View Full Version : Help needed with regard to bullying.
I have recently married and inherited a teenage step daughter who stepped in to stop a case of bullying at school. The result was punches were throw and all concerned were taken in front of the rector. It turns out tht step daughter is been treated as a hero and the bullies are suspended from school.
How much of this goes on and should we try to do something to help.
Comments and thoughts please.:confused:
I think bullying in all formats is something i dont think you can ever stamp out properly but i do believe that the best way to tackle it is constantly educating the kids about the effects of bullying and have a system in place were the bully is dealt with swiftly with zero tolerence and bring back the belt for the bullys.
Its just one of those thing when some kids just dont relise the effect of there actions have on others.I also think sometimes the bully should be made to stand up at the assembly to explain there actions to the rest of the school to try to shame them into not doing it again.
I might have sounded a we bit harsh on the subject but im against bullying big time
cuddlepop
30-Jan-06, 18:13
Glad to hear your step daughter sorted those bullies. Its a sham when the only lanuage bullies understand is violence.My youngest was tormented for years by this girl.Nothing phisical all verble to the extent of calling her chicken cause she wouldn't fight her.This was done once to often and a fight was arranged.Iknew about it but didnt stop it.
Some of you will think I was wrong but what else would shut her up?The resulting fight ended in my daughter winning and the other parent going to the police wanting my child charged with assult.
This was taken as far as the childrens panel and thrown out.
Bullying has stopped[smirk]
life's too short...
30-Jan-06, 18:40
I am aware of all the individuals in this case, and am glad the school has intervened and taken a strong stance against the people doing the bullying. It's a shame your stepdaughter was assaulted, Tyke, if it wasn't for people like her the bullies would continue to cause trouble and I think what she did was commendable. I have to agree with Eddie on his views, although unfortunately I think some kids are very aware of the effect their behaviour has on others; I have seen it. From what cuddlepop said, certain behaviour from some individuals has been ongoing for quite some time, and I think everyone should support the school to erradicate this problem and stop the troublemakers now.
landmarker
30-Jan-06, 19:10
I applaud your stepdaughter's actions. She may need to watch her back for a while, but most bully's are in fact cowards, especially when they are alone.
Be proud of her. I would be.
There was not too much bullying when I was a kid and it is symptomatic of a deteriorating society that so much of it goes on today. All I'd add is talk to her on an ongoing basis about the subject. If there are any ramifications or follow ups - verbal or otherwise from the bully/s let the headteacher know.
Education professionals are charged with the safety of our children. Any tolerance of bullying is unnaceptable. Make them do their jobs properly. Headteachers are paid handsomely these days - they need to earn it in all sorts of ways.
That reads like a Daily Mail editorial, Landmarker!
Believe, it or not, I actually mean it as a compliment. Have you ever thought of making a living by writing?
To get back to the topic...
I agree that education professionals should be charged with sorting out the problem. But part of the problem is that those very professionals have their hands tied by local authorities and by government. Any teacher will tell you the same...
I applaud your stepdaughter's actions. She may need to watch her back for a while, but most bully's are in fact cowards, especially when they are alone.
Be proud of her. I would be.
There was not too much bullying when I was a kid and it is symptomatic of a deteriorating society that so much of it goes on today. All I'd add is talk to her on an ongoing basis about the subject. If there are any ramifications or follow ups - verbal or otherwise from the bully/s let the headteacher know.
Education professionals are charged with the safety of our children. Any tolerance of bullying is unnaceptable. Make them do their jobs properly. Headteachers are paid handsomely these days - they need to earn it in all sorts of ways.
But you must remember that its not all the teachers or headmasters fault they have to work with school guidelines its the whole system that has to change to tackle bullys.Also in this day and age they have to watch what there doing incase they get sued its a crazy world we live in.
landmarker
30-Jan-06, 19:58
[QUOTE=DrSzin]That reads like a Daily Mail editorial, Landmarker!
Believe, it or not, I actually mean it as a compliment. Have you ever thought of making a living by writing?
QUOTE]
Thanks Doc. I've had enough people ask me that question to ponder how many years I've wasted drivin' a truck. Oh Well.
I'm not bad, but not good enough. Cheers for having me think otherwise ;-)
Cedric Farthsbottom III
30-Jan-06, 22:09
The problem starts at home.Not the schools.In my opinion,if you bring your kids up with a wee bit of respect for others then half the problem is solved straight away
caithnessboyagee
30-Jan-06, 22:33
Has'nt wick and thurso high schools got cctv? Maybe they should have them switch on that might help against bullying. At least the teacher can see whats going on and deal with the problem. And if they are caught then maybe the police willl do smothing about it as they dont seem to do much else .
well said caithnessboyagee n i think the skools shuld get rid of the bullies [mad]
Comments and thoughts please.
My first thought is that things have obviously improved since I was at school. I remember when bullies and their victims were treated alike by the school… it was always a case of ‘no smoke without fire’ – I even remember the rector telling my parents that there were no bullies in the school.
My second thought is how brilliant it is that your stepdaughter had the courage and the self-confidence to step in and help somebody… especially since the bullying must have been pretty bad if it warranted a suspension. Good for her.
life's too short...
30-Jan-06, 22:50
Without going into too much detail, members of our family have been "troubled" by some of these individuals and we are very aware of potential problems, however, we do not intend to let these thugs win. I know it is a shame and unfortunate that some kids don't stand much chance in life because of their circumstances, but more importantly that doesn't justify the treatment they inflict on innocent individuals. If the innocent majority stand up together against this minority I'm sure this can be resolved.
life's too short...
30-Jan-06, 22:57
sorry to go on folks, but bullying is a real bugbear of mine. jjc, things have changed; bullying at school is more vindictive and aggressive by girls than ever it was, partly (in my opinion only) because as was said earlier, the schools hands are tied in a lot of situations and the bullies are well aware of their "rights", however on the positive side schools are also very aware that bullying is not only bad press, but a very significant issue, and yes, you are right, the behaviour is and was atrocious and warranted the intervention that was taken.
Are we talking about Wick High here? I definetly think your step-daughter did the right thing! I only wish there were more like her!! Without going in to detail and naming names I also know a girl whos life is being made absolute HELL at that school! I am surprised to hear that those concerned are actually suspended. I heard of a serious incident happening there just the other week and the girl involved was only away from school for a couple of days (Im not even very sure if she was actually suspended!!). I know this girl wishes more people would stand up and help her - although she suspects they are too afraid of the repercussions!
If any member of staff from WHS is reading this PLEASE PLEASE look at the way you are dealing with these bullies and think of the poor victims. What kind of memory are they going to have of their school days???
life's too short...
30-Jan-06, 23:52
girnigoe, Thurso in this case I believe..
weeboyagee
31-Jan-06, 00:08
Bullying is a horrific experience. The victim feels REAL fear. The victim feels helpless, often feeling alone and secluded and in a position where help is often so very much yearned for but as far away as a million miles at the time the bullying is being experienced.
It is a tragedy that any child has to experience this in a school environment at any time. It is to be applauded when another child realises the situation and is prepared to intervene - how much the victim must have felt absolute relief! Well done!
How approachable are teachers in the break times and lunch times? Who would go for help by knocking on the staff room door to ask for help? I would encourage a total change in culture to the traditional way of school breaks. Why can't the teachers take it in turns to have their breaks in communal areas where pupils have their breaks? They become inter-mingled with the pupils. Bullies are well aware of the lack of policing at this time and the vulnerable dread the break-times coming - why? - because they are thinking of the safest place to hide or "see-out" the 10, 15 or 45 mins.
There needs to be a total review of how we police our schools at all times - it is only by doing this that we reduce the ability for the bullies to exercise their pathetic actions.
Sure, the bullies will always find a way round whatever preventions we put in their way but lets not make it easy for them. Remember another thread on this forum? Weed the bullies out and separate them from the rest of the school - the academic and the thick alike.
If you are a parent of a bully, do something about it - discipline starts in the home. :mad:
I remember a child bullying others in a nursery class!!! I couldn't believe it, then she told me daughter who was just 5 at the time that if I left her I would never go back... I thought my daughter was being clingy I tried everything and she was physically dragged into school kicking and screaming mummy please dont leave me... I would cry on the way home feeling awful, my gut said it was something at school, it took me 2 weeks to get the truth from her, she had actually been physically sick and had diahorrea and I was at my wits end.... The problem was she was in room when teacher spoke to me and said I think maybe you should spend more time doing quality things with her because she just seems to want you, there are no problems at school this gave her the line of I just want to be with you.. Finally she couldn't keep quiet anymore and told a family member what had happened and that she had been told not to tell her mum and dad!! I did get an apology at school and it was sorted out swiftly but it shows you how young it can start...
Alice in Blunderland
31-Jan-06, 00:22
I strongly feel that anyone found bullying another child in school should be removed.Money and resources are often used up trying to keep them in the system and at what cost to the innocent victims... their education suffers.Today saw yet another victim sent to hospital in Wick my daughter came home horrified by what she saw but all too often this is happening on a regular basis.Send them to a seperate unit they should not be allowed back into mainstream education until they prove they are ready.I know this sounds harsh but the rest of the children deserve to be left in a safe environment.
Alice in Blunderland
31-Jan-06, 00:24
.
If you are a parent of a bully, do something about it - discipline starts in the home. :mad:
I agree but all too often the parents are not that bothered or dont see any wrong in their darling child.
I strongly feel that anyone found bullying another child in school should be removed.Money and resources are often used up trying to keep them in the system and at what cost to the innocent victims... their education suffers.Today saw yet another victim sent to hospital in Wick my daughter came home horrified by what she saw but all too often this is happening on a regular basis.Send them to a seperate unit they should not be allowed back into mainstream education until they prove they are ready.I know this sounds harsh but the rest of the children deserve to be left in a safe environment.
Here Here!!!! I absolutely agree with you Alice. You send your child to school not knowing if they are going to be okay - It shouldnt be like that!! I have seen a few situations where all too often its the victims who stay off school for a few days as they are petrified to go back - while the bullies are in school not giving a hoot (and no doubt moving on to the next poor victim)!! Now where is the justice in that?
mostlyharmless
31-Jan-06, 01:15
I agree with the sentiments also, but to then bully the bullies by putting them in some secure unit.Institutionalise kids 'great' where then borstal, jail etc [as we are adults dealing with children] this seems like bullying to me to. Granted if a child was bullying mine my instant reaction would be to take them out of the school till the school took better care of them,after all they are in their care while in school. Then go and see the parents whoever they are! Don't parents deserve that? some may be shocked by their own kids actions, some would take action themselves.[though I hope the bullying doesnt come from the bullying parent]
However some serious abuse may come my way on the visit but rather me than my child.
To give the problem to someone else [a secure unit] though a good idea is short term and in the end becomes a place to be for the cool bully.
The answer has to be to make smaller schools have parents talk with each other,have the local school community work like a community.Learn to respect each other and deal with the problems between themselves. Maybe if this was too worrying to people an arbitrator between families should be organised by the school or community.Bullying has alot to do with lack of communication and sometimes us parents don't help.I'm talking on a wider scale here and not individual cases.
Then go and see the parents whoever they are! Don't parents deserve that? some may be shocked by their own kids actions, some would take action
Unfortunately they do seem to be aware but dont care as im pretty sure they were bullies themselves in their time.
I think what the school should do initially is get all parents involved (bullies and victims) in as soon as possible at the first sign of trouble and see if they can work it out from there.
Alice in Blunderland
31-Jan-06, 01:39
Unfortunately they do seem to be aware but dont care as im pretty sure they were bullies themselves in their time.
I think what the school should do initially is get all parents involved (bullies and victims) in as soon as possible at the first sign of trouble and see if they can work it out from there.
I agree in an ideal world this would be the road to go down but meantime the bully is still at school at liberty to do what he/she wishes towards another child removing the bully is the best short term answer.They are by high school old enough to know for every action there is a reaction.
Well I know its off thread a bit but here goes for thos that say they are no fights and bullying at WHS how come one girl was beaten up last week and another was sent to the hospital unconcious fromthe high school after being very badly assaulted by another school pupil yesterday? How can the school ignore this? As for the girl who was assaulted yesterday I hope she is doing ok and that her family take this alot further.!!!
We send our kids to school and think that they will be safe, how wrong we are!!
Karaoke Queen
31-Jan-06, 11:53
I agree but all too often the parents are not that bothered or dont see any wrong in their darling child.
I've been there! Not so long ago in fact. Your right Alice, some parents wont even contemplate that their kids have neen bullying another, not even when the school and police are involved, and indeed when its been investigated and charges pressed!
Well like I told my child, what goes around comes around!
When one of my boys was in P7 I had a call from the parents of another boy who said that my son was part of a group of children that were bullying thier son.
I went to see them and found out a little of what was going on - mainly verbal "picking on" and isolating the boy. My son was part of a group responsible for this. I was surprised - especially as on thier arrival in Caithness both my boys suffered at the hands of bullies. Although i knew my boy was settled and accepted at this time i also knew he would do nothing to jeaopardise his position as "part of the gang" I spoke to him and explained what the other boy was feeling and asked him to remember how he felt when he first arrived at the school. I would like to say that my boy dissassociated himself from this group of boys but it was a country school and he wasnt strong enough or confident enough to do this. He was able to distract them as often as he could but he would not have stood up agains tthe group. It was only when going to high school and being seperated out from them that he became good friends with this boy and was able to see the others is their true light.
theyare still good friends although they have taken different routes now and i count the boys mum and dad amongst my best friends in the whole wide world.
weeboyagee
31-Jan-06, 14:52
Squidge - that's a cracking story, I wish that the world would see reason like that more often.
Now,.....how is the girl that got bullied at school. I am wanting to find out more about this. I am sure the rest of the org want to know also. Is she better, have the culprates been charged, is the school launching an enquiry, changing it's policies???
Who has the answers? We are all interested. Don't let this one go folks, we need answers. Bullying is not acceptable. I have been informed that the very post I have raised on this thread was exactly the opportunity that gifted itself to the bullies. How do I know about that kind of thing??? It happened to me when I was at school and as many more of us! If I could have a re-run now and see them face to face......:mad:
Alice in Blunderland
31-Jan-06, 15:33
Well I know its off thread a bit but here goes for thos that say they are no fights and bullying at WHS how come one girl was beaten up last week and another was sent to the hospital unconcious fromthe high school after being very badly assaulted by another school pupil yesterday? How can the school ignore this? As for the girl who was assaulted yesterday I hope she is doing ok and that her family take this alot further.!!!
We send our kids to school and think that they will be safe, how wrong we are!!
The girl is in my daughters class and yes you will all have guessed she is absent from school today ,was discharged from hospital after treatment.The girls involved ....one is suspended/expelled the other girl is still at school today.This is the info given by my daughter at lunchtime I asked her why one girl was left still at school and was told its because she wasnt already on a blue card????Card!, I asked ,she should not be in school and they should be charged by the police although that wont probably go very far either....
The girl is in my daughters class and yes you will all have guessed she is absent from school today ,was discharged from hospital after treatment.The girls involved ....one is suspended/expelled the other girl is still at school today.This is the info given by my daughter at lunchtime I asked her why one girl was left still at school and was told its because she wasnt already on a blue card????Card!, I asked ,she should not be in school and they should be charged by the police although that wont probably go very far either....
The trouble makers get a blue card and they have got to get the teachers to sign them and comment on how good or bad they have been in each class .
Karaoke Queen
31-Jan-06, 15:41
Like I already said, what goes around comes around
Alice in Blunderland
31-Jan-06, 15:46
The trouble makers get a blue card and they have got to get the teachers to sign them and comment on how good or bad they have been in each class .
Well I never if thats not going to stop them then nothing will!!!!
landmarker
31-Jan-06, 15:56
Today saw yet another victim sent to hospital in Wick my daughter came home horrified by what she saw but all too often this is happening on a regular basis.
Really Alice? How depressing.....
...this thread, and others are certainly very revealing into what life is like in Caithness, and the Wick area. You have your share of problems like anywhere else. I guess though that fewer folk mean problems are fewer. I'd hope so.
How come the teaching staff seem slow to act? Do they not acknowledge what's going on? From what radius of Wick are kids bussed into the schools there? Where is the next schools catchment area going south?
How naive am I to be surprised by posts like this one ? Very, I suppose.
Somehow though, you just dont expect to read stuff like this about towns like Wick & Thurso. I'd imagined the populace so intermingled and cogniscent of one another that habitual offenders might be dealt with either by the law or locals.
I knew things had gone pear shaped down here in our schools, I'd always imagined them to be far more civilised north of the border. Naive indeed.
Really Alice? How depressing.....
...this thread, and others are certainly very revealing into what life is like in Caithness, and the Wick area. You have your share of problems like anywhere else. I guess though that fewer folk mean problems are fewer. I'd hope so.
How come the teaching staff seem slow to act? Do they not acknowledge what's going on? From what radius of Wick are kids bussed into the schools there? Where is the next schools catchment area going south?
How naive am I to be surprised by posts like this one ? Very, I suppose.
Somehow though, you just dont expect to read stuff like this about towns like Wick & Thurso. I'd imagined the populace so intermingled and cogniscent of one another that habitual offenders might be dealt with either by the law or locals.
I knew things had gone pear shaped down here in our schools, I'd always imagined them to be far more civilised north of the border. Naive indeed.
Its going pearshaped everywhere. Though Caithness is always a few years behind thankfully. Globalisation via TV has a lot to answer for. IMHO
The trouble makers get a blue card and they have got to get the teachers to sign them and comment on how good or bad they have been in each class .
Oh my!! Thats going to have the bullies shaking in their shoes - NOT!!!!!!
crashbandicoot1979
31-Jan-06, 17:14
I was bullied while in first year at THS about 14 years ago. I approached my guidance teacher, and other teachers, on a few occasions, sometimes in tears, and I was always told "Just ignore them. They're just cowards." No action was ever taken against them. I assumed that by now schools would be better at dealing with bullying, but after reading this thread, i'm sad to find out that they aren't.
valentine
31-Jan-06, 21:56
Apparently the school cannot exclude them permenently as this is against human rights, but where are the victims rights? Not only that but the kids that have caused trouble get to go on fun things like trips, some do duke of edinburgh to keep them occupied !
Heard there was more trouble today in WHS. Broken chairs etc and a visit by the ambulance. Can anyone verify if this is true.
I think bullying in all formats is something i dont think you can ever stamp out properly but i do believe that the best way to tackle it is constantly educating the kids about the effects of bullying and have a system in place were the bully is dealt with swiftly with zero tolerence and bring back the belt for the bullys.
Its just one of those thing when some kids just dont relise the effect of there actions have on others.I also think sometimes the bully should be made to stand up at the assembly to explain there actions to the rest of the school to try to shame them into not doing it again.
I might have sounded a we bit harsh on the subject but im against bullying big time
Thanks for your thoughts, trying to work out a plan of action
Glad to hear your step daughter sorted those bullies. Its a sham when the only lanuage bullies understand is violence.My youngest was tormented for years by this girl.Nothing phisical all verble to the extent of calling her chicken cause she wouldn't fight her.This was done once to often and a fight was arranged.Iknew about it but didnt stop it.
Some of you will think I was wrong but what else would shut her up?The resulting fight ended in my daughter winning and the other parent going to the police wanting my child charged with assult.
This was taken as far as the childrens panel and thrown out.
Bullying has stopped[smirk]
Thanks for your comments, but we know that not all kids are confident enough to stick up for themselves
I am aware of all the individuals in this case, and am glad the school has intervened and taken a strong stance against the people doing the bullying. It's a shame your stepdaughter was assaulted, Tyke, if it wasn't for people like her the bullies would continue to cause trouble and I think what she did was commendable. I have to agree with Eddie on his views, although unfortunately I think some kids are very aware of the effect their behaviour has on others; I have seen it. From what cuddlepop said, certain behaviour from some individuals has been ongoing for quite some time, and I think everyone should support the school to erradicate this problem and stop the troublemakers now.
Thanks but the action taken by the school obviously not strong enough as the kids are all back at school. There has to be another way.
I applaud your stepdaughter's actions. She may need to watch her back for a while, but most bully's are in fact cowards, especially when they are alone.
Be proud of her. I would be.
There was not too much bullying when I was a kid and it is symptomatic of a deteriorating society that so much of it goes on today. All I'd add is talk to her on an ongoing basis about the subject. If there are any ramifications or follow ups - verbal or otherwise from the bully/s let the headteacher know.
Education professionals are charged with the safety of our children. Any tolerance of bullying is unnaceptable. Make them do their jobs properly. Headteachers are paid handsomely these days - they need to earn it in all sorts of ways.
Thanks, any suggestions as to how we force the school to protect our kids from bullying
I applaud your stepdaughter's actions. She may need to watch her back for a while, but most bully's are in fact cowards, especially when they are alone.
Be proud of her. I would be.
There was not too much bullying when I was a kid and it is symptomatic of a deteriorating society that so much of it goes on today. All I'd add is talk to her on an ongoing basis about the subject. If there are any ramifications or follow ups - verbal or otherwise from the bully/s let the headteacher know.
Education professionals are charged with the safety of our children. Any tolerance of bullying is unnaceptable. Make them do their jobs properly. Headteachers are paid handsomely these days - they need to earn it in all sorts of ways.
Thanks our daughter is well aware that there may be consequences to her actions, but she has a strong sense of justice, which I find very refreshing.
Without going into too much detail, members of our family have been "troubled" by some of these individuals and we are very aware of potential problems, however, we do not intend to let these thugs win. I know it is a shame and unfortunate that some kids don't stand much chance in life because of their circumstances, but more importantly that doesn't justify the treatment they inflict on innocent individuals. If the innocent majority stand up together against this minority I'm sure this can be resolved.
I'm sorry that you are having problems with bullying. Your story has made me even more determined to do something about this.
life's too short...
31-Jan-06, 22:37
Tyke, can you confirm if we are both talking about Thurso here? If we are, I think our "situations" are related and I can assure you, we are definitely not going to let things go. Your daughter will definitely have pretty reliable witnesses to say this was an assault on her rather than a fight or brawl. If you need to pm me feel free.
Blue Cards? I've seen Red Cards and Yellow Cards at Football matches. What are Teachers supposed to do? Do they run round waving them at the player, sorry, bully?
Sounds more like School Discipline is being treated like some sort of foul at a Sporting Event.
And what happens to the Blue Card when it is full of comments? Do they just get filed away?
What use are they meant to have? Does the bully who gets his/her Blue Card filled quickest with bad remarks gat a prize?
cuddlepop
01-Feb-06, 15:34
At a recent Area children service forum meeting for Skye and Lochalsh ,it was recorded that there were know reported incidences in this area.We all know this is tripe,so where do they magic the figueres too.
One tactic employed by our school is to offer the bully counselling....remember the bully has problems thats why they lash out.
Needless to say we got up and left the meeting!:eyes
mostlyharmless
01-Feb-06, 16:03
I think the message and thoughts from this forum should be shared, of course the obvious thing would be to bundle them up and give them to an MP or share them at parent teachers meetings.
What would be better would be to present them as parents to kids teachers local leaders and mp's. A play that wasn't performed by some unknown performing group but by those with kids were involved in the school themselves.
Yes threaten the kids with a performance on stage from their parents if they did not stop bullying !!
However all messages from this forum are of course private and confidential
but then perhaps are thoughts and feelings on how we feel about bullying are to, ; To our kids, to our schools and to all those involved.
As in all probability on this forum we're preaching to the converted.
Patience is the ability to put up with someone you'd like to put down.
Thanks for your contribution.
The whole idea of my posing this question was to gauge the opinion of members and to get a clearer feeling for the full extent of the problem. I will wait until this weekend and then make an appointment with the School Rector and voice my concerns based on all opinions voiced here. I just hope it will make a dfference.
Thanks for your contribution.
The whole idea of my posing this question was to gauge the opinion of members and to get a clearer feeling for the full extent of the problem. I will wait until this weekend and then make an appointment with the School Rector and voice my concerns based on all opinions voiced here. I just hope it will make a dfference.
Would that be in WHS or THS?
If anybody wants to know the extent of Bullying in Caithness, it's origins, it's extent, and the attitude of those in Authority towards it, then I suggest a look at the bottom article on the front of tonights Courier may thow some light on the matter.
I would suggest that Bullying is endemic in Caithness and is not confined just to schools.
How do you stamp it out amongst children when those adults with a little power behave in exactly the same manner.
I always thought adults were supposed to set an example, not continue their bullying behaviour as children throughout their adulthood.
When adults stop riding roughshod over smaller groups with less power then perhaps children will stop copying them!
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