time too!
Shelly
You have been blessed with becoming a mum and you are enjoying all the wonders that brings. That means every moment. When I was at school all my friends had wonderful things they wanted to do with their life, for me - I just wanted to be a mum. They all became mums long before me and I thought I would never get there. Ten years into our marriage I had my wish and bacame a mum. I gave up work - a very good job and everyone said "you will be back - you could never give up work" - they were all wrong. I didn't go back - money was tighter, living on my husbands income, but I NEVER looked back. I have loved everyday of being a mum. I have two daughters age 16 and 18 and although I have dipped into the working world on a couple of occasions to help out for the odd need, I have been here for them whenever they have needed.
Yes finances have been tight sometimes and we have gone without things from time to time but no amount of money can give you the pleasure of being there with your children. If you can afford to stay at home then go for it Shelly. You can always go back at a later date if you want that will fit in around your family but you can never reclaim time.
In an ideal world every mum should be able to stay at home with thier children if the wish, but life is not the easy.
Shelly, if you can afford to stay at home don't feel guilty. As you said child benefit is for everyone, no matter what income the family is on.
Shelly please don't feel guilty - enjoy your time with your son - stay at home - be the happy and loving 'mummy' as you seem to be -
Take Care enjoy the loves of being a 'mum' x
cuddlepop
17-Jan-09, 17:53
If you can afford to stay at home then do so,you'll never get this precious time back.
I dipped in and out of work when my kids were wee but it didnt really work.
My youngest should never have been left, with hindsight and an earlyer diagnoses so much pain and truama would have been missed.:~(
I went back to work when my daughter was 3 months old and although I only worked part time, it was really hard going. I would have liked longer at home but the maternity entitlement changed 2 months after I had her. My one regret was that I had to go back so soon and had to put her on bottles.
I've always been a working mum apart from the last year when we moved here but now, having found a job, I'm back to being a working mum again.
Make the right decision for you and your child and don't be blinded by other people's opinions. Do what you feel is right.
And Gizmo thanks for your kind comments! (was expecting some form of cheekyness)
Yeah what i should have said was 'For a youngling you seem like quite a sensible level headed girl, as far as Thurso girls go':lol:
ShelleyCowie
17-Jan-09, 18:26
Yeah what i should have said was 'For a youngling you seem like quite a sensible level headed girl, as far as Thurso girls go':lol:
haha thats what i was expecting! ;) Was you experiencing a matture moment on yer last post! lol!! Glad to see u are back to ur normal! [lol]
ShelleyCowie
18-Feb-09, 18:26
Well i dug up this old thread to let ya all know. Me and the OH have been sitting working out how much money we put in and out each month and to be honest, we are in pretty good money!
I have decided to stay at home with my son to watch him grow up! I did look into going back to work and spoke with my employer, but unfortunately they can not offer me flexi time to work around my OH shifts (we work in the same place).
So after a very long talk i get to stay home with ma wee man! :Razz It makes me happy to know i am going to get to see his first steps, hear his first word and be the one to dodge the food when he flings it at me! [lol]
That's good shelley, I'm pleased that you can do what you want to do after all:D
mrs and mr brown
18-Feb-09, 18:50
Hi all!
When i found out i was pregnant Jan 2008, i was overjoyed! :) Had a awful pregnancy, and what a kefuffle we had when my son was born October 2008.
The whole way through my pregnancy i had it in my head i would go back to work. But as soon as my son was born i just cant think of it that i can go back!!! I worked 40+ hours at BT before leaving (Was also on sick for quite a while due to complications in pregnancy)
I dont think i can bring myself to go back now! I am glued to my son! I am worried about everything! I actually cried the other night, me and my partner have been invited to a friends house for a few hours as a house warming (no drinking for me tho obviously) and i cant bare the thought of leaving my son with someone else for that long!
I know this thread might tred on a few wee toes....ie...living on benefits if i dont go back to work. But the only benefits i get are Child benefit which every mother is entitled to.
My partner has a very good well paid job, (this is his 3rd son) and we get by just fine.
So please list me the pro's and con's of going back to work!
And if you will all please refrain from posting about how disgraceful it is to live on benefits because i dont.
And people with big families etc etc that do then good on em for bringing up a family! ;)
hello hunni, i really understand what your going threw, i to have been in ths same spot and what ever decision you make you will proberly be thinking is it the right one, when my daughter was born i decided to go back to work, it was a very hard decision, then when she was about 6 months i decided to give it up because of a number of reason:
she screamed non stop at the childminder
it cost a fortune
i hate picking her up and having to ask what did she do that day ect, and missing out on things.
that was 2 1/2 years ago now and now im working a few hours mon to fri and it fits in great,
what i am trying to say is that what ever decision that you make im sure that it will be the best for you and the family, would u miss the money though? what i would do is write down all the bills that come into the house how much, when they are paid ect, and work out all the money that comes in to the house and see if it all adds up, also make sure that whatevers left is ok with OH, and most of all hunni good luck and try not to worry about it all to much. xxxxx
ShelleyCowie
18-Feb-09, 19:18
hello hunni, i really understand what your going threw, i to have been in ths same spot and what ever decision you make you will proberly be thinking is it the right one, when my daughter was born i decided to go back to work, it was a very hard decision, then when she was about 6 months i decided to give it up because of a number of reason:
she screamed non stop at the childminder
it cost a fortune
i hate picking her up and having to ask what did she do that day ect, and missing out on things.
that was 2 1/2 years ago now and now im working a few hours mon to fri and it fits in great,
what i am trying to say is that what ever decision that you make im sure that it will be the best for you and the family, would u miss the money though? what i would do is write down all the bills that come into the house how much, when they are paid ect, and work out all the money that comes in to the house and see if it all adds up, also make sure that whatevers left is ok with OH, and most of all hunni good luck and try not to worry about it all to much. xxxxx
That is exactly what we done with the money. Wrote everything down, figured out how much a month was going in to the account, and how much coming out. To be honest we are spending about a 4 figure sum of money on luxuries like xbox/ps3 games etc etc...so im sure we can cut back on that! We have figured out though that we will be left with enough to still buy some things and have our savings! ;)
wickscorrie
18-Feb-09, 19:44
i worked full time before my daughter was born, and was paid off when she was one, hubby's wages are so so but we get the child tax and working tax credits. we now have 3 bairns and the littlest one is in p1 now. i've thought about going back to work as i don't like the thought of taking the credits but think i would have to work pretty much full time to equal what we receive from the government, so will keep looking, but the bairns like having mum at home, i also enjoy being at home for them. i do quite a bit of voluntary work in my spare time which allows me to keep my hand in and my brain working.
The only reasons I can find for working are:
More money and independance
Identity - Being able to say I'm a ..... I work in.....
Chance to socialise
Increased self esteem and confidence
Chance to interact with adults rather than kids all the time
Building a career and future and learning new things.
These are the same for everyone whether you have kids or not I'd say.
ShelleyCowie
18-Feb-09, 21:01
There are so many pro's and con's as to going back to work.
I just want to see my little devil grow up. And be able to look back and say that i raised him that way. (to be a proper devil like me!)
:evil
skinnydog
18-Feb-09, 22:17
I went back to work full time and yes is it is hard but my 4 year old loves going to the childminder mixing with the other kids of other ages. What is has done is make me appreciate the time that I have with her even more than I would if I was around the whole time so in my time with her, evenings and weekends we are always "doing" stuff like baking, crafts, swimming etc instead of just hanging around the house watching telly.
Your decision, everyone is different!!
Shelley, one thing to consider, which in this modern day and age seems to have been pushed to the back, is what more important a job can a parent have than spending time taking care of the next generation and making sure they get the best possible start to their little lives.
They are only that young once and you don’t get a second chance, once it’s gone then it’s gone forever.
ShelleyCowie
19-Feb-09, 11:52
Shelley, one thing to consider, which in this modern day and age seems to have been pushed to the back, is what more important a job can a parent have than spending time taking care of the next generation and making sure they get the best possible start to their little lives.
They are only that young once and you don’t get a second chance, once it’s gone then it’s gone forever.
Thanks Jaws! ;)
I did like working. Yes it got me out socialising etc etc. But i can still do that because i have alot of friends, and made some new ones when i was in hospital havin my boy.
I am going to enjoy the time i have with him before he grows up!! :~(
caithness-chicky
19-Feb-09, 13:55
I'm pregnant with our first baby and due in June, unfortunately I won't be able to afford to not go back to full time work after the 9 months statutory maternity pay stops. I would love to be a stay at home mum until he/she starts nursery!
ShelleyCowie
19-Feb-09, 14:17
I'm pregnant with our first baby and due in June, unfortunately I won't be able to afford to not go back to full time work after the 9 months statutory maternity pay stops. I would love to be a stay at home mum until he/she starts nursery!
First of all congratulations on being pregnant! :)
I always thought i would go back to work. I really just cant bring myself to do it though. Well not for now anyway.
Alot of people kept telling me that i would be eager (SP) to get back to work to get a break, i have never had such thoughts.
My house - completely mad most the time! But its the life i love.
It is unfortunate that you will have to return to work so make the most of it when they are really little! My chap is growing at an alarming rate! I cant keep up with him.
Right now he is sitting in his high chair playing with his new cup which the health visitor gave me, what a mess! there is only water in it but its being flung everywhere! He seems to be keen to shove it up his nose rather than in his mouth too!! :lol:
go back to work in your own time if you feel the need, and i bet your son will be safer with mum than anyone else.:D:D
Bringing up the next generation is such an important job.
Staying at home doesn't suit everyone, but I'd like to see parents (well, one parent per family) who want to stay at home to look after their children paid a proper wage to do so until the children reach school age.
Then they could decide whether or not it's right for them to work outside the home, without being obliged to go back to paid work purely out of financial necessity.
Unfortunately I don't think this is ever likely to happen in this country.:(
ShelleyCowie
19-Feb-09, 19:51
go back to work in your own time if you feel the need, and i bet your son will be safer with mum than anyone else.:D:D
Yeah Router, i think i will go back to work at some point but not for now!
Bringing up the next generation is such an important job.
Staying at home doesn't suit everyone, but I'd like to see parents (well, one parent per family) who want to stay at home to look after their children paid a proper wage to do so until the children reach school age.
Then they could decide whether or not it's right for them to work outside the home, without being obliged to go back to paid work purely out of financial necessity.
Unfortunately I don't think this is ever likely to happen in this country.:(
You are right, some parents just cant stay home, usually down to the money lost if not working. Its such a shame because back in the 50's or whenever the women was to stay at home and the men went to work. (Not trying to be sexist i swear) but thats the way it was.
Although i have no children of my own at the moment id love my wife to stay at home to look after our kid/s when/if we have any. However i feel that current economics are going to rule that out as we would like to keep our current lifestyle. I feel this is probably going to be the same with most mothers who would like to stay at home with their children all day to ensure a safe and wonderful upbringing.
*sigh* Im going back to work soon.... in 11 weeks or so...
It will be harder going back this time as I will have 2 wee ones to get ready instead of 1... but it will be easier in 1 way as my mum will have them instead of a childminder so it will save on pennies and the kids will be happy there!
ShelleyCowie
19-Feb-09, 21:42
*sigh* Im going back to work soon.... in 11 weeks or so...
It will be harder going back this time as I will have 2 wee ones to get ready instead of 1... but it will be easier in 1 way as my mum will have them instead of a childminder so it will save on pennies and the kids will be happy there!
I take it you are enjoying your time with them both as much as you can then! But thats good that they will be with their granny! :)
I know a few childminders and they are awsome. I just dont think my son would stay with anybody else! He is bad enough when some people hold him. He is quite shy actually. Not like me at all there is he....haha!
Lauren is causing a few headaches at the moment on the where to put her for nursery ... near home or near granny as she will be eligible for a funded place after the summer... or can she go to nursey at both...?
due to HMCR taking their time in sorting my maternity pay(used to work for woolies), so i have been forced to look for work already, which is killing me as the little man is only 3 months old, but due to everything going up in price have no option.
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