View Full Version : Advice needed please
My daughter is coming up to that age where puberty hits, and to be honest i am not sure how to explain what will happen to her body, as i was never told myself, i was just left for it to happen to find out, so i am wondering if there is anyone who can advise me, or if there is a book i could get for her or if there is a website that would be suitable for us both to look at.
Welcomefamily
15-Sep-08, 19:44
Contact the school they should be able to give you some resources to use. Have a look at this site, might help.
http://www.celebrate.uchc.edu/girls/mind/index.html
Usborne publishes an excellent book called 'What's happening to me?' There's one for girls and for boys. Can highly recommend it. I've loaned mine to a friend otherwise you could have borrowed it. It's in stock on Amazon or Jim Bews, Thurso may well have it - think that's where I got mine. Good luck!
Kathy@watten
15-Sep-08, 21:01
This may seem a bit wierd to talk about ..but how about a good Mum daughter chat relating to your own experiences this would be a more personal approach? daresay she will have derived a bit of info from school and peers but you can enlighten her further yourself and this doesn't have to be the whole hog but it would be a good starting point. I don't have daughters but have spoken about issues relating to growing up with my oldest son and we chat about all things from wars to willies! Kids suprise us all the time and if you chat away to them about stuff she will probably come to you for info about stuff rather than getting her infofrom some equally int he dark pal and being frightened by the whole puberty thing....good luck!
This may seem a bit wierd to talk about ..but how about a good Mum daughter chat relating to your own experiences this would be a more personal approach? daresay she will have derived a bit of info from school and peers but you can enlighten her further yourself and this doesn't have to be the whole hog but it would be a good starting point. I don't have daughters but have spoken about issues relating to growing up with my oldest son and we chat about all things from wars to willies! Kids suprise us all the time and if you chat away to them about stuff she will probably come to you for info about stuff rather than getting her infofrom some equally int he dark pal and being frightened by the whole puberty thing....good luck!
I know it will be best to talk to her face to face rather than get a book to do it for me so to speak, just need to pluck up the courage to speak to her lol
I bought a book called The Period Book when my daughters were that age.
It was brilliant and gave lots of tips on things to do like if you start at school.
One of my daughters was very open and would ask anything, the other was more shy and the book would disappear for a few days.
I would tell your daughter that you were never told anything yourself and want to make sure she has the info she needs.
i have never explained it too any off my kids, they have realised what is gonna happen by just seeing me in the bath or feeding a baby.Having mainly girls it is not so blind to them seeing mummy bigger than them, with hair so to speak, She may already know what is gonna happen just by seeing you clothed or unclothed, Now my son he is a different kettle of fish, leave him for dad to explain. Talk to her ask her what she know, dont tell her, let her show you thats shes clever..Works for me
I bought a book called The Period Book when my daughters were that age.
It was brilliant and gave lots of tips on things to do like if you start at school.
One of my daughters was very open and would ask anything, the other was more shy and the book would disappear for a few days.
I would tell your daughter that you were never told anything yourself and want to make sure she has the info she needs.
thats the thing, as i was never told nothing i sort of got throwen in t the deep end so to speak, and i dont want to scare her, need to think of a simpler way to tell her.
I was never told anything either. I just had a totally useless book thrust at me. I promised myself I would never let it happen to any child I would have and I kept that promise.
All I would say is just treat it like it is nothing special and no big deal. It is natural it is going to happen nothing is going to change it. It is normal everyday stuff and should be treated as such.
twinkletoes
15-Sep-08, 21:16
Just read your post about looking for advice about telling your daughter about puberty maybe the reason you were not told about was your mum might have been embarressed to tell you and maybe there was no way she could not get a book for you to read but that does not mean that she did not worry about it, not everyone finds it easy to talk about.
i have never explained it too any off my kids, they have realised what is gonna happen by just seeing me in the bath or feeding a baby.Having mainly girls it is not so blind to them seeing mummy bigger than them, with hair so to speak, She may already know what is gonna happen just by seeing you clothed or unclothed, Now my son he is a different kettle of fish, leave him for dad to explain. Talk to her ask her what she know, dont tell her, let her show you thats shes clever..Works for me
part of this is already happened to her, but it is the monthly bit i m worried about, my god she is such a drama queen she will think she is going to die, so would rather pre warn her before it happens.
well on that score i just told em straight and when my 13 year old came to it she was fine, she had come across tampons many times from me and her bigger sister so she guessed what they were for although i suggest you talk through the use of tampons, to pads, pads being safer for her for the first year.
Just read your post about looking for advice about telling your daughter about puberty maybe the reason you were not told about was your mum might have been embarressed to tell you and maybe there was no way she could not get a book for you to read but that does not mean that she did not worry about it, not everyone finds it easy to talk about.
agree with that, wasnt hving go at my mum when i said that.
percy toboggan
15-Sep-08, 21:26
.... not everyone finds it easy to talk about.
I really cannot understand why this is.
Be matter of fact, and answer questions honestly.
It's 2008 for goodness sake and although the news is not all good at this point in history we have surely evolved to the point where we can talk to our own children, or indeed anyone else about virtually anything.
Dancing around any subject is never good. If you make a hash of it well, it'll give 'em something to laugh about. Girls these days probably know many of the answers anyway but if you make like you are embarrassed it might encourage them to react the same way in speaking to you a little later on when they really do need advice.
Failing all of this, and if her Father doesn't fancy the role of pubic advisor then go to the library rather than spending good money explaining something which you have first hand experience of ie.puberty. It'll probably only get read once!!
Good luck anyway.
I really cannot understand why this is.
Be matter of fact, and answer questions honestly.
It's 2008 for goodness sake and although the news is not all good at this point in history we have surely evolved to the point where we can talk to our own children, or indeed anyone else about virtually anything.
Dancing around any subject is never good. If you make a hash of it well, it'll give 'em something to laugh about. Girls these days probably know many of the answers anyway but if you make like you are embarrassed it might encourage them to react the same way in speaking to you a little later on when they really do need advice.
Failing all of this, and if her Father doesn't fancy the role of pubic advisor then go to the library rather than spending good money explaining something which you have first hand experience of ie.puberty.
Good luck anyway.
oh that i would love to see, her dad telling her, think his face would be the color of beetroot lol, i will leave him to speak to our youngest when he comes to that age of asking questions, i will tell her just need to think of a simply way to explain it.
teenybash
15-Sep-08, 21:41
part of this is already happened to her, but it is the monthly bit i m worried about, my god she is such a drama queen she will think she is going to die, so would rather pre warn her before it happens.
What a dilema for you...............you know your daughter probably knows all about it already........all those girly chats with pals...at thirteen she isn't talking about Pooh Bear.
Why don't you buy a packet of pads, give her one to put in her school bag and one in hand or makeup bag, telling her just encase her 'P' starts when she is at school or out with friends.
Honestly she will already know pretty much all about it....just answer any questions simply and honestly.......good luck......:)
What a dilema for you...............you know your daughter probably knows all about it already........all those girly chats with pals...at thirteen she isn't talking about Pooh Bear.
Why don't you buy a packet of pads, give her one to put in her school bag and one in hand or makeup bag, telling her just encase her 'P' starts when she is at school or out with friends.
Honestly she will already know pretty much all about it....just answer any questions simply and honestly.......good luck......:)
she is only 10, unfortuntly, so not sure she will know anything about it.
Just read your post about looking for advice about telling your daughter about puberty maybe the reason you were not told about was your mum might have been embarressed to tell you and maybe there was no way she could not get a book for you to read but that does not mean that she did not worry about it, not everyone finds it easy to talk about.
I was never told by my parents, and i feel it is down to the parent themselves to explain it to their own children, whether they felt comfotable or not.Its easy for any parent to say, i did not know how, but then how does the chain break, the next generation are left trying to find the best way to tell their kids, their parents grandkids the facts of puberty, and neither parent or grandparent know how to do this, Speak out is the best way, be honest, tell them what they need to know, its better than plan b.
I feel your pain balto! I have two daughters, both going through puberty (early stages) just now. The older one is very quiet and embarrassed by the subject, the younger one is totally open and will happily discuss all the physical changes she is going through at the dinner table:lol:
You just need to find a way that works for both you and her. With my older daughter I found it easier to talk to her whilst doing something else (I think we were doing some crafty stuff together, making collages or something - I just picked something she liked doing and I knew she would be relaxed). Also, it meant we weren't sitting "eyeball to eyeball" - it was a good reason for us not to look at each other while we talked (which would have increased the embarrassment 100x at least!).
I was intending to work the conversation round that way but life doesn't work like that, and I think I just blurted it all out whilst she listened, going redder and redder (poor thing!). I asked a few questions about what she knew, had she heard of periods, did she know what happens, did she know about pantyliners, pads etc. Usually got "yes" "no" "dunno" and that was it, but that was what I expected. I kept it short and to the point then moved on to something else. Then I brought the subject up again a few weeks later, asking her if she had any questions etc. I did try to get hold of a book on the subject but it's really hard to find one about puberty that's not also about sex, and I really didn't want to be discussing sex with my (then) 9 year old!
We also talked about mood swings etc, particularly once they started. I think she was a bit shocked by the way her moods changed, she was always a bit of an "even keel" sort of person. We both said this was OK and part of growing up.
The main thing I think is to keep the door open, let her know it's ok to discuss it (and also it's ok not to). Buy her some pantyliners to keep in her underwear drawer - it'll help to keep the whole thing in her mind and also they will become familiar to her.
I generally bring the subject up again from time to time, particularly as my younger daughter is now going through it too, but don't dwell on it. Hope that's helpful!
I feel your pain balto! I have two daughters, both going through puberty (early stages) just now. The older one is very quiet and embarrassed by the subject, the younger one is totally open and will happily discuss all the physical changes she is going through at the dinner table:lol:
You just need to find a way that works for both you and her. With my older daughter I found it easier to talk to her whilst doing something else (I think we were doing some crafty stuff together, making collages or something - I just picked something she liked doing and I knew she would be relaxed). Also, it meant we weren't sitting "eyeball to eyeball" - it was a good reason for us not to look at each other while we talked (which would have increased the embarrassment 100x at least!).
I was intending to work the conversation round that way but life doesn't work like that, and I think I just blurted it all out whilst she listened, going redder and redder (poor thing!). I asked a few questions about what she knew, had she heard of periods, did she know what happens, did she know about pantyliners, pads etc. Usually got "yes" "no" "dunno" and that was it, but that was what I expected. I kept it short and to the point then moved on to something else. Then I brought the subject up again a few weeks later, asking her if she had any questions etc. I did try to get hold of a book on the subject but it's really hard to find one about puberty that's not also about sex, and I really didn't want to be discussing sex with my (then) 9 year old!
We also talked about mood swings etc, particularly once they started. I think she was a bit shocked by the way her moods changed, she was always a bit of an "even keel" sort of person. We both said this was OK and part of growing up.
The main thing I think is to keep the door open, let her know it's ok to discuss it (and also it's ok not to). Buy her some pantyliners to keep in her underwear drawer - it'll help to keep the whole thing in her mind and also they will become familiar to her.
I generally bring the subject up again from time to time, particularly as my younger daughter is now going through it too, but don't dwell on it. Hope that's helpful!
she wasnt at school today, as she had a sore stomach(again), so i thought right lets try and start the ball rolling, but she seemed uncomfortable when i started explaining to her, that her sore stomch might be the start of her body changing, so i swiftly chnged the subject, will try agan though.
teenybash
15-Sep-08, 21:58
she is only 10, unfortuntly, so not sure she will know anything about it.
My grandaughter carried her 'just encase pad' from 9 years old.....If I were you I would pop it in her bag and when she asks, that's when to tell her. Her tummy pain could be due to somethig else though.....maybe a chat with the doc to have her checked over that she hasn't IBS.............
She will be uncomfortable, balto. It's not an easy thing to talk about or listen to. My older daughter was in agonies of embarrassment when I explained it to her! But persevere - as justine says, better that than her start her periods and not know what's going on or what to do.
She will be uncomfortable, balto. It's not an easy thing to talk about or listen to. My older daughter was in agonies of embarrassment when I explained it to her! But persevere - as justine says, better that than her start her periods and not know what's going on or what to do.
oh i could never do that to her, i hated it myself, and dont want my daughters to go down that road, will get her in the right mood to sit her down and speak to her just the 2 of us.
My grandaughter carried her 'just encase pad' from 9 years old.....If I were you I would pop it in her bag and when she asks, that's when to tell her. Her tummy pain could be due to somethig else though.....maybe a chat with the doc to have her checked over that she hasn't IBS.............
she has had the same pain every few weeks for the past few months, plus other things are changing aswell.
Talk to her like it was just another thing, for if you tackle it with "it's a thing we don't talk about" kind of atitude, it will stay 'dirty' 'taboo' etc... The liklyhood is you will have to keep dealing with all sorts of associated problems over the coming years so be comfortable in yourself with the subject then this will come across as natural...
Good luck...
Angel
Sounds like a good starting point then. Try and get her whilst doing something else - even if it's just washing up or listening to music (not whilst watching tv though!) - if she feels you aren't sitting down to have "The Talk" then she might be a bit less uncomfortable. Good luck!
Lolabelle
15-Sep-08, 23:27
I would just give her some "just in case" stuff and ask if she know's what they are for?
Explain that no one told you and you don't want her to get caught like you did. Then assure her that if she has any questions she can come to you any time. Maybe even give her the book as well and again, if she has any questions....
If you are just matter of fact and say that you know that it's hard to talk about but she needs to be feel she can come to you with any questions.
I told my nephew, he asked a question at about 7, and I just told him. We were raised on a farm so we kind of just knew what it was all about, but I sure got lots of misinformation via school friends. I'd hate for any of my family to think some of the wierdo things my friends told me. My step daughter also didn't know much about much as her mum had an aneurism when she was about 11/12 so she missed out on lots of stuff. I had to tell her a fair bit when she was getting married. It was quite awkward, but I was glad she had the info she needed.
percy toboggan
16-Sep-08, 17:42
I'm sorry if my matter of fact tone caused any upset...I hope it didn't.
If I might offer something CONSTRUCTIVE Balto then BBC RAdio 5lives Victoria Derbyshire is currently asking people to fill in a questionnaire on the bbc website.Apparently there are a lot of questions to be answered and it might help.Only today she was canvassing opinion and broaching the subject over the airwaves.
If you'd like a gander it's
www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive (http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive)
and then navigate to the Derbyshire prog.
I'm sorry if my matter of fact tone caused any upset...I hope it didn't.
If I might offer something CONSTRUCTIVE Balto then BBC RAdio 5lives Victoria Derbyshire is currently asking people to fill in a questionnaire on the bbc website.Apparently there are a lot of questions to be answered and it might help.Only today she was canvassing opinion and broaching the subject over the airwaves.
If you'd like a gander it's
www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive (http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive)
and then navigate to the Derbyshire prog.
just went a filled it the questionnaire, it was very interesting, thanks for sending the link.
My daughter is coming up to that age where puberty hits, and to be honest i am not sure how to explain what will happen to her body, as i was never told myself, i was just left for it to happen to find out, so i am wondering if there is anyone who can advise me, or if there is a book i could get for her or if there is a website that would be suitable for us both to look at.
Tell her yourself, you have personal experience of the change into womanhood.
you will probably find that she will start to learn a few bits at school..so the chances are she may come to you when she feels ready...i would reecommend the "what is happening to me book" i bought it for my daughter cost 7.99 from bews an my daughter quite often refers to it however im convinced it amuses her when she asks something she already knows and watches me squirm... payback im sure..:lol:
you will probably find that she will start to learn a few bits at school..so the chances are she may come to you when she feels ready...i would reecommend the "what is happening to me book" i bought it for my daughter cost 7.99 from bews an my daughter quite often refers to it however im convinced it amuses her when she asks something she already knows and watches me squirm... payback im sure..:lol:Why feel the need to use some other medium to explain things to your own child?
Your own personal experience is worth much more and costs much less.
Tell her yourself, you have personal experience of the change into womanhood.
aye think really this the best way to go, just got to find the time and the courage to do it. wish me luck lol:lol:
LUCK! :) (You can do it!)
LUCK! :) (You can do it!)
cheers for that, going to do, what an other orger suggested(canna mind who) but i will find something we can both do together on our own so to make it bit easier.
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