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View Full Version : How do you justify telling lies to your kids.



changilass
18-Nov-08, 23:45
Following on from another thread, how do parents justify telling lies to their kids.

You know the ones, tooth fairy, santa etc.

My wee man recognises pictures of santa but doesnt associate him with pressies, he knows the pressies wrapped in christmas paper are for christmas and the other ones are for his birthday.

At 4 he has also chose what he wants for both, a bike for his birthday and a kilt like daddy for his christmas.

Whilst I would not like to spoil childhood majic for him, I also would not like to lie to him, so should he ask if santa is real I will just turn it round and ask him if he thinks he is.

What do other parents do, and how do you justify it????

Buttercup
19-Nov-08, 00:15
Don't think it hurts them. I certainly don't feel my parents were bad to me for "lying" about the tooth fairy etc. Mind you, I went on to do the same with my children and now the grandchildren. Now doubt some think that you should be totally honest about it but I feel that "childhood" is becoming a shorter stage in life as the years pass and we should allow our bairns a bit of enjoyment before they have to hit the reality of adulthood. Personally, when I hear a child say that Santa doesn't exist I just feel sorry for them missing all the fun and pleasure we had on Christmas morning.

changilass
19-Nov-08, 00:19
I just remember my older sister telling me that she was mortified and subsequently picked on when she was the last of her peers to believe in santa and as such swore she would never tell her kids santa was real, she did however never tell them that he wasnt, the same as I do now.

changilass
19-Nov-08, 00:24
Just recieve bad rep for this thread, along the lines of 'this is a terrible thread and should be removed'.

We have had threads about a number of subjects, lots of which discussing 'terrible' events, why is it that a discussion about a man in a red coat causes such uproar.???

Get a life people.

golach
19-Nov-08, 00:34
Exactly, how two faced can some people get, on one thread they promote that children should be brought up to tell the difference between right and wrong, and not to tell lies. But not to believe in God, but its ok to believe in Santa?
They lie to their children all the time, and when the children go off the rails, it is not their fault.
Double Standards methinks

Buttercup
19-Nov-08, 00:39
Yes changi, I suppose that is a risk you could be taking, but I do think that your little one is still "safe" at 4 years old.
We still believed until the age of 10 or 11. In fact, I remember my mum giving me all the usual stocking fillers (that my sibblings got ~ I was the oldest) secretly on Christmas morning and being told to keep it hidden from the others - I was in my first year at High School and that would've been the first year I didn't hang up a stocking, although I did know the truth before that. All my school pals were the same.

sweetpea
19-Nov-08, 00:41
Simple, don't have kids.

changilass
19-Nov-08, 00:43
I understand what you are saying. I just don't think I coud justify telling him lies for years whilst at the same time saying he had to tell the truth.

I remember when I found out, I didnt believe anything my parents told me for ages after and it was quite distressing. I used to go and ask my nana cos she alus telt the truth.

Buttercup
19-Nov-08, 00:43
Just recieve bad rep for this thread, along the lines of 'this is a terrible thread and should be removed'.

We have had threads about a number of subjects, lots of which discussing 'terrible' events, why is it that a discussion about a man in a red coat causes such uproar.???

Get a life people.


Exactly, how two faced can some people get, on one thread they promote that children should be brought up to tell the difference between right and wrong, and not to tell lies. But not to believe in God, but its ok to believe in Santa?
They lie to their children all the time, and when the children go off the rails, it is not their fault.
Double Standards methinks


Sorry, I appear to be caught up in the middle of something here ~ can someone tell me what's going on?:confused

golach
19-Nov-08, 00:55
I understand what you are saying. I just don't think I coud justify telling him lies for years whilst at the same time saying he had to tell the truth.

I remember when I found out, I didnt believe anything my parents told me for ages after and it was quite distressing. I used to go and ask my nana cos she alus telt the truth.
Exactly Changilass, why confuse the children in the first place

squidge
19-Nov-08, 01:34
Santa is about magic. When asked does he exist I always answered he is magic. Not real like a person but magic. I think the magic of santa remains with us when we are older if we choose it to do so - the look on your child's face on Christmas morning, the feeling we get about Christmas -if we are lucky we will keep that and who says the magic isnt real? I remember a Christmas a few years ago when the boys were spending their first christmas with their dad. I was SOOOOOOOOOO lonely and dreaded waking up Christmas morning alone - there was no Bruce then or wee baby squidge - just me and the dog. 2004 I think it was. I woke on Christmas morning and guess what... Santa sent me snow - we had a white Christmas!!!!!!!!! I couldnt help but smile - i walked the dog feeling like a big kid. I was still lonely but the worst bit of the day - waking up without my boys was not as bad.

Santa is a feeling and a happy fantasy, itspart of what makes Christmas magical for children AND adults - lets not be too hasty to get rid of it

Gizmo
19-Nov-08, 01:48
Santa is about magic.

Are you saying that Santa is actually Paul Daniels? :lol:

squidge
19-Nov-08, 01:49
yeuch - i hope not lol!!!!

Gizmo
19-Nov-08, 01:51
yeuch - i hope not lol!!!!

Awww Poor old Paul :lol: "You'll like this...not a lot, but you'll like it"

honey
19-Nov-08, 11:15
theres a difference between lying and fantasy.
Lies hurt people, where the fantasy of santa makes so many children happy.
as for other areas of life, like where babies come from.. i always told my son as much of the truth as he needed at any given stage of his life. Like

"ladies have special eggs that can sometimes become babies"

i then elaborate on this as he gets older.

Angela
19-Nov-08, 11:22
Santa is about magic. When asked does he exist I always answered he is magic. Not real like a person but magic. I think the magic of santa remains with us when we are older if we choose it to do so - the look on your child's face on Christmas morning, the feeling we get about Christmas -if we are lucky we will keep that and who says the magic isnt real?

Santa is a feeling and a happy fantasy, itspart of what makes Christmas magical for children AND adults - lets not be too hasty to get rid of it

I couldn't agree more, Squidge. I don't believe we should deprive our children of what is, as you say, a part of the magic of childhood. None of my kids seem to have been in any way harmed by believing in Santa up to the age of about 7 -to them it was just a natural part of early childhood that they discarded (rather reluctantly!) as a part of growing up.

AfternoonDelight
19-Nov-08, 12:00
Just recieve bad rep for this thread, along the lines of 'this is a terrible thread and should be removed'.

We have had threads about a number of subjects, lots of which discussing 'terrible' events, why is it that a discussion about a man in a red coat causes such uproar.???

Get a life people.

tut tut - don't go telling people to "get a life" - I got bad repped for that a couple of months ago... :roll::lol:

In fact I'll probably get another one for this! Oh dear! :~( (Even though the smillies indicate I'm taking the mick)...

starry
19-Nov-08, 12:08
I loved that part of Christmas and honestly feel my children would have missed out on a magical experience had I been truthful and told them from the beginging the pressies are from us, they are bought on an overdraft and I had to queue in Tescos for 2 hours to buy them.

It is a harmless and I wouldn't swap the Christmas eves of looking out the window checking for Santa or listening out for something landing on the roof for anything.

cuddlepop
19-Nov-08, 12:15
I try not to lie to them,its easier to answere a question with a question,they eventually make up their own mind.
Like Squidge say's if you say its like magic its not a lie.

Not explaining this very well but I know exactly where Squidge is coming from because its such a good explanation.:D

Sometimes a parent can lie about an absent parent just so that child doesnt grew up hating the "absent" one.
I dont see this as a lie more like protecting them until they're old eneogh to understand.

dragonfly
19-Nov-08, 12:22
agree with Squidge too. If he already knows he's getting his kilt for xmas from mummy & daddy then why not go down the route of the traditional stocking from Santa?

that way you get the glory of the big pressie (which guiles a lot of parents as they are not able to say its from us) but he's still delighted that this magical person stopped on his travels and left him a stocking full of lovely things :D

ks
19-Nov-08, 12:26
Whilst I would not like to spoil childhood majic for him, I also would not like to lie to him, so should he ask if santa is real I will just turn it round and ask him if he thinks he is.

If he then says he thinks he is not real, what will you say?

I thinks kids grow up far too quick as it is, at the age of four I don't think a bit of make believe will harm them and result in them growing up scarred for life!

alanatkie
19-Nov-08, 12:29
On most subjects, I believe if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough to know the truth.

When it comes to Tooth Fairy & Santa - I do just turn the queston round & ask do you believe - if they say no - fair enough that magic has gone :(

honey
19-Nov-08, 12:34
When it comes to Tooth Fairy & Santa - I do just turn the queston round & ask do you believe - if they say no - fair enough that magic has gone :(

i did that a few months ago. My eldest will be 9 in December, and this will no doubt be his last christmas having the magic of Santa. He is however at the age when other kids his age DONT beleive.

he said this to me the other day - "mum, jamie says santa isnt real" i just replied.

"do YOU beleive he is real?" when he said "yes" i explained that that was all that mattered

starry
19-Nov-08, 12:35
I do remember the feeling of deep down knowing he wasn't real but being scared to believe it incase I got no presents [disgust]

Thumper
19-Nov-08, 12:40
I told my middle son that there was no Santa when he asked me straight out...and immediately regretted it :( the look on his face was awful!Now my youngest is getting to the questions stage and I just ask him if he believes he is real and when he said yes I said that that was all that matters.Taking away the magic is something we should avoid at all cost.I do however tell my kids that because there are so many kids in the world now that Santa needs help getting all the toys and games so I have to send him money to help out,this helps me with the expensive requests dilemma ;) x

dirtywicker
19-Nov-08, 12:44
when i found out santa wasnt real,i must of been about 10, everyone in my class at school said he wasnt so i aked my mum & she told me the truth,that christmas wasnt just the same :(

alanatkie
19-Nov-08, 12:58
I do remember the feeling of deep down knowing he wasn't real but being scared to believe it incase I got no presents [disgust]

My middle child (8 at the time) went through this last year but after having a conversation with her elder sister after xmas (March time i Think) & i over heard it - she knew there would still be pressies so asked me & i was a bit sad when she said no i don't believe :~( I have 1 believer left so we are making the most of this yr as he is 7 next yr.

kitty kat
19-Nov-08, 12:59
saint Nicholas

http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=38

the real life father christmas

squidge
19-Nov-08, 16:31
What's interesting about having older and younger children (19,18,13 and 1) is how keen the older children are that the baby has the "Santa experience". In fact I have to admit to a lying to my kids about the Christmas tree:roll:. it was a "make life easier" lie I'm afraid. I always told them when they were little that the Christmas fairy decorates the tree - the kids helped to get it set up but then they went to bed and the Fairy(me and their dad) decorated it in peace. She left off the fairy on the top so the littlest one did it in the morning but it saved me the hassle of them fighting over the baubles and things. My eldest asked the other day whether the baby would be told its the Christmas fairy and i said i didnt think it mattered that much when there is only one of him and the eldest boy was HORRIFIED!!!! NO Christmas Fairy????? That was just so terrible that I had to agree that I would do the Christmas fairy thing with the baby too.

Incidentally one of my earliest memories is getting a blackboard easel for Christmas and Santa writing on it "To Susan and Carol for being very good girls. Lots of love Santa" I was DELIGHTED

balto
19-Nov-08, 16:38
sorry but totally disagree with this thread, it is all part of the excitment of christmas, the look on the kids faces when they start to talk about christmas and what they want from the big man, i think i ruins the excitment when if you have a older child and the work out that santa isnt real. it may sound sad but even at my age i sometimes think he is real, bah humbug to anyone who tells their young kids that santa isnt real, why cant they just be kids.

katarina
19-Nov-08, 17:01
I was told that santa existed - that the tooth fairy was real, that there really was an easter bunny, that the stork brought babies, that there was fairies at the bottom of the garden. I don't think It did me any harm - and it did help to make childhood a magical time. As i got older I became suspicious as too many things just didn't add up. Reality did not come suddenly, rather more of a gradual proccess as i worked things out for myself, so there was no devastating revelation. A friend told me that she overheard her sons talking just before christmas. the youngest said he didn't believe in Santa any more. the elder told him that santa wasn't real but not to say anything as 'Mam still believes in him'!

trix
19-Nov-08, 17:49
Just recieve bad rep for this thread, along the lines of 'this is a terrible thread and should be removed'.

Get a life people.

yer kwite guid at dishin 'e bad rep oot yersel changi.....:roll:

percy toboggan
19-Nov-08, 18:12
You do not need to 'justify' anything to your kids....they are children.
If yer the kind who has to explain everything and apologise for upsetting them in the slightest way then you're doing them a dis-service long term.

amanda
19-Nov-08, 21:23
Come on whats the world coming to when we cant let our kids believe in tradition???????
Never damaged me or any of my kids believing .Ive never felt it was a lie let the magic of christmas live on.

Sandra_B
20-Nov-08, 12:20
If you don't want to tell your children the "lies" that's up to you. I'd prefer your child didn't spoil my children's delusions though. I do find it interesting that those who tell their kids the truth from the beginning want to point out what awful liars the rest of us are...feeling guilty maybe?

golach
20-Nov-08, 12:38
I don't think Changilass started this thread as anything to do with Santa, I think she meant all the so called "Little White Lies" we parents tell our children as they are growing up. Whilst on the other hand we try to teach our children the difference between right and wrong, and not to lie, but to be like George Washington and tell the truth at all times. Is this double standards or not?
I can still remember the awful shock of finding out the truth of the Santa story, (which now a days has nothing to do with the Saint Nicholas fable), I know I did not trust my parents and anything they told me for some time after that. Why should we do this, or should we? I was as guilty myself, but was I correct?

alanatkie
20-Nov-08, 12:48
Understand about the double standards but i don't lie to them if they ask me if its true - i turn the ? round so they have their own beliefs.
When i found out - i can't say i was upset or disheartened at all. I was shocked, greatful & delighted all at once, as My Mum was a single parent & she gave us everything she could afford.

Sandra_B
20-Nov-08, 17:08
I don't think Changilass started this thread as anything to do with Santa, I think she meant all the so called "Little White Lies" we parents tell our children as they are growing up. Whilst on the other hand we try to teach our children the difference between right and wrong, and not to lie, but to be like George Washington and tell the truth at all times. Is this double standards or not?
I can still remember the awful shock of finding out the truth of the Santa story, (which now a days has nothing to do with the Saint Nicholas fable), I know I did not trust my parents and anything they told me for some time after that. Why should we do this, or should we? I was as guilty myself, but was I correct?


Sorry. I misunderstood, I thought it was about Christmas only.

Does that mean the anti-Santa people don't tell their children little white lies are okay and preferred in cases to saying "you're fat, you're bald, you smell bad, you're teeth are green"?

I wonder if the truth telling George Washington ever uttered the words "Yes dear, your bum does look big in that"? ;)

trix
20-Nov-08, 21:08
Following on from another thread, how do parents justify telling lies to their kids.

You know the ones, tooth fairy, santa etc.

My wee man recognises pictures of santa but doesnt associate him with pressies, he knows the pressies wrapped in christmas paper are for christmas and the other ones are for his birthday.

At 4 he has also chose what he wants for both, a bike for his birthday and a kilt like daddy for his christmas.

Whilst I would not like to spoil childhood majic for him, I also would not like to lie to him, so should he ask if santa is real I will just turn it round and ask him if he thinks he is.

What do other parents do, and how do you justify it????


I don't think Changilass started this thread as anything to do with Santa....

do ye no?

i think its prity clear what 'e thread is aboot....santa is mentioned more than once in 'e original post....

honey
20-Nov-08, 21:12
wow, surely this is just a thread about opinions... and each to their own?? surely??

loobyloo
21-Nov-08, 02:47
Oh for heaven's sake; the greatest gift you can give to your children is imagination!!! I lie to my kids about Father Christmas, the tooth fairy, the man on the moon, whatever fires their imagination and makes them ever more fascinated and glad to be alive... That period of childhood innocence and the feeling that everything is special is so brief in a lifetime: let them have it, with pleasure. Children are so fascinated by the most mundane things and to let them see magic in everything, is no sin.
I cannot remember finding out that 'the bearded man' did not exist. I can remember finding a guitar on top of a wardrobe, opening self same guitar on Christmas day and still believing in Father Christmas nonetheless (thanks to my magic Mother!!!).
I think with most children it's a gradual realisation. Parcels arriving, being put in the garage, Mum and Dad scurrying backwards and forwards at various times during the lead up to Christmas. Thing I dread is attempting to eat Rudolph's carrot and drink Santa's sherry in a oner without being caught. :)