Homeless Person

[God]

For the last couple of years I've always thought Thurso was lacking something but I was never sure what. I have just figured it out. I think Thurso needs a Homeless person. Possibly called Homeless Joe. It would give the town that extra bit of character it needs. He'd keep the pesky sea gulls away from the bins. He could live outside old Presto's. Plenty of stoops and benches for him. I really think Caithness.Org should start a campaign to get a homeless person shipped to Thurso... Dowpy Dan R.I.P.

[Mr P Cannop]

i don't think thats a good idea

[God]

Nothing but good could come of it. I fail to see any problems. Hopefully will will have a full time homeless person before the end of the year. With everyones help we can make it happen.

[jjc]

I'm getting made redundant soon... if I don't find anything else, I'm more than willing to offer my services.

What's the package? Will there be relocation expenses and a company cardboard box? How about a uniform allowance in order to ensure that I dress in the oldest coal-miner's jacket I can find? Oh, and I expect the position to come complete with a wealth of rumours and speculation surrounding my past and the lottery jackpot that I squandered on drink, drugs, and women.

[God]

A uniform would be supplied. I was thinking a nice tweed suit and some safeway bags for shoes. On the back of the tweed jacket we were thinking of leaving a space for some corporate sponsor ship. You would ofcourse have to change your name to homeless joe. Rumours would be dropped about your sordid past. Ex Vet who squandered his lottery winning on the drink/drugs and not to forget the Russian Mail Order Bride. Feel free to pick up an application form from your local Salvation Army Soup Kitchen

[The Angel Of Death]

what about a musical instrument for them to play to get a little cash for a cup of "tea" ???

[Mr P Cannop]

why not give them a set of bagpipes ??

[God]

I don't think homeless Joe would have enough air in him to play the bagpipes. He needs something simple he can carry about in his pocket like a Flute a or a Harmonica. Along with this he will need a cap to collect his earnings. I would also like to see Homeless Joe with a pet mouse.

[jjc]

A mouse that dances to the music that homeless Joe plays on a pair of tarnished spoons... now THAT will make money!!!

[God]

Not too much money tho. We don't want Good O'l Homeless Joe selling out and finding a place to rent. If Homeless Joe starts making too much money we will have to find him a hooker so he can blow away his cash. Or sorry so she can Blow away his cash.

[The Angel Of Death]

what about a luxuary cardboard house with a nice view of the beach

would be better for him to have the mouse from the aero advert that little guy was the business doing all them tricks

[rich]

Let's not be parochial about this. We are all Europeans now. Last time I saw Paris I was impressed with a homeless character with an accordian and a dancing poodle on one of the Ponts over the Seine. This concept would be most appropriate for the Thurso bridge, especially now that it is floodlit.

[God]

I am very sorry to report the "Squeek" from the Aero adverts passed away last month. Terrible

[The Angel Of Death]

i can see it now thurso is going to be the next town of culture !!! come on its got to have more going for it than liverpool (just)

[God]

And it is up to You (everyone) to keep it that way. Support the cause. Put Homeless Joe on the streets but give him a home in our hearts.

[The Angel Of Death]

if your in a hurry for "homless joe" us weekers can hire you out leakie joe no doubt he'll do a turn ???

[Mr P Cannop]

why not join a pipe band to play the drums ??

[God]

Homeless Joe is a one man show.

[squidge]

You forgot the two most important acoutrements

a smell
a shopping trolley

These are very very important for any respectable homeless person. But why cant it be homeless Josephine!!! I have seen some very nice lady homeless people. One lady in particular used to come into a shop i worked in in Manchester.

She wore a white mackintosh and a very battered white straw hat on her hair which was dusty with old hairspray and dirt. She also had wire with buttons on for earrings. She wore battered white peep toe shoes with no stockings and she drew on the MOST surprised eyebrows i have ever seen. She floated around the perfumery department regaling all who passed with stories of things that happened when she was "on the stage". She loved the girls to spray her with the latest most fashionable perfume and many of them would give her their free samples. She did however smell terribly of cat pee so she was not a good advert for any new fragrance. She often brightened our somewhat dull days even if we did have to follow her - discreetly of course - with the air freshener can!!!

[dpw39]

I find it somewhat strange that you seem to find the subjuect of homelessness as a joke or at least to be ridiculed"

If this is the case of getting at a minority group in life, who in some cases, through no fault of their own, end up homless and unwanted etc. :(

So how about another minority groups; such as Gay Bishops/others etc :evil , Drink/Drug addicts :eek: , Honest Politicians [disgust] , ex Terrorist's sitting as British M.P.'s :eyes !, et al.

Talking of which, many people who become homeless, invariably suffer from some sort of stress or mental ill health, and attempt to escape cities and environments that are violent and inconducive to the welfare of the person. It is SAD, that in the 21st century, we have people who are homeless. Fortunately the only time Thurso gets to see them is when they slip through the safety net in life, and have by-passed Inverness and escaped as far away as possible from whatever has concerned them.

In finishing, I sugest you try living as a homeless person yourselves for 7 days, preferably in the winter months, away from your TV's, Satelite dishes, Videos, PC's, Double Glazing, water on tap, Duvets (Mmmm).

1. It would also make you appreciate the things that you have around you that you take for granted.

2. As well as having a personal appreciation of the trauma, lonliness and shear desolation that one human being feels at that given time in life.

We are only here once in life, and we should enjoy it to the best of our abilities within the acceptable constraints within our societies, to leave this environment as we would wish to find it, but most importantly, not to damage any other human-beings, physically or verbally.

Ciao,


Dave the Rave :cool:

[Liz]

Well said Dave.

I have a good sense of humour but homelessness ain't a funny subject. [mad]

All of you who think it is should take it in turns to be the homeless person which Thurso apparently needs.

You may just learn something!

[Jenni]

I agree with Liz, nothing remotely funny about being homeless.
Thurso should count itself lucky that it doesn't have homeless people lying about at every shop doorway. Who in their right mind would wish that on anyone :(
Sorry to put a damper on your humour folks but I for one do not think it is funny.

[squidge]

ok duly chastised - humblest apologies folks :(

[God]

The great thing about a joke is it can be about anything you want it to be. All jokes are funny to someone. You not finding it funny does not make it not funny. Its pretty ignorant of you to say that we can't joke about a bad situation. Ofcourse we understand being homeless is a horrible way of life but we still have the right to make light of the situation. I have the right to joke about anything I wish even if it is about being homeless, or minority groups; such as Gay Bishops/others etc, Drink/Drug addicts, Honest Politicians, ex Terrorist's sitting as British M.P.'s. Im sorry if you find it offensive but that is your problem. However you do have the right to complain so if you feel strongly enough about it I suggest you contact the appropriate people. You will get no apologies from me about my sense of humour.

[Anonymous]

I spent one January, '92 I think living under a tree in Dunwood Park, one of you knows of it, and I really enjoyed it. Waking up covered in snow gives you a real sense of achievement. And if you take care its not dangerous and you do not have to smell.
Ps. Swap your socks from feet to feet it stops them going hard.

[squidge]

I felt bad that i offended people with my sense of humour and i am sorry about that. I dont like to think i upset folk with what i say but i have to admit that God has got a point. I just posted a wee rant about this on the politically correct thread so if any of you are interested you can see it there. I do think that more poepl are scpwling than smiling around here at the moment and that seems a shame

[Gallacher]

What ever happened to Dupie Dan ? he used to walk the streets of Thurso in the 70's not a care in the world , but he did have a house to live in if you could call it that !

[jjc]

He died about eight (or so) years ago. I think it was a heart attack. :(

[God]

had a pretty decent house ion Rose Street.

[skipper]

Well done folks for your attempts at humour. They say laughter is the best medicine. Unfortunately, the thought police were monitoring your messages and have decreed that you can't find your humour amusing.

Homelessness in itself isn't a funny subject but like anything else, the fear and revulsion can be overcome by the use of black humour. No-one was being hurt by the comments and like we all know, a damn goodf proportion of those who are "homeless" don't need to be. The goverment have a steady supply of dole money to hand out to anyone who needs (or doesn't) need it. There are shelters, DSS supported flats and a multitude of other ways the goverment assists "homeless" people. The sad fact is, a lot of these folk don't like rules/can't conform and haven't got the patience to work their way back up again.

So keep your sense of humour folks and as for the thought police........

Like they say on the telly, if you don't like it - don't watch!

p.s. Thurso can have "streetfighter" if it wants, he does an excellent impression of a homeless person.......

[©Amethyst]

And it is up to You (everyone) to keep it that way. Support the cause. Put Homeless Joe on the streets but give him a home in our hearts.

Ah, have you come across THE You? She's been described as a 'God send' [lol] ... well... given that, I suppose you have come across her. But surely you dont need mere mortals to help you out.

"Show the infidels what you can do" lol... I can't believe I'm trying to do a kinda Bin Laden impression! [evil]

Methinks the harbour might be a good spring/summer residence... for winter... how about the shelter of the trees on the river. The homeless person (joe or josephine) could have peeing competitions with dogs... see how many more trees he can pee on than a chosen dog for the space of a month... it'll give him/her something to do when he/she isn't busking.